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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 22nd day of Sleeping, Yr 22
The Neopian Times Week 139 > Articles > Esophagor: Misjudged or a True Evil Creature?

Esophagor: Misjudged or a True Evil Creature?

by caramel_dark

HAUNTED WOODS - The widely known Esophagor lives there in the ground, only rising for food, grumbling and moaning, "II AMMM HUNGGRRYYY..... feeed mmeee annndd I wwilll reeewwaardd yoouu....". Is his appetite ever satisfied? Is he just a misjudged creature with a hunger problem? And, most importantly, where on earth does he gets his "rewards" and his answers to the Brain Tree's questions?

Well, that's when I went to go interview him and find out. My friends wished me good luck and hoped I'd return and off I went. Living in Neopia Central, I journeyed south to question him. My pet, dovey_tovey, thought I was crazy, but agreed to come. I tried to talk to the Esophagor, but he groaned and moaned for food. He kept on repeating, "sunnnnnnn driiiiiiiied tecccchoooo claawwwww...". Finally, I deciphered the fact that he wanted a sun dried Techo claw. I went to the spooky food store and bought one back to him. He snatched it out of outstretched hands and gobbled it up. Then he tossed a toy sail boat back to me! That sun dried Techo claw cost me 200 Neopoints and he gives me a toy sail boat!!! I merely hold my temper back and proceeded to question him. With a little bit of help from dovey_tovey, I managed to decipher what he said and scribble it down in quick notes.

Me: So, Esophagor, I see you live in the ground...why?

Esophagor: hungrryyyy....giiiveee mee fooodddd....

Unable to question him, I ran to the store again and bought dozens of foods and proceeded to question him again. I gave him a spooky doughnut which he ate ravenously and asked him the same question.

Me: So, Esophagor, I see you live in the ground, why?

Esophagor: Stay awayyyy....from....Edna....casstts....speell...

Thinking he meant that Edna needed stuff from him, maybe a fingernail, no, correction, a claw from him maybe, for some spells, I quickly scribbled that down and gave him some eye candy and continued.

Me: What causes your regular hunger, Esophagor?

Esophagor: *crunches eye candy* IIIII havvvveeeeeee eatttinnggg disssorrrrderrr....caannnooott eatttt pettsssss...maaakkeeee meeee veerrrry siccckkk....onnnlllyyy eatt hhauuunnteed wooddsss foodddd...

I caught dovey_tovey sighing in relief and coming out of her hiding place behind the bag of food and settling down beside me in the corner of my eye. I wrote down another note and gave him some pumpkin cookies, which he swallowed in one gulp.

Me: Anyway, so, what's up with Albert? Why did you turn him into a mutant? He was just trying to make a garden, the poor fellow.

Esophagor: Annnnoooyyyyinnnggg alll offff my....soilll...anddd.....innfeesssttt....itt....wwwiiithhhh floooweeersss....I'mmmm alllerrrgiiiccc...

I wanted to object and that the Kacheek only wanted to make the place a little prettier and goodness, does it need it alright, and he just wanted to grow pineapple plants, which aren't even flowers!(wait, are they?)But I kept my mouth shut and tossed him a candy corn classic. He opened up his mouth and chomped it down.

Me: And where do you get all those rewards?

Esophagor: Mmmmyyy businnnesss....youu....keepppp..out...of it.....

Discouraged, I coaxingly fed him two coffee classics and one Snorkle snout and approached the question in a different direction.

Me: You know what, Esophagor, I'm not surprised. I mean, everybody here knows that your the smartest creature around, even smarter that Dr. Sloth! I mean, it's natural to keep a secret hidden for you, the most intelligent creature in all of Neopia!

The Esophagor started babbling away about his intelligence and let a few answers slip out.

Esophagor: Of cooouuuursseee, ppuunnny hummmannn...nobbbodddy knoowwws....hhahahhaha....nobbboooddyyy can guesss....Iii seeennnddd Alllbbbeerttt toooooo steaaalll iteemmms froommm thhhe snoowaggerrr...annnd Iiii have conntacctttss... muahhhhaa...

I suppressed a snigger and scribbled down another note. I quickly fed him a pumpkin pie and asked him another question.

Me: Do you have any plans for world domination...?

Esophagor: Jhhhuuudddooorraaa callllsss meee wwwiiithhh magggicc someetimmmess tooooo tryyy neeewwww potttioonnsss tooo ssttoppp siiickneesss oooffff nooot beeeinnng abbble tooo eeaattt neeooppetsss....sheee isss vverrry nicceeeeee...caressss abbbouutt me geettttingg heallthy...

At the sound of that, dovey_tovey scurried to the back of my bag and peeked through the handles. I wrote down a note and threw a wrapper of candy peas into his open mouth, which he ate quickly, wrapper and all, and I asked him some more questions.

Me: Esophagor, how did you begin to look this way?

Esophagor: Yoooouuuu mmeeeannn hoowww hannnddssooommeee I lloookk?

Me: Er, you can put it in that way if you want...

Esophagor: Ittt runnns iinnn thee fammilly...I useeeddd aaaa transsmooorrificatttioonnn pootiiioonss tthhhattt weennnt baddd....

Me: You mean you were a n-neopet once!?!??

Esophagor: *laughs evilly* I wasss muuccchh mooreee thann thattt beffoooreee, puunny huuumann...

Not wanting to find out, I simply nodded and scribbled down a note, while the Esophagor munched hungrily on a bat cookie.

Me: So, Esophagor, have you any friends or enemies in the haunted woods?

Esophagor: Edddnnna iiisss baddd eneemmmy....shheee casstt speell, brain tree iss friiienddd, veerry nicceeee, Mall and hiiiss masster arrreee friiendsss, theyyy cann bbeee wweeirrdd someti-

I cut him off, not wanting to hear his complete explanation of who was his friend or foe in the Haunted Woods. I gave him a blumaroo steak, and he gobbled it up greedily.

Me: So, where do you get the Brain Tree answers?

Esophagor: Alllbbeerttt giiiveesss mmmeeee maggiiiiccc scroolll hee stolle froom Edddnnnaa....tellls mmmeee annnssweerrsss


I wrote down another note and noticed the Esophagor looked a bit annoyed. Frankly, I’d be annoyed too if a girl with a chia and a bag of food started to feed you one piece of food each question she asked. Clearing my throat insignificantly, I decided to ask him one final question.

Me: So, Esophagor, er...

Esophagor: I ammmm tiirreedd offf queesttioonnninnnggg!!! Gettt ouuuttt!!!Scccraaammm!

One of his exceptionally long claws started moving towards me. I scrambled away franctically.

"Annnddd dooonnn't coommmeee bacckk!!!" the Esophagor yelled.

The Esophagor snickered, and with that, disappeared under the ground. Dovey_tovey looked panic-stricken, and didn't say a word until we got back to our Neohome.

"What's next?"

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