Do you think Writer's Block is the worst thing that
can happen to a writer? Oh please, the Zillions are the worst by far. The Zillions
is when an author or artist has so many ideas in their head that when they start
writing; another idea pops in their mind. They'll instantly abandon the first
idea to work on another. Then, the same thing happens over and over again. This
usually leaves them with a lot of beginnings but no endings. Only two stories
have ever been written under the influence of the Zillions and this is one of
them; the story of a Neopian Times writer and her battle against the Zillions.
Zelda Zap was one of the best writers for The
Neopian Times. She was one of the few Neopets that was talented in all the sections
of the Times. She drew comics and wrote award winning articles, series, and
short stories in her sleep. Zelda quickly became the most read and famous author
in Neopia. The young green Zafara received so much fan mail that her inbox kept
on overflowing. She had begun to be compared to many of the Neopian Times legends:
Millicent Nova, K.C. Arthur (her idol) and even, Boulder Jones. It was hard
for all the fame and recognition not to go to Zelda's head.
No one is exactly sure why the Zillions infect
a writer. Maybe it was her newfound cockiness that made the Zillions strike.
Zelda used to be such a cheerful and kind girl but now, she was simply a horror.
She’d flaunt around the halls of the offices masked in sunglasses and offer
autographs to her fellow writers. Zelda had hired a personal secretary to schedule
her appointments and her days. No one was allowed in her office without an appointment.
She abused the onsite security guards as if they were her own personal body
guards. The Staff of the Neopian Times was getting quite fed up with Zelda and
her antics. If possible her fellow writers would avoid the green Zafara in the
hall. Many of them believed that Zelda Zap deserved what came to her and they
were all glad that it didn't happen to them.
Zelda Zap sat in her underground office in the
Catacombs. The office was snow white and spotless with everything clean and
put in their proper place. While she wrote her green paw gripped her quill so
tight that her paw turned whiter than her office. Zelda preferred only to use
a quill and parchment to write. She felt the historical tools made creativity
flow more easily from her brain to the paper. Besides, her paws were worth more
than most Neopets and a regular pencil just wouldn't do. Zelda continued to
write despite, the constant knocking on her door. Zelda looked at her schedule
and noted that Trish (her secretary) hadn’t scheduled any appointments. The
Zafara went back to writing hoping the intrusion would leave her alone. After
five minutes of continuous knocking, the door burst open by a swift kick by
the knocker. Zelda continued to write and didn't bother to look up. How dare
someone interrupt her creative process? She figured the silent treatment was
the best punishment for the offender! A Pirate Kougra by the name of Captain
Spoof slunk into the plain white office. Captain Spoof left a trail of muddy
paw prints on the white carpet while he coasted over to a white, rigid chair
in the corner. The Kougra fell dramatically into the seat and waited for the
Zafara to respond, but she said nothing. After about five minutes of silence
she finally snapped,
"I didn't tell you that you could come in."
"Now that's not very nice, love," the pirate
teasingly scolded her. He spoke like most other pirates with a certain lingo;
a very raspy, scratchy voice and shared the same accent as the great Pop Tart.
"I come all the way to visit, me old writer comrade and say, 'Ahoy!' What do
ye do? Ye rude to me! Didn't anyone ever tell ya that its a dumb thing to insult
a pirate?" The Zafara dropped her quill and snapped her head in shock to the
dirty Pirate Kougra sitting in her office. She examined him with surprise and
a raised eyebrow,
"Spoof? Is that really you? What are you doing
here? I thought you retired. I heard from Millicent Nova that you got a job
chartering ships back and forth across the sea from Winter World to Neopian
"It's Cap'n Spoof, now, me hearty. Aye, this
Cap'n do charter landlubber Neopets back and forth from Winter World to here.
But on the weekends, I sail to Mystery Island. There’s nothing like drinking
a nice Neocola out of coconut, eh?"
"I guess not," the Zafara replied uninterested
and bored. She was happy to see her old friend but this was just horrible timing.
She picked up her quill, a new piece of parchment and got back to writing. Besides,
did he really think that just anyone could drop into her office? If someone
wanted to talk to her, they had to make an appointment. Zelda was a busy and
wealthy Neopet and didn't have time for commoners, like Captain Spoof. She snarled
at him between strokes of her quill, "Thanks for tracking mud all over my brand
"Yer welcome, yer office needed some color."
The Kougra replied seriously, looking around the boring office. The Zafara's
face turned red with rage but continued to write with her best attempt to ignore
him. Captain Spoof hadn’t gotten the memo about Zelda giving him the cold-shoulder
and continued to chat, "I got me a lovely ship, doll. Her name is the Kougra
Claw. Ye want to see a picture?"
"No, thank you," Zelda replied. Despite, her
answer the Captain began to dig around with his grubby paws in his dirty, navy
jacket. He fished out a small photograph and shoved it under her nose.
"Ain't she a beaut'?"
"She’s lovely but I really must get back to
work," the Zafara replied politely and shoved the picture rudely away. Captain
Spoof quickly pushed it back under her nose and boasted,
"She'll never see Davy Jones's locker. The
Kougra Claw is one fine ship." Zelda pushed the photograph away and the
pirate finally got the hint and put the photograph back in his pocket.
"If you want to talk to me; you can make an
appointment with my secretary. Trish is down the hall. I don’t talk to anyone
without them scheduling an appointment."
