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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 20th day of Relaxing, Yr 15
The Neopian Times Week 56 > Short Stories > Never Underestimate Muffins Made of Cheese

Never Underestimate Muffins Made of Cheese

by ellenie

"What is it?"

     "It's a muffin."

     "It's made out of cheese!"

     "Maybe it's a Battledome muffin."

     "It's made of cheese!"

     "Yeah, haven't you ever heard of the infamous Cheese Battle Muffin?"

     "Blind your opponents with a cheese explosion!" Sidimeister, or Sidi, the Scorchio exclaimed.

     "You can only use it once, however, so stock up!" Pantomime97 (who was called Pan), the Kacheek, laughed.

     As both of them walked away from me, making up descriptions for a 'Cheese Battle Muffin', and a 'Cheese Muffin', I whispered sadly, "But it's made out of cheese...."

     Sighing, I picked the 'muffin' up and slowly followed my...friends? Or maybe acquaintances, or used-to-be-friends, or perhaps, the most reasonable guess, old-'friends'-who-ignored-me-and-pretended-they-didn't-know-me-anymore-friends. But that was just what I thought.

     We all used to be such good friends, and they actually paid attention to me, that is, until Ixis were declared no longer limited edition. (Or at least it seemed like that.)

     Sitting down on a stump and placing the muffin beside me, I began to think (which, you wouldn't know if you don't know me very well, I do out-loud).

     "I just don't get it! Scorchios and Kacheeks aren't limited edition either, so did they just become my friends to have me as sort of a...'bragging right'? Grr...those meanies...." I continued to 'think' under my breath, getting much more hyped-up than I needed to.

     "Ceili?" It was Pan, stepping from behind a tree and looking back at me, "Are you coming?"

     I looked up at him, his Striped fur glowing in the sunlight. Pan had always been my favourite of the two, mainly since he was much more withdrawn and shy than Sidi. Pan could always be found putting Sidi and my, especially my, feelings before his own.

     However, I had worked myself into a particularly bad mood, so I answered him bitterly, "In a few moments, Mis-ter Pantomime."

     Pan looked slightly taken aback, but answered, "Oh, all right," and disappeared behind the trees again.

     After a few more minutes of silent fuming, I heard a voice. It was deep and hollow, and it seemed to be coming from all around me.

     "Ceili," it spoke, enunciating clearly, "You don't need to take any more abuse from your so-called friends. No, Ceili, never again."

     "H...how?" I asked timidly.

     "Just do as I command, and you'll never have to deal with them again!"

     "How? And who? Who are you?" I asked, my voice and courage climbing steadily by the seconds. "And what is in it for me?"

     "How? You need not know. And who am I? Well, if you agree to do my bidding, I will reveal that to you," the voice replied calmly in its terrifying...well, voice. "And what's in it for you? Why, if you do what I want you to do, anything your little heart desires, plus a life's supply of riches!" Somehow I could feel it smirking.

     I pondered, in my head for once, for about one full minute. Then greed took a hold of me (a life supply of riches and anything I wanted? Plus getting rid of Pan and Sidi, especially Sidi, forever? It was almost too good to be true!), and I near-yelled, "I agree!"

     Suddenly the sky turned black, a terrifying, spooky black where you felt that there was nothing in the world that could save you. I looked around, some of the bravery draining from me.

     "Well then, Ceili," the voice spoke, now sounding much less hollow, yet terribly louder and commanding, with an echo to it, "We will need to change you a bit...."

     "Wha...." I tried to ask, but my voice was swallowed up by the darkness.

     Then, more quickly that I could have imagined, a burning feeling rose up inside of me, a burning more terrible than any that you could ever imagine, like I was being thrown into the burning depths of the Underworld. I tried to scream, but no noise came out, and instead it felt like I was swallowing fire, so I shut my mouth tight. Using all my energy, I tilted my head down and watched in horror as my beautiful white fur turned inky black, as did my paws, and almost every other part of my body. Still the burning, the terrible, terrible burning, continued, and I let my head snap back. Within seconds, my mind had slipped away, and I was dreaming of better things as I fell out of the grip of consciousness.

