MERIDELL - There is a game in Meridell that people have not really talked about
that much. You may have heard of it…it involves kissing. Kissing Mortogs to
be precise.
On the 26th day of swimming, I had heard that a new game had come out, called
Kiss the Mortog.
I went over to play the game and was greeted by a green Grundo with lumps, of
which he claimed were just an allergic reaction. He was dressed rather peculiar;
on top of his head, he wore a kind of crown with a small happy face on it. He
had a gold necklace on, and a yellow and blue jacket that matched his pants,
which had yellow and purple stripes.
"Would you like to play a game?" he didn't wait for my response. "The rules
are: To play Kiss the Mortog you need 50 NP. Simply kiss the Mortog you think
is the, in your case, princess. If you are lucky, you win Neopoints - you can
collect those Neopoints or continue. Unfortunately non-magical Mortogs HATE
being kissed... and explode as a result. When this happens you lose ALL the
Neopoints you would have won. Simple eh?"
"So I have to kiss the Mortog…"
"Obviously."
"I have one question though…"
"Shoot."
"What do you mean by 'explode as a result'?"
"Well, they explode! Kaboom! No more Mortog!"
"All right then" The green Grundo set up two Mortogs for the first round.
I looked at them, pondering over which of them could be the magic one. I chose
one and proceeded to go give it a quick smooch. After I did, I wiped my lips.
The Grundo quickly reminded me that Mortogs will never give you warts but that
you can give them warts.
I watched the Mortog I had kissed. It was swelling. Uh oh, I thought.
Just as the Mortog looked like it would explode…it did! "Ewww! Mortog guts!"
I whined. I had gotten the guts all over my face and arms.
"I think you should get cleaned up," the Grundo said and pointed towards a
small outdoor bathroom.
I nodded and rushed towards the bathroom to get cleaned up. When I came out,
I noticed that this place was a perfect opportunity for an article, so I decided
to conduct an interview.
"Can I ask you a few questions for an article, sir?" I asked politely.
"Sure, but hurry up about it because there a lot of people waiting to kiss
my Mortogs."
Me: OK…first of all, do you have a name?
Grundo: Yes…but I prefer not to tell anyone about it; it's rather embarrassing…that's
what happens when you are created by a dumb owner with a bad vocabulary. But
you may call me by my nickname: Bubba.
Me: All right, Bubba. What exactly are Mortogs? Are they petpets?
Bubba: They are in fact petpets…
Me: Where did they come from and where did you get these magical ones?
Bubba: (he hesitated) It is rather a long story, and I don't know if
I should be telling you. But nobody has ever asked me that before, so I'll try
to make it short. Mortogs were an invention by Edna the witch's mom…
Me: I know Edna; she lives in the haunted woods!
Bubba: Exactly. Now one day, I was doing one of her quests. She had
asked for perfume. That day, I was lucky because I had one with me. So I gave
it to her, right? She cackled with glee and was very happy that I finished her
quest in record breaking time. You follow so far?
Me: Err…yes, please continue.
Bubba: She told me to wait where I was while she would get my prize
in the back. She came out with a huge bag with things that seemed to be moving
inside. I asked what was inside the big bag. She replied with one word: Mortogs.
"Mortogs?" I had asked Edna. She then explained to me what they were. She said
that they were passed on to her by her mother, who lived a long time ago when
Neopia was in the medieval age. Her mother was hated by everyone that lived
in that town just because she was a witch. She was an outcast, right? OK, so
one day, her mother put a whole bunch of spells together and made the first
Mortog ever out of plain boredom. That night, the king was having a ball at
his castle and the whole town was invited except her mom. Did I mention that
the king had a lot of kids?
Me: No…I don't think so…
Bubba: Well he did and he had A LOT! Anyway, to make a long story short,
Edna's mom managed to sneak into the castle, and poisoned the wine that they
would drink that night, with her newly discovered Mortog potion. The next day,
she snuck into the castle again to find it filled with Mortogs that she, of
course, captured! Edna said that she was giving them to me because I finished
her quest real fast. She then told me about the magical ones, which came from
the castle, and the non-magical ones that her mother had made just as a hobby.
She also told me that the non-magical ones hate to be kissed, and that the magical
ones turn into princes and princesses if kissed. At that moment, I realised
that I could make a living off these "Mortogs", so I invented the game: Kiss
the Mortog.
Me: Wow! I never thought that Mortogs had such a big and complicated
explanation behind them!
Bubba: Well, since you cared about listening to my story, I'll tell
you a secret. Did you notice anything when you went to the bathroom? (He grinned)
Me: Yes, in fact, I did. There was a filter in the sink…
Bubba: Exactly! I put that there so the Mortogs guts don't go to waste!
Me: (I was about to barf) What do you mean not go to waste!? You save
them for supper or something!?
Bubba: No, no…You got me all wrong, you see? I don't eat the Mortogs.
With the leftovers of an exploded Mortog, you can make another Mortog. This
is my method…can you include this in your article? Pleeeease?
Me: All right but make it quick…
BUBBA'S RECIPE FOR MAKING MORTOGS
1. Gather all the guts and chunks of a kissed Mortog: Let's say you
give a big smackeroo to your Mortog. You know what happens, right? So you take
all the bits and leftovers of an exploded Mortog into a bucket. You understand
what I'm trying to say?
2. Wait: Leave it overnight and when you wake up the next morning,
you will have a brand new Mortog to Kissy Kissy Kissy!
Bubba: Simple, eh?
Me: But your recipe…it only has two steps?
Bubba: So? I like things simple and I really couldn't be bothered to
write any more. I'm not fancy schmancy writer neither.
Me: Well, thank you for answering my questions on Mortogs and for participating
in this interview!
Bubba: Your welcome, but you really got to go now because my clients
are waiting in line to kiss my Mortogs.
I nodded and got up to leave. I had walked a while before I heard Bubba in
the distance saying, "Kissy kissy kissy!" | 
