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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 2nd day of Relaxing, Yr 22
The Neopian Times Week 123 > Short Stories > The Spyder Researcher Extraordinaire

The Spyder Researcher Extraordinaire

by appaloosa500

Do to overwhelming demand, I present a continuation of the Adventures of Daina Chani, the infamous Spyder Researcher featured in the story The Spyders Are Coming! in week 117. (Okay, so I got two Neomails and neither had to do with the actual story. Close enough!)

Join Professor Chani as she embarks on her adventure with her ironically somewhat Spyder-phobic assistant Dave. Both Blue Kacheeks will meet with various tests and trials as they search for the Hidden Temple of Arachnia.

"Are you 'sure' Spyders are from outer space, Chan?" asked Dave, Professor Daina Chani's reluctant assistant, again.

     Daina Chani's plump Spyder, Spy, chirped up in an accent. "But of course, dear chap. The tales specifically tell us that us Spyders once roamed the stars and lived on the planet of Arachnia. Why else would I wish us to quest for the legendary Hidden Temple of Arachnia? I must find the truth, the origin of my ancestry and people!"

     Chan, the Prof.'s nickname, stroked Spy's hairy back. They were sitting on a log in the middle of what looked like a small landing in a swamp. Dave had no idea where they were, except a faint suspicion that they were somewhere around the Haunted Woods. The moss stuck to Dave and Chan's fur as they sat down, and mud clung to them from toes to the tips of his ears.

     "So what's a swamp gotta do with a hidden temple?"

     "Ever-thang, Davey," spoke the Professor, in a Southern accent. "Ah showed ya the research! The secret passage-thingie should be right 'round 'ere. Some-wheres..."

     Then the log the threesome were sitting on suddenly shifted with an alarming shudder.

     Dave's eyes widened to twice their normal size. "Umm, Chan? Are jungles, err, subject to earthquakes?"

     Chan frowned, "Ya know, Ah'm not al-tagetha sure... May'aps." Then she seemed to notice the odd rumbling in the ground. She shrugged, still perfectly calm and collected. "Ah guess so."

     Dave himself began shaking. "An, an EARTHQUAKE!!! AHHHHHH!!!"

     He was about to jump up and run off when the log lurched and the ground around them shook enormously. A huge cavern opened up underneath them. The log, and the threesome upon it, seemed to hang in the air for a second before they fell in.

     Dave screamed, "YAAHAHAHGGHH!!!"

     Spy squeaked like the little Petpet he was.

     The not-so-famous professor folded her arms and nodded proudly as they fell. "See, ah knew the thingie waz 'round 'ere!"

     They landed with a huge *WUMPH*. Dave landed chest down over the log.

     "Whoof! Rough landing..." he managed to gasp out when Spy stared at him alarmingly.

     Chan was already searching the area in which they had fallen. "Hmm, it appears ta be some sort a ancient prison 'ole." Her face lit up and her eyes sparkled as she examined the strange markings on the windowless walls. "Ya'll can jus a'magine the scoundrals an' murderers an' crooks that were locked up in 'ere until judgement!"

     Dave just managed to sit up when he heard this. "J-j-judgement? As-as in punishment? Torture? Starvation? DEATH?!" He started gasping eratically, as if he couldn't breathe.

     Spy crawled next to Dave's arm and patted it. "There, there dear chap. Everything will be all right. Now, breathe in, one... two... three..., breathe out, one... two... three..."

     Unaware of her assisstant's hyperventilation behind her, she nodded her head in agreement to Dave's exclamation. "Naturally, these 'ere eye-row-glyph-ick thingie-majingies are fo' Spyders, a 'couse, as they mention the removal of extra legs and such and there still being between four an' six left, although some--"

     She was perfectly calm, happy, and in her element. Dave looked like he was going to barf. Spy was going a little pale as he rubbed his treasured eight furry legs. The chubby little Spyder blinked his many red eyes like he was trying to hold back tears.

     "Barbarians!" whimpered Spy, "My ancestors were barbarians! Primitive beings who knew of no better method of punishment then physical mutilation!" He shuddered as he looked around the bare cell they were trapped in.

     "An' 'ere it mentions them eatin' trespassers!" declared Chan.

