"I hope everything's okay," the Pant Devil muttered nervously,
putting out a bowl of Neorito chips. The little blue ghost had every reason
to be worried--and then some.
He was hosting the first annual Villain's Evil
Guild Land Party, celebrated every Neoween Eve--on the 30th of Collecting, so
that no trick-neo-treaters would come by and discover their whereabouts (unless
they were really disoriented and did their trick-neo-treating a day early).
But this year, everyone was busy on the 30th of Collecting and the 1st of Storing,
and on every day within six months of the 31st of Collecting, but ironically
everyone could come the 31st. The villains agreed it would be just as well to
have it on the 31st, but fearing that Sloth, their Guild Leader, would disagree
and ruin the first-ever Land Party, Jhudora changed his calendar so that he'd
show up on the 31st, thinking it was the 30th.
There had only been three Evil Guild Parties
before that--and all three parties had been both not on land and not partyish
at all. The time it was in Maraqua, everyone ran out of oxygen when their party-dome
burst and nearly drowned; the time it was at Jhudora's Cloud, Fyora had kicked
them out before they could even get the party started; and the time Sloth hosted
his party at the Space Station, he sneaked some Transmogrification Potions in
the punch, causing everyone to leave immediately in embarrassment, while Sloth
was laughing his head off (he's quite a prankster in his spare time). So this
year, everyone made sure the party was on land, and since the villains hated
Neopian celebrations anyway, they dubbed it the Land Party.
The Evil Guild of Neopia was dedicated to making
life miserable and annoying for Neopians, whom they considered themselves to
be better than, but even the villains had an "inferior" villain. They called
him Panty.
The Pant Devil eyed his punch bowl nervously.
All Neocola for me, he thought. The first ever Land Party--I hope
it doesn't get ruined over something petty.
Ding-dong!
"Just on time," the Pant Devil muttered to himself.
He straightened his bow-tie and hovered to the door. "Why, hello, Leo!"
"Hey, Panty," the Ghost Lupe laughed. "Still
got the that rookie stealing business?"
"Um, yeah, Leo. Come on in."
The Ghost Lupe flew in. "Anyone here yet?"
"Just you."
"Cool." The Ghost Lupe tried to lay down on a
couch but hovered an inch above it. He put his hands behind his head in a sunbathing
pose. "How's that Defender of Neopia thing going? I can't believe I got beaten
and replaced."
"It's okay. Time-consuming, but the Neopets Team
rewards you."
"Aye, that's the spirit, Panty."
The Pant Devil winced at his nickname. He was
considered a "rookie" Evil Villain, just because he wasn't as big or fearsome
as the others. In fact, he was the most common villain and wasn't even on the
Evil Villain's Guild council!
"Don't know why you call this a living room,
Panty, because we're--"
"I know, I know, because we're ghosts," the Pant
Devil sighed.
Ding-dong!
Finally! The Pant Devil hovered over to the door.
"Um, why, hello, Meuka--what a surprise."
"The real surprise," Meuka scoffed, "was that
I'm fourth on the guild council and wasn't even invited to your dumb party.
Was that some scheme of yours, villain-wannabe?"
"I was trying to Neomail you all night!" the
Pant Devil bluffed. "All guild members were invited, but I didn't know until
the last minute that we forgot to give you the notice."
"Whatever." Meuka walked over to a beanbag chair,
leaving a disgusting slime trail behind.
Hmph, I'll never get those stains out of that
fine pink rug, the Pant Devil thought. No sooner had he closed the door
did he hear a sudden crash from outside.
Flinging the door open, the poor Pant Devil wailed.
"My go-cart!"
"It was in my way," Sloth declared, sauntering
inside the NeoHome while the Pant Devil gaped at his flattened treasure. A Mutant
Grundo chauffeur closed a door of his Portable Space Fighter while another followed
him inside the Pant Devil's NeoHome "I hope you're not...upset."
"No, not at all, sir. Pleasure to see you, as
always." Swallowing his rage against his leader, he stuck a post-it note on
Sloth's back that read "Kick me." Beat that, O Great Prankster King,
he thought with a smile.
