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YOUR BANK ACCOUNT - We’ve all been there.(Well, most of us anyway.) One minute you’re waltzing innocently
through Neopia Central...the next, you’re forking over hundreds of Neopoints for
some useless item that’s just going to collect dust in your safety deposit box.
Then, the next time you swing by Faerieland, you find yourself standing in the
middle of the Hidden Tower, casually spending millions on some Battledome item,
although you’ve never been into the Battledome. Just when you’ve saved up enough
Neopoints to go on vacation to Mystery Island, you blow your savings on an extensive
collection of worthless bottled sand. Every time you see an item you buy it without
thinking...NP burns a hole in your pocket. Your NeoHome is adorned with hundreds
of items, items that sucked your account dry.
Many pets have ended up at the adoption agency, hungry and sick because their
owners can’t care for them anymore. Why? Because they’ve blown all their Neopoints
on something worthless! Remember: this could be you! Control your spending before
you go insane and start buying everything in your path, spending will become
a way of life, an addiction...you’ll see something and instantly fork over NP,
soon you’ll be broke, hanging around the money tree and begging for half-eaten
berries...WHERE WILL IT END??!!
Does this sound like you? If so, you may be infected with Impulse Neopoint
Spending Syndrome, or “INSS.” The following test has been devised to diagnose
your INSS infection level.(Note: the below test has not been approved by an
official and actually has no purpose whatsoever.) Remember to be brutally honest
with yourself!
1. It’s a boring day in Neopia without much to do. You...
A. Play Games. You can always use more NP to go toward that paintbrush.
B. Purchase merchandise for my shop, but nothing much. Just enough to stock
the shelves.
C. By a few plushies for my pets...and a few additional plushies I see because
they’re so cute!
D. Withdraw a few thousand NP from your account and hit the Bazaar.
2. In your National Neopian Bank Account, you...
A. Have thousands of NP that I’ve been saving because I deposit a few hundred
every day and spend it only on food.
B. Have a good amount of NP because I rarely make withdrawals.
C. Have a few reserved NP, because I make several withdrawals daily.
D. Bank account? Oh, right...that was emptied a week ago on those Cloud
Fuzzles...
3. You carry...
A. A few necessities, I don’t spend much NP on luxury items, I’m saving
for the Royal Paint Brush straight from the Hidden Tower. Extra items are
sold for NP
B. Several necessities, some luxury items.
C. A ton of items, although 50% of them are useful.
D. 50 items, not including my safety deposit box and gallery, which resembles
the money tree.
4. What types of items do you buy?
A. Food. I like saving for the big items.
B. Food, some toys...that’s it.
C. Food, toys, a few random items you’ve splurged on.
D. Food, toys, furniture, additions to your plushie collection, stamps,
books, petpets, toys for petpets, more food, more toys...you see it, you buy
it.
5. Items you accidentally pick up or win from games are...
A. Sold for as much NP as you can possibly wring out of the customer.
B. Either sold or sometimes donated to the Money Tree.
C. Keep the item, unless it can be sold for a good price.
D. NO I WILL NEVER PART WITH MY SANDALS! NEVER!!!
Now that the painful ordeal is over, we’ll check the results. If you mostly
answered “A” then you have no problem with saving for something big and important.
Or perhaps you’re just stingy. If you answered mostly “B” then you spend money
rarely. Answering “C” is a warning, watch your spending! If you answered mainly
“D” then you are out of control. You are being diagnosed with a severe case
of INSS. Therapy starts now. (Or, you can skip the therapy and spend your life
broke, though considerably more happy.)
Step 1: Your diagnosis
You have fallen subject to the Impulse Neopoint Spending Syndrome. This is
a disease commonly found in Neopia, although you can’t buy a cure for it. The
only way to defeat INSS is to endure a rigorous therapy session, which we’ve
now begun.
Step 2: Elimination of denial (Note: therapy, Step 2 may cause lack of self-confidence.)
“You spend way to much money on JUNK! You save a few Neopoints and then blow
them on useless garbage. You are pathetic. You have no control of your spending
sprees, and you go way over budget on stupid items you’ll never use! you are
no better than a useless plate of jelly! GET A GRIP!”
Step 3: The situation
You’re walking down the streets of Neopia Central. You, coincidentally, happen
to have several thousand NP on you. As you waltz past the book shop you glance
at the shop window. The NP is burning a hole in your pocket. You flinch, biting
your lip, sweat streams down your face. You take a step, struggling with the
urge to SPEND!
Step 4: Take a deep breath
Relax. You and only you can conquer your instinctive urge to splurge. (Hey
that rhymed! hahaha...not funny.) Take a deep cleansing breath. Visualize yourself
banishing your inner shopaholic. Calm yourself...breathe...(for no real reason)
Step 5: Walk away.
That’s it, just walk. Keep your head held high and look away from that tantalizing
and expensive item. (Just don’t trip on anything! OUCH...too late...) There,
you’ve done it! You’ve conquered your urge to splurge! (It rhymes! Hahahah...still
not funny.) Now, go buy yourself something to celebrate!
Note: therapy may not actually work and may potentially make the situation
worse. Actually, no one has actually proven it does work...come to think of
it, this is just a bunch of garbage. However, “Therapy” may have side effects
such as excessive spending, hoarding of items, draining of bank accounts, begging
for money, pessimism, depression and an addiction to Slushies.
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