Main Page Go to Short Stories Go back to Articles Go to Comics Go to Continued Series Go to Editorial Go to New Series

Show All | Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4 | Week 5 | Week 6 | Week 7 | Week 8 | Week 9 | Week 10 | Week 11 | Week 12 | Week 13 | Week 14 | Week 15 | Week 16 | Week 17 | Week 18 | Week 19 | Week 20 | Week 21 | Week 22 | Week 23 | Week 24 | Week 25 | Week 26 | Week 27 | Week 28 | Week 29 | Week 30 | Week 31 | Week 32 | Week 33 | Week 34 | Week 35 | Week 36 | Week 37 | Week 38 | Week 39 | Week 40 | Week 41 | Week 42 | Week 43 | Week 44 | Week 45 | Week 46 | Week 47 | Week 48 | Week 49 | Week 50 | Week 51 | Week 52 | Week 53 | Week 54 | Week 55 | Week 56 | Week 57 | Week 58 | Week 59 | Week 60 | Week 61 | Week 62 | Week 63 | Week 64 | Week 65 | Week 66 | Week 67 | Week 68 | Week 69 | Week 70 | Week 71 | Week 72 | Week 73 | Week 74 | Week 75 | Week 76 | Week 77 | Week 78 | Week 79 | Week 80 | Week 81 | Week 82 | Week 83 | Week 84 | Week 85 | Week 86 | Week 87 | Week 88 | Week 89 | Week 90 | Week 91 | Week 92 | Week 93 | Week 94 | Week 95 | Week 96 | Week 97 | Week 98 | Week 99 | Week 100 | Week 101 | Week 102 | Week 103 | Week 104 | Week 105 | Week 106 | Week 107 | Week 108 | Week 109 | Week 110 | Week 111 | Week 112 | Week 113 | Week 114 | Week 115 | Week 116 | Week 117 | Week 118 | Week 119 | Week 120 | Week 121 | Week 122 | Week 123 | Week 124 | Week 125 | Week 126 | Week 127 | Week 128 | Week 129 | Week 130 | Week 131 | Week 132 | Week 133 | Week 134 | Week 135 | Week 136 | Week 137 | Week 138 | Week 139 | Week 140 | Week 141 | Week 142 | Week 143 | Week 144 | Week 145 | Week 146 | Week 147 | Week 148 | Week 149

Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 11th day of Celebrating, Yr 21
The Neopian Times Week 61 > Short Stories > Krawk Files: Les than Nothing

Krawk Files: Les than Nothing

by shidi

Image by thephoenixofeio


Fired. The word echoed through Les' head, over and over, as he trudged slowly through the streets of Neopia. All his worldly possessions were slung over his back in a small pack, and he had no clear aim in mind. He'd been best mates with Stevo since Kindergarten - the day they'd eaten worm nuggets together. Mrs. Scruples, Les' mother, wasn't the best of cooks, and none of the other kids would come near Les and his lunch. But Stevo thought Les' wiggling food was 'exciting'! They'd been best mates ever since... and now, Keri had taken it all away! Les sighed. He'd tried so hard to please Mrs. Furwin, but the cranky Acara just didn't seem to have much tolerance for mistakes.

     All of Neopia lay before him, full of wonder and adventure. But all Les could think of was his comfortable room back at the Lair, his nice computer and his Florg. "I shouldn't think about Florg," Les muttered to himself. "He's what got me in this mess in the first place." He'd been in such a rush to get back to the lair and play a quick game of Feed Florg that he'd taken a shortcut right through the Reptillior enclosure. The resultant chaos had gotten him nearly killed, and ultimately, fired. "How could I have been so careless?!" he screamed, and noticed people hurrying to cross to the other side of the street. "Great, I've been away from home for less than a week and I'm already starting to talk to myself like a crazy person. This is wonderful, just wonderful..." He continued to walk, looking down at his feet and not paying any attention at all to where he was going.

