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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 24th day of Hiding, Yr 21
The Neopian Times Week 51 > Short Stories > The Krawk Files: Mystery Island Misery

The Krawk Files: Mystery Island Misery

by shidi

Image by thephoenixofeio

Blimey! Welcome to the first in a series of short stories about the wild bunch of PetPet conservationists known as the Krawk Krew! Their leader is none other than Stevo_Furwin, that famous PetPet conservationist. Along with his wife, Keri_Furwin, and his best mate Les_Scruples, this enterprising young Wocky will take you places no sane pet has gone before! This week's episode begins with the Krawk_Kam_Krew taping Stevo on that fantastic vacation spot, the Mystery Isle!

"CRIKEY! IS THIS thing on?" Stevo Furwin said, tapping the camera with his paw.

     "We're rolling, chief!" shouted the enthusiastic young Quiggle behind the camera. Quivel the Quiggle was very excited to be working on the Krawk Kam Krew - despite the fact that the last cameraman had met with an unfortunate fate while on location in Tyrannia. He carefully positioned the camera on Stevo, who was standing in front of a grass hut. Keri the Acara, Stevo's wife, hurried into position on his right hand side, while Les the Kyrii got on the other.

     "Hello, mates - and welcome to the first ever episode of our new series, the Krawk Files! I'm Stevo Furwin, Neopia 's famous PetPet conservationist! This is my beautiful wife, Keri! Isn't she gorgeous? And let's not forget about my best mate, Les!" Stevo flashed a big grin for the camera, and all three waved cheerily.

     "Today," said Keri, "Stevo's on the Mystery Island to hunt down the elusive Mystery Island Blue."

     "That's right Keri- the Mystery Island Blue is a very fierce species of Cobrall!" Les chimed in, "If Stevo's not careful, it could bite his tail clean off!"

     "Woo-whee, that would be wild!" Stevo said enthusiastically. "Before we start our hunt, however, we're here at the hut of the famous Island Mystic for a bit of hunting advice! Let's go have a look-see."

     Stevo, Keri, and Les headed into the hut, followed closely by Quivel, who was still taping merrily. The Island Mystic was busy threading a new bone into his blonde hair, but he looked up at the incoming pets anyhow, striking a particularly mystical pose for the camera. "Hmmmm, welcome you are, Stevo Furwin!"

     "Blimey! What an outrageous accent!" Stevo exclaimed. "Island Mystic, we're here to hunt that extremely dangerous native species - the Mystery Island Blue! Do you have any advice for us before we undertake our perilous journey?"

     The Island Mystic pondered a long moment, scratching his hair around the bone thoughtfully. Quivel did a nice close-up shot of the Mystic as he spoke his prophecy. "You will have demonic luck in Ice Caves," he said, then sat back onto a bamboo chair. "That's it?" Keri growled, making the extremely scary Acara face.

     "Blimey! Talk about demonic!" Stevo said, "I think the missus is a bit riled!"

     Les recoiled in horror. Usually that face meant bad things for him.

     "Tomorrow return for your fortune anew," said the Mystic, unfazed, as he waved from the chair. Quivel followed the Krew as they left the hut, careful not to focus on Keri too long, lest the camera break.

     "Maybe we should make the Ice Caves our next location!" Stevo exclaimed.

     "Remember the last time you followed mystical advice," warned Les. "You thought your Neo Crunch Cereal was telling you the secret location of the Treasure of the Black Pawkeet."

     "I don't quite recall that, mate…" Stevo said, a bit embarrassed.

     "We wasted thousands of NP looking for that treasure on Krawk Island, and then that Krawk bit you right on the bum and we had to take you to the NeoHospital," Keri reminded, helpfully.

     "Right. I remember now," Stevo grumbled. "Can we get back on topic? The Mystery Island Blue is one of the most elusive and dangerous species to be found here! They're absolutely gorgeous, and easily riled! Unlike the common Cobrall, these are known for their foul tempers and toxic venom! Now, most Island PetPets can be found swimming peacefully in the Rock Pool, but the Mystery Island Blue is a land dweller that likes to get into cracks and crevices, and spring right out at unsuspecting victims. That's why we're going to give Les here a great big stick, and let him poke around for some!"

