Never in my life did I wonder about my role as a thief,
it was as sure as the stars in the sky or the orbit of the sun... okay so maybe
not that sure. It was a given that I would spend my days, in pursuit or being
pursued. But I was willing to give it a go. After all the only other option
was selling jars of pickled leeches on a street corner. What other choice did
I have to say I was rather good at my chosen
profession, of course one does become proficient when one is starving. But I
worked my way up the rope ladder of infamous crime, knocking aside others with
petty skills and dreams. I had found my calling! Even though a master thief
I had morals! Or rather a nifty little motto... never from a friend, always
from a fiend! He he he... rather catchy don't you think?
So I was set, my days filled with plottings
and schemings. My nights filled with danger and adventure! My only real problems,
other then irate millionaires, was that prim purple villaness known as the Faerie
Queen! She was always spoiling my well intentioned plans with clouds of purple
dust! But then I have found that all faeries tend to get in the way unless nicely
bottled. Give them a good shake or two and your all set!
Ah but wait I mention problems, plural not singular.
Ah yes my other problem was a bit nastier then faeries. Oh indeed it is in fact
a blue creature who is far worse then I! Hard to believe I know! But all the
same, it is that fiendish Pant devil and his ghoulish minions! Argh! If only
I could vanish like that! All my problems would be solved. *sniffs*
However one day upon the lofty peaks of Terror
mountain I considered changing my profession. What dire circumstances brought
about this radical and frightening thought? It was a conspiracy! Both my rival
and nemesis were upon that fateful night upon Terror Mountain! In a fit of revenge
I hatched a plan both brilliant and cunning! Or it was until I found myself
half way down a rather jagged cliff face, hanging onto a rope that was slightly
ice covered and trying to convince myself I was not going to die. My valuable
cargo safely stored upon my persons. When it happened.
But let me back track just a bit so you can
appreciate my dilemma.
Fyora was getting just a bit haughty in her
secure hidden tower. I do so hate it when others brag. So I crafted my plans
and picked a night when all the faeries would be else where. Rubbing my hands
and chuckling in glee, I scaled those invisible tower walls. It was a very cloudy
night and I managed to sneak into the Hidden tower undetected. However I only
allowed myself enough time to grab one item. After all greed will often land
you in jail. So in my exuberance I (of course) lighted upon the Super Rod of
Dark Nova, before the guards woke. I set a lovely exploding pizza pastry, setting
the timer to go off just in time to cover Fyora with pizza sauce. Don't you
just love the tools of the trade?
So there I was upon the cliff face struggling
not to slip to my death. I had just made the steal of the century, the heist
of a lifetime! Okay so it was my lifetime a small but miserable existence at
that. Nothing could have ruined the feeling of superior deviousness I felt.
Nothing could go wrong now! (On a side note, when you get to this place of nothing
could go wrong. Something always does.) Then from the corner of my eye I saw
a flash of blue. I froze, not hard to do in this weather. And a merry chuckle
echoed in my ears. I turned my head and scowled as that crafty Pant devil grinned
inches from me. With fingers frozen to the rope I was clinging to I was helpless
to do anything as he plucked the bag from my shoulders. That cretin stole my
"I'll take this back," he said with a chuckle,
as he shook a finger at me. "Stealing from the Faerie Queen tsk tsk! You should
know better." Then he vanished into the darkness his creaky voice echoing into
the the night. "Perhaps someone should alert the Tower guards of this theft!"
And he would too.
Needless to say I was in dire straights. You
know for a fact he would not return what I had stolen. But to chase him I would
have to first get down, and I was slightly stuck. I glanced at the snowy expanse
below me. How did I get myself into this? (Don't answer that.) Why does he always
have to ruin things!?! I asked plaintively to the snow cliff where I hung. If
the guards were to give chase I was doomed. Doomed to become a frozen addition
to Terror mountain. It was in that second I really considered changing professions.
But then I smiled.
It would take a thief to catch a thief, and
that miserable blue blob had stolen my Super rod of Dark Nova. And there's nothing
like plotting to warm a soul. So with a wicked grin I let go of the rope, laughing
madly as I fell to the snow below. I did not stop with that however, no I turned
myself into a snowball. Rolling all the way down to Happy Valley where I hit
a tree. If they looked for me they would find nothing!
So dusting my frozen self off I plodded back
to my hidden lair. There to plot the return of my stolen treasure, and try and
thaw myself out. I wonder if there is a frostbite potion, this stuff stings!