     When he bumped into a tree, however, Les took a good look around, and realised he had ventured into the Haunted Woods. Homeless pets crouched in the shadows, looking for handouts or perhaps, something a bit more insidious. Les had dealt with some of the most riled creatures in all of Neopia in his time, but some of those Skeiths and Grarrls he saw in the shadows of trees looked downright deadly. "Hey, pretty boy..." called a distinctly female Skeith. "Nice mane."

     "Uh... thanks, ma'am," Les called back nervously, hastening his steps. He ducked quickly into the first building he saw - a dilapidated hovel with a half-hanging sign that proclaimed sordidly, "Cockroach Towers." Les opened the creaky green door, which was warped and nearly falling off its hinges, and hurried inside. The pungent odour of the place assailed his nostrils, and nearly made him faint. Behind the half-rotten front desk was a bored looking Techo, reading The Neopian Times. There was a sign, worn with age and scribbled with a bit of graffiti, that read 'Ring bell for service.' There was however, no bell in sight. "I guess I'd better get a room."

     The Techo didn't glance up, or acknowledge Les in any way. He merely turned the page. "Oh, Cheesy Neos... how your existential quandaries delight the masses..."

     "Existential... uh, yeah. Hey, mate. I'd like a room, please." Les said, a bit louder.

     "Hahah... PetPet... Herd. PetPets... such little microcosms of our deviant society and all its countless ills and turmoil..."

     "Hellllloooo?!" Les shouted, knocking on the desk.

     "Ring the bell," the Techo called, still reading.

     "There is no bell!" Les grumbled.

     "What are you, a Nihilist? There is no bell, there is no tree, there is no existence..."

     "No, there is no bell. The bell is gone. There is an absence of the bell..."

     The Techo had gone back to reading. Annoyed, Les pursed his lips together and clicked his tongue lightly. "Rrrrring. Rrrrring."

     "Help you, sir?" said the Techo, putting down the paper and snapping to attention.

     "I'd like the least filthy of your roach-infested rooms, please," Les replied, rolling his eyes.

     "Five NP. We've got a great scab-picking contest going on in the Lobby later, if you'd like to join in."

     "Quite all right," Les grimaced, handing over five of his scant NP and receiving a grubby key in return. "Room 13... great. There's some irony. Where is it?"

     "Up the stairs, somewhere," the Techo shrugged, picking up the paper again. "Ah, Editorial - what half-witty platitudes will the Creator bestow upon the unwashed masses this week?"

     "Blimey... and I thought I was going crazy. That bloke is already there," muttered Les as he trudged up the stairs, carefully avoiding a large rat on the third step that was hopefully only of the 'almost gummy' variety. Room 13 was at the end of a long hall, only one flight of stairs up. Les thought he'd gotten lucky, until he saw the yellow tape around the door that said, "Chia Police Line - Do not Cross!" Someone had helpfully snipped the tape in two and tucked the pieces out of the way, however, so that the door was still able to be opened. Feeling a bit less than sure of the wisdom of his actions, Les turned the key in the lock and swung the door wide.

     The room was stale with disuse, and had apparently been the site of a crime scene. Here and there, strange Chia-sized shapes were marked in chalk, and small drops of what looked like ice crystals lay in little puddles on the threadbare carpet. Les took a sharp intake of breath when he saw a rotund, red Chia with leaves on his head, encased in a solid block of ice, right in the middle of the room. "Crikey! This bloke's gotten himself iced, right here in the middle of my room! Well, my feet are a bit sore from all this walking..."

     Les shut the door to his room, and drug a chair over to the icy Chia. He rolled his khaki pants up and propped his paws up against the frozen fellow. "Ahhhh..."

     A chill wind seemed to rustle the half-fallen Leaf Curtain on the room's one broken window when Les' tootsies made contact with the ice. Shivers ran down his spine as the entire room's temperature seemed to drop about 20 degrees. Too scared to move, he closed his eyes shut, and hoped that whatever horrible thing had happened to the Chia wasn't about to happen to him.


     The frightened Kyrii snapped his eyes open just as swiftly as he'd closed them, hearing his name in a long eerie whisper. "Wh-who said that?"

     I ssssaid tttthatttt...

