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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 11th day of Swimming, Yr 22
The Neopian Times Week 149 > Articles > You Want UGLY?! We Got It!

You Want UGLY?! We Got It!

by chocolateisamust

Also by blubblub317
THE GALLERY OF EVIL - The other day, Blubblub317 and Chocolateisamust decided to go take a quick trip at the Gallery of Evil. I mean, honestly, it's just a harmless yet freakishly large book, right? Wrong!

As Blub slowly started flipping through the gigantic hardback, Chocolate suddenly screamed. It was rather puzzling; a villain hadn't abruptly leapt out of the worn-out pages, nor had anything else unusual happened. It was just the two of them, standing there, in front of the book.

"What is it?" Blub urgently asked.

"That thing is just so HIDEOUS!" Chocolate replied, thrusting her finger toward a photograph on the parchment.

Blub studied the picture on the page, and finally nodded in agreement. "Oh!" he exclaimed. "You're right! That thing IS hideous!"

"We must let the world know!" Chocolate then yelled. "We must let them know of how ugly these villains are!"

She fumbled around her Green Backpack for a piece of paper and a pen, and when she retrieved the items, she and Blub began writing down the ten ugliest fiends in all of Neopia. What? Sometimes people get bored…

10. Dr_Death:

The name explains it all. His looks can kill. This cranky old Techo works 24/7 at the Neopian Pound, and simply loves snatching pets from the good-ol streets (What a freak!). Though he's not presently located in the Gallery Of Evil, this dude is one revolting looking Techo! His wig (Oh, come on! You thought we wouldn't notice?) is placed in an awfully awkward looking position and is filled with white and grey hairs. I mean, honestly, who buys a white and grey haired wig?! His forehead also contains three strange red spots, which I suspect are pimples that need to be squeezed (We're still waiting Ms. Uni!). Though not the absolute ugliest, Dr_Death can sure make people turn their heads away.

Ugliness Rating: 1/10

9. Meuka:

For Fyora's sake, he's made of snot! And if that's not enough for ya folks, he also can creep out of your pets' noses when they get sick! And if THAT'S even not enough, he slithers around eating everything in his path, and he always leaves fresh and juicy snot trails wherever he goes! This, my friends, is a creature you do NOT want to cross paths with! Unless, of course, you enjoy being covered in nose droppings. But frankly, who would like being covered in those?

Blub: Oh, ME, ME!

Chocolate: [sighs]

Ugliness Rating: 2/10

8. Vira:

Ah yes, the one and only Vira. This repulsive monst… I MEAN ACARA is well known to have used to be very pretty and vain. However, she wanted to be the most beautiful pet that Neopian had ever laid eyes on. Unfortunately, the wrong set of ears perceived this wish and she was transformed into a beast for her selfishness. In my opinion - and most certainly everyone else's - Vira's look is so totally outdated and just plain cliché. Her shirt is a black rag with ragged edges and quite a few holes. It's much too short for her figure and seems to have been originally created for a baby Neopet! In addition, her shoes are absolutely wretched and they seemed to have been made out of wood! And those horns… oh those monstrous horns! Zigzagging and somewhat spiraling in the air, those two horns look dreadful on the poor Acara and should be removed immediately (If it's possible, that is). And let's not forget those wretched wings and claws! Man, someone get her a pair of nail-clippers…

Chocolate: WHERE FROM!?! WHERE DO WE BUY NAIL CLIPPERS!?

Blub: I dunno! Let's try the Food Shop!

Ugliness Rating: 3/10

7. Spider Grundo:

Sure, many haven't heard of this villainous Grundo, but boy is he hideous! He has two flat looking paws, as well as 6 legs that resemble an arachnids'. His fangs are the meaning of cliché; jutting out of his jaw from seemingly nowhere. They don't appear to be attached to his lip, nor do they look like they grew from inside his mouth. And if you think that that's all, you're utterly wrong. His body is quite disproportional; round and small, it seems a miracle that he can even move! He smells disgusting too… like he hasn't taken a shower in years! Overall, this Grundo is just repulsive!

Ugliness Rating: 4/10

6. Malkus Vile:

Ever heard of a little someone named Malkus Vile? I'm sure you haven't and I'm really not surprised. He's only known for organizing the infamous theft of King Coltzan's Crown with two annoying brown Meercas. Malkus (What a stupid name!) is definitely one unattractive dude, with his two frightening evil eyes (One of them incredibly lazy), his stuck-out jaw, dozens of sharp teeth, and those disgusting warts on his chin! Can someone please call the dermatologist?! His clothes are repulsive as well, especially his hat, which is oddly placed in between his freakishly tall ears (Is that earwax I spy?). I have one single piece of advice for Malkus: go back to where you came from - a hole!

