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Episode 4
Keet: Hey hey, welcome back to episode four of the Paperclip Show!
Blink: The show where our two horribly menacing hosts kidnap famous
Neopian characters and coerce them into spitting their most guarded secrets!
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Keet: You stole my line! Uncool! Man, where is Sam when I need
her?
Blink: Europe?
Keet: -.- I know that. Why did she have to go on vacation and leave
me with this substandard substitute? *jabs finger at Blink*
Blink: I'm offended. But not as offended as our guest will be by the
end of the show! ^_____^
Keet: *evil grin* Hmmm, maybe she's not so bad after all. Okay folks,
let's give a big round of applause for today's guest, Dr_Death! *claps*
Four pets in masks drag out a squirming yellow Techo with gray hair and
push him into a chair near the hosts. Then they scamper off stage.
Audience: Boo! Hiss! You stink!
Blink: How do they manage to do that in unison?
Dr_Death: *stands up and bows* Thank you, thank you. Really, you've
all made this possible. *cackles*
Keet: It's funny 'cause he's right... o.O;;
Blink: Yeeeah. Let's just start this, mmm? The first question comes
from paulchang_iscool. "Suppose I said, what if I made new Neopets just to dump
them in the pound and laugh at you, what would you say to that?"
Dr_Death: *eye twitches* You wouldn't be the first, or the only. Or
the last. Or even the next-to-last. No, not even the relatively-close-to-last.
Let me show you. *claps hands once*
Parade of scraggly Neopets with names like siftuasfgt8478743neo: *parade
out looking sad*
Dr_Death: *pulls a pair of blue Techos out of the throng* These are
asdfghj324576857272726266neo and asdfghj324576857272726267neo. Twins, you know.
I've been watching over them specially because they're of such a fine species.
But how can people do this to poor pets?
Scrabbly-named Techo twins: *puppy dog eyes*
Keet: Wonderful. *pulls random knotted rope hanging down next to her*
Suddenly, the floor opens up and the Parade of scraggly Neopets with names
like siftuasfgt8478743neo all fall down into the huge hole before it closes
once more.
Blink: Weren't you telling me before the show how you keep your collection
of cacti under the stage? o.O;;
Keet: Only on Wednesdays. The rest of the week is my collection of fluffy
stuff, like marshmallows, pillows, and marshmallow pillows. Except Friday. Friday
is Jetsams-who-love-to-hug-downtrodden-pets. So their fate really depends on
what day the people are reading this. Therefore it's not our fault if their
get hurt or--*shudder*--huggled.
Dr_Death: ...
Keet: Next question! :) "What does the food you feed the pound pets
taste like? Have they ever revolted?" asks sir346.
Dr_Death: It tastes like chicken. Everything tastes like chicken. Whatever
that is. And yes, they are revolting at times. Next.
Blink: You don't--*sigh* nevermind. Aerisangel01 asks, "Dr_Death, no
Techo in Neopia actually has hair in Neopia apart from you, do you wear a wig?
If yes, can I steal it from you so I could publicly embarrass you by showing
what you are trying to hide with your wig?"
Keet and Blink: *evil grins*
Dr_Death: No, you can't because IT'S NOT A WIG!
Keet: Gasp.
Blink: Psag.
Audience: Gasp.
Dr_Death: It's completely natural! I--
Keet: Wait! You're not going to advertise some weird product like "Hair-B-Gro"
like the Esophagor did, are you? Because if you are... don't! *holds up frying
pan menacingly*
Dr_Death: Dang.
Blink: Good call, Keet. Your question.
Keet: Yeehaw. "Is it true that you like your associate, the red Uni?"
asks kitty_meow10.
Dr_Death: *face burning* Pink! She's pink!
Blink: OooOooooh, someone's indignant on her behalf...
Dr_Death: Shut up! I do not have any feelings for Rose! Except
mad! I mean, she makes me mad -- angry! I -- just shut it.
Keet: In a word: yes. Heeheehee. "Has anyone ever mistaken you for a
regular Neopet, and put you up for adoption?" asks xelementalxfaeriex.
Dr_Death: Why do you think I have the hair? So people know, "Hey, it's
Dr_Death! Spit at him!"
Keet and Blink: *spit at him* XD
Dr_Death: *wipes spit out of eye* I didn't mean for you two to. Can
I leave yet? I want to go get your filthy germs off me.
Blink: *snort* No. Matalino_pinay asks, "I'm going to the store... do
you want anything?" OOH, I DO!
Keet: Me, me! I need a new green glittery brush, and some Vegan cheese,
and a red bouncy ball!
Matalino_pinay: *prances on stage* Here ya go! *tosses stuff at Keet*
Anything to get on TPCS! Lalalala, look at me! *dances*
Blink: My turn. *Pulls knotted rope*
The floor opens up again and... well, you get the idea.
Dr_Death: Are you always this cruel?
Keet: Heh, it's worse when Sam is here. Be glad she isn't.
Dr_Death: I am.
Blink: *eats some of the Vegan cheese*
Keet: Heh, cheese. Next question! "Why is there a line after 'Dr' in
your name and not a period?" asks weebsey.
Dr_Death: Because a period is not one of the characters that can be
used in a Neopets name. And I am a Neopet, you know.
Blink: Neopets don't have hair. And they're cute. Okay, time for the
last question of the show, OUR question. *evil grin*
Keet: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck was named
Bob?
Dr_Death: Exactly 4.5 trees worth, unless there was a wind speed exceeding
74 miles per hour, in which case it would be pi-r-squared times the reciprocal
of the wind speed, added to the total number Bob's name equals when put into
ones and zeroes.
Blink: Abuuh?
Keet: On that note, we're done! Don't forget to send me, karateetee,
your question for next week's show. The guest will be the one you've all been
waiting for, Dr. Frank Sloth!
Blink: I thought you weren't going to do him.
Keet: Ratings have dropped off, so...*shrugs* See you all next week,
which will be, by the way, the next to last episode. At the end you will find
out about the very special thing we have planned for the final episode where--
Blink: Now don't go giving it away!
Keet: Right. Byeeeee!
The lights dim and go out, and when they are back on, the hosts are gone.
Dr_Death is still in his chair, so the lights fade out again, but he is still
there when they go back on again. An army of evil Spyders march onstage and
carry him away.
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