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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 25th day of Sleeping, Yr 23
The Neopian Times Week 116 > Articles > How to Recognise the Neopian

How to Recognise the Neopian

by hc_slug

CHAT BOARDS - All sorts of people roam Neopia, they cram the chatboards, colouring pages, game rooms and market stalls. There are many types: newbies, n00bs, spammers, attention-seekers, and of course, the most important: the Neoholic. It is important to be able to recognise these. Even I have provided a self-important role for myself, in which I scan the chatboards identifying Neopians and delighting in my psychological superiority. For the benefit of others I have devised a fool proof identification method. All I can say is voila (and marvel at my brilliance)!

To avoid repetition I have left out information on something that has been described in detail previously in the article, if you have forgotten something just go back and read it again!

The Newbie: Easily identified by the blue Moehog grinning cheesily before a dark gold shield. Found mulling around the chatboards or in the trades as they desperately attempt to trade an omelette for a paint brush. Outside appearances are for the psychologically inept however, for everybody starts new accounts. I have a friend on a newbie account who has been on Neopets for two years! To identify the Newbie we must go deeper... If the answer to these questions is mostly a yes, the Neopian in question is a true Newbie:

Do they make rubbish offers on your trades? yes/no
Do they post irritating boards asking for medicine? yes/no
Do they have four pets, none of which are painted? yes/no
Do they have any petpets? yes/no
If it is yes to the above is it: a Spyder/Buzzer/Tenna etc.? yes/no

By now you should have figured it out, though a quick note to choice of petpets is necessary: Newbies love petpets, every Neopian does! But the typical Newbie is rather poor Neopoint wise and so if they possess a petpet, it is one costing from 800 NP to 5000 NP (maximum). eg. Tenna, Spyder, Snowbunny, Selket.

The N00b: The most disliked of all Neopians is commonly found on the chatboards, asking for Neopoints or practising their notoriously bad spelling ("caan i havcx ur petz???/?!!1"). A N00b's account can be anywhere between two months to one year old, usually with no painted pets. These people also feature as scammers or spammers (people who post annoying nonsense messages). N00bs will also ask stupid or inappropriate questions such as "can I have your pets?" "I need money", insert bad spelling where it is appropriate. If you have received any of the following questions, you know for sure the person is a N00b:

Can I have your pet?
Will you be my Neofriend? (N00bs often make random Neofriend requests: beware)
I need money!
Can you lower your shop prices?
Will you trade your paint brush for my bottle of sand?

The Pro: These people are good timers: liked by all, regulars on the chat boards with a few trophies under their pocket. They usually have something they work hard on like a gallery, guild or petpage. Their accounts are usually 5 months to 1 year old. Not to be confused with the Neoholic, as they only go on around 4 times a week. The Pro always has at least one painted pet and expensive petpets (eg Baby Blu, Meowclops), they are relaxed and friendly and their boards on chat always attract lots of posts!

The Attention-Seeker: If these Neopians would actually realise that begging and spamming come to no avail they could run a risk of becoming The Pro or even the Neoholic! Frequently found on the chat boards with reasonably young accounts The Attention-Seeker is a lover of the art of spamming. For example:

I'm soooooooooooo booreedd!!!!!
If you post this on ten boards/trades you will find ten million NP!!!!!! (Needless to say THIS DOES NOT work)
R u Bordedx!!!!111!!?/?

As you can see, spammers and Attention-Seekers greatly favour the exclamation mark. They are closely related to The N00b, though if you get to know them you'll find they are actually quite nice. Attention-Seekers are always on, they post constantly on the boards, usually only attracting a few posts. Their sole mission in life is to be recognised as genuinely nice guys: Let us pray for all those poor Attention-Seekers out there...

Spammers and Beggars (SBs): The antics of these much disliked Neopians are linked closely with that of the N00b, Attention-Seeker and other such groups. All must be treated with patience. Spammers can also be reported if they spam consistently, be sure to warn them first, though. Always remember when dealing with them, don't feed the SBs, it will only encourage them.

The Picassos: The name suggests an artists pallet, paint-spattered robes and an easel with a sheet of paper pinned to it. Perhaps that is what they imagine themselves to be, but the reality is a Neopian bent over Paint Shop Pro as they draw with trembling mouse a Lenny, Kougra or Aisha...

They thrive in Art Guilds and of course, the beauty contest. They are well established 6 months - two years old with painted pets and a flock of beauty contest trophies. Some own younger accounts, but their oldest would be within this age limit. The Picasso's fortune would be already made from gifts given to reward skilled imaging. Your average Newbie can evolve into this if they have a good hand at computer graphics. The true Picasso emits a somewhat snooty aura and has blocked their Neofriend requests.

The GGs: Their name stands for "Give it a Go". They own young accounts with 1-2 pampered (sometimes painted) pets. Found on chatboards, game rooms: pretty much everywhere. Only a few of them will stick it through to become a Pro. For these people Neopets is a fun game (yes there are people who think it's a game!) and not much more. Likeable and funny they're pretty much average Neopians: not too rich, a few trophies with a gallery or petpage that they like to work on. Only found online about twice a week: they're fun to be around!

The Ghouls: Ghouls are not scary, not in the least. These are the unfaithful, those whose account is up to two years old. They own only one (or four) pet and have usernames such as "neo393461" or "happy". The information on them is small: they don't own a shop, their pets have no petpets and they have logged on only once or twice. What made them leave? We will never know. They remain the ghouls of Neopian society: always there, but never fully...

* * * * *

And so the tour of Neopia's Neopians is almost over. Every Neopian begins life as one of these, evolving into others. For example the newbie into a Picasso, the GG into the Pro. Evolution is slow, but it happens. Much the same way as the Gelert, among others. Only some will remember the days of the Polygon, it's angular sides forming a crude dog. Or the Zafara... I can only shudder!

Enough though, for now is the moment you have all been waiting for!

The Neoholic: Found everywhere their shield will almost always proclaim long life. They are informed in all areas or Neopia and frown on unnecessary change. You know a Neoholic from the fact that they always seem to be online. They possess one to four pets, usually two thirds are painted and all own petpets. It is not appearances that determine the Neoholic though, they have concise opinions on everything, they are involved with great gusto in a guild, gallery or petpage. Most of all, though, they glean maximum enjoyment from Neopets, and isn't that what counts? Just in case you're not sure if you're a Neoholic here are some questions (yes = you're a Neoholic!):

Do you spell "Neopets" or "Acara" with a Capital letter? yes/no
Are you on at least six times a week? yes/no
Have you been on Neopets more than five months? yes/no
Do you feel you possess knowledge on all areas of Neopia? yes/no
Do you get maximum enjoyment from Neopets? yes/no

* * * * *

So now you've read it, which one are you?

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