The N00binator's Guide to the Galaxy
BATTLEDOME, SECRET N00BINATOR'S HEADQUARTERS* - Do you like beating up pets
weaker than you? Have you got so much NP that you use codestones to play marbles
and make paper planes out of map pieces? Are you just plain bored and need entertainment?
If you answered yes to all, most, some or even none of these questions, n00bination
is for you!
For those of you who don't know what a n00binator is, I have especially gone
to the trouble of preparing a definition for you… *drumroll*
n00binator /NOO-bee-nay-tuh/ noun
A person, animal, Neopet (most common form of n00binator), alien or life form
otherwise unidentified, who has low/average level stats, but extremely powerful
weapons. N00binators take special pleasure in obliterating fellow unsuspecting
low/average level stat pets, who have not-so-good weapons, usually owned by
Now that you all know what a n00binator is, you might be thinking, Why on earth
would someone want to have a n00binator pet instead of spending the NP on training
up a super-strong-nearly-impossible-to-beat fighting machine? Well, if you think
about it, would a newbie pet accept a challenge from a super-strong-nearly-impossible-to-beat
fighting machine? If you think the answer is yes, I suggest you stop reading
this article immediately and go see a psychiatrist. The answer, of course, is
no; however, the newbie pet would probably accept a challenge from a
n00binator, as n00binators look like a newbie pet, although your opponent wont
find out they aren't until you battle each other (insert evil laugh here).
Creating a n00binator pet
So you think n00binating is for you? Well, the first step is obviously creating
a pet to become your n00binator. Think carefully about the pet you choose: would
you like a cute, harmless-looking pet such as an Acara or Jubjub, to lure unsuspecting
newbies in with your charm; or would you rather a fierce pet, such as a Grarrl
or Skeith, to give your opponent a vicious impression from the start?
A popular n00binating pet choice is the Mynci. It looks neither fierce nor
cute, but it is one of the few pets which can be created with 3hp. N00binators
often use 3hp pets to do their dirty work, as they are even more underestimated
than the average newbie pet, if that's at all possible. Of course, you don't
have to have a 3hp n00binator; many people also have semi-n00b pets, which have
around 25 to 30 points in each stat group. This is a better choice if you want
to fight in wars and don't have a second, stronger pet, as a 3hp pet can only
go so far in a war, due to its statistical disadvantage.
Weapons and Strategy of a N00binator
Weapon choice and strategy play crucial parts in n00bination. Some people think
that all there is to n00binating is just blasting someone into oblivion. Those
people couldn't be more wrong. For example, do you want to fight pets of similar
stats to your n00binator, and just use freeze+defence in the first round, and
2 bombs to wipe out your opponent in the second round? Or maybe you'd prefer
to verse pets with two or three times your stats, which involves buying more
healing and defensive weapons, and thinking out a more complicated strategy.
Both options are both fun and entertaining, although the second option is (in
my opinion) more satisfying, especially when you beat a pet with over 30 more
hit points/strength than yourself. Of course, these aren't the only two strategies
involved in n00bination, there are many more -- too many to name in this article.
Keeping your strategy in mind, next you must buy your weapons. Be prepared
to spend many millions on these weapons, n00bination does not come at a cheap
price. The average n00binator's set contains the following (items in brackets
are examples of the weapons in that category):
The weapons listed above form a basic n00binator's battle set. A basic strategy
is as follows:
- 1 freezing weapon (Hypno Helmet, Freezing Potion)
- 2 bombs (Honey Potion, Battle Potato, Ghostkerbomb, Fruit Bomb, Faerie Slingshot)
- 2 or 3 constant attacking weapons (Portable Kiln, Mystery Fruit Bowl, Sword
of Skarsden, Ghostkersword, Seasonal Attack Pea, Faerie Slingshot)
- 1 healing item (Everlasting Crystal Apple, Rod of Dark Nova)
- 1 or 2 defence items (Downsize!, Thyoras Tear)
Of course, there are many variations to the weapons and strategies listed above,
these are just the ones that I find to be the most common.
- Turn #1: Freeze+Defence (or if you prefer, Freeze+Healing). This makes sure
that on your next turn, your opponent can't defend your attack. The defence/healing
is important if you want to stay alive.
- Turn #2: Bomb+Bomb. This turn is fairly self-explanatory…if you were also
frozen in the first round, just use your bombs anyway and hope that your opponent
doesn't have any good defence items…
- Turn #3: Constant+Constant or Constant+Healing or Defence+Healing.
If your two bombs didn't kill your opponent last round, you have 3 options
to choose from. Constant+Constant is for those who are confident that they
won't be knocked out in the next turn. Constant+Healing is recommended (especially
for 3hp n00binators), as you do damage while healing at the same time, and
if your Constant weapon is a Faerie Slingshot, it also has a 1 in 3 chance
of doing some major damage. Defence+Healing is only for those who are
really in trouble.
