KRAWK ISLAND - Welcome, one and all, to “Lifestyles of the Rich and Filthy
Rich” with your host, Charles Tralawney. This week, we take you to the houseboat
of one incredibly successful Krawk named Dorak, a Neopian multi-millionaire...
in Dubloons, that is. Today, we will have the pleasure of meeting this fine
youth and find out just how he made his living on Krawk Island.
We’re crossing over the harbour now. On your left you can see the lovely sparkling
waters of the sea (eww... seaweed...) and up at the end of the dock is our subject’s
seaworthy abode. Let’s knock on that lovely mahogany door:
VOICE [from inside]: If you’re the tax man, go away! I already—
CHARLES: Terribly sorry, sir; this is “Lifestyles of the Rich and Filthy
Rich”. We request the honour of interviewing—
VOICE: What? Is that you? Charles Tralawney, the host? Woohoo! I'm gonna
be on NTV! (*ahem*) [opens door] Well, come on in!
Please, sit down. I’m Dorak the Krawk. Charles, it’s such a pleasure to meet
CHARLES: And likewise to you. Sir, would you tell our viewers about
your illustrious youth?
DORAK: Ah, my younger years. Everyone tells me that I was a hardworking
Krawkie, but, to tell you the truth, hard work really isn’t the answer. I had
a job at the local market selling buckets of bait and fish, but never any laborious
CHARLES: So, you were reckless?
DORAK: No, no, it wasn’t like that! I just realised that there was a
simple, painless way to get things done: avoid work by getting others to do
things for you.
CHARLES: I see. But somehow, you “struck gold”.
DORAK [chuckles]: You could put it that way. One day while I
was working, I saw a rowboat in the sea. A charming red Aisha was rowing around...
her name was Dorothy. The sea breeze blew her long ears about, and her remarkable
rowing skills were simply inspiring. That night, I decided that rowing would
be my life’s work.
CHARLES: So, what did you do?
DORAK: Well, the next morning I took my savings and invested in a sturdy
rowboat, and began adventuring along the sea coast. It was difficult to handle
at first, but with experience, I learned to command the vessel to do as I wished.
I met Dorothy on the sea many times, and I thought she really liked me, but
[sniff] after many weeks, she broke up with me.
CHARLES: What a disaster. It must have been heartbreaking.
DORAK [sighs]: Yes, she was a jewel. I became very depressed
for several weeks — I couldn’t think of anything other than her. Then, one day,
I was rowing out by the ocean, and I saw this huge pirate ship sailing
in the waters. I saw a glint of gold and silver, and realised that the ship
held a treasure-trove of dubloons. In my sorrow, I turned to stealing falling
dubloons from the pirate ship. It took many homing mine explosions for me to
realise there must be some better strategy to grab the dubloons other than taking
CHARLES: At that point, you were playing your brainchild game, Dubloon
Disaster, against the pirates, right?
DORAK: Yes. I spent another week thinking of the lazy-Krawk’s way for
getting rich, and the inspiration came from those homing mine explosions I had
seem all too many times in my face.
CHARLES: What was it?
DORAK: I realised that for every dubloon I grabbed, another homing mine
would appear in the waters. So, there had to be some way of getting rid of them.
I found out it was possible to cause two of them to collide with each other
and explode. Here, I’ll show you:
With two mines, I imagined a line segment connecting their locations. Then,
I pretended that my darling Dorothy was rowing right at the center of the line
segment. I then lined myself up so that I was on the line perpendicular to the
line segment passing through where Dorothy was. As long as I continued to stay
on that line, the mines would move closer and closer together until *KABOOM*
they both exploded on dear Dorothy.
CHARLES: It sounds like you really hold a grudge against her for breaking
up with you.
DORAK: Well, almost... I have immortalised her loving memory in my strategy
as a tribute to her.
CHARLES: But then, when the mines explode on—
DORAK [pained]: Please, this is a personal moment here [sniffs].
It’s a symbol of how she fell for another Krawk, disappearing from me forever...
CHARLES: Here, take this handkerchief... Uh, getting back to your strategy.
Is removing the homing mines all there is to it?
DORAK [blows nose]: Not quite. Normally, many rowers would simply
pick up dubloon after dubloon as fast as possible, letting the mines accumulate
and accumulate until they overwhelmed the area, much like I did at first. Here’s
the clever trick: collect dubloons until there are only two mines in the waters,
then stop and focus on destroying them. It’s much easier to eliminate them,
since there are no other obstacles, and you can easily row to the other side
of them, should you run out of room. Once the area is clear of mines, you can
collect dubloons again, and repeat the process. It’s the lazy way to do things.
CHARLES: That is pretty clever, Dorak. But, wouldn’t it be easier
to simply outrow the mines? You would earn dubloons faster.
DORAK: True, but then the waters would get covered with mines, and it
would become extremely difficult to retrieve a dubloon in the center of the
sea. I would also like to mention that it’s better to pick up dubloons when
you are moving as slow as possible. If you pick one up at high speeds, you are
more likely to run into a mine that pops up in your path, since you cover more
ground when you row quickly than if you row slowly. Rowing quickly opens you
up to slightly more risk, unless, of course, you have extremely good reflexes.
CHARLES: But, the mine could just as easily pop up right under you when
you row slowly.
DORAK: Well, that may be the case, but you still have a little bit of
time to quickly row away before it reaches the surface. If you row slowly, you
only have to worry about mines popping up in one spot, whereas, if you row quickly,
you have to worry about mines popping up in your entire path. It just seems
more difficult that way. Oh, and the occasional whirlpool is a dangerous little
thing — steer clear of it. Poor Dorothy... drawn away by her heart...
CHARLES: Uh... some viewers have wondered about the rankings rowers
receive after playing. Can you describe what the score cutoffs are?
DORAK: Of course. Naturally, I decided to turn this into a kind of tourist
attraction, so to incite competition, I assigned ranking based on how well rowers
do. With a score below 100, the rank is Beginner; starting from 100,
the Amateur title prevails. Then, from 200 up, rowers earn the
distinction of Novice, and at 300, they attain Expert status.
Upon reaching 500, rowers reach Master level, and finally at 900,
the coveted title of Grand Master is awarded. With my strategy, I scored
about 1000 dubloons-worth in about two hours — enough for me to get my nest
egg rolling into the millions and allow me to retire comfortably.
CHARLES: That’s certainly a good living. Well, thank you so much for
everything, Dorak. It’s been a real pleasure chatting with you.
DORAK: Absolutely. My pleasure as well. [waves to camera] A big
“hello” goes to my mother, my father, Aunt Betty, and [sniff] Dorothy...
We leave our star now in his happy home; we become enlightened by the history
of his life and his wisdom in dubloon-collecting. Thank you all for joining
me today on our visit. I’m your host, Charles Tralawney, wishing you riches
and fame. Good luck to all you aspiring rowers, and we’LL see you around Krawk
Island Harbour sometime!
a new Neopian Times writer, has attained the rank of Expert in the Game Strategies
Guild — Version 2 at the time of writing, and is currently scratching
his head at how an article on game strategies somehow turned into a drawn-out
narrative. The storyline is a work of fiction, and any resemblance to any real
events or characters is entirely coincidental.