A Writer's Notebook - Without the Scribbles by flipp_garuda |  |
SLOTH'S LAIR - "Oh, no," you're thinking to yourself, "This
is either some dumb writer's tips articles or a guide to Meepp_Geek's writing."
Well, yes, this is a 'dumb writer's tips article,' but I hope to put a new spin
on it, mainly focusing on writing trends. Oh, yes, of course, trends are just
so cool and so, like, awesome! But, believe me, if you follow some of the one-time
authors (not to insult them, or anything, a lot of them are quite good), you
won't get far in The Neopian Times.
So what do I know about this stuff? I've been published multiple times in
The Neopian Times, I've been published in two (real life) poetry anthologies,
and I've been mistaken for a 21 year old (I'm younger). If you really think
about it, it's better to be young and look intelligent than to be older than
to pose as someone older and act like a child (or be old and act like a child).
But, I'm sure you'd rather have the rest of the article, so...
Contrary to popular belief, Neopets does not edit your story for you, and
so you have to do it yourself (yes, you have to!). They also won't convert your
unreal words to actual ones. So if you say something like:
U probly dun no wut da real efect of carrots on Flouds iz, soz...
You're not going to find it in The Neopian Times (though, you probably won't
find it at all), automatically edited for you, saying,
You probably don't know what the real effect of carrots on Flouds is, so...
I don't think the editor(s) have that kind of time on their hands to edit
40-50 pieces of writing every week, while reading them, picking out phrases
and commenting on the comics (which I actually think must be pretty fun...).
Do not think that the Neopets Team has done nothing but eat pizza and lounge
around all day throwing dung and asparagus at each other (at least, I should
hope not). I myself have trouble making tables, and could not imagine how hard
it must be to create such a complex Web site. Simply saying, be kind, and don't
give the team a hard time, especially your kind, dung-loving friend, Mister
Shankly. (Uh... I'm special?)
Different types are not fun. TyPiNg LiKe ThIs Is NoT wHaT iNtElLiGeNt AuDiEnCeS
wAnT tO sEe. It looks childish, and it is. It is not only frustrating to look
at and read (unless you use it for one word as, say, in the place of italics,
but 99% of all writing programs allow you to use italics), but it makes you
look pretty dumb.
Use smileys sparingly, if not at all. If you have an author's note at the
end of your piece, it's not going to matter much, but it looks very out of place
in the body of your story. Similarly, try to avoid using asterisks (*) around,
and in the place of, actions. Like "*pokes you*" could be, "I poketh you!" (I
don't know, be creative)
Check your tenses. Don't say something like, "he was at the Petpet Shop and
he is not intending to buy anything." "Was" is past tense, it's already happened.
"Is" is present tense, it's happening now. Watch things like that and make sure
you're in present, past or future. Once and a while, though, it's OK to switch
tenses. If you character says, "I was at Tyrannia" and the rest of your story
is in present tense, it's all right. It's the same things with moments like
flashbacks and thoughts. If you don't stick to the same tense, your reader is
going to feel like a schizophrenic by changing from one time to another every
few words.
It has been noted recently (and publicly) that gruesome death scenes aren't
good things. Giving little kids nightmares may be fun, but control yourself.
Humour! Ye olde funny stuff. Even if it's corny use the phrase, don't just
make everything serious and bland. If I went on and on in a story about how
dire the situation my character was in and didn't have even the slightest or
cheesiest joke in between (NeoRenegades is a good example, despite the hasty
ending), I would leave my reader snoring.
And don't pull things out of midair. If your character has a rare Lost Desert
artifact, how did they get it? If your character is given a one-of-a-kind scroll,
then who gave it to them? Why is it significant? Where did the giver get the
scroll in the first place?
Try and relate as much as you can to Neopian terms. Instead of saying, "she
went to Canada" say "she went to Tyrannia" (this is implying
nothing about Canadians). And do not incorporate religion, even if you say something
as innocent as your pet is a certain Earthen religion, religions should not
be mentioned at all on Neopets. (Believe me, even innocent sayings erupt in
hate and fights)
Then there's the little things that you should be aware of in Neopian writing.
Neopets' names and colours are capitalised. Example: 'the island uni ran away'
would be turned into 'the Island Uni ran away'. There is a difference between
"no" and "know", "who's" and "whose",
"who" and "whom" (who's/whose and who/whom always give me
trouble). I and me also have specific places. A way to check is to take the
verb (action) of the sentence and see if I or me fits. If the sentence is, "He
called after Kara Kacheek and ____" you would take the verb, in this case,
called, and take out Kara Kacheek and see what fits. "He called after I"
doesn't sound right, but "He called after me" does, so it would be
me. Also, change all your 'gimmies to 'give me', 'gotta' to 'got to' and your
'gonnas to 'going to'. Once more, chatspeak and weird typing is baaaad! British
spellings are part of life, get used to it.
Last, but not least, the HTML tags. Only recently were these requested for,
they make Shankly's job easier. What you do is insert <p> and </p>
tags after and before each paragraph, like so:
<p>This
is my paragraph. I start it with a paragraph tag
and
I end it with one as well. It's so easy even a guide
horse could do it.</p>
Now, if this were my new paragraph, I would have the other tag right before
it (see example above). This isn't necessary, but it's a nice thing to do (even
though I always forget) and it makes Shankly smile evilly since it is proof
that he controls your mind. |
