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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 29th day of Running, Yr 26
The Neopian Times Week 65 > Short Stories > Monty Peophin's Fleyen Cirrus: The Cooking Pot Café

Monty Peophin's Fleyen Cirrus: The Cooking Pot Café

by wizardofaus

Welcome to another exciting installment of Monty Peophin's Fleyen Cirrus, where with the help of a Cirrus cameraman and a group of talented Neopian actors, we hope to bring classic comedy to you, the common reader!

Jhuidah settled behind the counter, prepared for another day at the Cooking Pot Café. Thanks in part to the efforts of the Tiki Tack Man to distribute his goods to the masses, and in part to the blessings of Pango Pango, the Cooking Pot Café was drawing Skeiths and Grarrls from around Neopia to sample their unique cuisine. Even the Skeith Invaders of Tyrammet took their morning tea at the Café, singing quietly to themselves and plotting the next country to ransack.

     Sure enough, a couple entered a moment later - a tall, striped Grarrl wearing an overcoat and a poet's hat, and a female blue Kyrii in a princess dress. The Grarrl escorted the Kyrii up to the counter, and nodded to Jhuidah. "What's the specials for today?"

     Jhuidah smiled, glanced briefly at the board, and recited, "Well, there's Plain Omelette and Palm Fans; Bacon Omelette and Palm Fans; Bacon Omelette, Sausage, and Fans; Fans, Bacon, Sausage and Fans; Fans, Fans, Bacon Omelette, and Fans..."

     The Skeith Invaders began to drone quietly, listening to the steady, familiar patter of Jhuidah's accented voice, "Fans, fans, fans, fans..."

     Jhuidah paid them no mind, and continued, "Fans, Sausage, Fans, Fans, Bacon, Fans, Tomato Omelette, and Fans; Fans, Fans, Fans, Sardines and Fans; Fans, Fans, Fans, Fans, Fans, Fans, Baked Beans, Fans, Fans, and Fans..."

     The Invaders' droning piped up into a somewhat merry tune, chorusing in the background, "Fans! Wonderful Fans... Fresh Palm Fans..." The Kyrii glanced edgily at the Skeiths a moment, before turning back to face Jhuidah, waiting for something that sounded like it had a chance of being genuinely edible. Thankfully, the Invaders settled back to their meal.

     "Fans, Fans, Fans, Tiki Key Ring, Fans, Fans, Toy Sailboat, and Fans; or Lobster Berry Surprise coated in Brown Sauce, served with chopsticks with turnips and asparagus, garnished with a Chocolate Chia Truffle, a Red Eye Egg on top and Palm Fans," Jhuidah finished.

     The Kyrii spoke up, a bit timidly. "Do you have anything without Palm Fans in it?"

     Jhuidah pondered. "Well, there's Fans, Plain Omelette, Sausage, and Fans - that doesn't have much Palm Fan in it."

     Displeased, the Kyrii folded her arms indignantly. "I don't want any Palm Fans!"

     The Grarrl put a hand on his companion's shoulder, and squeezed lightly in what he hoped was an assuring manner. "Why can't she have Bacon Omelette, Sausage and Fans?"

     "But that's got Fans in it!" the Kyrii loudly objected.

     "It doesn't have as many Fans in it as Fans, Plain Omelette, Sausage, and Fans, now does it?" the Grarrl commented. Behind them, the Invaders began their droning song again, getting back into the spirit of the Palm Fan. After a brief glare behind her, the Kyrii turned to address Jhuidah again.

     "Look, could you do the Bacon Omelette, Sausage, and Fans without the Fans, then?" she offered. "Just leave that out of the recipe?"

     Jhuidah looked appalled. "Aaagh!" she screeched, and sharply recoiled as if struck. How dare this person insult Pango Pango by requesting a change of recipe?

     "What do you mean, 'Aaagh'?!" the Kyrii replied, looking annoyed. "I don't want to eat Palm Fans!" At this, the chorus of Skeith voices reached a crescendo, bellows of "Wonderful Fans! Marvelous Fans!" echoing throughout the café and causing customers to wince slightly.

     Jhuidah glared over at the Skeith table, and smacked her large spoon against the counter. "Shut up!" The Skeiths settled back down, and Jhuidah looked back to the couple. "Bloody invaders... Look. You can't have Bacon Omelette, Sausage and Palm Fans without the Fans!"

     "I don't like Palm Fans! I'm not that sort of girl!" the Kyrii shrieked, loud enough that the few people who had managed to ignore the Invaders were now paying full attention to the counter area.

     The Grarrl patted his companion on the arm. "Shh, now, dear, don't cause a scene... I'll have your Fans. I love 'em. I'm having Fans, Fans, Fans, Fans, Baked Beans, Fans, Fans, Fans, and Fans..." The Skeiths began singing again, loudly enough to drown out the end of the order. Jhuidah rapped her spoon heavily on the counter, and for a moment, the din stilled.

     "Shut up, you idiotic Tyrammet tyrants! Ah... hem." Jhuidah adjusted an errant coconut, and looked at the Grarrl. "We're out of Baked Beans - the Tiki Tack Man left early to get in a few bets at Poogle Racing."

     The Grarrl thought about this a long moment. "Can I have her Palm Fans in place of the Baked Beans, then?"

     Jhuidah shook her head slowly. "You mean Fans, Fans, Fans, Fans, Fans-" The Invaders took this as their cue to begin chorusing along, and before anyone could stop it, the chorus rose and rose. "Fans, Fans, Fans, Fans - wonderful fans, marvelous fa-a-ans... Fans, fans, fans, fa-a-a-ans..." Jhuidah shook her head in disbelief, set her spoon down, and quietly slipped outside for a breath of fresh air.

     Outside, the Tiki Tack Man was calmly sitting on a rock, lighting a Pango Chute with his Island Lighter. Jhuidah settled heavily into a leaning position against a palm tree. "It's horrible in there today. There's these pesky Skeiths in there, and they won't stop singing about Palm Fans. Incredibly silly if you ask me."

     The Tiki Tack Man adjusted his mask a moment, and grinned, though it wasn't particularly noticeable. "Well, Great Faerie of the Isle, the visitors, they be a bit wild. Just do what you can."

     "Can, can, can, can..." came a set of familiar voices from behind Jhuidah. She turned slowly, to see her worst fear... the Skeith group, helmeted, armed, and ready to sing. "Wonderful cans... food-filled cans..."

     "Aaagh, enough!" Jhuidah screeched, and began to jog off down the path. "Bother the Tiki Tack Man!"

     "Man, man, man, man..." the Skeiths chorused merrily, flapping their wings and following Jhuidah. The Tiki Tack Man watched as the sounds of shrieking faerie and harmonious Skeiths faded into the distance, and took a bite of his Pango Chute. "Well, that was completely pointless, mon..."

----- You have been reading a Monty Peophin Production -----

Author's Note: Monty Peophin Productions are parodic works in the same vein as Monty Peophin and the Holy Censer, and are not to be misconstrued with entirely original works, nor considered plagiaristic. For more ventures into the realm of parodic Neopian humour, contact WizardofAus via Neomail. If you want to complain, combine ten Palm Fans in the Cooking Pot first. For those wishing to say that this is in strong resemblance to popular British comedy, yes, you're right.


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