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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 21st day of Sleeping, Yr 22
The Neopian Times Week 27 > Short Stories > Al and Stench

Al and Stench

by al_the_chia

Lupe Forest. A deep, beautiful place, with rivers, woods, hills, and plains. It was especially beautiful during the spring. The echoes of love ring throughout the air. Lupes everywhere get married, start families, and create budding romances. True love truly rings true with Lupes. And then, of course, there is Stenchpaw…

Stenchpaw was a quiet, romantic sort of Lupe, with a French accent and a taste for wine. He lived in a tiny dung house with dung furniture in the middle of a field of flowers. Every morning, he would open his dung door and sit on his dung porch, or stare out his dung window, wondering about love, hate, and everything in between. He was very lonely, and for some reason, other Lupes were repelled by him. He had tried everything. He had built up a sweat at Grundo's gym, he had painted himself (Skunk) in the hopes he'd be more attractive painted, he even went as far as moving out of his parent's home and getting his own dung apartment. But nothing seemed to work. Whenever he was set up on blind dates, the lady Lupe would always scream and flee, covering her nose and screaming. Did he offend? Stenchpaw just didn't understand. This day was one of those days. He sighed, plucking a glass rose from his garden and smelling it.

"Why eez eet I can't attract anyone? I cook le magnific garlic meals, I have the good job at le sanitation industry… I'm everything ideal in a male Lupe, and yet, NOTHEENG!!" The delicate glass rose shattered as he squeezed it. "I guess I'll never be attractive. I guess I'm just bound to be alone the rest of my life, never to love and never to be loved…"

Al wandered into Lupe Forest, covered in a camouflage costume of leaves and twigs. "All right. It's time to test Lupe Potion Number Nine. This potion should make any Lupe fall madly in love with the first Lupe that he or she sees!" He uncorked the bottle. "Here comes that weird Skunk Lupe. He'll be the perfect test subject…" Al handed the bottle to Fluffy. "All right, Fluffy, go over there and waft this under his nose. Quickly!! Here he comes!!"

Fluffy slithered out as Stenchpaw began to gather glass roses into a basket.

He gasped. "What is this?" He snatched the bottle from the Cobrall and read the label. "Lupe Potion Number Nine? What is that supposed to mean? Is it some kind of… perfume… or… sometheeng…" Stenchpaw's head began to whirl. "Wooooooah… I feel… how do you say… funny…"

Al smiled. "Any second now, a female is going to come into his sights, and then… WHAM! I'll have proof that my potion works AND I will help that poor sap get a girlfriend. But I can't help wondering… What female Lupe will come into his sights first?…" Suddenly, a rumble resounded throughout the forest. Al blinked. "Uh oh." Another rumbled echoed. "Not her…" BOOM... "AnYoNe BuT HeR!!!" BOOM!!

It was Hollypaw, and she looked mad.

"AAAAAAAAL!!!" she screamed. "YOU WERE SNEAKING AROUND IN MY DEN AGAIN!!"

"Oh Piffle…" Al, forgetting the experiment, fled as Hollypaw burst onto Stenchpaw's territory.

"WHERE ARE YOU?!?! WHERE ARE YOU HIDING YOU LITTLE SAP!?!?"

Not looking where she was going, she stepped onto Fluffy, both crushing him and destroying the bottle of Lupe Potion Number Nine. Fluffy screeched like a cat with it's tail stepped on, and Hollypaw lifted her foot.

"GET OUT OF HERE, YOU LITTLE WORM!!"

Whimpering, Fluffy slithered away into the bushes. Stenchpaw finally woke up, clutching his head. "Wow… I feel… so… alive…" He looked around, his eyes faded in a mist of pink. Suddenly, he saw her. "AH!! It eez the LOUUUUVE!!"

Hollypaw paused. "Whoa… What stinks around here?!?" She turned around to see a skunk Lupe staring at her with cloudy eyes. "Uh…. Who are you, and why do you smell so bad?"

Stenchpaw grabbed his glass roses and ran towards Hollypaw. "Mademoiselle!! Pleeze wait for the second!!"

Hollypaw's eyes bugged out as she put a paw onto her nose. "GEEZE!! YOU SMELL HORRIBLE!!"

