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NEOPIA - Neopians say the oddest things. Some quotes/phrases/words have been
pretty much embedded in the minds of Neopian Times readers everywhere.
Some people have even received ‘Quote of the Week’ which is where the editor
picks out a quote (one long sentence or two short sentences) from a submission
out of everything featured in the previous issue of The Neopian Times. This
is a great honour to be bestowed on, believe me!
But there are of course some things that Neopian Times/Neopets Characters
won’t ever ever probably say, just accidentally let slip out over a interview,
or reveal in one zillion years!
Shocking revelations, scandal, simple-mindedness revealed (And that’s just
from the author of this article!) and the truth about Jhudora’s real hair colour!
Gossip, folks!
From characters such as Adam to Zarrel with everyone else slotted in between
of course. (I did the hard work picking out the letters in the alphabet soup.)
Not since the time Neopia froze over and the tumbleweeds started rolling in,
has such a bored Neopian has succumbed to the challenge of compiling “Things
that Neopian Characters would NEVER say!”
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ReallyConfused: Stoney! Guess what guess what guess what? I got my Doctorate
in Calculus and Advanced Mathematics!
Jhudora: Where is that Collectable card I wanted? You've got 3 seconds left!
Kacheek: Erm... I couldn't find it.
Jhudora: Well, that's okay. I can just get it myself. Here, have a seat
on my couch and have a few cream cookies. I baked them myself.
Sheep of Doom: Meep... Disgusting word.
Jelly Chia: Feel free to bounce ideas off me! Also, my stomach can be hired
out as a trampoline for children’s parties.
Fyora: Ugh, purple is SUCH a disgusting colour....
Soup Faerie (to a newbie) : No soup for you! I’m on strike...
Stan the Kyrii: To get past all the guards in Grand Theft Ummagine, all I
need to get is a red riding hood and a basket of cookies as bribes..
Carbona Copy: Isn't that Stud Muffin just a gorgeous hunk?
Left Hook: Yep, he sure is.
Stone: Ugh... I think I'll stop wearing Lucky Green Boots from now on...
Bacheek: My favourite movie of all time is ‘Sleepless in Tyrannia’.
Zarrel: I brought a nice, shiny apple for you, Mister Bronston!
Lady Osiri: Nobody will notice this little itty bitty crack in this plate.
I’ll just have to discount it heavily, though.
Giving: Ooooh! Lookie! What a c-ee-oootie wittle Turdle!
Judge Hog: Crime fighting isn’t as satisfying as committing petty crime...
Aldrai: We must banish the light!
Hannah from Pirate Caves: Oh... alright! I admit I'm a Dub-loonatics’ Carbona
pirate Usul rip-off.
Warpaw: Oh, if I were to be unhappy I'd be happy again...
Capara: I’m not cute, I’m just drawn that way...
Zarrel Charmain: Donoro, let's take a break from destroying people for a while
and go get a taco!
Donoro: Mmmmmmm, tacos.
King Coltzan III: There’s no way, I’m giving my vast fortune away to some
random person who turns up at the shrine at midnight.
Laurensama: Go black Weewoos!
Tomi: Hey people! Let's play Whack-a-Staff member! *holds up Lucy*
Snowflake: Sounds like fun. I'll meet you at the Games room.
Tomi: *grins evilly* No, I meant the REAL Whack-a-Staff member. Snowflake: *gulp*
Mumbo Pango: I told the white Weewoo I was in love with you. He told me...
Roxy: Sloth, marry me! Please!
Sloth: Sorry Roxy, my sweet, but I'm already in love with another. One by
the name of Jhudora.
The Chiropteric Poogle: I hate spherical cherries! Who would eat them?!
Donna: Maybe it won't hurt if someone else does the Editorial for once.
Calabrus the Cloud Aisha: When did my temper have anything to do with the
clouds and the weather?
Jhudora: This isn't my natural hair colour! I know... I'm really a blonde..
Gilly the Usul: Yes! I’m a girl, and I do know how to ask for directions.
I can find my way through the Haunted Woods perfectly fine on my own!
Stoneman3x: I would like to refuse this Neopian Times trophy. Us authors,
should all be thinking about things in the world around us. Not just the Neopian
Times! Like the poor newbies on Newbie Chat, Meri-dell war torn Neopets in Neo-utopia
and important stuff like world peace. Who is with me?
Chet Flash: Do I get royalties for every time I'm mentioned in a submission
without author's permission?
Turmaculus: Maybe I should lay off the petpets for awhile. I am getting a
bit on the chunky side.
Mr Pickles: Want to see my Neopian Briefs?
Plushieowner: Awww... Slothy, you're welcome to come into my account anytime
you want!
Matt: Hygiene rocks!
Hubrid Nox: O, HAPPY DAY! *sings* Sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows, everything
is beautiful...
Meggiemufin: I'm gonna dye my hair blonde and crop it until about shoulder
length!
