Other Reasons For The Meridell Disappearances by simsman24000 |  |
MERIDELL - It's all about the orb - its powers, its gleam, its sheer rarity. That's
why Darigan waged war on Meridell… isn't it? Nice try. During the past few months,
Neopets users have constantly referred to Darigan as being a greedy little fellow…
erm, big fellow. They've chastised him for destroying Meridell, all for a silly
little piece of medal. But is that really the reason he destroyed it? Even more
so, did Darigan really destroy Meridell in the first place?
Every time I think about it, I realize that maybe Lord Darigan did not really
remove all things Meridellian. However, amid my long, strenuous periods of thought,
I've wondered where everything in Meridell actually disappeared to, because,
after all, it did. So what happened to Illusen, Potato Counter, and the many
other fun attractions of Meridell? I'm not one to speculate, but here are some
possible explanations for the vanishing of Meridell.
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Who: The Turmaculus
Where He Went: Fat Camp
We all knew it would happen soon enough -- the Turmaculus would have to go
on a diet. Now, there weren't exactly low-fat Petpets back then (and I'm not
sure a release of them is anywhere in sight), so the Turmaculus obviously had
to choose an alternative to this. And what did he do? Why, he went to fat camp!
Will power finally kicked in, and he got off of his massive rear and headed
to Mystery Island. Once there, he registered at the infamous Camp Kougra, the
number one place to go when you weigh five tons and still have no girlfriend
(I guess Doctor Sloth makes his rounds there… okay, bad joke). But, as any visitor
to Meridell can clearly see, when he came back from the camp… nothing happened.
That's what you get for going to a fat camp that serves seven-course meals.
Who: Illusen
Where She Went: Cooking School
Intent on perfecting her recipe for the ultimate cream cookie, our humble
Earth Faerie decided to take up cooking lessons and release her delectable creations
to all of Neopia. Under the guidance of the Breadmaster and the Food Shop owner,
Illusen… well, she didn't really do anything. I guess Little Miss Illusen wasn't
exactly happy when she realized that the cream in her cookie was made up of
bleached Mootix antennae-and I'll take the chance in assuming that the rest
of Neopia wasn't necessarily thrilled about it, either.
Who: The Potato Counter Kacheek
Where He Went: Neoschool
One day I was counting potatoes as usual. I entered my answer (which I knew
was correct), and I was horrified to hear that it was wrong. I entered 51 potatoes,
yet that dim-witted Kacheek said there were only 50! Well, I sure showed him-I
complained to the Chia Police for weeks on end until, finally, they agreed to
send the Potato Counting Kacheek back to Neoschool for classes in mathematics.
I do feel bad though, since three weeks after he went to school, I realized
that there actually were only 50 potatoes that day. Now I'm banned from Potato
Counter, and that intelligent Kacheek is back-only this time, he has a wide
knowledge of the Pythagorean Theorem.
Who: Sinsi the Ixi
Where He Went: An Antiques Roadshow
He has all the goods, so why not? With his goblets, trinkets, swords, and
other miscellaneous items, Sinsi the Ixi (the Shapeshifter fellow, as we all
know him) set off to follow the GNARLY-the Great Neopian Antiques Roadshow,
Live!: Year 5. After being on tour for a few months and showing off his possessions
to several respected buyers, Sinsi learned that his valuables weren't exactly…
valuable. However, it all depends on your definition of valuable. If valuable
means "made of plastic and bought dirt cheap", then sure, Sinsi has plenty of
valuables on his hands. Perhaps that's why he's made his way back home to his
local little puzzle game. Tough luck, buddy.
Who: The Cheeseroller Techo
Where He Went: Kreludor (The Moon)
Everybody loves cheese, but nobody loves it more than this nameless young
Techo. But where do you go if you love that tangy taste of cheese? The Cheeseroller
Techo had an idea, but unfortunately, it was wrong… and stupid… and ill-founded…
and moronic and idiotic and foolish and dumb and completely and totally out
of this world -- which is exactly where he went. Apparently, somebody misinformed
this poor Techo and told him that Kreludor, Neopia's moon, was made of cheese.
So what did he go do? Well, he spent his Cheeseroller earnings on a high-powered
rocket and blasted off towards outer space. Sadly, when he reached his destination,
he was greeted with an error message: "Neopia's moon, KRELUDOR coming soon..."
Looks like somebody jumped the gun a little early, eh? Oh, and by the way, my
reptile friend, in regards to you actually hoping to find cheese on the moon
in the first place…you're an idiot.