"And you smell like… the… er… how do you say… Ah, yes, the Fragrant flowers of a millions springs!!"

Hollypaw backed away as Stenchpaw approached her. "TAKE ANOTHER STEP AND YOU ARE GRARRL CHOW!!"

Stenchpaw stepped forward. Hollypaw raised a massive paw and beat him on the head with a wood-like clunk. Stenchpaw blinked, then smiled. "Ah, you have the strength of le Kau!! I like that in the lady! Yes?"

"AUUUUUUUGH!!"

Hollypaw turned around and ran, tail in between her legs. "GO AWAY!!"

"But my dear lady, you are the love of my life!! The orange of the eye!… Or was that apple… Wait!! Allow me to kiss you!"

"EEUUUUUCK!!" Hollypaw fled deep into Lupe Forest, Stenchpaw hot on her tail…

Al grumbled angrily. "I didn't get a chance to see the effects of the potion… stupid Hollypaw…"

Fluffy hissed angrily, limp-slithering behind Al. Suddenly, a loud voice boomed out into the forest.

"WHEN LES MOON HITS YOUR EYES, LIKE A BIG KRAKUBERRY PIE, THAT IS THE AMORE!!!"

Al covered his ears. "Geeze! What the heck is that horrible noise?"

Fluffy, who was normally a great lover of music, closed his hood over his face.

"LA LA LAAA LA LA LAAAAA THAT IS THE AMOOOOORE!!!"

Al followed the sound into Lupe Forest, until coming across a most peculiar scene. Stenchpaw was standing at the base of a rather large tree, singing up to the topmost branches. "AMMMOOOOOOOORE!!" He yelled again, strumming a makeshift mandolin.

Al looked up to the top of the tree. "Hey… is that Hollypaw?"

Hollypaw was sitting on the highest branch, looking absolutely miserable.

Al stifled a chuckle. "Well, well, well… Looks like the potion worked perfectly!" Al took out his notebook and began scribbling furiously. "It appears as though the potion may have worked TOO well though… I should have eased up on the powdered Moehog…"

After scribbling a few notes, Al began to walk away, when suddenly, Hollypaw noticed him.

"HEY!! IT'S YOU!!"

Both Stenchpaw and Al turned. "Oh Piffle…"

Hollypaw's face was a picture of pure fury. "I'M GOING TO GET YOU FOR THIS, AL!! I'LL MASH YOUR HEAD INTO GUACAMOLE!! I'LL BITE OFF YOUR PAWS!! I'LL GET YOU AL!!" Before she could threaten Al further, a Pteri landed onto her head. Her face was so furious that Al and Fluffy couldn't help but burst out in laughter.

"HA HA HA HA! OH MY GOODNESS !! HOLY… HA HA HA HAAAA!!"

Soon, Al was tearing with laughter, and holding onto the chuckling Fluffy for support.

However, Stenchpaw didn't look very amused. "Are you laughing at my buttercup, Monsieur Al?"

Al immediately stopped. Stenchpaw may have been unlucky with the ladies, but he wasn't a weakling. Far from it, in fact.

"Uh… Stenchy, I'm really sorry, but…"

"Don't you dare call me Stenchy!! Stenchy is a name only reserved for friends!" Stenchpaw marched over to Al, and smashed one of his glass roses over his head. "Al, I challenge you to a duel!!"

Back at Al's house…

"So, Al, let me get this straight…" Thornpaw sighed, rinsing off the last dish and placing it into the cupboard. "You created a potion that made any Lupe fall in love with the first Lupe that they see?"

"Right."

"Then you tested it out on Stenchpaw and Hollypaw, correct?"

"Right."

"So it worked successfully, and Stenchpaw fell in love with Hollypaw, but Hollypaw couldn't stand Stenchpaw's smell, and ran up a tree. You thought the predicament was so incredibly funny that you burst out laughing at Hollypaw. Correct?"

"Yeah."

"Because you humiliated his true love, Stenchpaw has now challenged you to a duel at 8:00 PM NST tonight. And now, you're coming to me for help?"

"Uh… yes."