     "Who's I? And why are you talking in a vaguely creepy lisp?" Les glanced around the room frantically.

     Hey, pal. Do you know how hard it is to communicate from the great beyond? Hmph. Give a guy a moment to have some sort of effect for all the effort it taaaaaakesssss.

     "Oh, all right, go on with the melodrama. Sorry." Les was somehow less than afraid now.

     No, no. It's really not worth it at the moment. I'm just here to warn you, lest what happened to me, happen to you!

     "Blimey! What happened to you, mate?" Les eyed the icy Chia. Surely the voice must be him. But where was it coming from? The Chia wasn't thawing one bit.

     Florg. Beware the Florg!

     "What? No way! Florg's a great guy. Granted, he's sort of the reason I got fired...."

     Florg ruined my life! He got me frozen! Three times a day soon wasn't enough for me, pal. I just wanted to feed him more and more PetPets. All the looks of horror on their sweet little faces... all the crunchy sounds as their bones became snackies...

     "'re starting to scare me here, mate. I never heard bone crunchy sounds when I played the game."

     Game? Hah! You're still playing that silly game? That's how I started, too. Then I went to the Space Station... and met the real Florg. Three meals a day... three meals only. But did I listen? Oh, no..."

     "The real Florg? Blimey! I've got to find a way to get to that Space Station!" Les shouted, ignoring the creepy warning factor of the whole message entirely.

     Have you been listening to a word I'm saying? Florg is bad! Do you want to wind up like me? I had a wife and three little ones to support, and now look at me! Iced, in a fleabag motel...

     "I think the Fleabag's down the road, mate. This is the Cockroach Towers."

     Whatever! Seeking the Florg is seeking your own dooooommmmm

     "Uh-uh," Les said, removing his feet from the ice. "Thanks for the warning. Say, how did you get to that space station where I shouldn't go, anyhow...?"

     Well, that's easy. I just got a Faerie Quest, bugged the Fire Faerie to take me to the Space Faerie, and next thing you know I was on my way to the VirtuPets Space Station. Why didn't they change that name after the whole Sloth incident? Wonder if he's still up there? Ah, well...where was I? Oh, yes... beware the Florg! Beware...

     Les tuned out the annoying disembodied voice, and went to lie down on the mostly tattered bed. Suddenly, his fortunes were looking up. Sure, he'd been fired from his job, but maybe, in a way, that was a blessing. Now he'd have plenty of free time... time in which to find his new best mate, Florg.

The End

Author's Note: The parody in this story is intentional, and the characters used in it reside on the account Krawk_Files. As always, thank you for reading, and feel free to Neomail me if you've got a question, comment, or are just feeling a bit riled!

Week 61 Related Links

Guide to Guilds: Creation
Can't find the perfect guild for you? Perhaps you should consider creating and leading your own.

by shidi

Les Scruples' Guide to Neopian Survival
Welcome to the world of Les Scruples.

by wizardofaus

Magnolia's Pirate Problem: Part One

by peachifruit

Wanted: One Chocolate Kyrii
I guess this story starts with Aunt Speck. You probably haven't heard of her, but she's a family friend from way back.

by scriptfox

Heilley Plays It Cool: Part Six
Heilley glanced over at MonoKeras with something of her old brassiness.

by scriptfox

Karl & Joe
"I told ya so..."

by kittentaboo

The Journeys of Angel_the_Faerie
Sharing a room with a Noil?

by rainbow_faerie02

Search :
Other Stories

Boldheart: Of a Dragon's Den
She did not fully understand what had happened out there upon that dune, but she knew one thing--a dragon had saved her.

by meratocat

Dragon Thieves: Going Solo
Her pet was a silver Peophin named Lady_Ireland, who was as bad as her owner. Together, the two had a fantastic reputation of snootiness.

by child_dragon

A Dreadful Birthday

by yasashiiyukiko

Kingbing's Goofy Smile (The Sequel)
If so you want me to continue the story of our family, after suffering many obstacles of Neopian life, then I shall tell you.

by coca_chia_cola

Neopets | Main | Articles | Editorial
Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series | Search