Monty Peophin's Fleyen Cirrus: The Cooking Pot Café by wizardofaus | |
Welcome to another exciting installment of Monty Peophin's Fleyen Cirrus,
where with the help of a Cirrus cameraman and a group of talented Neopian actors,
we hope to bring classic comedy to you, the common reader!
Jhuidah settled behind the counter, prepared for another
day at the Cooking Pot Café. Thanks in part to the efforts of the Tiki Tack
Man to distribute his goods to the masses, and in part to the blessings of Pango
Pango, the Cooking Pot Café was drawing Skeiths and Grarrls from around Neopia
to sample their unique cuisine. Even the Skeith Invaders of Tyrammet took their
morning tea at the Café, singing quietly to themselves and plotting the next
country to ransack.
Sure enough, a couple entered a moment later
- a tall, striped Grarrl wearing an overcoat and a poet's hat, and a female
blue Kyrii in a princess dress. The Grarrl escorted the Kyrii up to the counter,
and nodded to Jhuidah. "What's the specials for today?"
Jhuidah smiled, glanced briefly at the board,
and recited, "Well, there's Plain Omelette and Palm Fans; Bacon Omelette and
Palm Fans; Bacon Omelette, Sausage, and Fans; Fans, Bacon, Sausage and Fans;
Fans, Fans, Bacon Omelette, and Fans..."
The Skeith Invaders began to drone quietly,
listening to the steady, familiar patter of Jhuidah's accented voice, "Fans,
fans, fans, fans..."
Jhuidah paid them no mind, and continued, "Fans,
Sausage, Fans, Fans, Bacon, Fans, Tomato Omelette, and Fans; Fans, Fans, Fans,
Sardines and Fans; Fans, Fans, Fans, Fans, Fans, Fans, Baked Beans, Fans, Fans,
and Fans..."
The Invaders' droning piped up into a somewhat
merry tune, chorusing in the background, "Fans! Wonderful Fans... Fresh Palm
Fans..." The Kyrii glanced edgily at the Skeiths a moment, before turning back
to face Jhuidah, waiting for something that sounded like it had a chance of
being genuinely edible. Thankfully, the Invaders settled back to their meal.
"Fans, Fans, Fans, Tiki Key Ring, Fans, Fans,
Toy Sailboat, and Fans; or Lobster Berry Surprise coated in Brown Sauce, served
with chopsticks with turnips and asparagus, garnished with a Chocolate Chia
Truffle, a Red Eye Egg on top and Palm Fans," Jhuidah finished.
The Kyrii spoke up, a bit timidly. "Do you have
anything without Palm Fans in it?"
Jhuidah pondered. "Well, there's Fans, Plain
Omelette, Sausage, and Fans - that doesn't have much Palm Fan in it."
Displeased, the Kyrii folded her arms indignantly.
"I don't want any Palm Fans!"
The Grarrl put a hand on his companion's shoulder,
and squeezed lightly in what he hoped was an assuring manner. "Why can't she
have Bacon Omelette, Sausage and Fans?"
"But that's got Fans in it!" the Kyrii loudly
objected.
"It doesn't have as many Fans in it as Fans,
Plain Omelette, Sausage, and Fans, now does it?" the Grarrl commented. Behind
them, the Invaders began their droning song again, getting back into the spirit
of the Palm Fan. After a brief glare behind her, the Kyrii turned to address
Jhuidah again.
"Look, could you do the Bacon Omelette, Sausage,
and Fans without the Fans, then?" she offered. "Just leave that out of the recipe?"
Jhuidah looked appalled. "Aaagh!" she screeched,
and sharply recoiled as if struck. How dare this person insult Pango Pango by
requesting a change of recipe?
"What do you mean, 'Aaagh'?!" the Kyrii replied,
looking annoyed. "I don't want to eat Palm Fans!" At this, the chorus of Skeith
voices reached a crescendo, bellows of "Wonderful Fans! Marvelous Fans!" echoing
throughout the café and causing customers to wince slightly.
Jhuidah glared over at the Skeith table, and
smacked her large spoon against the counter. "Shut up!" The Skeiths settled
back down, and Jhuidah looked back to the couple. "Bloody invaders... Look.
You can't have Bacon Omelette, Sausage and Palm Fans without the Fans!"
"I don't like Palm Fans! I'm not that sort of
girl!" the Kyrii shrieked, loud enough that the few people who had managed to
ignore the Invaders were now paying full attention to the counter area.
The Grarrl patted his companion on the arm.
"Shh, now, dear, don't cause a scene... I'll have your Fans. I love 'em. I'm
having Fans, Fans, Fans, Fans, Baked Beans, Fans, Fans, Fans, and Fans..." The
Skeiths began singing again, loudly enough to drown out the end of the order.
Jhuidah rapped her spoon heavily on the counter, and for a moment, the din stilled.
"Shut up, you idiotic Tyrammet tyrants! Ah...
hem." Jhuidah adjusted an errant coconut, and looked at the Grarrl. "We're out
of Baked Beans - the Tiki Tack Man left early to get in a few bets at Poogle
Racing."
The Grarrl thought about this a long moment.
"Can I have her Palm Fans in place of the Baked Beans, then?"
Jhuidah shook her head slowly. "You mean Fans,
Fans, Fans, Fans, Fans-" The Invaders took this as their cue to begin chorusing
along, and before anyone could stop it, the chorus rose and rose. "Fans, Fans,
Fans, Fans - wonderful fans, marvelous fa-a-ans... Fans, fans, fans, fa-a-a-ans..."
Jhuidah shook her head in disbelief, set her spoon down, and quietly slipped
outside for a breath of fresh air.
Outside, the Tiki Tack Man was calmly sitting
on a rock, lighting a Pango Chute with his Island Lighter. Jhuidah settled heavily
into a leaning position against a palm tree. "It's horrible in there today.
There's these pesky Skeiths in there, and they won't stop singing about Palm
Fans. Incredibly silly if you ask me."
The Tiki Tack Man adjusted his mask a moment,
and grinned, though it wasn't particularly noticeable. "Well, Great Faerie of
the Isle, the visitors, they be a bit wild. Just do what you can."
"Can, can, can, can..." came a set of familiar
voices from behind Jhuidah. She turned slowly, to see her worst fear... the
Skeith group, helmeted, armed, and ready to sing. "Wonderful cans... food-filled
cans..."
"Aaagh, enough!" Jhuidah screeched, and began
to jog off down the path. "Bother the Tiki Tack Man!"
"Man, man, man, man..." the Skeiths chorused
merrily, flapping their wings and following Jhuidah. The Tiki Tack Man watched
as the sounds of shrieking faerie and harmonious Skeiths faded into the distance,
and took a bite of his Pango Chute. "Well, that was completely pointless, mon..."
----- You have been reading a Monty Peophin Production -----
Author's Note: Monty Peophin Productions are parodic works in the same vein
as Monty Peophin and the Holy Censer, and are not to be misconstrued with entirely
original works, nor considered plagiaristic. For more ventures into the realm
of parodic Neopian humour, contact WizardofAus via Neomail.
If you want to complain, combine ten Palm Fans in the Cooking Pot first. For
those wishing to say that this is in strong resemblance to popular British comedy,
yes, you're right. |