Ugliness Rating: 5/10

5. The Tax Beast:

He really is a beast - inside and out. But right now, I'm just going to tell you about the 'out' part. First off, he's an unknown species - kind of Yurble-y (is that even a word?) and um… something else? He has a humongous nose, which looks incredibly odd with his teeny little horns. He has a pointed beard, which is very unkempt. And then there's the cliché-fang-of-doom. Has he ever heard of a dentist? Apparently not. Overall, the Tax Beast can make you scream and run for shelter - and not just because he's trying to take your Neopoints.

Blub: He tries to take your Neopoints!?

Chocolate: Yeah! I think so! Let's go ask him!

Blub: OK!

[Blub and Chocolate run off]

Ugliness Rating: 6/10

4. Commander Garoo:

EEEEK!! Oh, excuse me for my abrupt shriek. The sight of that Blumaroo simply sent shivers down my spine. As you can clearly see, we're now getting down to the REALLY ugly villains. And this monster is no exception. First off, the Blumaroo is WAY too tall. Seriously, sometimes I think that there are wooden stilts hidden underneath that dreadful pair of extremely tight pants. His hands are also incredibly terrifying, resembling a mountain of rotten, squished olives. But the aspect that really shines out with this Blumaroo is none other then his NOSE! It seems to have been stretched out so that Garoo looks like a cross between a Blumaroo and an Elephante! It doesn't seem healthy in my opinion, and it really should be taken care of. COMMANDER, PLEASE REPORT TO THE BEAUTY PARLOUR IMMEDIATELY!

Ugliness Rating: 7/10

3. Pant Devil:

I cannot even begin to explain how hideous the Pant Devil is. But I'll try to anyway. When you first examine him, you definitely will NOT miss his teeth. They're rotting, yellow, pointed, and bunched tightly together (What's that word I've used in most every description? Oh yeah… CLICHÉ!). He floats around, rather than walks, so he's lacking legs. And I mean, that's okay if you're a ghost… but according to my knowledge-filled Aisha, he's NOT! His eyes are mere narrow slits, with no eyeballs, so how the heck does he see!? I'm pretty sure he's not blind. This fiend can steal your lunch from your stomach just by a quick spotting.

Chocolate: How do you know he's not really blind?

Blub: Because I saw him putting in contacts yesterday.

Chocolate: Oh. How does he do that?

Blub: They're invisible.

Chocolate: How'd you see them?

Blub: I don't know.

Chocolate: Oh.

Ugliness Rating: 8/10

2. Dr. Frank Sloth:

The runner-up on our top ten list is the one and only… Dr. Frank Sloth (we'll call him Slothy for now)! You surely know all about this monstrous dude. He's the chicken guy who thinks he's so great and has many times tried to enslave the entire world of Neopia. This chap is millimeters away from getting past the perfectionism of the word 'ugly'. His most notable feature is his hair [shivers uncontrollably]. One simple word can describe the sight of him… atrocious. His hair is simply made of three long pointy things that look like they've been dumped in a giant bowl of thick hair gel. His face is also extremely wrinkled and his smile is MUCH too wide. And Slothy, word of advice for you; get that stupid cape off! Roxy is sooooo right about your style…

Ugliness Rating: 9/10

1. Chocolate and Blub:

Yes, you read that right. Neopia's overall ugliest villains are the two authors of this article - Chocolateisamust and Blubblub317. First and most importantly, have you seen Chocolate's mouth? She has these weird looking teeth - NOT fangs - and that makes her an abnormal, but still ugly, villain. And then Blub, well, he has this stuff called REAL HAIR! Revolting, aye? They both wear these awfully strange glass things over their eyes, claiming that they help them see. But we all know it's to keep their eyes from bulging out. And you wanna know WHY they're considered villains? For writing this stupid article in the first place, and putting the poor reader in agonizing pain just by merely reading it. So if you're looking for the UGLIEST villains in whole entire universe of Neopia, just come see Blubblub317 and Chocolateisamust!

Ugliness Rating: 10/10

Blub: I've never felt so honored.

Chocolate: Same here. [pathetic tears]

So at last, Blub and Chocolate completed their quest on informing the whole world about the unattractiveness of these ten monstrous villains. It took unbreakable determination, heaps of skills and knowledge, and of course, the unbelievable ugliness that the two friends both posses. So with their moods completely satisfied and an article neatly printed out, the two friends strolled away blissfully, their minds both set on becoming the ugliest that they could be.

Blub and Chocolate: GO UGLIES!!!

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