His name was Hugpaw. Her name was Kisspaw. And, although
many people thought they were acting a little...well...funny, they were deeply
in love. Since the first day they met, they've been holding paws like their
lives depended on it, right up to the day they married, and probably till the
day they die. No one has ever heard or seen them have an argument. All the slightly
annoyed Lupes have heard from them are cute pet names like 'Cupcake' and 'Huggy
Bear', and all they've seen are smooches, hugs, and other such stuff.
The older Lupes, like Goldpaw, would sigh and
stare at them reminiscently.
"Ah, reminds me of the old days, when I
dated that one Lupess...err...I forgot her name...and she was so beautiful that...huh?
I forgot what she looked like...wait, what was I talking about...oh, look at
Lupes who had broken hearts and bitter minds
would wrinkle their noses in disgust, commenting with jealous remarks about
how horrible they'll feel when they break up.
"It's inevitable," Warpaw snorted.
"The bigger the love, the nastier the arguments, the more broken the hearts...hey,
I sounded pretty philosophic there!"
"Shut up, you moron," Hollypaw snapped,
kicking him in the tail.
And then, there were the other couples...
"Ah, hello there, Big Dippaw!! It's a pleasure to see you again! A thousand
faeries smile upon your visit to our fair abode!!"
"Uh...yeah...thanks for inviting us...hm,
is that meatloaf I smell?"
Big Dippaw the starry Lupe smiled, shaking Hugpaw's
blue paw and looking around the room. It was beautifully decorated with rare
Osiri's pottery, red drapes, and gleaming hardwood furniture, polished enough
to see yourself in. A delicious smell of herbs, spices, and meat wafted through
the air, although the perfume from Kisspaw was tough competition as she entered
the room with a flourish.
"Ah, Pawla, it's wonderful to see you again!
I'm so happy to see that you're well! And my, what a wonderful looking...er..."
Kisspaw picked up the plate from the smiling
Pawla with her orange paws, peering at the contents with curiosity.
"Lutefisk," Pawla Dippaw politely
identified the dish. "It's called Lutefisk. Dippaw family specialty."
"My, does it look...delicious! I'll set
it out on the table for you, then!"
Kisspaw paused to give Hugpaw a kiss on the
cheek, batting her eyelashes ridiculously. Hugpaw laughed heartily, throwing
an arm around her shoulder.
"Right-o, dear! I'll set the guests up
in the living room, I'm sure they'll enjoy a little tea before dinner! Won't
you, dear guests?"
As Kisspaw disappeared into the kitchen, Hugpaw
led Pawla and Big Dippaw into the living room. Pawla felt faint as she entered,
admiring the astonishing decoration with a longing look as Big Dippaw rolled
"Too girly..." he thought to himself,
staring oddly at a pink chair. "Where's the Gormball memorabilia? No big
screen TV or pretzels? I'm missing the championships on NTV to sit around and
sip tea with a wimp and his girlfriend? Geeze, I hope this guy likes SOME kind
of sport or I'll have to evacuate the building."
"My goodness! This house is beautiful!"
Pawla thought to herself. "No Gormball memorabilia, no big screen TV and
pretzel crumbs all over the sofa! And I've never seen a living room without
a TV! And I haven't had tea in AGES!! These are my kind of people! We'll be
staying for a while, whether Dippaw likes it or not!"
Hugpaw turned around and almost cavorted out
of the room into the kitchen, leaving Pawla and Dippaw to sit comfortably in
their seats and stare at each other from across the room. It was an awkward
silence. Pawla pursed her lips for a moment before crossing her legs and smiling
at her bored-looking spouse.
"Wow...they sure are...friendly..."
Big Dippaw scratched his neck, regretting forgetting
his handheld version of Meerca Chase at home.
"Ya, I guess ya could say that. But...I
dunno...they're just too darned HAPPY."
"They have a right to be happy, ya know!"
Pawla commented, looking at her teacup. "This set must have cost them a
"So?" Big Dippaw snorted. "That's
just material. I mean, even rich people have arguments! And this set is just
"Too what, Dippaw?" she sighed, relaxing
back into the chair.
"Come on, it's PINK! This is supposed to
be a living room, not an Usuki Dream Castle!! And to make matters worse, these
pillows have poetry on them, signed by Hugpaw! HUGPAW STITCHED THESE PILLOWS!
I find this strange, Pawla!"
"Oh, how sweet..." Pawla dozed off
for a moment. "He made her pillows..."
There was a loud crash from the kitchen, and
Kisspaw swept through the door, followed by her husband.
"Oh, dear, what's wrong, love?"
"Oh, I've broken your mother's old antique
gravy boat!! You loved that thing even more than me, and now look what I've
done! I'm such a fool!"