Thornpaw shrugged. "Al, Al, Al…"

***

Al, his nose plugged with nose-plugs, stepped into Lupe Forest at Eight O'clock. He swallowed nervously as Stenchpaw approached from the other direction, carrying a large assortment of weapons.

"Chia, are you prepared to be destroyed?"

He drew out a long, thin sword, pointing it in Al's direction. Al held up his dinky little striped hammer.

"Uh… couldn't we reconsider?"

Fluffy was busily looking through Al's CD collection, picking out the ones he planned to keep after Al's predicted defeat. Thornpaw was Al's second, and stood behind a tree with a bottle of air freshener.

"Good luck Al!!" he yelled, before putting on a helmet, spraying a little of the air freshener at Stenchpaw's direction, and hiding. Hollypaw stood boldly behind Stenchpaw, grinning maliciously.

"Looks like your going down, Al. It's a shame you won't be able to study me anymore." Her voice was nasal because of the clothespin stuck onto her nose. "All right Stenchy, you destroy Chia, and I'll go on a date with you. Got it?"

Stenchpaw sighed. "I will do anything for you, my louve!!" He turned back to Al, whipping the sword through the air. "ENGAURDE!"

"AUUUUUUUGH!!" Al held up a shield as Stenchpaw charged forward. CLANG!! The sword neatly cleaved off a chunk of Al's hair. "AHHHH!!" Al turned around and ran, screaming like a Kacheek as Stenchpaw pursued.

"COME BACK HERE, YOU COWARD!!" he bellowed, slicing his sword at Al's head and missing.

"THORNPAW!! FLUFFY!! HEEEEEEEELP!!!"

It was then that Al tripped over the lost bottle of Lupe Potion Number Nine. It shot into the air and crashed onto Stenchpaw's head. The magical love potion spilled all over him, mingling with his hideous odour to create the most disgusting smell in the world. Suddenly, he dropped his sword, and for the first time, was stunned by his own smell.

"Oooooargh… I STEENK!!"

A sickened look fell over his eyes as he fell over with a thud.

Hollypaw snapped her paw. "Darn it." She ran over to Stenchpaw and picked up his sword. "Looks like I'll have to take care of Al myself…" She was about to carry out the deed when suddenly, the noseless Fluffy spit at her head. It hit her on the nose dead on, causing her clothespin to fly off her nose. Stenchpaw's horrible odour wafted into her exposed nostrils, and Hollypaw was so stunned by it, she dropped the sword, her eyes rolled into her head, and she promptly passed out.

Al got up, his nose plugs still in place. "Whew… love sure must stink…"

Stenchpaw sighed, sitting quietly in a tub of tomato juice, the only thing that would get off his horrible smell. "I am so sorry for attacking you Al… I feel so stupid falling in love with that barbarian Lupess…"

"It's nothing…" Al observed, spraying perfume into the air. "I'm sorry for using that potion on you. I should have been smarter and tested it out on Thornpaw…"

"HEY!!" Thornpaw whacked Al over the head.

"Sorry!!"

Fluffy shook his head and hissed as the two began to argue. Stenchpaw sighed, climbing out of the tomato juice pool and wiping himself off with a towel.

"Louve stinks…" he observed.

Walking off into the woods by himself, he looked at a pair of butterflies flying along together.

"Why did I want to impress the ladies? Why did I want to find true louve? I felt so much when I did fall in louve… At first, I was joyful, but soon I felt rejected… jealous… then, I was used by her! So much anger, so much sadness, so much sorrow, mistrust, and blind happiness…" He sighed, plucking a flower off the ground. "Never shall I be tempted to louve again. No woman is worth the suffering I was forced to undergo…" He threw the flower onto the ground and sighed mournfully, sitting onto a rock. It seemed like his decree would be true, and he would never, ever, love again… how sad….

The End... or is it?

Suddenly, a dainty black paw picked up the fallen flower. Stenchpaw looked up and gasped in awe. A beautiful skunk Lupess stood before him. And she smelled terrible. She smiled shyly, smelling the flower and then holding it out to him. "Excuse me, monsieur, but I believe you dropped this… how do you say… fleur…"

The End (for real)

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