"What's so funny? You did invite Jhudy,
right?" Sloth asked impatiently, stamping his muddy shoes on the rug.
"Yes, sir. She's on her way right now."
No sooner had he spoken the words than there
stood Jhudora, as evil-looking and green/purple-haired as ever.
"Why, hello, Slothy deary," she cooed to Sloth,
then turned angrily at the Pant Devil. "Who invited her?" she demanded,
pointing to a girl behind her.
At first the Pant Devil thought it was Illusen--but
no, she was too casually dressed, and her eyes nor hair were green. It was a
familiar dark-haired, glasses-wearing Neopian girl. She had on a blue collared
blouse and khakis, and she had her eyes closed and was moving to the sound in
her earphones.
"Excuse me, Miss," the Pant Devil mumbled, annoyed.
There was no response. The girl walked in but
didn't open her eyes, or take off the earphones. "I'm home! Anybody here?" she
called.
"EXCUSE ME, MISS!"
Startled, the girl looked at him took off her
earphones. "Oh, hi, Panty. Come for the usual?" She handed the Pant Devil a
Bottle of Red Sand.
"Leb388, please. This is a private Villains'
Evil Guild Land Party. Your house is next door."
"Oh, sorry, man," leb388 replied. "Hey--are those
Neoritos?"
The Pant Devil groaned as leb388 ran to the bowl
of orange corn chips. Didn't she know that the Pant Devil's house was at 47666
Bread Street, not 47667? It wasn't the first time she had made the error, but
it was the 7,804,327th.
Oh well, he thought. All she wants
is the Neoritos. She won't give away our secret location. And she's a lot better
company than, say, the Shadow Usul.
Ding-dong!
"Yes?" the Pant Devil asked, opening the door.
"Move outta 'da way," the Shadow Usul moaned
in a hoarse, spooky voice, and passed by like--well, like a shadow.
Why did I ever agree to host this party?
the Pant Devil thought. It hasn't even started and I'm already at my wits'
end.
"MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!" screeched an army of
Evil Fuzzles.
The fuzzles were followed by a Grundo in a robot
walker screaming, "Wait! Let me shoot you!"
"Uh-huh," the Pant Devil moaned. Evil Fuzzles
From Beyond the Stars. I hope that's the last of them, though.
"Hey, Panty," Balthazar laughed, walking in and
turning to the Ghost Lupe. "Yo, my man Leo, what up?"
"Hey, Balth," the Ghost Lupe shouted from across
the room. "Still bottlin' those faeries? I got another one for you to take care
of." He jerked his head, indicating where Jhudora was.
Balthazar laughed and took out a bottle, catching
her attention.
"AHHHHH! YOU DUMB LUPE!" Jhudora screeched, snatching
the Fuzzle-shooting Grundo's laser and pointing it at Balthazar. "Don't make
me use this!"
"Whoa, whoa, Jhudy, you know I only capture spell
faeries."
"Darn well better!" Sloth roared. "You don't
want to make me angry, Balthazar."
"Aw, I didn't mean no trouble, Frank."
"Hmph," Jhudora scoffed. "Neopets, puh." She
reluctantly gave the laser back to the Grundo so he could shoot more Evil Fuzzles.
Ok, that's everyone, the Pant Devil thought
with a sigh, closing the door. Though those laser marks aren't going to come
out of that nice wallpaper. It's hard to steal that lavender, pink, and baby
blue combination, especially with the little duckies around the border!
Ding-dong!
The Pant Devil opened the door and looked at
the two conservatively-dressed Chias. "Are you Asparagus God Followers?"
"Why, yes, young one. Parties art of the devil!
So art celebrations and holidays! Thou shalt--"
Instinctively the Pant Devil slammed the door,
thankful to be alive. "All right, is everybody here?"
"Um, wait a minute, Panty," said Sloth angrily.
"That Chia just said 'holiday.' Holiday. Today wouldn't happen to be
Neoween, would it?"
The Pant Devil gasped, knowing it was too late.
