Sloth’s Worm of Wisdom: Its takes two to tango. And to two people to pelt
insults at each other.
In response to your second last ‘Ask Roxy’ article I have a few things to
say. Oh the fashion club, Roxy. I'm so scared. Are they going to thwap me with
their compacts? I'm shaking in my Lucky Green Boots just thinking about it..
Which, by the way, I stole a pair from the legend himself. He thinks he is so
great with his fanbase of girls, but I think I might just win that fanbase over,
too. Or perhaps he can share?
Meh. Actually, I haven't got time for playing these pity mind games at the
moment with you, Roxy. As you know, I'm supposed to be in preparation for a
The Coming Soon page says ‘Return of Sloth’. Return of Sloth? That's a laugh.
I'm here in Neopia at my evil lair sitting in my Neopian briefs and eating low
fat crackers. Mrs. Sloth has deprived me of the one thing I find pleasurable
in life anymore, my love of hot chips.
At the moment, I'm going over old Neopet chatboard posts on my Space Station
computer. Outside I can hear fans/Wockies/kids banging on the door screaming
‘Bring back the G.C.!’
G.C.? Isn't that Gourmet Club? For Gormball sake! It is still there, the last
time I checked. Some of you Neopians are one nut short of a bag of salted peanuts.
Or one of the three blind Miamice.
I don't know anything about General Chat. I have been framed.
I swear it was some staff member out to get me. Really distasteful that someone
decided to impersonate me on Sloth Appreciation Day. They could have hired me.
Everyone knows I'm available for weddings, parties, anything.
My precious minions and fans, you must not fret! If people fight against me
in the war, Mrs. Sloth is going to squash the competition for me. Literally
-- by sitting on them.
Here’s this issue's health warning: Wearing helmets when in the Neopets
Battledome gives you ‘Helmet Hair’. Ew... you certainly won't catch me with
I broke my foot because some evil bald guy told one of my students to drop
her extremely heavy backpack on my foot. HMPH! Some advice columnist, eh? *laughs*
Concerned Neoschool Teacher
You're welcome, just doing my job. Speaking of jobs, isn't there a stack of
homework you should be correcting? *laughs*
Hi Sloth, Why is my Shoyru turning my Grarrls into Mutant Lupes?
It is really quite frightening how my Shoyru got these strange superpowers overnight.
*looks at his Lupes, which were once Grarrls* Overnight Transformation
Does he shoot lasers out of his eyes? Ever thought of suggesting this idea
to Neopets Executives to market a new figurine?
If you read this Adam, tell me how come I don't have my own cute widdle figurine
action figurine with light up red eyes and attachable black cloak as promised?
Boys and girls around the world would love their own Doctor Frank Sloth action
figurine! (Don't call them dolls because then boys won't buy them. )
Do you understand the hole in the ozone layer? *sprays obsessive amounts
of hairspray* Hole-y Smoke
NOOO!!! I may be evil, but I do care about the environment. Don't make Virtupets
Space Station more of a hole than it already is. The only place to hang out
at is Grundo’s Warehouse. What a boring dump I live in. :P
What can you can learn from owning an Aisha? I'm thinking of getting one
as a Neopet. Future Neo-petting Zoo
Not that I'm an Aisha person, but I asked Mrs. Sloth about it, as she owned
4 of them when she was younger. Much younger, may I add.
She said, “Grooming requires a serious time commitment, to take time out to
eat some flowers sometimes, and most importantly shred all documents.”
I think you can learn how to flaunt your hair loss from an Aisha.
Heya, Sloth! Wazzup? First off, let me tell you that I haven't liked you
before, but after what you did to the evil General Chat, I couldn't tell you
how grateful I am. Backchat
Who or what passed that information into you? There is no intelligent life
out there. (Sorry to whatever I stole that from, all those sci-fi thingys are
all the same. Ask the Space Faerie, Queen of the Remote.)
Please, I want to know where you get your hair done. I’m running out of
hair gel because all the male Neopets keep using it. Beaten by a Hair
Slick your hair (if you have any, that is) with any fresh dung pile you find.
Oh my gosh! I was, like, talking to Roxy and she, like, soooo has a crush
on you! 'Cuz, like, she kept wanting to talk about you, and I was like "You
have a crush on him!" and she was like "NO WAY!" So, like WOW! You guys would
be, like, soooo cute together! Mary Sue, Miss Neopia 2004
Oh, you are SO like immature! Here's a sum for all the Concerned Neoschool
teachers out there. Sloth + Roxy= Striped Shoyru in a Blender. Addition made
Doctor Sloth, was the snot Grundo your idea? I bet it was. Seeing as you
are the only decent, evil genius around here! What did you do? Sneeze on a Grundo?
Snot Who You Think You Are
That's snot possible. I didn't create it. J. Boogie did. Why would I have
say in a Grundo that looks like green candle wax? Mm... melts in your mouth.
I've heard that if you hate someone, you really care about them. So, you
like Roxy, eh? *chuckles* I do agree, she's a fine looking little Shoyru, but
isn't there an age difference? Roxy’s Proxy
She's a real cutie... Nice ar... GOT YA! I know what you are thinking, I don't
like her. Roxy only wants me for my Neopoints, that's the only reason she would
want to be with me.
Dear Dr. Sloth, I just wanted to congratulate you on taking over Neopia
and destroying the General Chat!! I have been fighting the anti-Slothers at
the Virtupets chat and I defeated 2 anti-Sloth people. Do I get a reward?
