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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 22nd day of Awakening, Yr 22
The Neopian Times Week 137 > Articles > A Frank Discussion

A Frank Discussion

by plushieowner

Sloth’s Worm of Wisdom: Its takes two to tango. And to two people to pelt insults at each other.

In response to your second last ‘Ask Roxy’ article I have a few things to say. Oh the fashion club, Roxy. I'm so scared. Are they going to thwap me with their compacts? I'm shaking in my Lucky Green Boots just thinking about it.. Which, by the way, I stole a pair from the legend himself. He thinks he is so great with his fanbase of girls, but I think I might just win that fanbase over, too. Or perhaps he can share?

Meh. Actually, I haven't got time for playing these pity mind games at the moment with you, Roxy. As you know, I'm supposed to be in preparation for a plot/war/puzzle thing.

The Coming Soon page says ‘Return of Sloth’. Return of Sloth? That's a laugh.
I'm here in Neopia at my evil lair sitting in my Neopian briefs and eating low fat crackers. Mrs. Sloth has deprived me of the one thing I find pleasurable in life anymore, my love of hot chips.

At the moment, I'm going over old Neopet chatboard posts on my Space Station computer. Outside I can hear fans/Wockies/kids banging on the door screaming ‘Bring back the G.C.!’

G.C.? Isn't that Gourmet Club? For Gormball sake! It is still there, the last time I checked. Some of you Neopians are one nut short of a bag of salted peanuts. Or one of the three blind Miamice.

I don't know anything about General Chat. I have been framed.
I swear it was some staff member out to get me. Really distasteful that someone decided to impersonate me on Sloth Appreciation Day. They could have hired me. Everyone knows I'm available for weddings, parties, anything.

My precious minions and fans, you must not fret! If people fight against me in the war, Mrs. Sloth is going to squash the competition for me. Literally -- by sitting on them.

Here’s this issue's health warning: Wearing helmets when in the Neopets Battledome gives you ‘Helmet Hair’. Ew... you certainly won't catch me with that.

*****************************
I broke my foot because some evil bald guy told one of my students to drop her extremely heavy backpack on my foot. HMPH! Some advice columnist, eh? *laughs* Concerned Neoschool Teacher

You're welcome, just doing my job. Speaking of jobs, isn't there a stack of homework you should be correcting? *laughs*

Hi Sloth, Why is my Shoyru turning my Grarrls into Mutant Lupes? It is really quite frightening how my Shoyru got these strange superpowers overnight. *looks at his Lupes, which were once Grarrls* Overnight Transformation

Does he shoot lasers out of his eyes? Ever thought of suggesting this idea to Neopets Executives to market a new figurine?

If you read this Adam, tell me how come I don't have my own cute widdle figurine action figurine with light up red eyes and attachable black cloak as promised? Boys and girls around the world would love their own Doctor Frank Sloth action figurine! (Don't call them dolls because then boys won't buy them. )

Do you understand the hole in the ozone layer? *sprays obsessive amounts of hairspray* Hole-y Smoke

NOOO!!! I may be evil, but I do care about the environment. Don't make Virtupets Space Station more of a hole than it already is. The only place to hang out at is Grundo’s Warehouse. What a boring dump I live in. :P

What can you can learn from owning an Aisha? I'm thinking of getting one as a Neopet. Future Neo-petting Zoo

Not that I'm an Aisha person, but I asked Mrs. Sloth about it, as she owned 4 of them when she was younger. Much younger, may I add.

She said, “Grooming requires a serious time commitment, to take time out to eat some flowers sometimes, and most importantly shred all documents.”
I think you can learn how to flaunt your hair loss from an Aisha.

Heya, Sloth! Wazzup? First off, let me tell you that I haven't liked you before, but after what you did to the evil General Chat, I couldn't tell you how grateful I am. Backchat

Who or what passed that information into you? There is no intelligent life out there. (Sorry to whatever I stole that from, all those sci-fi thingys are all the same. Ask the Space Faerie, Queen of the Remote.)

Please, I want to know where you get your hair done. I’m running out of hair gel because all the male Neopets keep using it. Beaten by a Hair

Slick your hair (if you have any, that is) with any fresh dung pile you find.

Oh my gosh! I was, like, talking to Roxy and she, like, soooo has a crush on you! 'Cuz, like, she kept wanting to talk about you, and I was like "You have a crush on him!" and she was like "NO WAY!" So, like WOW! You guys would be, like, soooo cute together! Mary Sue, Miss Neopia 2004

Oh, you are SO like immature! Here's a sum for all the Concerned Neoschool teachers out there. Sloth + Roxy= Striped Shoyru in a Blender. Addition made easy.

Doctor Sloth, was the snot Grundo your idea? I bet it was. Seeing as you are the only decent, evil genius around here! What did you do? Sneeze on a Grundo? Snot Who You Think You Are

That's snot possible. I didn't create it. J. Boogie did. Why would I have say in a Grundo that looks like green candle wax? Mm... melts in your mouth.

I've heard that if you hate someone, you really care about them. So, you like Roxy, eh? *chuckles* I do agree, she's a fine looking little Shoyru, but isn't there an age difference? Roxy’s Proxy

She's a real cutie... Nice ar... GOT YA! I know what you are thinking, I don't like her. Roxy only wants me for my Neopoints, that's the only reason she would want to be with me.