Who: Old Bessie the Marrow
Where She Went: Tyrannia
Old Bessie was loved by everyone in Meridell, but not by the entirety of Neopia…
so that's what she set out to become. With a suitcase by her side and a song
in her heart, she bid farewell to her Wocky owner and left for Tyrannia. Months
after, she landed the part of Princess Vyassa in the infamous play, Usurper:
The Musical. You can currently see her performing five nights a week at the
Tyrannian Concert Hall while her sister, Old Bettie, stands in for her back
home.
Who: Grumpy Old King Skarl
Where He Went: A Little Corner Of His Castle
Who in this world doesn't feel bad for King Skarl? He's bombarded by war threats
from Darigan, economic problems from Meridell citizens, and horrible jokes from
kids who think that a Peadackle crossing the road is hilarious. And even without
those, what about his tacky fashion sense? I mean, red and gray in the summer?
King Skarl is obviously an autumn. It just screams "Look at me, I have no sense
of style!" All these problems caused Skarl to retreat to a little corner of
his castle and assume a fetal position. When he returned from his mid-life crisis
and nervous breakdown three weeks later, he felt fresh-all his problems were
gone. That is, all those problems except Darigan's war threats, the economy
problems, the bad jokes, and the violations of fashion laws.
Who: The Round Table Poker Bunch
Where They Went: The Krazy Krawk Krawps Kompetition
Whoever thought alliteration and misspelling the first letter of a word were
cute was soooo off. It doesn't appeal to any normal person -- which is exactly
why the Round Table Poker Bunch, which is made up of Neopets who definitely
are not normal people, were attracted to it. Months after achieving the title
of "Really Really Hard To Beat," the RTPG (consisting of Commander Lazarr, Chortle,
Kalandra, Prudella, and a bunch of other gambling addicts) shipped themselves
off to Krawk Island for the annual Krazy Krawk Krawps Kompetition. Unfortunately,
once they arrived at the pirate-filled island, they came to realize that you
had to be a Krawk to participate. I wonder if anyone had ever suggested to them
that they perhaps read the title. Hmm, let's see -Krazy… Krawk… there, you see?
Second word, right there. How could you miss it? I guess that's something you
deserve if you have a Meridell education and make your living playing cards.
Who: The Kiss-The-Mortog Mortogs
Where They Went: The Astro-Villa
Everybody needs a vacation -- everybody. Not just Neopets, not just humans,
but everybody…and that means Petpets, too. These poor Mortogs deserved a break,
and who could blame them? How would you like millions of random Neopets kissing
you every day? And even worse - how would you like to explode? Yeah, that's
what I thought. Tired of Meridell life, these friendly frogs hopped on over
to the Astro-Villa where they swam in intergalactic space waters, took in the
sun's rays (literally), and navigated through asteroid belts and the like. After
a three-week vacation, they finally returned, only to resume their career as
exploding frogs. Looks like somebody needs a serious career change.
Who: The Kiss-The-Mortog Grundo
Where He Went: The Dermatologist
Have you ever seen the pimples on that dude? After seriously thinking over
his complexion, the poor old Grundo left for the skin doctor and came back…
with no results. Even after weeks of medication and constant washing, nothing
happened, so the dismayed Grundo remains with his Mortogs and his acne. By the
way, dude… you have a zit.
Who: The Ultimate Bullseye Turtum
Where He Went: His Shell
Perhaps the simplest disappearance of all was the one that was right under
our noses the entire time - the Turtum from Ultimate Bullseye. Maybe he went
to auditions for the archer in Robin Lupe? Could he possibly have applied for
a job as an executive assistant? No, no, and no (I know that the third question
that you were thinking was if I'm a total moron). The Turtum was sadly misinformed
of an occurrence that, if it happens, is far off in the future. Frightened by
thoughts of this horrible event, the Turtum retreated to his own extremely rough
shell, only to come out as a very angry little PetPet. Here's my advice: never,
ever tell a Turtum about Y3K.
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Aside from dear Old Bessie, who's still making it big in Tyrannia, the real
world isn't exactly the best choice for our Meridell friends. Illusen failed,
Sinsi failed, the Turmaculus really failed -- perhaps that's why they say "There's
no place like home." And clearly, in the case of all those Meridell residents,
that's true.
Many will say that Darigan kidnapped all of the aforementioned and took them
to his dusty, dark, dank, damp, dry, dingy, dim (wow, there are a lot of adjectives
that begin with 'd') floating citadel. Others will read this article and agree
with me that they left out of their own free will.
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