     Ceili woke in a dark, dank room filled with Spyderwebs, dripping pipes, and many other unpleasant things. Though, somehow not to her surprise, she found that she quite enjoyed the room, and hoped that, in every room in the castle (where she was), the rooms were all like this.

     Ceili, after gazing about the room for a few minutes, got bored and walked up a flight of stone stairs in the corner of her room.

     The stairwell was just as dank and full of Spyderwebs as Ceili's room, though it was lit by spaced-out torches, which waited for one's light to end before they extended their own. Ceili took no notice, and instead counted each of the stairs.

     "57," she announced when she had reached the top of the stairs. Then she scowled, and grew angry. "57? What kind of a number is 57? It's not high enough to be 60, but not low enough to be 50!" She growled and stomped her front hoof down. "I hate it so much!" Her now red eyes (which had once been hazel), glowed in the dim room.

     "Welcome, Quialat," A voice from somewhere in front of Ceili welcomed her in a not so welcoming voice.

     "Quialat?" Ceili asked, peering in the direction that the voice had come from.

     "Yes, that is your new name."

     "And what if I don't want a new name?" Ceili inquired with a hostile edge to her voice.

     "Then that it too bad," the voice answered, and stepped from a particularly concealing shadow, letting some dust-filled light shine on him, "for you already agreed to help us, and this is just all part of the deal."

     Ceili didn't answer, but instead her mouth opened slightly and she cocked her head, staring at the...thing...in disbelief.

     Whatever it was, it looked like a big cucumber. However, once Ceili had stared at it for a while, she realised that it was a Blumaroo dressed in a cucumber costume.

     Ceili almost laughed aloud, but instead asked in a matter-of-fact tone of voice, "What are you supposed to be, the Giant Cucumber of Doom?"

     "That is GCOD to you," the Blumaroo answered seriously.

     Ceili stifled the laugh that had sprung up in her throat. "Were you the voice who spoke to me earlier, who convinced me to come here?"

     "Oh, no," the Blumaroo answered, smirking. "That was my pet Cheese Muffin."

     "Your pet CHEESE MUFFIN?!?!?" Ceili's eyes grew wide.

     "Yes, the one that you and those two other NeoPets found, that you picked up."

     Ceili snorted. "And I'm supposed to do the every bidding of a crazy Blumaroo dressed as a giant cucumber and its talking pet muffin?"

     "Yes," the Blumaroo answered in a stern voice. "Or you are to answer to Zikoalth."

     The ground trembled slightly as a huge dark form suddenly appeared from behind the Blumaroo.

     "And Zikoalth is just DYING to meet you, or perhaps, it's more like YOU'LL be dying when you meet him," the Blumaroo laughed, one of those terrible villain laughs (that you know is fake but just can't help but wonder: is that really how they laugh? And if so...they must have had a very hard time in school....)

     Ceili backed away, stopping at the stairs. Bowing down slightly but keeping her head turned up, she meekly replied the first thing that came to her mind, "Yes, Master...."

     Two weeks later, Ceili had been trained to be obedient to anyone who ordered her to do something. She had also learned some magic spells, and all the abilities from the Faeries, except the Light Faerie.

     "Now, my minion, in but three short days, we will be ready to not only get rid of those 'friends' of yours, but we shall TAKE OVER THE SPACE STATION!" The Blumaroo, who Ceili had to call GCOD (gee-cod), shrieked.

     The talking muffin made of cheese, which was called C.M. (Cheese Muffin), cleared its throat (?).

     GCOD looked down at C.M. "Well," he replied snootily, "Once we take over the Space Station, then we can easily TAKE OVER NEOPIA!"

     C.M. snorted.

     "Oh, pipe down," GCOD growled, turning to Ceili. "Now, Quialat, go down to your room, and do not come up until I wish you to."

     "Yes, Master," Ceili answered, slinking down the stairs to her room. Behind her she could hear GCOD and the Cheese Muffin arguing. Sighing, she sat on her bed and went to sleep.

     Three days later, Ceili awoke to a raspy voice calling her name out. Remembering that she would have to help GCOD and C.M. take over Neopia...and once and for all get rid of her 'friends'.

     Ceili walked up the stairs and found that they had knocked out a wall in the main room. It was a pitch-black night, though, and Ceili shivered slightly as she looked around for the one who had called her name.

