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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 28th day of Running, Yr 26
The Neopian Times Week 107 > Short Stories > When the Funnydew Melons Attacked

When the Funnydew Melons Attacked

by turkeypen

"I don't like it. It's staring at me," I argued with my owner, Alice.

     "Those are just seeds," she replied, slightly aggravated, "It's not alive or anything! It's just a Funnydew Melon. And that Funnydew Melon is your dinner, Lori, so you'd better eat it up, or I expect you'll be very hungry tonight!"

     I stubbornly replied, "Nu-uh. Look at it! Stare into its evil seed eyes!" I then held up the melon for my owner to see, who was sitting across the table. My hands barely wrapped around the melon, since being a Korbat, I had tiny hands, and being painted baby didn't help any.

     My owner just sighed and rolled her eyes. I guess it was because I was known to do things like this a lot.

     "You know Aunt Alice, it is kind of odd." My quirky, brainy, and also slightly crazy, cousin Saffron piped up, her head cocked and yellow Usul ears twitching interestedly. She was holding her already partially eaten Funnydew Melon up to eye level and staring at it. Since her owner was on an archeological dig in Tyrannia, she was staying with us for the summer. "It really does stare back at you! Lori's got a point. Maybe Funnydew Melon really is alive. They may not be safe to eat! I'll have to confiscate these and run some tests on them in my lab!" With that said, she took a gigantic plastic bag and a pair of tongs from the pocket of her lab coat, which she always wore, no matter what the weather. She then carefully picked up her slice of melon with the tongs and placed it in the bag. For supporting evidence, she also grabbed both my owner and my own piece of melon and placed them in the bag, sealing it tightly.

     "Duty calls!" she said heroically, punching one of her stubby arms up in the air and then dramatically pulling her goggles down over her eyes from atop her head. With a salute, she then skittered with odd march-like steps down the stairs. Her final destination I knew was the basement, which she had converted into her own personal laboratory for the summer.

     "Wait up for me!" I called out after her. "I'm in on anything that will bring destruction to those melons!" With a great amount of effort, I lifted myself up into the air.

     "Doesn't anyone ask to be excused anymore?" I heard Alice question herself as I flew down the stairs.

     Actually, even though I didn't know it at the time, I technically wasn't flying. I was being carried by an extremely strong draft from the open window behind me. My wings just helped me to soar, like a kite. Unfortunately, this draft made me run straight into the basement door just as Saffron closed it behind her.

     Rubbing my head, I regained my upright position and opened the door to the laboratory.

     Right here and now, there's something you need to know about Saffron. This is that she is crazy for bottles of blue sand. Not bottles of red sand, not bottles or black or red sand, bottles of blue sand.

     So, when I opened the door, bottles of blue sand were exactly what I saw. Hundreds of thousands of them lined the walls from floor to ceiling, while millions more were scattered on the floor and on the tables which held Saffron's laboratory equipment. Besides bottles of blue sand, there were what had to be thousands of experiments going on all at once. All around were bubbling concoctions and other stuff that looked like it belonged in an evil scientist's laboratory.

     At the moment I walked in, Saffron was checking on her Sock-Eating-Bottle-Of-Blue-Sand-Burping-Bad-Seed, which was exactly what it sounds like. It was a bad seed, which eat socks, which Saffron somehow figured would allow it to burp up bottles of blue sand if it ate enough socks.

     I had absolutely no idea how Saffron figured things like that, but since she was the one with the lab, not me, I figured all her theories -- even though they were crazy- were correct.

     I then noticed Saffron had set the Funnydew Melon on one of the few open spaces on the table, next to the Sock-Eating-Bottle-Of-Blue-Sand-Burping-Bad-Seed.

     "Hi Saffron!" I piped up eagerly, "Watcha' doing!"

     "Gaaah!" she replied, and immediately started pushing me out the door, "Out, out, out!" She then firmly slammed the door behind me.

     Pouting, I trudged back up the stairs. Saffron sure could be pushy sometimes- literally!

     I went up to my room and flopped down on my beauty bed. Staring up at the ceiling, which was a pearl pink, I noticed a crack on it looked exactly like a rainbow stretching across the sky. That's when I remembered why I'd chosen that room for my own. It was because when I was little, I was really scared of the dark. My owner said I wouldn't be afraid to go to sleep anymore because the rainbow would always be watching over me. With a silent giggle, I closed my eyes. Thinking of my rainbow, I unknowingly drifted off to sleep.

***

"Lori, Lori, wake up!" Saffron whispered urgently as she shook me awake. "Come down to my lab and see what I've found out!"

     I nodded, amazed that she'd actually asked me to go into her precious lab, and we hurried down the stairs to the lab. Once we were in, she led me over to a glass container with air holes poked into it.

     "Look!" she exclaimed, holding up the container. There, inside, was a Funnydew Melon. But it wasn't an ordinary one. It was blinking and moving around! "It's alive!" she squeaked, "I've named him Seedy!"

     I just stood there my mouth wide open. How could this be possible? I thought. Funnydew Melons aren't really alive… are they?

     Smiling Saffron explained to me, "All I had to do was add a couple of chemicals here and there, a little heat, and BAM! A living, breathing Funnydew Melon! This will change the world of Neopia forever!"

     "How?" I asked, coming back to my senses, "By introducing an edible friend? Remember the last time somebody tried that, he was devoured by the Jelly Chia and never found again!"

