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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 30th day of Storing, Yr 22
The Neopian Times Week 108 > Articles > Cooking up Success and Conspiracies

Cooking up Success and Conspiracies

by yadoking

DISCLAIMER: The following article should not be taken as a real NeoPets strategy article in any way. There’s nothing true about the recipes in it. It’s just some harmless fun-poking. :)

NEOHOME KITCHEN - After nearly 4 years of searching, I have found the perfect way to get rich in Neopia, using its very principles of logic against itself! The answer is a simple skill that shouldn’t be too hard to learn: COOKING!

Once, on a quest, I was asked to go out and find a radish, and some cheese. How much is a radish? About 380 NP. Cheese? About 90 NP. I found out that there is an item that combines both of these ingredients, called Radish and Cheese. So, logically, how much should Radish and Cheese cost? About 470 NP, right? Wrong! Radish and cheese is worth around 150k! Why not take advantage of this complete illogically? Take a radish, put some cheese on it, and you've made a 149,530 NP profit! Look at that! A few cooking skills in Neopia can make you a billionaire! That Maraquan chef is just trying to fool you, asking for this ingredient and that ingredient, when in fact he's probably rich enough to buy the whole darn food supply of Neopia Central!

What, you want more examples? Well, take the much beloved food of asparagus. Some asparagus is worth about 100 NP, tops. Well, I’ll show you how to make some unbuyable dishes, using this 100 NP ingredient!

Asparagus Balls

Ingredients: Asparagus (100 NP)

Directions: Tear asparagus into pieces. Roll up asparagus pieces into ball shapes, making Asparagus Balls.

Final Item: Asparagus Balls, worth 200,000 NP.

Cheesy Asparagus

Ingredients: Asparagus (100 NP), Cheese (90 NP)

Directions: Take some asparagus. Put some cheese on it.

Final Item: Cheesy Asparagus, worth 250,000 NP.

And asparagus is not the only common item that can be turned into extremely expensive gourmet foods with some easy preparation! Take another vegetable, Broccoli, 85 NP, and watch this!

Broccoli Kebab

Ingredients: Broccoli (85 NP), Stick (Free off a tree, except the Brain Tree), Heat

Directions: Take some broccoli. Shove a stick through it. Go to the volcano and hold it over some lava to cook, or ask a Neopet who can breathe fire to help you.

Final Item: Broccoli Kebab (Worth so much you can’t even IMAGINE!)

Cheesy Broccoli Bite

Ingredients: Broccoli (85 NP), Cheese (90 NP)

Directions: Cut Broccoli into several small pieces. Cover each piece with cheese.

Final Items: Several Cheesy Broccoli bites, worth 100,000 NP a piece! HAHAHA!

But wait… there’s more! Asparagus and Broccoli aren’t the only wonderful money making items! Cauliflower, the common white… vegetable, I think, can be cooked up to ridiculous prices as well!

Cauliflower Shake

Ingredients: Cauliflower (600 NP), Vanilla Milkshake (95 NP)

Directions: Cut Cauliflower into bite-sized pieces. Put pieces in milk shake.

Final Item: Cauliflower Shake, 200,000 NP on the market!

Cauliflower Soup

Ingredients: Hot Soup (600 NP), Cauliflower (600 NP)

Directions: This recipe may be too hard for the faint of heart! (just kidding) Take the hot soup; put in the PIECES OF CAULIFLOWER!

Final Item: Cauliflower Soup, 250,000 NP!

Yet sometimes, cooking isn’t always the answer. You see, every food is made from ingredients. Yet sometimes, the whole is worth less than the sum of its parts. By just splitting up a food into its original ingredients, a huge profit is waiting!

Splitting the Eye Candy

Ingredients: Eye Candy (100 NP)

Directions: Take stick out of Eye Candy. Remove candy from remaining eye.

Final Items: Stick (to be used for Broccoli Kebabs), Eyeball (2200 NP), Candy (So rare, it can’t be found! You’ve just made a brand new item!)

Splitting Snowberry Tea

Ingredients: Snowberry Tea (200 NP)

Directions: Remove Snowberries from tea.

Final Items: Cup of tea(75 NP), Snowberries (50,000 NP)

Splitting the Tealeef Sandwich

Ingredients: Tealeef Sandwich (120 NP)

Directions: Remove Tealeef from sandwich.

Final Items: Tealeef (25,000 NP), Bread (120 NP)

Doesn’t it seem odd to you that rare items like Snowberries, Eyeballs and Tealeefs are used in other items far less rare than they are? There are many secrets in Neopia I’ve yet to unlock. Here are some examples:

How is it that the Maraquan Chef successfully made a dish of “Lumpy Neggs and Fish Sprouts” using only a Milk Chocolate Grarrl, a Milk Chocolate Aisha, some Toffee Ice Cream, and a Chomby Pie, none of which even remotely contain lumps, neggs, fish or sprouts? Why can’t I even find Lumpy Neggs or Fish Sprouts through the shop wizard, the Trading Post, or Auction Genie? They must be so rare, and expensive, that nobody has them! I will one day, though! One day!

And why does it matter what shape the chocolate is, if it’s going to be cooked anyway? What is the real difference between a Milk Chocolate Grarrl and a Milk Chocolate Aisha, besides the amount of chocolate being used? Or am I missing something?

Why do the Maraquan Chef, the Health Food Store owner, and the Coffee Shop owner still bother to work if they have unlimited amounts of rare items at their disposal that they could sell and finally retire?

Still looking for an answer, I turned to books. There are currently ten books on the subject: Gourmet Cooking for your Pet, Cooking for Kougras, Cooking Neggs Book, Scorchio Cook Book, Lenny Cook Book, Kau Cook Book, Scorchio Cooks, Techo Cook Book, Chocolate Chia Cookbook and Cooking with Petpets. Yet I found yet another… conspiracy, that’s what I found! None of these books have anything remotely to do with cooking! Yet I realized something: I can’t read what’s in these books! Only Neopets can, and they disappear right after!

It’s a conspiracy, I tell you! They don’t want us to ever cook! It’s no coincidence that you can’t make a room in your NeoHome a kitchen when you choose what it will be, and that the Utility Fish, the closest thing we had to cooking appliances, were retired so suddenly! It’s no coincidence that Maraqua, the home of the Maraquan Chef and the Utility Fish in the First Place, was suddenly destroyed! And finally, it’s NO coincidence that the recipes that I just showed you all haven’t been found out several times before by every Neopian owner! Well, the dark veil of conspiracy that had been held over your eyes has been lifted. And one day, when you have used these recipes and are exceedingly rich, perhaps you’ll remember me…

DISCLAIMER: The previous article should not be taken as a real NeoPets strategy article in any way. There’s nothing true about the recipes in it. It’s just some harmless fun-poking. :)

Special thanks go out to the Coffee Club and Neopian Times Writers Forum.


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