"Oh, dear!" Hugpaw swept her into
his arms, almost like it was choreographed for some soap opera. "My love
for you is more than a lousy old gravy boat! Just looking into your eyes is
like gazing at the wonderful beauty of that gravy-giving ceramic...you, my dear,
are the gravy boat, and my heart is the mashed potatoes, and your love is like
rich, turkey-biproduct-based juice!"
"Oh, Hugpaw, I couldn't possibly describe
the emotions I feel right now with words!"
Kisspaw paused, turning to Pawla with an almost
gloating grin. "Would you like some crumpets?"
"Oh..." Pawla shook her head, still
admiring the handiwork on the pillows. "No thanks..."
"Oh, but I would!" Big Dippaw threw
Kisspaw nodded, pecked her husband on the cheek,
and they both once again dashed from the room. Big Dippaw winced, leaning in
"Now, when I broke your mom's ugly old
vase, I had to move out of the house for a week, you got so upset! And did ya
see the way he forgave her so quickly..."
"Shut up!" Pawla warned, clenching
her paw and showing her teeth. Big Dippaw got the message and fell silent.
Suddenly, the door flew open again, and like
actors entering a stage, the couple entered the room.
"Well, let us sit down, shall we? The roast
should just take a few more minutes."
They both swept into seats right next to each
other, still holding paws. For an moment, they stared at both of the Lupes,
who were sitting across the room from each other. Pawla frowned, coughing loudly.
Big Dippaw blinked as she beckoned him across the room. He groaned, pulling
himself from the chair and stumbling over to the seat next to Pawla. Suddenly,
Hugpaw and Kisspaw warmed up, and conversation began to flow.
"It's wonderful to be here, Kisspaw!"
She smiled. "I love what you've done with the decoration!"
"Ah, thank you!" Kisspaw beamed, smiling
over at Hugpaw. "I would never have finished it if it weren't for my honey
bear here! He made the pillows, you know"
Big Dippaw visibly winced, drinking from his
teacup to hide the laugh he was about to release.
"Oh, but my little faerie nugget! (Dippaw
nearly choked on his crumpet) YOU are the one who picked out all the beautiful
red curtains and pottery!"
"Most certainly, that is true! But without
you, my big, strong honey bun (Tea shot out of Dippaw's nose), as my inspiration,
I would never have been able to do it!"
"Ah, but sugar-muffin-honey-poo..."
Big Dippaw could take no more. Spraying crumpet
and tea everywhere, he burst into unstoppable laughter.
"YAAA HA HA HAA!!"
Pawla rapped her husband sharply over the head,
and he fell silent almost instantly.
"So sorry," she apologised, coldly
glaring into the injured Lupe's eyes.
Kisspaw raised an eyebrow.
"Right...oh, dear, I can smell my roast
burning! Better go!"
And with that, the couple exited again, the
door swinging behind them. Big Dippaw shook his head.
"Honestly now, do they always have to leave
and come back at the same time? And geeze, I couldn't stand those awful pet
"When was the last time ya called ME a
honey bear or a muffin?" Pawla crossed her arms. "AND, when was the
last time ya helped out in the kitchen, too?"
"What do ya want?!?" He threw his
paws up into the air. "I feed our kid. I work for our house!"
"I WANT MORE APPRECIATION!" She snapped,
standing up and leaning towards her recoiling husband. "When ya get home
from your HORRIBLE job at that HORRIBLE office, ya skip happily along, hop inta
your lousy chair, turn on the TV, and fall asleep, managing to spill three bowls
of popcorn all over the carpet in less than three hours! I have ta come out
and vacuum, drag your lousy carcass upstairs and into bed, and then I have ta
put Little Dippaw into bed too. Then, after that load of fun, I get ta do all
the dishes, pick up all your dirty laundry, wash it, dry it, and distribute
them to the appropriate wardrobes and dressers so ya and your son can dirty
them up again! After that, it's the fun part! Every weekend, when ya decide
to go on your stupid little father-son outins, you SOMEHOW manage to get yourselves
NEAR to being KILLED by VARIETIES of things!! And that isn't all! I NEVER GET
TO MAKE ANY CHOICES ON THE INTERIOR DECORATION!! IF I HAVE TO STARE AT ONE MORE
UGLY BOWLING TROPHY, I'LL..."
She fell silent, swiftly sitting back down as
the couple entered the room again.
"Dinner is ready!!"
Big Dippaw, by this time, had sunken too far
into his chair to get out. Pawla had to tug on his arms three times before he
finally popped out, dusting off his starry coat and fidgeting with his paws,
guilt spread all over his face.