     "Gee, thanks, Stevo," Les said, running a paw through his blonde mane of fur nervously before grabbing the stick in his other paw. "Um… here Cobrall… Cobrall… don't bite Les now…" Les started poking the stick around the rocky shore of the island as they walked. Quivel carefully stepped far away from Les and used the zoom wisely.

     "Psst… Stevo…" Keri muttered. "It's time for the commercial."

     "Oh, right! Hold on there, Les! Today's show is brought to you by Shidi - that gorgeous High Priestess of The Neopian Times! Whether writing articles, telling tales, or spinning series, Shidi's the sheila for you! Woo-whee!" Stevo held up a large cardboard cut-out of a smiling winged angel. "So when you think Neopian Times, think Shidi! Readers prefer her over the average Neopian Times article three to one! If you need an article, written nice and tidy, just close your eyes and think of Shidi!"

     "Who writes these commercials?" Keri grumbled.

     "Hey, it pays the bills," Stevo said. "And now, back to our story!"

     Les started poking around the crevices of a large rock. A loud "Hissssss" punctuated one of the pokes, and the Kyrii quickly jumped out of the way of a rather cranky looking Blue Cobrall that slithered out of the crack.

     "Blimey! Isn't she a beaut? This is what I'm talking about, mates- PetPets in their wild habitats. PetPet conservation is the essence of Neopia!" Stevo whispered, careful not to disturb the emerging Mystery Island Blue.

     "I thought Child Dragon was the essence of Neopia, Stevo," Keri said, bewildered.

     "No way, that's just an incredibly long bit of folklore, sweetheart! PetPet conservation is for real! Now, watch while I try and pick this incredibly dangerous Cobrall up by the tail, so we can tell if she's a little girl or a little boy…." Stevo leaned down to grab the hissing Cobrall by its long tail, while Keri and Les winced. This part usually didn't go very well. Quivel closed in with the camera to get a good shot.

     "Blimey! This Cobrall's pretty riled!" Stevo lifted it up by the tail as the snake-like creature writhed and hissed, trying to angle around to bite the offensive grabbing paw. "Isn't it gorgeous? I bet it'd love to have a nice go at Stevo…"

     "Just like half of Neopia, especially the bill collectors…" Keri muttered.

     "What was that?" Stevo turned to look at Keri, becoming distracted from the task at hand. The Cobrall took advantage of that moment of distraction and sunk its fangs right into Stevo's furry paw. "Crikey! It bit me!" He dropped the Cobrall and shook his paw out. The Mystery Island Blue, out for a bit more vengeance for being disturbed, headed straight for poor Quivel.

     "Agh!" shouted Quivel, backing up quickly. "PetPet conservation stinks!"

     "Now now, he was just defending his…" Stevo gasped for breath a moment, as the Cobrall bite was starting to affect him, "Territory."

     Keri motioned the camera over to her, as the Mystery Island Blue slithered back towards its rock, and out of sight. Quivel, shaking slightly, focused on her face. "While Les sucks the venom out of Stevo's paw, again, here are a few parting words from the Krawk Krew."

     "I can't feel my legs…" Stevo moaned in the background. "Faster, Les!"

     "I -ppfth- hate… -ppftth- my job!" Les complained between spits.

     "PetPets are noble, wonderful creatures who can be enjoyed in their wild habitats as long as certain rules of safety are obeyed," Keri said, ignoring her husband's plight. He'd been bit plenty of times before, and always survived - not to mention, a nice Jetsam had just sold her a great insurance policy.

     "Everything's going black…." Stevo gasped, "More suction!"

     "Going -pttfth- to -ptthfh- apply for a job -pttth- with Techo Safari…" Les said, sucking the venom out more rapidly.

     "So join us next time for another exciting episode of Krawk Files - and don't forget to drop by the Krawk Hunter Souvenir Shop for some great souvenir merchandise! We've got some lovely toy sailboats and bottles of sand that Stevo personally won from Tombola!"

The End

Author's Note: The parody in this story is intentional, and the characters used in it reside on the account Krawk_Files. As always, thank you for reading, and feel free to Neomail me if you've got a question, comment, or are just feeling a bit riled!

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