The News Acara hurled a paper at Stenchpaw's door as he biked across the rugged
terrain of Lupe Forest. It thwacked against the dung door of the Lupe's house
as the Acara rang his bike bell. After a few moments, the dung-constructed door
flew open, and a black paw picked up the paper.
"Whatever!!" the Acara yelled in response, sniffing the air as he continued
his deliveries. Stenchpaw Lupaire, the skunk Lupe, took in a deep, oblivious
breath of air, not noticing his unique smell had killed off two insects buzzing
around his head.
"Ahh… what lovely morning. The flowers are being smelling lovely, and I am
not being unhappy at the all!!"
His thick, French accent and poor grammar showed through every badly pronounced
word he spoke in English.
"Well," he began. "What has going to happening today…" He stopped himself.
"Uh, yesterday? Yes! That is the correct word!" Stenchpaw strolled back into
his dung house with his newspaper, taking a seat in his dung couch and opening
it with enthusiasm. "Let us be seeing…"
The headline was:
SEARCHING FOR THE NEXT BIG SCENT!
"Hm…" Interested, Stenchpaw read further…
of the famous Grooming
Parlour in Neopia Central has decided to have a naming contest for his
newly invented perfume. The new perfume, which contains dragonbud essence, glass
rose shards, and several other secret ingredients, is said to be the sweetest
smell since the invention of Peophin Fragrance Soap, and is also going to be
the most expensive, going at an estimated price of 100,000 NP, which is the
most expensive price ever put on a grooming item in Neopia! "We want the name
to be new, different, and something to grab people's attention!" commented Mr.
Satoshi Usakaki, president of the company. "And we will pay anything to find
that name!!" Not only will the winner of this enormous contest receive exactly
10,000 Neopoints, but they will also put the face of the person who wrote it
on the front of the bottle. "So grab a pen and write down the most creative
name you can think of!! Who knows? You, yes, YOU, might be the next big star
in Neopia!!" says Miss Mihoshi Usumoshi, Chief of Advertisement for the Grooming
Neomail your names to Usakaki Enterprises, PO box 000, with your name, address,
and phone number. 6 NP shipping and handling required)
Stenchpaw set down the paper, taking a big sip from his coffee cup. "HM… For
just 6 NP, I could have 10,000, and plus, the popularity I've longed to have
since I was a child? How interested!!" Stenchpaw snatched a piece of paper and
began to brainstorm names…
Usakaki Enterprises HQ...
President Satoshi Usakaki was a small Usul. He had jet-black hair, a trim moustache,
and a pair of square, businesslike glasses. He always wore a navy blue suit
with a red tie and a perfectly folded white handkerchief in the pocket, and
always had a serious, thoughtful expression on his businesslike face. He sat
at the head of the huge table, which was lined with a dozen different Usuls.
Some were men. Some were women. All were a businesslike, motley crew of yes-men,
in the neatest suits, awaiting any word from their leader, Mr. Usakaki. At the
very far end of the table, a large Skeith was seated. He had a cigar and a contemptuous
sneer on his big mouth, and wore a large, brown trench coat. "Well, Mr. Usakaki,
I hope you are doing well." Mr. Usakaki was very nervous, but he did a very
good job of not showing it.
"Mister Malkus, we told you we are coming up with a new scent that will bring
us out of debt… why do you still threaten us?"
Malkus leaned back in the chair. "Well, Satoshi, you see, your company hasn't
been selling the most out of all the others. As a matter of fact…" Malkus pointed
to a large chart in the corner, depicting a red line pointing almost straight
down. "It's at rock bottom."
Satoshi kept his firm face on. "We can improve sales, Mr. Vile... just give
"We've given you a lot of time, Satoshi!" Malkus banged a paw on the table,
causing four of the smaller Usuls to fall out of their chairs. "You are in deep
debt. VERY deep debt. And my boss isn't very happy with you." He took the cigar
out of his mouth, putting it out on the polished table. "I'm warning you, Satoshi.
If this stupid perfume doesn't sell, this joint is going to be called Vile Cosmetics,
and if you REALLY aren't careful, you'll be mysteriously 'flushed' out of existence,
Satoshi didn't flinch. "I guarantee you that it will sell, Mr. Vile. Now please
go…I will have your money in two months."