"PANTY!"
Ding-dong!
Shamefully, the Pant Devil grabbed a bowl of
candy and opened the door. Instead of seeing trick-neo-treaters, though, he
saw the Cave Chia.
"Ugga ugga tyra ug!" it bellowed, snatching a
handful of candy.
"Oh, thank asparagus it's you!" the Pant Devil
exclaimed. He put the bowl down on the table and looked outside. It was getting
dark, so he decided to light the candles inside the marrow-lanterns he'd carved.
Those guys would've killed me if any trick-neo-treaters came by. He slammed
the door shut, locked it, and turned around with his best Cheat! face. "What--Neoween,
today? Oh, Sloth--don't you know Asparagus God Followers always come a day early?"
Sloth mumbled something under his breath and
went back to chatting with Jhudora.
Ding-dong!
"I need to un-wire that stupid thing," he muttered,
unlocking the door carefully and opening it slowly. "Yes?"
"TRICK-NEO-TREAT!"
The Pant Devil gasped once more, but this time
it was really too late.
The trick-neo-treaters had already seen the Pant
Devil, and the party going on inside. They ran away, screaming, "It's true!
The Evil Guild's party is at 47666 Bread Street!"
Sloth's eyes turned deep red and he scowled at
the Pant Devil. "You lying underpants-snatcher! We're supposed to have the Land
Party one day before Neoween, to conceal our whereabouts!"
"Sloth, I--"
"All right, everybody at my place!" Sloth exclaimed,
motioning for everyone to follow him. All of them did, knowing they'd be okay
as long as they didn't drink the punch, but Sloth grabbed the Pant Devil. "You,
my little blue friend, lied to me."
"Jhudora was the one who changed your calendar!"
the Pant Devil blurted.
"What? How dare you blame me?" Jhudora demanded,
enraged.
"I--I--I--"
"I'll deal with him," Sloth said, flashing a
menacing grin at the Pant Devil. "Besides, that 'Kick me' sign was in bad taste."
"Leave him alone, 'Frankenstein's Monster,'"
came a voice. It was leb388. "Everyone wants to kick you, Sloth, but no one
wants to go near your spotty b--"
The Chia Police were called to control the riot
that erupted.
Twenty Minutes Later...
"Ah, this isn't so bad," the Pant Devil declared
from his position tied to a flagpole in front of his house, with his favourite
pair of pants being the flag at the top. "I just hope someone comes by before
Sloth comes back." Sloth had been arrested, but everyone knew he was never kept
in the Neojail for long.
Sure enough, a passerby saw the Pant Devil and
stopped to help him.
"Dude, you gotta stop letting Sloth push you
around," jamezbfod sighed. "What did my sister do?"
"Leb388? It was me who got in trouble. She prevented
Sloth from hurting me too much by telling him that he had a spotty bum, and
had him channel his energy toward destroying inanimate objects, but she told
me I had to stick up for myself, too."
"Yeah, that's leb388 all right," jamezbfod remarked.
Jamezbfod is leb388's brother, and they're both Neopians and live on Bread Street,
like the Pant Devil. "If I help you out--just for this one time, though--will
you promise to never steal my stuff again?"
"Will do," the Pant Devil promised. Jamez untied
him while picking the Pant Devil's pocket, and while he did that the Pant Devil
picked his pocket.
"Okay, see ya, man," Jamez said, walking off.
He suddenly felt his pocket, stopped, and turned around.
At that moment, the Pant Devil was pulling down
his pair of pants from the top of the flagpole and felt his own pocket. "Um,
Jamez? We've got to stop doing that."
"I know, man, I'm sorry," Jamez apologised, handing
back the Pant Devil's items while the Pant Devil handed back Jamez's. They shook
hands, but quickly, without the other Neopian knowing, picked each other's pockets
again.
The End
Author's Note: I made up the Evil Guild of Neopia, but just about everything
else is real. Yes, jamezbfod suggested to me that pickpocketing joke. I hope
you liked the story, and happy Neo(er, Hallo)ween! | 
