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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 1st day of Running, Yr 23
The Neopian Times Week 140 > Articles > Dung... Furniture of the Future

Dung... Furniture of the Future

by icedude912

Ice’s Berry Pick - On one spring evening, I decided that I might as well go to Meri Acres Farm to play Pick Your Own. Now, when I talked to the farmer, he gave me my basket and started a really weird conversation. He told me that I could keep any of the berries I found, but the weirdest thing was that I couldn’t keep any of the dung. It’s not like I was going to keep it anyway. So, what’s the point of telling me that? After I collected 5 berries and one Pile of Dung, he took the dung away from me and said, “I told you, you can keep the berries, but the dung is MINE! All mine!”

When I went back to my NeoHome with blue_moon_dragon912, we started to chat in the living room for a bit. Then, he brought up the conversation between the farmer and me. “How much use does a farmer have for dung, anyway?”

Then, it hit me! Dung is used for numerous things around Neopia. Farmers mainly use it for fertilizer to keep their plants healthy. (Is that gross, or what?) Just then, I was struck by another bolt of inspiration.

What about the Tyrannians? Surely, even they have a use for dung. Many villagers of Tyrannia use dung for their furniture. They used it all in the past, so maybe many Neopians use it now.

The Investigation

After hours of planning this with blue_moon_dragon912, we decided that we were going to go on a Neopian World Tour! HOORAY! Time to part-ay! Ahem. Sorry about the outburst, but I’ve wanted to go on a world tour ever since I stepped into Neopia. Uh oh. Wait, why did I just write that? Ach! I keep writing things that have nothing to do with my story! I should just stop right now…Why I wrote this article in Air Faerie Pen is beyond even me. After all, my mind is easy to get lost in, even for myself. Oh well. At least it keeps me cool in this blistering heat that I’m writing in. Okay, back to the story!

World 1: Meridell

The first place I thought to look in was Meridell, home to noble knights, entertaining jesters, and Illusen’s Glade!!! But before I could relax, I had to take down some notes. Bringing with me my trusty Air Faerie Pen, I interrogated the farmer I had encountered the day of my berry picking.

Me: Good evening, sir.

Farmer: Aye. Welcome to Meri Acres Farm. How may I help you?

M: I was just wondering exactly what use you have for dung here.

F: Well, if I’m not mistaken, we farmers use it for fertilizer…

M: Yes, yes. Go on…

F: And, uh, let’s see…I heard this ancient civilization used dung for furniture, so we asked ourselves, why not?

M: Interesting. Proceed.

F: So, we use dung to make furniture ourselves. The ones we’ve made so far are the Dung Bird Cage and the Dung Curtain. The curtains aren’t very flexible though. I could name some more, but the list would be too long.

M: Uh…Don’t worry. I’ve got enough. Thanks!

I found out that even farmers know of the trick Tyrannians used to make furniture. Okay, so 2 worlds use dung for furniture so far. Let’s go look at two others, shall we?

World 2: Terror Mountain

Brr… I chose n-not to b-b-bring my Air F-Faerie Pen. Even on Happy Valley, it is still c-cold! So, to warm me up, I shall take out my Fire Faerie Pen and Notepad! Ahhh. That’s so much better. Okay…Wow! My words look like they’re made of fire! Buy one at the Neoschools Shop today! Oh. Sorry for advertising. Actually, I think I made lots of sentence fragments back there, didn’t I? Uh…you know what? Let’s move on.

I decided that it was best to ask someone that looked civilized, so I asked some happily frolicking Chias.

Me: Hello, sirs.

Chia1: Oh, hello.

Chia2: Nice to meet you.

M: I just wanted to know if you people here at Happy Valley have any use for dung.

C2: Oh yeah! We LOVE to use dung!

M: (Um…Okay. He didn’t have to be THAT enthusiastic…)

C1: We use it as furniture. Oh, it sure keeps you warm on cold, snowy nights.

M: Very… interesting.

C1: Isn’t it? Dung sofas are the best inventions yet! I like to sleep on the couch, and I like to keep warm. Therefore, buy a dung sofa and you’re SO happy.

M: Ah. Does it interest you to know that the earliest known civilization used dung for furniture as well?

C2: Seriously? Cool! I bet they liked it as much as we do.

M: Well, it’s the only thing they had to make furniture with.

C1: Wow! We learned something incredibly new to us. Thanks!

M: You’re very welcome. I should go now… Bye!

C1&2: Bye-bye!

Well, that’s one more world that uses dung as furniture. Interesting indeed. Let’s go on to our last world.

World 3: Jelly World

I have heard mere rumors of this place, but I heard that it’s made ENTIRELY out of jelly. Some people say that the Jelly Chia made it to replace Maraqua, and others say that an eccentric Neopian billionaire with a sweet tooth paid confectioners all around the world to build him a jelly home away from home. I am just arriving to its predicted area… almost there. I’m going to close my eyes and open them when I’m there. If I’m not mistaken, Jelly World should be here right about… NOW! SURPRISE! Huh? Where’s Jelly World? What’s that blue_moon_dragon912? Jelly World doesn’t EXIST??? Then what land have I been pursuing? None at all?

Well, there you have it folks. Jelly World truly does not exist, and I’ve been chasing nothing. But, I have learned something in my travels:

Worldwide, Neopians use dung as a form of not only fertilizer, but furniture as well. They use it for warmth, pleasure, and relaxation. So, the next time you’re going on vacation, make sure to pack that Dung Pillow of yours, because you’ll be glad you brought it.

The REAL Grand Finale!

Well, this is the end of my article. I enjoyed writing about these interrogations very much. I do hope you enjoyed reading this, and now that I think about it, maybe I did make too many sentence fragments. Well, it’s all in pen, so never mind about those now. This is icedude912 signing out! STOP THE PRESSES! You must put my article in the next issue! Huh? Are you still here? Oh, well. Bye for now!

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