Malkus snorted. "Fine. I'm a busy Skeith, and I have other appointments to
keep. I'll see you here, again, soon, Mr. Usakaki. Good evening!!" He released
a deep, raspy guffaw before disappearing out the door, leaving the stupefied
Usuls to ponder at their predicament…
Stenchpaw had written down at least twelve name suggestions. "HM… let us be
seeing… Odour of Faerie, Odour of Love, Odour of Magical blossom, Odour to beat
all Odour, Odour of Stench, Odour of the Odious…" Finally, after several days,
he produced enough names to satisfy himself. The next morning, he waited at
the front steps until the grouchy-faced Mailchia arrived. "Here you are!" Stenchpaw
handed him the letter. "Please make sure it is getting there ASAP!!" The Mailchia
grumbled under his breath as he waddled back to his truck. "Thanking you!" Stenchpaw
"Go jump in a vat of pudding!" the Chia snapped back, zooming away.
Stenchpaw nodded. "Ah, what a kind Chia…"
Several weeks later...
President Usakaki filed through the massive amounts of letters. "Usumoshi!!
Are you sure this was a good idea?"
A loud electric Usul with horn-rimmed glasses popped out from within a letter
bag. "Are you kidding me Sato? It's a Whammy!! A Wing-Dinger! A Doozy! A real
steal!! TRUST me!!"
Mihoshi Usumoshi, Chief of Advertising, clicked a gold pen that rested behind
her ear as she opened up a planner. "I've got us set up everywhere that's anywhere!
We have a commercial on NTV, we've purchased a huge spot on the notice boards,
heck, and we've even created a guild!! Satoshi baby, I'm POSITIVE it will be
a sell-out!! TRUST me!!" She presented him with a neatly folded letter. "Now,
honey, I want you to look at these. I'm POSITIVE that this one is a winner!"
She unfolded it and thrust it in his face. The name 'Odour of Stench' was highlighted.
"See this? THIS, my dear friend, is the next Thingamagummy!! The Greatest Gildersneeze
since Sliced Bread!! It had Pizzazz! Potential! Political Prowess! TRUST ME!!!"
Usakaki sighed. "You haven't failed this company since you've been here, Mihoshi.
I trust you."
"GOOOOOOOOOOD!!" Usumoshi smirked through her purple-lipsticked lips, showing
two gold teeth in her otherwise perfect smile. "Let's get started then!! The
creator of this name is a guy named Stenchpaw!! It's a unique name! Fantastic,
really!" She presented a photograph of the skunk Lupe "And he's GORGEOUS!! A
real stud-muffin!! A looker if I've ever looked at a looker Lupe!! His face
was MADE to be on deodorant bottles!" (If only she knew how true that was…)
Usakaki scratched his chin. "I see… but are you certain that… Odour of Stench…
will save the company? I've had my doubts since day one… I just have a bad feeling…"
"Satoshi, baby," Usumoshi put a paw on his shoulder and flashed her award-winning
smile once again. "Don't you TRUST me?"
The next day...
Usukaki grinned as the cameras flashed, standing in front of the beauty parlour.
"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls," he began. "We all know how much you
love your beautiful selves. That's why we've spent years developing this scent…
so it could be perfect, just for you!"
"Aww…" the crowd cooed.
Usukaki cleared his throat, putting a paw onto a large red sheet draped over
a gigantic bottle-shaped figure.
"And now… for the first time in history… we present to you… ODOUR OF STENCHPAW!!"
He whipped the sheet off, grinning. An image of a skunk Lupe was painted on
the large, pink bottle. Big blue letters stated the name of the product loudly.
Everyone fell silent. Usukaki began to sweat as he looked out over the awestruck
crowd. Suddenly, they burst into cheers. Cameras flashed and people applauded
as Usukaki scratched his head, confused…
Usumoshi was right. The name and the picture of Stenchpaw on the front were
a definite plus for the perfume. Millions flocked to the grooming store, snatching
as many bottles as possible. The stocks for Usukaki enterprises went up like
a rocket. Things were looking great. Of course, this was just the first week
of selling. Now, they had to present the check to Stenchpaw, and tell him about
his new perfume. Usukaki wanted to simply send him a nice letter with a check
inside, congratulating the Lupe But Usumoshi had different ideas.
"Baby, darling, SWEETHEART!" she crooned, as Usukaki sat down in his meeting
room. "It would be GREAT publicity to go to the Lupe's house and personally
present the check to him!! TRUST me, it would look GREAT on live TV!"
