Christmas for the Common Folk
HAPPY VALLEY - Well, folks, it's that time of the year again. The time when rich
owners dole out Neopoints lavishly on fancy items for their pampered pets, the
time when users from every corner of Neopia flock by the thousands to the Advent
Calendar for gifts, the time when groups of Neopets prance by with sugary treats
clasped in their paws, singing merry carols of Neopian Christmases long ago.
And while all these Neopoints are trading hands, what's a poor person to do?
Any Neopoints a peasant may be able to scrap up must be saved for gifts, just
to see that happy glow in their pet's eyes as they rip open a package to discover
a new ball, or a new bicycle. But there's another aspect that must be taken
care of. Next to gifts, the most exaggerated, but important part of any Christmas
Ah, yes, food. Mouth-watering delights that thrill the tongue with their flavor.
For the high-class citizens of Neopia, it is not a problem to provide their
pets with the best holiday goods money can buy.
But what about the poor Neopians that have homes made of Bamboo instead of
Gold? Their pets need food just as much as the pets that reside in palaces of
Platinum. And it's not really as much fun opening a present on Christmas morning
if the meal that follows is made up of Lime Jelly and Plain Omelette.
If Neopia were perfect, on Christmas Day, every resident would wake up to
a steaming plateful of delicious and traditional delicacies, and a rubber duckie.
DO NOT MOCK THE DUCKIE! But Neopets, no matter how wonderful a place it can
be, has it's flaws, just like good old Earth. No owner wants to serve their
pet jelly and omelette on Christmas morning, and yet few owners can afford the
luxuries of a traditional meal for every pet. Don't you wish there was a middle
Maybe there is. Luckily for you, I have a solution to the bland meal of free
eats you may turning to. You don't need to spend a fortune to make your pet
happy for the holidays. Here are the alternatives to all the expensive food
the rich will be eating. But unlike the rich, you won't have lost thousands
of Neopoints buying these goodies.
Holiday Slushie: Before we dive into the main course, we'll need something
to wash it down. Of course, there is no eggnog in Neopia, so we users resort
to other measures. But a Pepperminto Slushie, no matter how minty and energy-inducing
this delicacy is, costs 1,300 a slushie, which is more then the average person's
budget will allow, especially considering a pet may want refills. Instead, opt
for the Holiday Slushie, much cheaper at an estimate of 350 Neopoints a shake.
Not to mention that this tasty beverage is a combination of gooseberries, ganboplant,
and ICE CREAM. Take note of the last ingredient. Now who here doesn't love ice
Grakle-Stuffed Turkey: No Christmas meal is complete without a turkey on the
table, still steaming hot from the oven. Yes, I know what you're thinking: Who
wants to eat a bird full of bugs on the most wonderful day of the year? But
at the time this article was written, an average Turkey Dinner (a gourmet food
and popular favorite around the holidays) costs 1,200 Neopoints, while a Grakle-Stuffed
Turkey costs only 40 Neopoints. You'll be saving 1,160 Neopoints per pet. In
my mind, that's definitely worth taking the time to pick the Grakles out of
your fowl. And who knows, perhaps you own a pet like a Quiggle, that might throw
the turkey away and eat the insects instead.
Shrimptail with Kelp Sauce: You can't have a main dish without a side order
to go with it. Now, I know you're all thinking of the traditional potatoes and
gravy, which do look nice alongside any type of turkey. But at 600 Neopoints
a serving, these spuds will take a chunk out of your Christmas funds. Perhaps
this seafood dish isn't traditional, but the bright colors balance out the dull
brown of a turkey, and the snappy, slightly tangy taste awakens your taste buds
and warms them up for the main course. And unlike after you eat potatoes, Shrimptail
with Kelp Sauce doesn't feel like you've dropped a lead weight in your stomach.
At 225 Neopoints a plate, these tangy treats are a better bargain for the holidays.
Chocolate Faerie Cake: And last, but certainly not least, the dessert. I know
it's just a cheap Tombola prize. But did you ever think how good these pint-sized
confections taste? A light-as-air cupcake, slathered with thick chocolate frosting,
and for decoration, two cute little orange marshmallows on top. Add in a little
magic from the Faerieland kitchen... your mouth is starting to water, isn't
it? And the traditional dessert for the holiday table, a Christmas pudding,
can cost as much as 8,000 Neopoints, while these chocolate morsels cost only
10 Neopoints each. So unlike after buying a Christmas pudding for each family
member, you'll actually have Neopoints left in your Bank Account to buy the
rest of the food for the feast.
Well, there's the menu for a cheap and tasty holiday meal. And, because I'm
an incredibly nice and wonderful person, I've actually done the math that separates
a meal that will drain your bank account dry from a meal that leaves plenty
of spending money for gifts to give your spoiled little darlings. Mind you,
I'm not very smart, so these estimates may be horribly, HORRIBLY wrong!
1 Pepperminto Slushie + 1 Turkey Dinner + 1 Potatoes and Gravy + 1 Christmas
Pudding = 11,100 Neopoints
1 Holiday Slushie + 1 Grakle-Stuffed Turkey + 1 Shrimptail with Kelp Sauce
+ 1 Chocolate Faerie Cake= 625 Neopoints
WOW! On the unlikely event I'm actually right, is that a major saving or what,
people? Unlike a traditional Christmas dinner, this slightly more unusual feast
won't leave you collecting omelettes and Tombola prizes for the rest of the
year. So remember, dear readers, go for the cheaper menu this Christmas, and
have enough money left to buy special presents for your loved ones. I've shown
cheap foods to all, and to all a good night!
Author's Note: The writer of this article takes no responsibility for any
congestion, severe rashes, or pets saying "Ew that's gross!" that are caused
by the consumption of the food recommended above. DON'T HURT ME!