My Rambling Piece
ENDLESS PLAINS - Howdy readers! It's a pleasure to be here with you today!
First, I'd like to say that it is an honour to be writing for The Neopian Times,
Neopia's Dungalicious News Source! I'd like to thank the panel of tasty turnip
tartar eating, beef jerky wearing, sniddberry smelling Neopets and one extremely
nearsighted Bruce with no teeth, who, by the way, is my neighbour's friend's
brother's second cousin, and was seen the other day at the Grooming Parlour
buying Red Blush for his sister. Did you know they make that blush using extracts
from cherries? It's unbelievable what they do these days, especially since cherries
are so expensive nowadays! But it's just like last week when the sand stamp
was released. Did you notice it was just worth 1 NP? How can this be! Sand,
one of the most popular items in Neopia! Sure it does nothing, and sure statistics
show there are three hundred million bottles per human in Neopia, but does this
makes them unworthy? Tsk, tsk, the post office should be ashamed... but... am
I rambling*? Yes?
Okie then, let's move on.
Where was I? Oh, I was thanking The Neopian Times team. Right, so now I'm
going to introduce my piece. This piece is an article. You know how most of
the articles are about dos and don'ts in Neopia and the site or tips about the
newest game? Well, some are about recent events, too. Speaking of recent events,
my pet found a lost Slorg in the back yard yesterday. Well, not really in the
back yard, she found it at school, she just said it was in the back yard so
I would let her keep it, since it lived with us, therefore was family, too.
Anyway, the Petpet was in really bad shape, all slimy and dirty, and it kinda
looked like it had been run over by a horde of racing Elephantes and then kicked
into a puddle of dung. It smelled so badly that HS and me had to shower it outside
with the watering can so it wouldn't stink the house. But after the shower the
Slorg wouldn't stop squeaking; it only kept quiet after being fed three servings
of cloud muffins. Of course we couldn't keep this Petpet; besides, HS already
has Angie. So we had to send it to the Petpet pound... *sniff, sniff* poor Slorg,
alone and miserable in the Petpet pound... but... am I rambling? Yes? Oh, then,
let's get back to the point.
I was explaining the reason for this article's existence. Existence... that
reminds me of my pet... eh, isn't it funny that her reason for existence is
my boredom? Just to think, if I hadn't been bored out of my mind on that fateful
day, I would never have typed 'virtual pets' on yahoo's search bar, I would
have never had clicked neopet's link and my pet would have never been created!
Or maybe someone else would create her if I hadn't. You know how people sometimes
say that there are certain things and people that would just have to be invented
if they didn't exist, so they would have to exist regardless of anything else?
Maybe the same thing happens with neopets, maybe there are certain creatures
that are so crucial to Neopia that they would have to exist anyway, either created
by humans or the staff. I wonder if that's HS situation... would anyone else have
created HS in case I hadn't? And would HS be HS if I had created her on my second
day in Neopia instead of on my first? Would it have turned out the exact same
neopet if it were born a day later, even if all the choices were the same? Who
knows... but... am I rambling? Yes? Gee, it sure is easy to stray from the point,
Anyway, as I was saying in the beginning of the last paragraph, this article
has a very strong reason to exist. A reason as strong as an enraged Grarrl,
as strong as the super strong hair gel! Um, no, scratch the super strong hair
gel part. That product is a fraud, you know? Can you just imagine that my father's
wife's sister's aunt's son's sibling's daughter's friend's cousin's second pet
on the third account had this really big event at school, where someone would
go and take pictures of every student, and he though he could spice up his looks
using that super gel thingy to spike up his fur. Everything was going okay until
picture time arrives. The gel had sort of melted on his fur because of how hot
the room was, and left this greenish gooey substance on his fur that was dripping
on his face. Is it supposed that a super hair gel melts? I don't think so. Besides
the fact that his new look was ruined, the poor pet was photographed that way
because there was no time to clean it up and do his fur a different way! Just
imagine how disturbed he was! And it's that evil hair gel's entire fault! But...
am I rambling? Yes? I'm sorry; I'll try to stick to the point this time.
The reason... the reason for me to be writing this article is... well, I don't
really know that, but I do know why my brother's best friend's brother has a
yellow themed shop. It was like this. One day he was randomly visiting shops
all by himself, because he had no neopet, you see, he thought that having pets
was a waste of money when he could just get money from games and buy stuff for
him without having to worry about feeding the creature. As I was saying, he
was browsing some shops when suddenly this huge block of sun-dried mud flies
right at him! We never found out where the mud block came from, but it doesn't
really matter, after all, don't we all see flying blocks of sun-dried mud every
day? We don't? Uh, okay, never mind, let me continue my story. Just as the block
was about to hit his face, crush his nose and make him all dirty, a skeleton
Lupe jumps out of the blue and kicks the mud block away from my brother's best
friend's brother. The block hit this other girl who was leaving another shop
with two expensive laptops that were broken from the impact but no one ever
cared about that. The skeleton Lupe wasn't really a skeleton either, he was
just really famished, because he didn't have an owner to feed him. Even so,
my brother's best friend's brother was immensely glad that the Lupe saved him,
so he adopted him and named him Sun_Dried_Mud_Blocks_Kicker. In fact, this has
nothing to do with the yellow themed shop, I just felt like telling it. Now
about the yellow themed shop--Uh, what? I am rambling? Oh. Okay, let's proceed.
So, this is an article about... something... *looks embarrassed* Um, I think I
accidentally skipped that step where you chose a subject for your article... Um,
never mind, who needs a subject, anyway, right? Right. So... let's move on.
Pretending I have a subject to talk about and convince you that my idea is
right, I would like you to collaborate, okay? Collaborate with me like Brucey
B & Friends collaborated in Sakhmet's war! That awful war, with the rock beast
and all... do you think we will have a similar war in Meridell? Every thing points
in that direction, but who could be enemies with the Meridell people? They are
so non-violent, so quiet, so annoyingly peaceful with their idiotic potato counting
games... am I rambling? Okay, okay, I'll cut the Meridell talk.
Oh my! Is this the 1,299th word already? Look how simple it is to take up
a lot of space! I really have to end here, so I guess the article will have
to be kept for another time! Maybe I'll think of a subject meanwhile... until
then, keep cool and remember to mow the lawn, or else your garden will look
like the jungle, and you might even discover a community of Slorgs living there,
right in your garden. And then it's a huge problem, because you will be attached
to the little Petpets, even if they are super annoying, like that other Slorg
that HS found was, and then it's really hard to leave it somewhere all alone,
and as a plus to all the guilt you'll feel, your pet will cry all the time because
she really liked that stupid Slorg. It's not my fault that we couldn't keep
it, we really couldn't. Just like we couldn't buy that bike, because it was
really expensive, we're not exactly like the guy next door, who has so much
money he buys and discards a different hidden tower item every day. But I'm
note: The Neopian Times does not encourage rambling.