"My, Kisspaw, this is the greatest roast
I've ever tasted!!"
"Oh, thank you! And I must say, your lutefisk
is...er...lovely!! Yes, that's the word, don't you think honey wuggle snuggle
"SNORT!! COUGH!! Er...sorry...I had a little
roast stuck in my throat there...would ya pass me the water please?"
"Oh, here you are. Yes, Kissy-wissypaw
(SNORT), I agree. This lutefisk is like music to my mouth!"
"Oh, you're too much Hugpaw, it couldn't
possibly be THAT good!"
"Don't make that face, Dippaw, or you'll
regret it later!!"
"What? It's not my fault your falling paws-over-heels
for Hugpaw. I can tell when I'm not loved."
"Oh, I said I could fall paws-over heels
for some desert right now!"
"Ah, that sounds grand! Me and Hugpaw will
go to the kitchen and pick up the cake! Ciao!!"
"Aww, they did it again, did you see that?"
"So what if they aren't afraid to express
their emotions for each other? Why don't we do that more often?"
"Er...Pawla...What are ya doing?"
"Holding your paw. We haven't held paws
since high school, and I just thought..."
"Could ya stop please? I just ate, and
I still have grease all over my paws, and I know you'll just end up blaming
me for...OW!! What was that for?"
"Sometimes, Dippaw, I just don't know about
you, even though we've been married for ten years..."
"Ten?!? It's ELEVEN!! You call me a bad
husband, and you can't even remember how many years we've been married...OW!!
"You have no right to discuss remembering
dates with me, Mr. Forget-my-Birthday!!"
"What? It's on a leap year! A LEAP YEAR!!
How am I supposed to remember to give ya anything when your birthday doesn't
exist most of the time!!"
"I would hope that would make it easier
to remember! Every year, I have a birthday cake with your name on it, and Little
Dippaw gets dressed all up nice just so ya can snarf it down and fall asleep
on the sofa, like ya always do! And then, what do I get when my Birthday comes?
EXTRA LAUNDRY!! That's what I got for Christmas too, along with that LOVELY
VACUUM AND MOP SET and the ANTIQUE FEATHER DUSTER!! What do you take me for,
a MAID?!? I SHOULD CLEAN YOUR CLOCK RATHER THAN YER HOUSE YOU WORTHLESS SACK
On the word 'Potatoes', Big Dippaw fell off
his chair, smashing into a large black vase behind him. Glass shards flew all
over the table as Pawla screamed, dashing to Dippaw's side.
"EEEK!! DIPPAW!! Speak to me!!"
"But Pawla, I don't want to visit mummy-in-law
for Christmas..." Dippaw moaned.
"Oh, ya big, dumb fool! Didn't I warn ya
about leaning back in your chair?! Oh, I'm so sorry..."
all I hear...is...nagging...apology..." Dippaw dramatically threw a paw
onto his forehead, his tongue lolling out as he rolled his eyes. "HA! It
didn't even scratch me!"
"OOOOH!! AND TA THINK I WAS ACTUALLY WORRIED
ABOUT YA!!! I OUGHTTA..."
Pawla kicked him in the tail, suppressing a
smile as he pulled himself onto his feet. As soon as he had plucked the last
bit of glass from his fur, Hugpaw and Kisspaw rushed in, looking at their ruined
"Oh my! What happened here?"
"Oh, it's my fault!" Pawla piped up.
"Ah, but I have to take the blame!"
Big Dippaw frowned.
They both paused, looking into each other's
eyes with a grin before turning back and proudly announcing the same thing at
the same time:
"It was both our faults!!"
Hugpaw blinked, and Kisspaw raised an eyebrow.
"Er, right..." she muttered.
"Thank ya fer such a wonderful evening!"
Dippaw and Pawla shook paws with Hugpaw and
Kisspaw. Despite the vase incident, the rest of the evening had been perfectly
wonderful, and Dippaw had paid back Hugpaw in full for the ruined pottery. For
the rest of the evening, they had feasted on the delicious, three-course meal
and chatted about sports, politics, the weather, and antidisestablishmentarianism.
For the longest time since their honeymoon, they didn't find themselves arguing...too
much, at least.
But as Dippaw and Pawla walked out the front
door, Hugpaw suddenly felt strange.
"When was the last time we had an argument?"
She blinked, looking towards the exiting Dippaws.
"I don't think we've ever had one, darling..."
"Oh, my...aren't those vital for successful
"Maybe, darling, but we'll have to find
something to get angry about."
They turned and looked into the beautifully
furnished house, and thoughts of their wealth, joy, and happiness went through
"Uh...OH! I've got it!"
"STOP LEAVING THE TOILET SEAT UP!!"