- Turn #4 and onwards: Repeat Turn #3. Try interchanging between different
Constant weapons (that is, if you have enough of them) to try and get past
any defense items your opponent might be using.
An interview with... A real live (ex-)n00binator!
After 1 hour, 39 minutes, 6 seconds and 52 milliseconds, I had finally found
someone to interview for this article. Not being able to find an actual n00binator
to interview (they were probably all hiding from me), I settled for the next
best thing, an ex-n00binator. Here follows my interesting yet educational chat
with ex-n00binator forgotten_acorn.
(Note: All parts of our conversation not related to n00bination has been cut
out. Rest assured that you are not missing out on much.)
Me: Why did you become a n00binator?
Forgotten_acorn: It gives you a new challenge in Neo, which constantly
gets harder to find these days. There is also nothing sweeter than beating someone
with three and four times your hit points when they think they are going to
kill you instantly.
Me: Around how much did it cost altogether?
Forgotten_acorn: Depends on lots of different factors. There are several
different strategies to low-level fighting. Some think you should freeze first
and then kill in the next turn. That's good and dandy, but what happens if both
your Faerie Slingshots do the minimum amount of icons and you end up doing 15
damage? That's where the really fun (and strategy) comes in. Some try to go
for a second freeze and hope their weapons are cooperative, while others don't
even concentrate on freezing in the first place, but doing the maximum amount
of damage while still maintaining their health. Strategy should be the first
thing that is decided upon before weapons and pets and other things. If you
want to freeze and bomb, you could buy a Hypno Helmet, Downsize!, Honey Potion,
and a Snowball Slingshot (or something similar) and probably do enough damage
to kill them after freezing and defending on the first turn. This is probably
the cheapest route. A little more expense would be the same items as before,
but an Everlasting Crystal Apple (or the Everlasting Crystal Apple could replace
the Hypno Helmet). Then you would most likely use the Everlasting Crystal Apple
every turn as to heal 30 hit points which can heal lost hit points or buffer
the attacks. Price can be varied greatly between strategies.
Me: What weapons did you use?
Forgotten_acorn: I have always liked the combination of Hypno Helmet
and Downsize! with defend on the first turn, following up with dual Faerie Slingshots
to kill them when they are frozen. If they freeze me at the same time, I always
have an Everlasting Crystal Apple (first weapon purchase in set) to heal and
follow up with another Faerie Slingshot attack.
Me: What was the most important weapon?
Forgotten_acorn: Once again, it depends. Hypno Helmets (or other freezes)
and Everlasting Crystal Apple or Rod of Super/Dark Nova (or other healings)
are good to have. I think one of the best (and most fun) weapons to have is
a good bomb weapon. Low-level fighters have low stats all the way around, so
to make up for the little damage per icon that is going to normally be released,
a Faerie Slingshot can do a ton of icons. In a way, a Faerie Slingshot can even
out the strength boost versus icons disadvantage that all low-level pets face.
Me: What in your opinion is the best thing about being a n00binator?
Forgotten_acorn: The shocking (and sometimes rude) remarks and Neomails
you get from the people can make you really feel like you accomplished something.
It's great when they never expected what was coming.
Me: What in your opinion is the worst thing about being a n00binator?
Forgotten_acorn: This is a tie. One of times that being a low-level pet
can be a major disadvantage is in a war. As you beat more and more enemies,
you come to a point where can no longer win battlers because of your pet's low
hit points. This can sometimes persuade users to make their pets "mini-n00bs"
where they have about 100hp instead of 10. This also happens when users have
a set that they are comfortable with.
The other bad thing about being a low-level fighter is losing it all. When an
account is taken, it is easier for them to take rare and expensive items (a
low-level pet's life force) and transfer them to different accounts rather than
having to abandon a pet and get it in another account. Most players build pet
and set evenly, while low-level fighters just have the set.
Me: Thanks for your time.
There you have it folks, your firsthand guide to n00bination. Whether you choose
to run out and create n00binator right now, or rip up this article into a thousand
little pieces and mix it with dung to fertilise your Neogarden with it, (although
I don't see how you can do that, seeing as The Neopian Times is a newspaper
on your computer…) I don't really care, but I hope that you all have learnt
something in your reading of this article. This is 666_devilsrock_666, wishing
you good n00binating and signing out!
* There is no confirmation as yet that the 'Secret N00binator's Headquarters'
exist in the Battledome area. This place is possibly and probably a figment
of the author's imagination. The author of this article will take no responsibility
for any damage which may occur in the pursuit of this location.
Author's Note: If you have any questions or comments, please Neomail
me. Any feedback would be appreciated. Thanks to everyone at Battledome
Chat for helping me out, and a HUGE thanks to forgotten_acorn
for letting me interview you.
No chickens were harmed in the making of this article.