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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 26th day of Storing, Yr 22
The Neopian Times Week 146 > Articles > Neomonia: The Illness of All Illnesses

Neomonia: The Illness of All Illnesses

by gingie8


PART ONE: Is this the most rambling and incoherent introduction you have ever read?

Hi! It's Gingie8 here. The reason you’re reading this article is to find out all about Neomonia, a horrid disease that makes your pet feel absolutely awful until you cure it! The article will be divided into sections, and you can read each section to further understand Neomonia! Beep! Beep! Beep! (Do you notice how I’m still rambling incoherently? Hmm, well then... By the way, the answer to the question on top is most likely ‘yes’.)


PART TWO: How does a Neopet get Neomonia?

Any Neopet can get Neomonia, in several ways. Your unlucky little pet might get Neomonia by going to the Wheel of Monotony, possibly the Wheel of Mediocrity, and even the famous Wheel of Excitement. It can also happen through the form of a random event. It will tell you:

“Something has happened! (The name of your pet) has received Neomonia!”

…Well, it would say something along those lines. You’d best not wander around Neopia too long, because Neomonia is probably contagious! Lastly, your pet could have eaten/drank something that would cause Neomonia. MAKE SURE NOT TO BUY THAT ITEM AGAIN! That is, unless you’re mistreating your pet and you want it to be ill…but I don’t think that’s going to happen. Nope, it wouldn't happen at all.


PART THREE: What are the symptoms of Neomonia?

Some symptoms of Neomonia are (in a bulleted list!)

· Fever on forehead, but feeling chilled over the rest of your body

· Coughing and sneezing

· Grumpiness

· Being tired

· Weakness (for example, not being able to lift a banana milkshake in a glass)

· Sore throat

Those are the most common symptoms. If there are any more symptoms you’d like to add, perhaps I’ll do a continuation and I’ll add yours to the list!


PART FOUR: Why, why, WHY was my Neopet diagnosed with Neomonia?

The reason your pet would be diagnosed with Neomonia could be one of the following:

a.) Because your pet actually has Neomonia

b.) Because your pet has the symptoms of Neomonia, but does not actually have Neomonia

c.) Because your veterinarian is lying to you and wants you to spend half of your earnings searching for the cure to a nonexistent Neomonia


PART FIVE: How can I cure Neomonia?

There are two basic ways to cure Neomonia. The first way, also known as ‘The Expensive Way’, is to buy the cure yourself---Medicinal Soap. Usually costing 3,000 to 6,000 Neopoints in a second-hand shop, this is usually very difficult to receive for a low price. (You COULD always go to the pharmacy and get it for an extremely discounted price; however, these are very seldom found. Once you have the item retrieved, all you have to do is click on the Medicinal Soap in your inventory, select the option “Cure (Name Of Pet)”, and watch the soap do the curing! The good thing about using this cure is that your pet can be healed almost instantaneously. The downside to this is that you, in most cases, must pay a hefty price.

Of course, there is always the second option! This other way to cure Neomonia, also known as ‘The Inexpensive Way’, is to go to the Healing Springs, located in Faerieland. You can visit the Water Faerie every thirty minutes, so if she doesn’t cure your Neopet on the first try, you could always keep trying! The plus to this method of healing is that you need not pay a single Neopoint! However, the bad part is that it sometimes may take as many as 50 tries to get the Water Faerie to heal your pet.


PART SIX: How does my Neopet feel when he/she first receives Neomonia, and how does my Neopet feel when he/she is cured from Neomonia?

There is a simple answer to that question! When your Neopet first receives Neomonia, he/she drops down to the level of ‘content’ if your pet is happier than ‘content’. After a few minutes of having Neomonia, your pet is feeling as awful as a pile of dung stuck to a snot ball on a Cybunny’s sneaker. His/her mood will eventually drop to ‘unhappy’ until it is cured.

When your pet is actually cured of Neomonia, their mood climbs back up the Mood-O-Meter, or whatever you feel like calling it. They will be content for only a few moments, and soon become joyful, for they are free from their illnesses!


PART SEVEN: Is it possible for my pet to still have symptoms after being cured of Neomonia?

Actually, it is very probable that your pet will still have Neomonia symptoms. Don’t worry, with some tender loving care, they will feel as good as new! Below, I shall list temporary cures for the temporary systems.

· Fever: All cold liquids (for example: water, apple juice, banana milkshakes…the list goes on)

· Coughing and sneezing: Any kind of soup (make sure the soup is warm; otherwise, it really will not help much)

· Grumpiness: A funny-looking toy (balloons are excellent for the cheering-up process)

· Being tired: A small plushie (plushies help a Neopet to sleep because cuddling things makes you tired, as you can see)

· Weakness: A relaxing game that does not require a great deal of physical motion, but makes the body work to a small extent (such as JubJub Blackjack)

· Sore throat: Any kind of lollipop (an Ice Lolly works best, but if you cannot afford one, just use an everyday lollipop)


PART EIGHT: Can I have an interview with one of your Neopets who has had Neomonia?

Sure thing, friend! I’ll interview Sandia74. Hold on…

SANDIA74: Hey, Gingie8! Can I bring Hot Cocoa to the parlor?

ME: Sure, but I need to interview you first.

SANDIA74: Okay!

ME: First question: Did you HATE Neomonia?

SANDIA74: Augh! It was awful! I was tired…weak…I coughed and sneezed…I had a sore throat…I was GRUMPY! Oh, the AGONY of it---

ME: Okay, then. Were you ever grateful for me curing you and Mandia74?

SANDIA74: Not really, because I could’ve---

ME: *gives Sandia74 a glare*

SANDIA74: Oh, err, I mean, YES! I love you for that, Gingie8! *hugs Gingie8* Now can I bring my Hot Cocoa (my PetPet) to the parlor?

ME: Alright. Here, I’ll give you 1,000 Neopoints to spend so you can all look pretty. *gives Sandia74 1,000 Neopoints*

SANDIA74: *taking bag of Neopoints* THANKS!


PART NINE: Is this article OVER!??!?

Yes, this article is over. Thank you for reading, and I hope this helped you and your Neopet through the journey of Neomonia: The Illness of All Illnesses! Please exit to your left, and enjoy your day!

Special thanks to everyone, for not doubting the fact that I’d write a Neopian Times article eventually, and thank you to the Neopets Team for allowing this on their newspaper! Should I pay you back in the form of banana milkshakes?

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