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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 14th day of Eating, Yr 23
The Neopian Times Week 32 > Articles > Yuck! I'm Not Eating One Of Those!

Yuck! I'm Not Eating One Of Those!

by arnequis

During my first week or so on NeoPets, I obtained a Strawberry and Cream Fish Pop from the Igloo Garage Sale. Like the ignorant Newbie I was, I thought it would make a nice treat for my young Bruce. After all, Bruces are like penguins, and penguins love fish, right? In my eagerness to feed my pet, I failed to notice the words "Gross Food" on the window that opened up when I clicked on it.

Imagine my shock when after I gave it to her, she ate it, gave a moan of disgust and slumped into a heap! I thought, "What is going on here? Why didn't she like it?'

Once I'd found out about Gross Food, I sought to learn the answers to the following questions:

1. Why does Gross Food exist?
What function does it serve, other than to make your pets less hungry by nauseating them? As far as I can tell, feeding your NeoPet a Gross Food does not change its mood; a delighted pet will still be delighted after downing a bowl of Pasta and Eyes. Of course, if your pets weren't that happy to begin with, it won't make them any happier, either. Unlike the Rotten Omelette (Tyrannian Food), it won't cause your pet to come down with a horrible disease, though you'd think that forcing your poor pet to swallow that lump of Chewing Dung would be enough to give it food poisoning.

To be sure, most Gross Foods are cheap--many can be obtained for a single Neopoint according to the Shop Wizard. Such items are often found hanging on the Money Tree. If you want to keep your pets from starving, but don't care whether they enjoy what they're eating, then Gross Foods are the cheapest foods around, after the free Omelette. It would be kinder, though, to give them the equally-cheap Tombola foods.

So why does Gross Food exist, after all? Is it merely a joke to amuse cruel owners who like to see their pet's expression of misery after it trustingly accepts that jar of Pickled Leeches for its dinner? Who invented Gross Food anyway? Dr. Sloth? Dr. Death? Dr. Backwash? The mystery is yet to be solved.

2. Where does Gross Food come from?
It is the only type of food that is not associated with a particular part of Neopia. You can obtain it by a random event, by winning(?) at Tombola, or finding it for sale at the Igloo Garage Sale. But the question remains: where did Mika and Carassa and the Tiki Tack Man get it all?

Neopia, of course, is still being explored--heck, we've only seen one side of it so far. Who knows what kinds of lands lie on its hidden hemisphere? A Gross World? Disgusting Island? The mind boggles.

3. Why do NeoPets even accept Gross Food?
Many pets flat-out refuse to eat certain foods that are not gross, (my Bruce, for example, won't eat some Desert Foods even if she's starving). Yet these picky eaters will usually eat a Gross Food when prompted, even though they regret it afterwards. Why do they do it?

Just for fun, the following is a list of certain types of NeoPets, and the Gross Foods that logically they should enjoy (even though they really don't):

As stated earlier, Bruces (and Tuskaninnys) should love all flavours of Fish Pops, plus any other Gross Food with seafood in it, such as the Sugar Frosted Fish Cake or the Salmon Fishwich. This should also apply to Aishas, Wockys, and possibly Kougras as well, for what sort of cat doesn't love a fishy treat?

And why shouldn't an Elephante drool at the thought of a Peanut Butter Pizza? Or a Mynci, for that matter?

Pteris should relish a nice Worm Nugget or a juicy Hot Worm and Ketchup. After all, they are birds! And speaking of birds, Lennys look like the type of avian that would enjoy a fresh Snail Sub. And remember, the early Pteri gets the Infested Peaches. "Hello worm! You're just in time for breakfast!"

Lupes and Gelerts should sit up and beg for a Red Sausage or a Crunchy Bone Sandwich. Think about it.

Nimmos and Quiggles ought to go into ecstasies over such frog-pleasers as the Fantastic Fly Pie, the Lice Rice and the Blueberry Beetle Cracker. Give one of them an Ant-Eaten Ham, and you would expect it to eat the ants and throw away the ham!

For vegetarian NeoPets such as Unis and Cybunnies, a Peaburger Delight should actually be a delight. For dessert, one would think they would crave a sweet Strawberry Artichoke.

As for the rest of the Gross Food menu--why shouldn't the Skeiths (who will cheerfully devour Bottles of Sand, Piles of Sludge and Yellow Snowballs, among other things) find it all simply delicious?

They should--but they don't. Gross Food is gross food, even though some of it sounds less gross than certain other types of food. Would you rather eat a plate of Intestines and Marinara (Spooky Food) or have a slice of Chip Butty Pizza? Personally, I'd prefer a Bluehamberry Burger over a Cheesy Cod and Tofu Burger (Tropical Food) any day. Bon Appetite!

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