Dear Dr. Sloth, I just wanted to congratulate you on taking over Neopia and destroying the General Chat!! I have been fighting the anti-Slothers at the Virtupets chat and I defeated 2 anti-Sloth people. Do I get a reward? There’s a Sloth Clone Inside all of us

My eternal gratitude. And some Lenny salt, very nice on chips.

Hey Doc, I was wondering if you could take over my account. I have a LOT of NP and you can have all the Usuki dolls plus all the world domination sandwiches you can eat. (Either do it or perish from the Neopedia!! MUHAHA!) Lots of Love, More Evil than Vira has in one Finger

Usukis. Meh. Not interested, ask Dari-poo. He likes them, especially the Pretty Pink Usuki. He’ll completely deny it about his Usuki obsession but I saw him in his sister's room playing with them.

Dr. Sloth, why do you mutate Grundos for your army? Your admiring fan, Curiosity Kicked the Grundo

All I did was enslave a few Grundos. What harm could that do? Only what a few years of shock therapy won't cure.

Sloth, you said that you live on the Space Station. Didn't the Space Faerie kick you out once? If so, how did you sneak back in? A few of us could use that knowledge. Space Age

Space Faerie. Two words. The Slob. Back in my evil university days, she used to be my flatmate. (No, I didn't sit on her.) You don't want to know how many long distance calls she made.
Talk, talk, talk that's all Faeries do. Am I right, guys?
Now that I come to think of it... revenge, perhaps?

If you were going to kidnap a green evil genius with a weakness for booty shaking Onas, how would you go about it? Ona Lisha

Fangirls might work?! *shrug*

My Kau has been planning to take over your lair? He took over Lord Darigan's, it was a BIG problem, though. How Now Brown Kau

It is pretty funny your thick headed Kau could not find the little door that said ‘entry’ to Lord Darigan’s Citadel? Typical of Kaus. Actually, I usually enter through the back door. We are actually trading in counterfeit NeoDeck card at the moment. If you want TCG cards, come up to the back Citadel door and knock. Then ask for ‘Bob’. *wink*

Not-so-dear Dr. Sloth, I recently read that you have figured out how to capture humans. I was wondering, how many have you captured, and should I be worried? How To Cook Forty Humans

Hang on! Get your facts right. For your information, I’m only interested in catching Fyora in a tanktop. There I said it media, see if I care if next week’s Neopian Times headline is ‘Sloth loves Fyora!’

I would rather enjoy that, though if the little lady saw that, who knows what might happen. She would probably beat me up like an egg yolk with a Bent Fork.

You scare my Neopets. They are now scared of me just because I'm coming to you for advice on this. Ever since they first saw you at the Usuki (Baby section) store and started screaming, shouting, and crying. Super Freak-ed

I’m not good with kids. Who is good with goats? Neopets or otherwise. In my school drama class, I used to scare people even when I was not in costume.

Hi, I went to my doctor a few days ago (I was not feeling good) and was diagnosed with Noneoptuhloothpiptiphobia. I can't even pronounce it! What does it mean? Is it serious, Doc? Need a Cure

I don’t have the guts to take this person. It's Neo Fungus! They will be floating upside down by morning. I am sorry..

Dear Dr. Sloth, my ixi is obsessed with drawing Angelpi. She wandered to the How to Draw section one day and now she draws Angelpi on everything! What should I do? I Spy Angelpi

If you have a lot of smooth surfaces to wipe marker pens off, I wouldn't worry about her drawing on everything. You should take up drawing, too, and encourage her to submit things to the Art Gallery. Keep people in Neopia who do not commit crime off the streets!

Slothenator, why do you always seem to go off the topic when answering questions sometimes? Full of Random Ramblings

Nice weather, we’ve been having. I don't go off topic. I’ll eat my super villain hat if I do.

Howdy Frank, Onas are NOT scary. Come on, you gotta be scared of more than that. Seriously I can tell, you have other weaknesses that you are just afraid to mention, right? Bringing Dis-Ona to the Family

Alright, I’m afraid of Lennies. And from not being accepted by my mother. There, I said it!?! I’m also scared of daisies. But isn’t everyone scared of something?
At least I am not scared about going old, like somebody I know. She who won’t admit it, but she is scared of going old and turning as wriggly as a beanbag. *coughroxy*

Hello Green Dude! I need to know this for future reference when I contact you. Do you like being called Slothy, Slothenator, Doctor, Dr. Sloth, Sloth, Frank, ‘Lil Frankie’ or Oh Sir Evilness? World’s Greatest Teacher’s Pet

Whatever floats your boat. Rocks your socks.

‘Not so fortnightly but nice acronym’ Rant of the Fortnight (ROTF for short):

For one thing, I don't get paid enough. Come on, I do not even get paid at all! Actually my work on Neopets counts towards my community service for crimes against humanity. All right, I admit it.

Author’s Note: Feel free to send any questions regarding ‘anything under the orange sun’ for Doctor Sloth. Just Neomail me and I’ll pass them all onto Sloth to read and maybe even answer. The question could be about cooking, love, medical, personal or basically anything about Neopets. Sloth, thanks you in advance and looks forward to reading your questions.

If you enjoy more corny humour, don’t settle for imitations. You deserve the best corny articles in Neopia, search for these articles.
Ask ‘Dr’ Sloth: The Doctor Is In!
Doctor, Doctor, Gimme the News!
Carry on, Doctor Sloth!
M.D.=Must Dominate!
Sloth’s Guide to Love

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