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Every place in Neopia has its dos and don'ts. Some places have more than others.
I mean, how could I know that my encounter with the Wheel of Misfortune would
turn out to be so... misfortunate? How was I supposed to know what the Mystery
Island Cocos meant when they 'wanted me round for dinner'? How was I to know
Jhudora wouldn't take kindly to a few friendly fashion tips? The point is, you
have to be very careful where you tread in Neopia. Very careful.
Whether you're taking a stroll through Neopia Central, or having the Gallery
of Evil round for milk and cookies, common sense is of the essence. Of course,
if your common sense is disturbingly low (cross referenced under 'Tracy') then
you might want to carry on reading for a few helpful tips from the Master of
Disaster herself. After all, I write this article from experience.
Number One - Insulting An Evil Genius
This is a big Neopian no-no. Especially if your slander is directed at a certain
giant green chicken. I mean, c'mon, the guy's already failed at taking over
Neopia a good four times. No need to rub it in.
In fact, this goes for pretty much any super villain in Neopia. Mocking or
insulting someone with an oversized ray gun, magical powers, or even just a
decent set of claws will take you on a one way trip to painsville. Unless you
happen to verbally assault Boochi, then your one way trip could be to a baby
daycare centre.
Number Two - Eating Food Off The Ground
Let me get this straight. You found that apple on the floor, and you're actually
going to feed it to your beloved neomanneo_12345, or even worse, pop it in your
shop, and sell it to some unsuspecting Neopian? You sicken me.
I mean, I'm sure you wouldn't go eat a roast turkey dinner you found submerged
in the snow of the Happy Valley, slowly burning to a crisp in the Lost Desert,
or whilst picking your own in Meridell. Especially whilst picking your own in
Meridell. So why should your pets, or anyone's pets for that matter?
However, I find 'ground food' is especially useful for hurling at people who
irritate you. Take that, Nick Neopia!
Number Three - Playing Slots
Now this may seem a bit of an odd thing to add, but you'll have to trust me
on this one.
You'll have 5,000 NP on hand, and lose it all within half an hour. Then you'll
withdraw another 5,000 NP. And another. All this time, you're saying to yourself,
'I'll hit the jackpot soon and win it all back'. Hate to break it to you, buddy,
but you probably wont.
The key factor here is slots are addictive. I once saw a guy bet his entire
life savings, his juppie gallery, all four of his Neopets, and his shirt on
the Pawkeet Slots... and lose. Not a pretty sight. Luckily, they were feeling
generous and let him keep the shirt.
Number Four - Searching For Giant Magma Moltenores
You'd have thought this one was pretty redundant, yet half of Neopia traipsed
out of their cosy little Neohomes, in search of Tagobo potions and Tiki Masks,
fighting possessed Techo Masters and facing off Evil Sharmans.
And after all the pain, turmoil and sleepless nights of hunting for the ancient
beast of magma, they were rewarded with... a small graphic that sits next to
your name at the neoboards. Yippee!
So unless you're one of those weird avatar collectors (weeiirrdd), stay well,
well away from any secrets or volcanoes. Especially secrets involving volcanoes.
Number Five - Travelling Within A 50 Mile Radius Of The Snow Faerie
Pfft, Snow Faerie. They should call her the 'Mean Faerie', or the 'Cheapskate
Faerie', or the 'Give-Me-Several-Thousand-Neopoints-And-I'll-Give-You-A-Poison-Snowball
Faerie'. She's out to get you.
And no, I'm not being paranoid. I once caught a glimpse of her list of ingredients,
and I'm sure it said she needed 'Tracy'. Or 'Train Koi'. But it was most probably
'Tracy'. So, unless the kind of help you want to give her involves you being
decapitated in some kind of... Tiki voodoo spell, I recommend you keep your
distance.
Number Six - Going To See Live Acts At The Tyrannian Concert Hall
When you live with four pets who are absolutely music crazy, you have to take
them to see their favourite band every now and again. Begrudgingly. Last time
I dared to attend with Lucy, several rabid fangirls decided to try hurl their
free merchandise at the headlining act, Moehawk. But they weren't a very good
shot, and I still have the scars to prove it.
If you absolutely MUST go to one of these shows, I suggest taking a short stop
at the Defence Shop. It'll come in handy, trust me.
Number Seven - Trying To Find Cheap Alternatives To Painting Your Pets
I hate to tell you, but you can't get yourself a ghost Lupe by pushing your
pet off a cliff. However, if you desire a nice stack of neopet pancakes, you're
going about it the right way.
Nor can you set them ablaze, and hope for a pretty fire pet. But you can hope
for fried Gelert, extra crispy. Mmm, fried Gelert.
The fact is, in Neopia, you need to pull your weight around. Instead of gluing
cardboard wings to the back of your Quiggle (apparently the second most common
affliction at the Neopian Hospital, after the pets who try to eat the Tombola
man's pickled olives), try going out there, and earning your self some Moolah.
Dosh. Neopoints.
Number Eight - Swimming In The Wishing Well
...again.
So there I was, taking my yearly bath, when all of a sudden these Neopians
gather round the edge of the well, and start hurling Neopoints down. Actually,
it wasn't just Neopoints. I didn't know you could make wishes with rocks and
heaps of dung. Anyway, at first, I thought they were throwing the stuff in because
they didn't see me down there. Then I realised they were throwing stuff in because
they DID see me. That's the last time I ever openly make fun of Aishas in public
again. Which brings me to my next point...
Number Nine - Openly Making Fun Of Aishas In Public
Hehe, look at their big ugly ears. Silly Aishas...
Number Ten - Bartering At The Hidden Tower
Almost all shopkeepers will allow you to haggle for your items, saving you
a few extra Neopoints whilst you're doing your weekly shopping. But not Fyora.
That penny pinching Faerie will squeeze every last Neopoint out of you, slowly
and painfully. I think it's a Faerie thing, But I digress.
When I say Fyora wont haggle, I mean it. In fact, she despises barterers. Don't
anger her by trying, it's a nasty drop down from the top of the Hidden Tower
window. Ever wonder why she built it so high up? Now you know.
So there you have it. Ten simple steps to stay out of trouble, and living a
long, virtuous life in Neopia. Just remember, stay smart, stay cool, and don't
do anything stupid. And if you do, try and learn from your mistakes. Tracypaper12
signing out, with only 10 more minutes to find some Kau Cream Cakes for Taelia...
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