Background Voices of Neopia: El Picklesaur by too_kule |  |
Name: El Picklesaur
Species: We’ll probably never know...
Location: Neopets HQ, California
NEOPETS HQ - One-hundred Neopian Times issues. Wow. Who would’ve thought that
such a humble virtual newspaper could be so popular? It took lots of dedication
from quite a number of people to get it so popular. One of those people, and
most of you don’t know this, is the tigersquash loving, pro wrestling and all
around crazy guy, El Picklesaur. Yes, that little orange man on the Advent Calendar
plushie. His job every week is to write the Neopian News Brief, which recaps
the Neopian news each week. I recommend you reading it, even if you do follow
the New Features, you’ll enjoy it regardless.
This week’s Background Voices of Neopia is a tad different. Instead of me bringing
one of my Neopets, I biked all the way to California, where the Neopets HQ is
located, and interviewed this dude personally. It’s not a fake interview like
my other Background Voices of Neopia... er... well those are real too... but
this one’s even realer! So here we go, my interview with the famed lover of
tigersquash himself, El Picklesaur.
Here I am with El Picklesaur himself. So, to kick things off, where did
you get that costume? Are you a super hero, pro wrestler, or some crazy guy
who loves to wear tights?
Ah yes, well... at the end of my last book tour, the ol' tigersquash problem
finally caused me to hit rock bottom. I soon found myself hitchhiking aimlessly
on the outskirts of Sakhmet, with little more than the pale blue dress shirt
on my back and a few rusty tins of mushy musho peas. I walked and walked and
walked... then, at some point, I must've passed out.
When I came to, I found that I was aboard a caravan headed "South of the Border"...
apparently I'd been rescued by a wacky bunch of wrestlers sporting masks and
leotards. They traveled from town to town, putting on quite a show: their hi-flying
kicks, spine-busting submission holds, and petulant bragging drew massive crowds
from miles around.
At first I started out as a roadie, setting up and tearing down equipment.
It was hard work, but I wanted to earn my keep, so I stuck with it. I loved
the adventure of traveling the countryside, seeing so many beautiful new places.
Then, one night, the wrestlers pitched in and got me a present: my own suit
and cape! (they didn't have enough for a mask, which was fine by me; I'd tried
one on, and found that it was itchy and kinda hard to breathe in).
I started out on the undercards, taking on other up-and-coming wrestlers, known
on the circuit as luchadores. I didn't win many matches, but became a
fan favourite, nonetheless. I had been on the circuit for quite awhile when, one night,
I suddenly realized: it had been months since I'd even thought about
tigersquash... I'd been cured!
However, one urge that had never left me was the desire to write. So, after
my farewell match, I bid so long to my friends in the lucha libre and
headed back home. Ever since then, I've been working on a memoir documenting
my stint as a wrestler down south.
I know many people think that my outfit is some sort of superhero costume,
which is flattering, but the truth is that I wear the tights and cape as a constant
reminder of my days in the lucha libre, and the good friends that rescued
me in my time of need...
Wow, that's quite a story! So, you went from critic, to tigersquash addict,
to wrestler, to writer of your memoirs. How was it that you got to be a Neopets
staff member?
Well, I first met up with The Neopets Team while out on tour promoting my book
Final Cut: Masters of the Cinema. I was having a bit of lunch in the
dining room of The Royal Neopian, where I was scheduled to give a lecture that
afternoon; I believe the topic was "The Tyrannian New Wave."
Anyhow, while munching away on a honey and bacon burger, a young man approached
my table and asked, "Pardon me, do you have any plain yellow mustard?" I invited
him to help himself, and we struck up a friendly conversation.
It turned out to be none other than J Boogie, from The Neopets Team. Apparently,
a few staff members were there on vacation, and were staying at the Royal Neopian
for a few days. He invited me to join them after my lecture for a night on the
town, and I agreed.
Well, that was quite an evening, carousing in the streets like wild beasts...
it must've been 3 or 4 in the morning when we finally called it a night. The
next day I joined them for a late lunch, and that's when I was invited to join
The Neopets Team.
I was a little hesitant at first, given my busy schedule of writing and touring
for my books, but I was assured that there would be plenty of time to juggle
my duties as both a film critic and a staff member. After all, most of them
had regular jobs, too; Pop Tart was a talk show host, J Boogie a landscape artist,
Jimmy James a scientist, and so on.
So that's basically it. I've been a team member ever since...
Amazing! So, how do you like working there? Is Adam’s love of asparagus
and apparent dung stench too much?
I have no regrets about my decision to join the team. As promised, I have plenty
of time to work on my books, and if I need to hit the road for a brief tour,
they're more than willing to accommodate me. It's quite a relief to know that,
regardless of whether my books are bestsellers or not, I always have the steady
source of NP that comes from my salary as a staff member. Possessing that kind
of financial security is invaluable to me as a writer; it allows me to follow
my heart and take chances, and not worry about the commercial viability of the
projects that I undertake.
As for Adam and his love of asparagus, well, I have to admit it kind of weirded
me out at first. I mean, It's one thing for a guy to eat the same exact thing
for every meal... but this goes much further. Each morning, Adam washes his
hair with asparagus shampoo, freshens his breath by gargling asparagus mouthwash,
and cleans the wax out of his ears with asparagus tips. I suppose it could be
worse, though... at least it's not brussel sprouts.
As for the whole "dung stench" thing... he's gonna wring my neck if this ever
gets out, so you've gotta promise not to tell anyone... basically, it's all
made up; he doesn't really smell like dung. Now, you might be asking,
"Why would someone make that up about themselves?"
Here's the thing: one time, we were out on the town somewhere, and this yellow
Lenny comes up, and starts in with "Hey Adam, OMG!!! I'm totally, like, obsessed
with everything that you've ever done!" Now, we're used to this happening every
once in awhile, and Adam really does appreciate it when folks are so nice to
him, but this was different. This Lenny just went on and on, for like
twenty minutes; she kept talking faster and faster... at one point her face
started turn purple, and that's when we started to get worried, you know, about
her hyperventilating or something.
Now, Adam didn't want to be rude about it and interrupt, so he just kind of
let her go... and sure enough, somewhere in the middle of extolling the numerous
virtues of "Guess the Card," the Lenny's eyes rolled up into the back of her
head and she passed out, flopping to the ground. So basically, to make a long
story not quite so long, that's why Adam made up the whole "dung stench" thing...
he kinda hoped that, if everyone thought that he stunk of poo, then they'd be
much less likely to approach him in public and work themselves into some sort
of life-threatening frenzy.
Hmmmm... that’s a bit more information than I’d like to know. Perhaps it’s
time to call it quits here. It’s been great interviewing you.
You're welcome.
I bet you learned some stuff there you didn’t know, and in no way ever did
you want to know. But of course, that’s what Background Voices of Neopia is
for. This is too_kule, blessing the invention of Instant Messaging because I
couldn’t have possibly biked all the way to California, signing off. Over and
out.
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