     "No, silly!" she said, grinning widely, "Imagine! Funnydew Melons dominating Neopia! I've done some tests, and this melon is stronger than the strongest Neopets! Swift and clever, I could conquer the world, no the entire universe, with these things!"

     "You wouldn't do that though, would you?" I inquired nervously.

     "Of course not!" she giggled, "I'll just keep Seedy as a companion! We'll be the best of friends!"

     Little did Saffron know, under that oddly adorable exterior, that melon was the ultimate evil! Each and every seed in it was set on one goal… destruction!

     It was then she said something that would lead to one of her biggest mistakes, "I'm gonna let him out!"

     I nodded, and looked intently as she unscrewed the lid. She picked the melon up and held it in her hand. "Aren't you a cute little -- Ow!" Seedy had jumped up and bitten her nose. He then hopped off her hand and out through the window.

     "Oh no!" she cried, "What have I done! I have created evil!"

     I was still clueless and had no idea what was going on. What Saffron had just realized, that I apparently hadn't, is that this was one bad melon. She also knew, somehow, where it was headed -- the Neopian Testing Laboratory.

     "Come on!" she said taking my paw and dragging me quickly out the of the basement. "We've got to stop it from destroying all of Neopia!"

     It was then I kind of realized what was going on.

     "Alice!" I shouted just as Saffron was dragging me out the front door. "Be back in a bit, and don't eat any Funny Dew melon before we save Neopia from them!"

     I then slammed the door behind as Saffron pulled me away from the house, now running at a pretty high speed.

     "Where's Seedy going?" I inquired, wheezing.

     "To the Neopian Testing Laboratory," she informed me as we continued running down the street.

***

It didn't take long for us to get to the Laboratory, since we lived nearby. We rushed in through the heavy metal doors, able to get in only because the melon had knocked out the guard. Who new melons could be so powerful?

     It was then we saw a sight I hoped I'd never ever see -- thousands and thousands of Funnydew Melons.

     "Aaack!" Saffron screamed. "It must have used the cloning machine they keep in here!"

     We then continued on, desperately trying to reach the cloning machine. We ran straight through the army of melons, and I imagine looked quite disgusting, covered with melon strings and seeds and such. These clones, apparently, weren't nearly as strong as the original.

     In a matter of minutes, we had reached the cloning machine. It was made mostly of cold, hard steel, and lots of pretty, flashing buttons. I tired to count all the different colors, but my thoughts were interrupted as Saffron shouted, up to what seemed to be a chamber in the middle of the machine, guarded by heavy, iron doors, "Come out of there, Seedy, we know you're in there!"

     "I know," a scary voice replied. The doors concealing the chamber in the middle of the machine opened up. There stood Seedy with a red velvet cloak draped around\d his shoulders.

     "Automatic doors," I said, tilting my head to one side, "nice evil touch!"

     "Thanks, imbecile," Seedy replied, a smug smile composed of seeds upon his face.

     "Gaaah!" I screeched, suddenly realizing he could speak. "He must have used some sort of machine in here to make him be able to talk!"

     Smirking, he replied, "That's right, Korbat"

     Pointing her finger menacingly at Seedy, Saffron heroically proclaimed, "We will put an end to your evil plan! Good shall always prevail over evil like yourself and -- all your -- other selves!"

     Saffron sure knows how to ruin a heroic line.

     "Muhahahahaha!" Seedy chuckled evilly. "Attack, my brothers!"

     Then, the Funnydew Melons that we hadn't bashed through, all rushed in and attacked at once. Oddly, or, at least, it seemed odd at the time, they all attacked Saffron, not myself. Looking back on it, I suppose I didn't seem much of a threat.

     "Help!" she screamed desperately, reaching her arm up which was soon covered by melons like the rest of her.

     Then, Seedy jumped down and landed in front of me. "You," he said, circling around me, "you gave her the idea. This is all your fault! You gave her the idea, and now look what you've done. All of Neopia is doomed! Thank you oh so much."

     I was terrified -- and when terrified, I get hungry. And when I'm hungry, I'll eat anything edible. So, I ate. I reached my neck forward and took a big bite out of Seedy.

     "Aaaah!" he screamed. I took this momentary of distraction to look over to where Saffron was covered from head to toe with melons. I then noticed that all the melons had chunks missing out of them, just like Seedy! So, an idea planted in my mind. I took another bite. And another... and another… and another. Soon, all that was left of Seedy, and all the other melons, were their hard, outer shell thingies (I still haven't figured out what those things are called!).

     "You saved us!" Saffron cried, running over to me and clinging tightly to me, "You saved Neopia!"

     "Yum!" I exclaimed, licking my fingers, oblivious to everything around me, "Funnydew Melon doesn't taste so bad after all!"

***

It turns out Saffron and myself got in really big trouble with the Neopian Testing Laboratory. Between the damage the melons and ourselves had done, we'd broken all of their equipment. Figures! To repay them, they are now conducting their experiments in Saffron's lab in the basement until they have enough funding for new equipment.

     Despite that, I got a medal for saving Neopia from the Defenders of Neopia. Really though, the only thing that's changed since then is that now, Funnydew Melon is my favorite food!

     So, that's what happened when the Funnydew Melons attacked. I sure learned a valuable lesson that day -- eat your food, don't experiment on it!

The End

Note: All characters in this story are fictional. Thanks for reading; I hoped you enjoyed my story! Feel free to Neomail me with any questions or comments you may have!


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