Dr_Death: Let’s free all the Neopets!! Who is with me?!
Linny: Harry, I want to go our separate ways...
Roxy (to Sloth) : Take me! I'm yours, Sloth!
Al: Meep! Oops! I just accidentally stole some other character's catchphrase.
Heh, that was fun.
Master Vex: How do to you like cell-ebrate? I like peachpa cocktails and getting
caught in the rain...
Snowflake (to an author): Lets ignore you breaking the technology rule and
call it even because of that delicious bunch of brownies you sent me last week.
Agent Magnolia: I'm sick of being a well known Neopian agent. I'm going to
sit down for once with a cup of tea.
Carbona Copy: Stud, you are so beautiful to me!!
Yellow the Usul: Oh well! I have had my 15 minutes of fame as a singer, time
to move on!
The Auction Genie: Checking the Shop Wizard or the Trading Post for bargain
prices! What is the point of coming here?
Snowager: Help yourself to as many neggs as you want!
Grarrl Keno Guy: With all these eggs, I wonder who the mother is?
Uruva (From the Ashes): Ouch! This fire in my custom picture is too hot!
Sabruer: I'll never blow up anything ever again! And I'll spend my remaining
days as a baker... mmm, chocolate chip...
Tahu: iz haet keutchp!!11!!!!!1111111
Donna: From now on, Adam will do the Editorial!
Luperus: Way ago! We do bite hard.
Sloth: But I don't WANNA take over the world!
Chomby and the Fungus Balls: We are just like any other boy band. Our music
is just a carbon copy of everyone else’s.
Kelsey from Room for Two: Er, did I have a cue to jump to catch the stuffed
Kougra?
Taelia: Looking for some hot stuff.... mmm... hot bread from the oven.
Underwater Chef: The secret ingredient in my recipes is.... PEOPLE!
Jhudora: Maybe I should try colour co-ordinating for a change...
Child_Dragon: Aldrai, come down from that tower sweetie! We've got cookies
down here!
Aldrai: Cookies?
Fyora: I'm sick of being nice! World domination, anyone?
Stenchpaw: Now to get rid of all this dung! Perfume all the way!
Neo_tomi: The mallet has a life of its own!
Miss Fyres: It's okay. It's just dirt.
Eliv Thade: What’s two across? Four letters and it starts with ‘e’. Another
word for nasty. Er...
Kauvara: Nobody knows what is in my potions...
Officiant: Do you, Jhudora, hereby take Frank Sloth as your cherished husband?
Jhudora: I do.
Troxy: Things to do. First take over Roxy’s column, then Neopia... Sloth is
my idol!
Darigan: Sloth, I have got something to tell you. I’m your evil, half-brother....
Master Vex: Oh my golly gosh! I never knew. Come here, bro. *hugs*
Zygorax the Grundo: There’s dung, his 7 secret herbs and spices (including
Chet Flash and Basil). All sorts of things in Gargarox’s top secret recipes!
Grey Faerie: Be happy! Cheer up and be happy!
Brucey B: Er, what coin? I didn’t lose no coin!
Shadow Usul: Don’t you hate things that go bump in the night? Arrr!!!!! A
Spyder!
Giving: Here, Hewami. You can borrow Sandy for a day.
Un-eairkagh: I'm not going to break anything today!
Capara: Cheating is the sincerest form of flattery!
Brucey B: Say what?
Jhudora: Happiness. Peace. Love. Joy. *Dreamy sigh*
Kalora: Stealing Fernypoo’s crown was like taking candy from a baby Kau.
Hannibalpaw: Save the Chias!
Nigel: What do you associate with the words ‘Money, power, acclaim, respect’.
Certainly, not me! I don’t work that hard. 20 hours a day really isn’t much
at all.
The Pant Devil: From now on, you can call me the Neopian Briefs Devil!
Money Tree: Hands off the branches, newbies! The Neopoints are reserved for
the greedy rich Neopians with fast Internet connections!
Vira: My name is Vira and I’m a obsessive villian...
Ridergirl333: I'm perfectly sane. I eat Weewoos too!
Sidney: Ssssscrraatchcards are all rigggedd...
Tax Beast: Here, sweetie, you can have ALL the NP I collected today...
Plushieowner: Does this pitchfork make my bum look big?
Adam: AHHH! Get that piece of asparagus away from me!
Sloth: Black is SOOOO out of fashion.... Hot pink! Yeah!
Al: Chia Pie, anyone?
Nianso (Dragon Thieves): Lets forgo thieving for a while. What about becoming
a florist? That would be nice!
Special thanks to Ridergirl333 for coming up with this wonderful idea which
inspired me to start writing this article, I give her credit for that. Also
her awesome amount of contributions to the list.
Also thanks to frostcrystal, gentle_lil_queen, wolfofthewoods, tracypaper12
and tahu673 for their contributions to the list (apart from the ones I wrote
of course).
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