"Arg! Pirates don't do fancy schmancy appointments,"
the Kougra told her. He circled the office and observed some expensive trinkets
on the shelf, "Nice office, it's improved more than a Pawkeet at Deckball. It's
just a tad too clean for me liking." He picked up a marble statue of
the Zafara and examined it before putting it back. Zelda continued to write
with a furrowed brow and tried to concentrate despite, the annoying pirate in
her office. "Quills? Ye use those rip-offs? What's wrong with using regular
pencils or pens?" Zelda didn't reply or look up and continued to write with
a scowl. "Oh I get it, only the best for Miss Zap." The annoyed Zafara slapped
her quill on the white desk and snarled,
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Darlin', ye know what it means," Spoof answered
and went back to lounging on the simple chair. Zelda's face was beginning to
turn the hue of red from irritation. She exploded at the Captain,
"I'm not in the mood for these riddles." Despite,
Zelda's screaming Captain Spoof remained calm. Zelda sat fuming behind her desk
while Spoof told her,
"Begad, lassie. Ye turned into such a brat.
Yer changed, ye used to be fun. Now, all yer be poxy. Ye only write, write,
write. Writing used to be good for ya now but it doesn't look that way anymore.
Yer head has become bigger than Krawk Isle."
"Writing is fun," Zelda grumbled. "And I don't
have a big head, you, stupid pirate," Zelda added under her breath.
"It'd be now? Then, why do ye look like ya've
been trying to crack the first code on Codebreakers for three hours?"
"I'm not frustrated," the Zafara cried and slapped
her green paw on the desk.
"Yes, yer," the pirate argued.
"Fine, I'm frustrated," Zelda screamed. "Happy?
Now, will you please leave me alone?"
"Why are ye frustrated, darlin'? Why is writing
no fun?" Captain Spoof inquired tranquilly.
"'Cause I have an annoying pirate and retired
writer bothering me."
"Shiver me timbers! Who?" Spoof replied seriously
in shock. If you couldn't tell by now, Captain Spoof was a little slow on the
up take. "If someone is bugging me bucko, I'll take a cutlass to him."
"You're the annoying pirate, Spoof!" Zelda cried
exasperated. She pulled her hands into her paws and groaned loudly.
"Cap'n Spoof," he corrected her, with the point
of his claws. "Me? Annoying? If I'm annoying than I suppose Snarhooks have hooked
"They do," Zelda corrected him. She included
under her breath, "Duh!"
"No, they don't. I be from Krawk Isle; I know
these things. Weewoos have the hooked shaped noses while Snarhooks be bird-like
creatures," Spoof replied matter-of-factly, never to see the actual stupidity
of his statement.
"How did you ever get published with such bad
"What bad grammar? Me speak better than anyone,"
Captain Spoof answered. "Trust me, lassie. Me speak good."
"You're right," Zelda lied with a sigh and crossed
the room to pick up the Dictionary from the shelf. "Now, will you please go?"
She pleaded. She wished the office security wasn't on a lunch break so they
could cart off the crazy, Captain Spoof.
"Be trying to get rid of me?" Spoof asked, standing
"No at all," the Green Zafara replied sarcastically.
"Oh good!" Spoof grinned before taking a seat
behind Zelda's desk in her expensive and highly comfortable chair.
"Don't sit there!" Zelda ordered but the Captain
"I've been on me paws all day. I'd like to sit
down in a comfortable chair, that one thar hurts me back. Can't ye let an old
crusty sea pirate sit for a few?" Captain Spoof told her and examined the chair
he was sitting in thoroughly, "Nice chair! Is this leather or pleather?"
"Actually, it's a combination of the two," Zelda
answered while she flipped through the pages of the Dictionary.
"What be ye working on?" Spoof asked searching
through the layers of neatly stacked parchment on the desk.
"A short story," Zelda answered monotonously
with her nose still shoved in the book.
"Might I read it, love?"
"Here!" Zelda snapped and shoved a couple of
pages under the Kougra's nose. There was no getting rid of him she might as
well try and work around him. She figured he'd eventually get distracted by
something shiny or Security would come back and cart him off. Either way it
was a win-win situation as far as Zelda was concerned. Captain Spoof scooped
up the pieces into his massive paws and began to read. Meanwhile, Zelda put
the dictionary back and pulled up a chair from the corner of her office to the
other side of her desk across from Spoof. The Zafara began to scribble away
at a new piece of parchment while Captain Spoof read her short story. The pirate
had just finished Zelda’s story and turned to the green Zafara,
"Arg. Nice story but happens to Eliza the Buzz?"
"Forget Eliza. While you were reading I wrote
another introduction for a story about a Rainbow Lenny. He's a thief but not
a very good one, go one read it," Zelda cried and shoved another piece of parchment
under his nose. He picked it up and finished it quickly.
"Its fair wind story but what happens to him?"
Spoof asked curiously. The introduction had left him with such a cliffhanger
that he just had to know what happened to the young thief.
"Forget the Lenny!" Zelda ordered and handed
him another piece of parchment. "That's old news, I wrote another introduction
about a Warf that wants to fly like his owner, a Faerie Moehog."
"Are ye all right?" Spoof asked with concern.
Normally, Zelda stayed with one idea until she had ridden it completely out
for all it was worth. He had never seen Zelda jump so quickly from idea to idea
ever. It wasn’t normal for the Zafara but she hadn’t been acting normal for
awhile. Captain Spoof was getting worried about her.
"Fine," Zelda snapped defensively before scrawling
"What are ye doing? Writing the rest of the
thief's, the Warf’s or Eliza's story?"
"None of the above! I just got another idea,
an even better idea," Zelda replied and handed him yet another piece of parchment.
The Kougra read in the introduction quickly before lightly telling her,
"Love, these all be good introductions, but
where's the rest of yer short stories?"
To be continued…