My Life With the Devil Chomby Stamp of Doom by epk |  |
"It's 4:20 Tuesday and they haven't updated..." I complained
to my Neofriend aquaking17. It was windy out and I hugged my coat tightly. He
took little notice, complained about the slow-starting war, and I checked the
news again. I entered and exited the New Features building, waited a few minutes,
and ran back in. "Have you updated yet?" I yelled at a Blue Elephante in glasses.
She turned around, signed to the Red Wocky standing at a fax machine. The Red
Wocky nodded no, and the Blue Elephante came up to me and nodded no. I frowned
and exited the building, saying goodbye to Aquaking17.
I walked over to my NeoHome. I shut the door,
hung up my coat, and went to the room with my inventory to sit with my four
Piles of Dung and be even more depressed, and the anxiety was getting to me.
I wanted war! Since I was unable to do anything about it, I just slowly leaned
back and suddenly saw a very astonishing sight. A Chomby Stamp! There it was,
a stamp! How could I of gotten a stamp...no, there had to be something...different
about this Chomby Stamp. I hadn't signed up for any sponsors, I didn't buy anything,
how did this stamp ever come into my hands? I checked my computer and double-checked
to see if it belonged to me, and sure enough, it was mine.
But, no, it couldn't be. I hated those things,
hogging up precious work time for Neopets Staff when they could be working on
more important things, such as the plot. And oh, oh, they cost so much. For
a stamp that is. Why are there collector stamps when there are no actual postage
stamps? My letters could easily cost me bundles. 100 NP for a 5 NP stamp.
Such an absurd thing, yes... or what about the classic licking of the stamps?
No, you couldn't do that either, because these are non-lickable stamps! Licking
stamps is the entire joy behind them, if you could ever find any. Ah, the stamps
are vile creatures, no doubt of that. Once ya got them, ya got them.
I turned to this Chomby Stamp. How could it ever
got into my possession? Something had to of been wrong, or possibly something
was wrong with the stamp. Hmm, that must be it. It was a Devil Stamp. Possessed
was this very stamp, a mind of it's own. I would get more intense in my insults
at this stamp of pure evil, but those sort of words are out of my vocabulary.
(And few accepted on Neopets.) I must run. I knew it. Evacuate my Neopets. Guard
my trophies. Get out the laundry, but not before folding it. And call D.A.D.
No, serious, Dark Against Dark, a group of Dark Faeries dedicated to stamping
out evil. Yes, that was what I had to do. I ran out the door, tripped on the
Air Conditioning switch, got to the phone, dialed the number, and spoke to a
kind Dark Faerie.
"Hello, Oxymoiia Rona here. May I ask who I am
speaking too?"
"This is epk, down at 22851 Aisha Avenue. I have
a critical problem here." "What!? Critical Problem? What is it? Monoceraptor
attack? Meuka all over your Neopets?"
"Chomby Stamp. De..." I was interrupted by a
dial tone. "Bah, who needs you. I'll handle this myself..."
I rushed over to my studio on the second floor
scavenged around the desk with a messy pile of papers. "Fighting Gelert, Behind
Virtupets Inc., Mutant Babies, bah, why did I even start those stories...aha!"
I picked with my right hand a silver box with a bright red button. I pushed
it, and a closet on the right of the room revealed 8 bright yellow suits. Each
was tailored to fit the needs of everyone in the household. They were airproof,
fireproof, waterproof, and most of all, stamproof. I went to a lever on the
wall and pulled it. An alarm rung throughout the house, and all my Neopets knew
right where to go. Slowly, each one came in, holding onto their petpets for
dear life.
"What's going on?" egold, my yellow Gelert, asked,
stroking Ribbi's forehead. Splashgold, my yellow Koi crawled up, holding onto
tidegold. Lizzagold, my yellow Krawk, was making sure Paween didn't get anywhere.
And lastly, spacegold, my yellow Grundo came up with Tough Fighter.
