I'm Moving to Neopia!
I went shopping this morning – I bought some magical rocks for five thousand a
piece, some stamps for three thousand a piece, a meal for eleven thousand, and
I bought a week’s worth of groceries for just under seventy. I also went to the
bank, where I collected my 10% interest, bringing me to a balance of 1,070,199.
In Neopia, of course.
In the virtual world of Neopia, your pets can talk and tell you what they
want. They’ll play games with you, and if you give them a plastic butter knife,
they’ll fearlessly charge at a rival more then ten times their strength – not
to say they’ll win or anything, but at least they’re loyal. If you don’t feed
them for a week, when you finally do they’ll tell you what a great owner you
are and how much they love you. In Neopia, a seven year old can run a small
business, and profit from it – but in real life, most thirty and forty year
olds couldn’t effectively run one. In Neopia, I live comfortably with over a
million Neopoints to my name – in real life, I hardly have twenty dollars.
So, I’m moving. To Neopia!
Sure, people look at me a bit…strangely…when I tell them I’m moving there.
Some of them even walk to the other side of the street when they see me now!
But…I think that’s just because their awestruck by my genius idea! However,
there’s no reason to avoid me…I’ve decided to take people with me! After all,
I’m going to need some neighbors next to my NeoHome…which will finally have
a use now. Hey…you should come too! No, seriously! Here’s why:
1) Instant teleportation! No longer will one have to worry about finding a
ride to a friend’s house, or subway fees, or missing the bus to school. Just
think about the place you want to go, locate it on your map, and you’re there!
It’s free, and you can travel the entire UNIVERSE this way!
2) You can make your living playing games! No, I don’t mean as a professional
baseball or basketball player either. In Neopia, you get paid to play games!
Most of them are pretty fun too…what OTHER world is going to pay you 800 dollars
to smack a stuffed animal around with a stick?!
3) Companionship! In Neopia, conformity is not an issue - if you’re struggling
to fit in, MAKE some friends…no, literally! Create a Grarrl and see how many
people throw things at you THEN! Create an Ixi and see how many people flock
to your side to pet it! If they don’t like your clothes…create a Draik, at 600,000,
the price of your clothes will hardly matter anymore!
4) “Money doesn’t grow on trees” - Remember that cliché phrase your parents
used when you wanted something as a child? Well, in Neopia, money DOES grow
on trees! Go to the Marketplace, make a left at the Rainbow Pool, go past the
Bookshop and go north until you see it – the giant tree with a smile on his
face and Neopoints falling from his branches! Beware though – you’ll need to
be quick, the crowd surrounding the money tree rivals that at a Sticks and Stones
5) Independence! In Neopia, everyone is his or her own ruling force – no parents,
or governors, or Presidents to tell you what to do. If you want to eat ice cream
for breakfast – go right ahead! Wanna live in a space station? No one's stopping
you! Gamble when you’re only twelve? No one cares! Don’t worry though – people
who make Neopia unpleasant for others are simply exiled – no trials, no questions
6) Immortality! You can hike to the top of the highest, coldest mountain and
still have enough energy to ice skate. You can venture in a serpent’s cave and
steal his treasure, or try to wake a giant beast that has a toenail the size
of your arm. Eat a rotten omelette, poisonous jelly or that mushroom you found
under your steps and the worst you can get is the Neopox (think chicken pox
here). If you don’t eat for three months, no big deal! As you can imagine, the
entire universe of Neopia has only one hospital.
7) Most of your favorite foods and activities are also in Neopia! Do you love
pizza? There are over 150 different varieties! Puzzles? There are tons to solve!
What about whacking people over the head with a mallet? It’ll get you arrested
on Earth… but in Neopia, you get PAID to do it!
8) The trading post! HOW many times have you wished you could trade in that
old video game and get a new game? Old clothes don’t fit you anymore? Trade
them for new ones! Don’t like that broccoli that was for dinner? Trade it for
some chocolate! Ooh… chocolate...
9) If all else fails in Neopia, there is still hope! If you run out of money,
your pets are starving, and for some reason you can’t score more then two in
any game, there are still the faeries. Unlike this boring place called Earth,
Neopia has lots of magical creatures waiting to help you – namely, the Faeries.
The Tooth Faerie will pay you for a lost tooth even if you haven’t lost one!
The Negg Faerie will drop magical neggs (like eggs, but prettier and more expensive)
on your head. Capture a bottled faerie and she’ll give your pet a little bit
of magic to release her! Become the errand boy/girl for one of the faerie rivals
(Illusen or Jhudora) and you’ll be rewarded quite nicely!
Well… I’m packed! I’m bringing a few TCG cards and a couple of paintbrushes
with me to Neopia – what’s worth very little here is worth hundreds and thousands
there! You should come, too! I live at 11399 Illusen’s Forest Drive in Meridell!
Well, you keep this list, I’m going now, I hope I’ll see you there!
…*runs full force into monitor* …Ow. Okay, well, maybe I’ll leave… another