Usukaki was hesitant. "Are you sure? I was hoping after we presented him with
the check, we could just do a photo shoot and have a small billboard with his
picture, you know, like the Neopian Lottery does…"
"Oh, we need MORE than that! We need commercials! We need to put this Lupe
on the spotlight! Movie options! Fashion lines! Can't you see it?" She held
a paw up in the air, as if pointing to a sign up in the sky. "Stenchpaw Jeans!!"
Usukaki sighed. "Well… you were right about it at first… I suppose you'll be
Usumoshi smiled deviously, adjusting her horn-rimmed glasses as she took a
couple notes into her planner. "I KNEW you'd TRUST me!!"
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!
"Well, who could that being?" Stenchpaw got up from his seat at his table,
walking over to the door. Still in his bathrobe and pink Cybunny slippers, he
opened the door, still half asleep. "Yes?"
"CONGRATULATIONS!!" Stenchpaw nearly fell over as the loud voice of Usumoshi,
amplified by a microphone, blared into his ears. She flashed her awards winning
smile at the cameraman behind her. "For those of you just tuning in, I'm at
the house of Stenchpaw Lupaire, and…" She paused, sniffing the air daintily.
"HM…" She took a step away from the door. "And we are here to present him with
his check for a MILLION NP, and a brand new bottle of his new perfume, Odour
of Stench!" She produced a humongous check from behind her, holding it up
in the air.
Stenchpaw sat up on the floor, clutching his head. "Wha… what have I been winning?"
"Ah! He's awake, folks!" Usumoshi scuttled over to help him up, then paused,
sniffing the air again. "HM…Well, now's the opportunity to test out your new
"New perfume? What?"
Usumoshi, grinning, held up the bottle of Odour of Stench.
"WAIT!! I AM BEING THE ALLERGIC TO…"
Before Stenchpaw could protest further, she sprayed a huge amount of the pink
perfume into the air. A thick, magenta cloud enshrouded the skunk Lupe With
a cough, his eyes bugging, he began to have a reaction to the perfume. He broke
out into hives, his face bloated into three times its usual size, his throat
closed up, and his fur turned blue. Usumoshi, hesitant, flashed her phoney smile
again, stepping in front of the choking Lupe. "Well, he seems to be very surprised…"
Usumoshi, her smile getting more and more nervous, began to talk louder to
cover up his anguished, strangled cries. "And… uh… he's very happy to smell
his new perfume as well…"
"IT IS BEING THE KILLING ME!! HELP!! HELP!!" Stenchpaw weakly screamed, clutching
Usumoshi shoved the check and bottle of perfume into his house and kicked the
door shut in Stenchpaw's face, smiling brightly. "And…"
"I CAN'T BE BREATHING!! I CAN'T BE…"
There was one more loud, rattling cough and a long, gasping wheeze. And finally,
with a dull thud, everything fell silent. Usumoshi stopped talking, putting
an ear against the door. "Um… Yep, he's speechless all right…"
Several Weeks Later...
"In other news, the Odour of Stenchpaw was declared hazardous by the
Neopian Bureau of Health after the near-death experience of Stenchpaw Lupaire,
who is currently recovering in the Hospital. Before Usukaki Enterprises' eminent
failure, Satoshi Usukaki officially handed over ownership of the company to
Mihoshi Usumoshi, his head of advertising, moving to Mystery Island soon after
to retire comfortably. 'I trust her with getting us out of debt,' he said, when
asked for comment. Several days later, Usumoshi disappeared. Surprisingly as
well, a note was found on her desk stating that she was giving all ownership
of the company to Vile Corporation. Malkus Vile, president of the Vile Co.,
was very upset when informed upon the missing Mihoshi. 'We had just made some…
er… negotiations the day before, and when we heard she was gone, we were devastated,'
Malkus said, a tear in his eye. 'We hope she is found soon.' Soon afterwards,
Usumoshi's Horn-Rimmed glasses were found in the lavatory of Vile Corp, along
with her trademark lipstick tube. More evidence is needed, but police believe
that she was flushed down the toilet. "It's highly unlikely she survived," the
Chief of Police stated. Details are unclear as to who could have committed this
awful crime, but Vile refused to comment…"
Usukaki shut off his TV, reclining into his chair on the beach. He opened
up a neocola, staring at the setting sun and smiling. "Yup… I trust her all
(The Moral of the Story: Trust only goes so far in the world of Big Business.)
(The Secondary Moral: Watch out for Skeiths who threaten to flush you down