     "Ah, Quialat, welcome," GCOD appeared from somewhere behind her, C.M. in his paw. "You can probably see that we have knocked out the wall. Yes, that is because we had no other way to get our army outside. Would you like to see our grand army? Of course you would! Follow me."

     Ceili obeyed, and followed GCOD out the (absence of) wall.

     GCOD led her to a hill that overlooked a huge meadow where GCOD's army was. However, when she saw the army, her burning crimson eyes grew wide in disbelief.

     "Yes, Quialat, that is the army...my army, of genetically modified CHEESE MUFFINS!"

     Ceili blinked and looked up at GCOD, who exclaimed, "Now, Quialat, go to the head of them, and lead them to your friends! I will come later with better weapons so we may kill them faster."

     Ceili took two steps, then stopped in her tracks. "Kill them?" She repeated, looking back at GCOD.

     "Yes, destroy them! And, Quialat, you don't have a choice anymore." GCOD sneered, and laughed one of his villain laughs.

     Ceili, for the first time in... a long time, rebelled. "Never!" She yelled, and raced down the hill, heading the only place where someone could help her: Faerieland.

     Within an hour, Ceili was standing in an elevator made of clouds, heading up to Faerieland.

     As she walked out of the elevator, she could hear the two Faerie Aishas who had also been in the elevator snickering. Ceili sighed, quickly fighting off the urge to hurt them, then ran off in the direction of the Faerie Queen's castle.

     Once she had explained her situation to the Faerie Queen (and once she'd snuck past the guards), the Faerie Queen, scolded her.

     "Young Ceili, what you did was wrong. Vengeance is never the answer. I can see, however, that you were lured into doing something that you did not want, and I think that this whole experience has been enough punishment. I also commend you for coming to me. It took courage to come here, and so, I will give you a reward." The Faerie Queen said something under her breath, changing Ceili into a Faerie Ixi. "I did that not only to reward you, but so that you could help undo this wrong."

     "How? How can I set things right again?" I asked, her voice sounding much lighter.

     "You can not do everything yourself, Ceili. What I want you to do is gather each of the Faeries that reside here in Faerieland, and tell them your story. Then kindly ask them to help you stop this Blumaroo. If they are reluctant, tell them that I sent you. Once you get all of them, you need to lead them to this 'GCOD' and his army, where I believe that you and the Faeries can stop them. Now go, Ceili, and I wish you luck and speed," the Faerie Queen waved her hand, motioning Ceili to leave.

     "Thank you, Your Highness!" I called as she ran out of the palace, stumbling slightly, to gather each of the Faeries.

     Once all of the Faeries had been gathered, I promptly led them to GCOD and the Cheese Muffins (strange that I knew who and where they were, though....). Within a half hour, the whole army had been reduced to crumbs, GCOD was behind solid cloud bars, and I was happily playing with my best friends, Sidi and Pan....

     Sidi chased me through the woods; Pan struggling to keep up, as we came upon a meadow by the sea.

     "You're it!" Sidi exclaimed as he finally caught up with me, tagging me on the shoulder.

     "No," I panted as I tagged him back, "You are!"

     We both collapsed and lay on our backs, laughing, as Pan finally caught up, and did the same.

     "You know what I don't get, Ceili?" Sidi asked, still slightly out of breath.

     "What?" I replied, playing with some grass as I tried to regain my breath.

     "What ever happened to that Blumaroo's pet muffin? And wouldn't the other muffins just regenerate?"

     Suddenly all three of us sat straight up as our eyes widened. We each looked at each other and then away, as all three of us swallowed hard.

The End


Author's Note: Ceili, though she strains terribly, can not remember what happened over the next few weeks, and so this part must be narrated by a narrator who witnessed her story.

Author's Note: Once Ceili received her Faerie wings, she became, well...good. Because of that, she can now remember what happened to her. Since she can, she insisted that she do so.

Author's Last Note (finally): Obviously (and for good reasons), this story is 100% fictional. I apologise if I used an existing pet's name; it was completely accidental if I did. Anyway, I hope that you enjoyed reading my story as much as I enjoyed writing it! :)

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