     Dave's eyes whirled back in his head. Spy collapsed into tears.

     "Cannibals! Disgusting, putrid, horrific cannibals!"

     Then one of the walls opened outward and the threesome were faced by an armed squadron of Spyders in militia gear.

     "Chirk! Chir-CREE-chriru!" announced a rather large one in the front with a tiny golden crown on it's head.

     Spy was shuddering dramatically, and Dave was unconscious, so it's a very good thing our professor could speak Spyder.

(*Note: For the sake of understanding what in Neopia is going on, from now on I will translate Spyder phrases for you. I doubt anyone understands all that chattering. All translations will be marked with a ~ before and after instead of quotation marks.)

     ~No, we haven't come to steal secret artifacts.~ commented Chan, with a perfect Spyder accent. (Why she can't speak Neopish as perfectly, let's not go there...)

     The large one with the crown shook it's head twice and the Militia Spyders quickly surrounded our heroes(?).

     It began to address Chan, the only one that seemed reasonably sane. ~I am the Great Smug-Smart of the Breathren. How is it that one of the overlanders speaks the sacred language of the breathren?~

     ~O gracious Smug-Smart!~ announced Chan, with an overall aristocratic air that she must have adapted from Spy, ~I, an overlander set apart from others of my kind, found the Breathren's sacred Spyder language fascinating, and sought after the translation with all my heart. With the help of my Spyder friend, Spy here, I discovered the key! I promise that I am the only overlander with this secret, and I promise never to share it! I beg for your forgiveness for trespassing in your Hidden Temple. I could not help but seek the family birthplace of such higher beings!~

     Spy seemed to be recovering as his owner impressed the Spyders with her wonderful command of the language. Chan bowed halfway. Spy did a sort of bob, which I guess passed for a Spyder sign of respect.

     The Smug-Smart, seemingly very pleased with the actions of these captured ones of his, except that one sleeping over there by the log-doorway, asked ~What is it that The Approved One and Spy of The Missing wish of The Smug-Smart and His Sacred Breathren?~

     The professor seemed to think a minute, then she smiled happily and spoke her request.


For the second time in his life, Dave had an odd sensation of being carried by many little, furry bodies. Except, instead of waking in a gorgeous field of wildflowers in a little secluded spot in a forest, he was in a cavern. He could feel the warmth of a large fireplace, and see the glow through his closed eyelids.

     He opened his eyes to see Chan looking down on him, total deja vu. Though this time she appeared to have a weird thing on her head with rainbow feathers sticking out. Spy wasn't in his sight. He sat up and stretched his body, only to feel more rainbow feathers tied to a necklace around his neck.

     He fingered the oddly attractive collar around his neck. "Umm, Chan? What happened this time? Besides me fainting again. Please say no tea-party."

     Chan laughed. "Ah guess ah'm some sorta person called "The Approved One". They 'ave stories 'bout one like me comin' 'long someday. Spy's of a li'l clan called "The Missing" who chose ta leave the Temple ta join us Neopets. They call you "The Other"-- I don't get why yet.

     Dave massaged his temples and looked around. "Why are we here though? In this cavern?" He looked around and saw Spyders everywhere. Making food, tending to this huge fireplace, cleaning the floor, playing with a ball...

     "Oh, Ah asked if ah could 'ang 'round an watch them fora thesis on their daily life. They said ah could stay long as ah wanted, as long as ah join them for the sacrifice."

     Dave's eyes bulged. "S-s-sacrifice?"

     "Yah, they--"

     Dave collapsed again.

     "--throw fruit into that there fire. Oh, 'e's gone again."

     Spy crawled out of nowhere, only to have a small army of babies jump onto him. He was laughing hysterically. ~Come now, Ha ha, children, I must, hee hee, speak with The Approved One!~

     He quickly switched to Neopish for the sake of privacy. "They say they know of another Temple! Can we visit them, Chan? Please, dear one of my heart, my dearest owner and closest of my friends? Please, please, please!"

     "Sure, dah-lin'. Ah'll tell Dave when 'e wakes."

     Dave groaned in his unconscious sleep as if he knew what was going on.

The End Well, sort of...

Hey! Fellow Neopians who care what sort of stories they read! Let me know what you think! PLEASE!?!

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