I looked over at my Neopets. "A Devil Chomby
Stamp has somehow entered the building. Everyone, put on these suits..."
Spacegold suddenly came up to me, "Tough Fighter
doesn't have a suit!"
"He's a rock, he'll manage."
"No he won't!"
"Here, put him inside your suit somewhere," I
directed him, wondering where Sloth's experiment went wrong. I then looked up
into the vent, looking for a feasible escape route. But, then I saw, somehow,
a white flash come out of it. I leaned down, turned it over, and I jumped back.
"DEVIL STAMP!" I yelled, and my Neopets and I quickly evacuated. I heard a rip
behind me and turned around and saw spacegold watch as Tough Fighter rolled
down the hallway, into the studio. Spacegold was mature enough to know that
Tough Fighter could handle himself, swallowed his despair, and moved up. The
closest way to the stairs was straight from my studio, through my bedroom, into
the Trophy Room, then the Workout Room and Rec. Room, then to the stairs. Not
so hard, no.
My Neopets went right on that route following
my every move, the petpets close behind. I put my hand on the handrail when
all of a sudden out of a crack in wall the stamp reappeared. All my Neopets
screamed. "DEMON STAMP!!!!" We ran back and the stamp floated off the crack
and out the window.
The next place to go obviously was the Emergency
Exit on the other side of the floor. We ran like no tomorrow, and got right
to it. Now, see, our Emergency Exit is a two-story free fall right into a bunch
of grass. I looked down at the ground, gulped, and about leaped when I saw something.
There it was, that Devil Chomby Stamp, again. We had nowhere to run except the
Laundry Room. We locked ourselves in and braced ourselves for the best.
"Hey, splashy, I'm hungry," lizzagold said to
splashgold.
Splashgold ignored her.
"Hey, splashy, I'm hungry," lizzagold repeated.
Splashgold ignored her.
"Hey, splashy, I'm hungry," lizzagold repeated
again.
Splashgold turned over to lizzagold, took a deep
breath, and shouted, "Be...QUIET!"
Silence.
Then, "Hey, splashy..."
The entire group of people shushed lizzagold,
and I looked around for some sort of communication. None. There was nothing
except for a washer, dryer, and a vacuum. "Oh, egold, you wouldn't mind nabbing
the phone in my studio?"
"Wha? Out there? With...the...Devil Stamp?"
"Yes." And before you knew it, there was egold,
locked outside of the Laundry Room, armed with a Vacuum Cleaner and a Stamp-Protective
Yellow Suit. He got up on his hind legs, in a manner to sneak against the wall.
He had the Vacuum armed in his right hand, and he slowly crept through the Trophy
Room, got to my Bedroom, and heard a noise.
Tap...Tap...Tap...
Before you could say Chicken Roll, egold had
already run back to the Laundry Room. "Lemme in!"
"Do you have the phone?"
"No! Lemme in!"
"Get the phone!"
Egold complained for a while, but when he knew
he couldn't get in without it, he went back, slowly creeping along. When he
got to my Bedroom, he heard that noise again.
Tap...Tap...Tap...
Egold started to run, but knew to was no use.
He crept in further, and then he made it to my Studio. He suddenly realised
it. The Devil Stamp had devoured Tough Fighter. Poor spacegold, egold thought,
and then he remembered the task on hand. He nabbed the phone, dropped the vacuum,
and made a run for it.
"I got the phone!" egold yelled.
"Get in! Hurry!" I said, opening and shutting
the door. So fast, egold's long tail almost got stuck in it. Egold handed the
phone over and I grabbed it, quickly dialing aquaking17's phone number.
"Hello?" Aquadiamond1717 answered, aquaking17's
Purple Koi.
"Hello-this-is-epk-is-aquaking17-there?" I said
quickly and with a tone of fear in my voice.
"No, this is Aquadiamond. Can I take a message?"
"Can you get over to 22851 Aisha Avenue? We are
being attacked by a Chomby Stamp!"
"Eh, I'll be over there..." Aquadiamond said,
hanging up the phone. "Psycho."