There’s a Sloth Clone Inside all of us
My eternal gratitude. And some Lenny salt, very nice on chips.
Hey Doc, I was wondering if you could take over my account. I have a LOT
of NP and you can have all the Usuki dolls plus all the world domination sandwiches
you can eat. (Either do it or perish from the Neopedia!! MUHAHA!) Lots
of Love, More Evil than Vira has in one Finger
Usukis. Meh. Not interested, ask Dari-poo. He likes them, especially the Pretty
Pink Usuki. He’ll completely deny it about his Usuki obsession but I saw him
in his sister's room playing with them.
Dr. Sloth, why do you mutate Grundos for your army? Your admiring
fan, Curiosity Kicked the Grundo
All I did was enslave a few Grundos. What harm could that do? Only what a
few years of shock therapy won't cure.
Sloth, you said that you live on the Space Station. Didn't the Space Faerie
kick you out once? If so, how did you sneak back in? A few of us could use that
knowledge. Space Age
Space Faerie. Two words. The Slob. Back in my evil university days, she used
to be my flatmate. (No, I didn't sit on her.) You don't want to know how many
long distance calls she made.
Talk, talk, talk that's all Faeries do. Am I right, guys?
Now that I come to think of it... revenge, perhaps?
If you were going to kidnap a green evil genius with a weakness for booty
shaking Onas, how would you go about it? Ona Lisha
Fangirls might work?! *shrug*
My Kau has been planning to take over your lair? He took over Lord Darigan's,
it was a BIG problem, though. How Now Brown Kau
It is pretty funny your thick headed Kau could not find the little door that
said ‘entry’ to Lord Darigan’s Citadel? Typical of Kaus. Actually, I usually
enter through the back door. We are actually trading in counterfeit NeoDeck
card at the moment. If you want TCG cards, come up to the back Citadel door
and knock. Then ask for ‘Bob’. *wink*
Not-so-dear Dr. Sloth, I recently read that you have figured out how to
capture humans. I was wondering, how many have you captured, and should I be
worried? How To Cook Forty Humans
Hang on! Get your facts right. For your information, I’m only interested in
catching Fyora in a tanktop. There I said it media, see if I care if next week’s
Neopian Times headline is ‘Sloth loves Fyora!’
I would rather enjoy that, though if the little lady saw that, who knows what
might happen. She would probably beat me up like an egg yolk with a Bent Fork.
You scare my Neopets. They are now scared of me just because I'm coming
to you for advice on this. Ever since they first saw you at the Usuki (Baby
section) store and started screaming, shouting, and crying. Super Freak-ed
I’m not good with kids. Who is good with goats? Neopets or otherwise. In my
school drama class, I used to scare people even when I was not in costume.
Hi, I went to my doctor a few days ago (I was not feeling good) and was
diagnosed with Noneoptuhloothpiptiphobia. I can't even pronounce it! What does
it mean? Is it serious, Doc? Need a Cure
I don’t have the guts to take this person. It's Neo Fungus! They will be floating
upside down by morning. I am sorry..
Dear Dr. Sloth, my ixi is obsessed with drawing Angelpi. She wandered to
the How to Draw section one day and now she draws Angelpi on everything! What
should I do? I Spy Angelpi
If you have a lot of smooth surfaces to wipe marker pens off, I wouldn't worry
about her drawing on everything. You should take up drawing, too, and encourage
her to submit things to the Art Gallery. Keep people in Neopia who do not commit
crime off the streets!
Slothenator, why do you always seem to go off the topic when answering
questions sometimes? Full of Random Ramblings
Nice weather, we’ve been having. I don't go off topic. I’ll eat my super villain
hat if I do.
Howdy Frank, Onas are NOT scary. Come on, you gotta be scared of more than
that. Seriously I can tell, you have other weaknesses that you are just afraid
to mention, right? Bringing Dis-Ona to the Family
Alright, I’m afraid of Lennies. And from not being accepted by my mother.
There, I said it!?! I’m also scared of daisies. But isn’t everyone scared of
At least I am not scared about going old, like somebody I know. She who won’t
admit it, but she is scared of going old and turning as wriggly as a beanbag.
Hello Green Dude! I need to know this for future reference when I contact
you. Do you like being called Slothy, Slothenator, Doctor, Dr. Sloth, Sloth,
Frank, ‘Lil Frankie’ or Oh Sir Evilness? World’s Greatest Teacher’s Pet
Whatever floats your boat. Rocks your socks.
‘Not so fortnightly but nice acronym’ Rant of the Fortnight (ROTF for short):
For one thing, I don't get paid enough. Come on, I do not even get paid at
all! Actually my work on Neopets counts towards my community service for crimes
against humanity. All right, I admit it.
Author’s Note: Feel free to send any questions regarding ‘anything under the
orange sun’ for Doctor Sloth. Just Neomail
me and I’ll pass them all onto Sloth to read and maybe even answer. The question
could be about cooking, love, medical, personal or basically anything about Neopets.
Sloth, thanks you in advance and looks forward to reading your questions.
If you enjoy more corny humour, don’t settle for imitations. You deserve
the best corny articles in Neopia, search for these articles.
Ask ‘Dr’ Sloth: The Doctor Is In!
Doctor, Doctor, Gimme the News!
Carry on, Doctor Sloth!
Sloth’s Guide to Love