I hung up with a wave of relief. Spacegold asked
egold if he had seen Tough Fighter. "Eh, spacegold, I'm sorry, but...but..."
"What?"
"But...but..."
"What???"
"The Devil Chomby Stamp devoured him I think."
"WHAT??? It can't be!" spacegold yelled in disbelief.
"I'm sorry spacegold, but, there is no other
explanation." Spacegold took no notice and sat in a corner of the room and reflected.
Aquadiamon was now at our door and there was
a Dark Faerie there. "Hello..." Aquadiamond said nervously, "What are you doing
here?"
"Our offices got a call from here and I came
to investigate, and I've been tapping on this door for quite a while," the Dark
Faerie said, "Why are you here?"
"The owner called me over saying that they were
being attacked by a Chomby Stamp."
"Oh, like that one over there?" the Dark Faerie
pointed out. And, sure enough, a Chomby Stamp was in the grass, laying there.
Aquadiamond crawled over to it and picked it
up, "Hey! There's a blue pen mark on it! I made that mark this morning! This
stamp was given to epk by my owner!"
The Dark Faerie flew over. "What? Let's see the
history of this Chomby Stamp..." She turned around and said some magical words,
and a purple cloud appeared out of mid-air. Images flashed on it of the history.
The first one was of Aquaking17 giving me the stamp. Aquadiamond nodded, and
the cloud went to the next image. It was me leaning back and seeing the stamp,
freaking out shortly after that. The third was of me tripping over the Air Conditioning
and the wind of it blowing the stamp into the vent. Then it showed the stamp
traveling through the vent and reappearing in my studio, where my pets and I
freaked out and ran, and then Tough Fighter came through the door rolling and
hitting the stamp. The stamp applied itself and went with as Tough Fighter made
a hole it the wall. The stamp got onto a air flow and made it to a crack on
the wall near the stairs, and shocked us as it floated out the window. It had
been a Windy Day, and the wind just plain out blew the stamp at a terribly fast
speed all around my NeoHome right into the grass below the Emergency Exit.
Aquadiamond was able to piece it all good together
and explained it to the Dark Faerie. The Dark Faerie agreed with with Aquadiamond
to fly up to the 2nd Story, enter the Emergency Exit, and find us. They did
just that and found the 8 of us all trapped in the Laundry Room, which had by
now become a sort of Panic Room. They explained it all to me and spacegold was
overjoyed when he discovered that Tough Fighter was not gone.
"Thanks a lot Aquadiamond for telling us that
the stamp isn't so evil after all," splashgold congratulated. Aquadiamond thanked
him. (I'd like to say she blushed from be thanked by such a strong and heroic
Neopet, but sadly, splashgold has yet to fulfil either aspect and has I have
no consent from Aquaking17 to control the emotions of Aquadiamond, although
I have to say it would make a great story.) (splashgold just told me to shut
up.) Then Aquadiamond turned to me.
"I still believe that the stamp is dangerous,"
I disagreed. Aquadiamond shook her head.
"Hey, you know, you owe me big time," she piped
up.
"How?"
"Well, a Pink or Orange Paint Brush would be
nice..." Aquadiamond suggested.
"YOU CAN'T EVEN BE PAINTED THOSE COLOURS!"
"I'd like to be."
Later that night I had that to make a decision
about the stamp. I wouldn't dare put it in my Safety Deposit Box, putting the
Fuzzles and Toy Sail Boats in the same danger I went through would be rude and
inconsiderate. Or even donating, selling, or auctioning it would be rude. I
couldn't bring myself to discard it, no, this stamp had a mind of it's own,
and destroying a living thing is not an easy thing to do for me (unless it's
a swarm of Buzzers devouring my flesh, I may have to resort to a flyswatter).
So my last option was no other then putting it up for trade. That way, no one
could get to it.
The End
Yes, you
can see it, but no, you cannot get to it. Support the reconstruction of
Maraqua and bye in six different languages until next time! |
