Famous Neopian Residences
MANY WORLDS OF NEOPIA - You've seen them, marvelled at them, and wished you
owned them. And I'm not talking about radioactive tap-dancing pineapples with
optional drink-holders. I'm talking about those castles, towers, palaces, and
in general amazing residences you see everywhere in Neopia. What? You say you
don't know what the heck I'm talking about? Well, then we better get stuck into
it, and before you've finished reading this article, you will know of the most
famous Neopian residences in the whole of Neopia, from Edna's Tower in the Haunted
Woods to Illusen's Glade.
King Skarl's Castle
A huge, majestic castle done in the traditional style, complete with ramparts,
towers, drawbridge and moat. Truly a castle fit for a king. And it should be,
considering King Skarl lives there. Inside this wonder of architecture, you
can be cheated out of your money by a sneaky-looking Skeith, crack corny puns
to the king, and play with funny looking rocks on a wooden board against a cheating,
dishonest Draik, who's deceptive manner is only rivalled by the Skeith a Meristone's
throw away. Hmmm, this castle seems awfully corrupt, doesn't it? Hope it doesn't
rub off on good ol' Skarl.
Speaking of King Skarl, why doesn't he ever laugh at my jokes? Huh,
that radioactive, tap-dancing pineapple with optional drink-holder joke I made
up was the funniest I'd ever heard, but nooooooo, King Skarl just has
to throw me out of the castle before I even get to the punch line. Typical grumpy
king. Oh well. At least I got to swim in the moat, when I was thrown in by the
guards, uh, I mean, dived in of my own free will. Let that be a lesson to you
not to make wisecracks about his large, bloated stomach. Or you'll end up in
a moat with some nasty-looking hungry Krawks.
The Darigan Citadel
Um, well, strictly speaking, this isn't really a building- more of a floating
island in general. It isn't packed with features either. But its got lots of,
uh, turrets, and, uh, spikes, and, um, other stuff. Oh, and it's completely
in wonderfully appealing shades of grey and black. Yes, appealing. *Cough,
*Mutters something about it only being appealing if you were a gothic Slorg.*
Count Von Roo's castle
This old, crumbling, decaying castle lies in the north of Roo Island, near
the village of Blumaria. It's said that Count Von Roo chose this location for
a) It's close enough to Blumaria for little Blumaroos to come wandering by
(and subsequently be sucked dry of blood), but not so close as to tempt pitchfork
wielding, flaming torch-bearing villagers.
b) It's fairly near to Grandma Roo's Café (which is located in Blumaria), which
is famous for its fabulous pancakes. (Count Von Roo is said to be fond of the
jelly-stuffed pancakes-- and he is rumoured to have a particularly unusual way
of eating them).
c) And lastly, the Spring Shop is easily accessible from the castle. Count
Von Roo himself has been heard ordering new spring powered fangs and pink and
purple striped pogo sticks. The former is said to be truly fearsome, and the
latter even more so.
Faerie Queen's castle
The Faerie Queen's Castle, located in Faerie city, is the home of possibly
the most powerful individual in Neopia. And no, I'm not talking about Dr. Sloth,
Adam, or even your neighbour Mr. Slorgmeister. I'm talking about the Faerie
Queen herself, in all her shades of purple glory. If you walked past the palace,
you might go past Queen Fyora without even noticing her, because her outfit
has exactly the same colours as the palace décor! Great camouflage, even if
it is unintentional. Inside has the same type of colour scheme- I think. I was
thrown out before I noticed too much. Why? Merely because I hassled, uh, I mean,
politely asked, the palace guards about the whereabouts of the Hidden
The Crystal Palace
This building is certainly unique, as it deviates from the usual, rather block-like
castle structure, going for the rounded, curved look instead. Which it manages
magnificently, as a matter of fact. The three, large, spherical, glass balls
that perch atop the castle are a nice touch as well. I'm fairly sure that they're
ordinary snow globes zapped with a Supersize Ultimate, but what do I know?
This majestic palace is the home of none other than Princess Lilac, the military
genius who defeated the Snow Beasts, (in the only major conflict Winter World
has ever experienced), and inspired the game Snow Wars.
Edna the Witch's Tower
Well, I'll bet the description of this tower is going to be a surprise to you.
You know why? Because you can't see it! It's just not on the map! Well, not
unless you spin around three times, wave a pineapple in the air, eat three different
pineapple by-products, trade eighteen collectable cards with a shady-looking
narcoleptic plushie Slorg, and do some other stuff. Which I won't be revealing
any time soon, since if I do, you'll rush out there to find the tower and won't
finish reading this article.
Anyway, back to the description of the tower. It's everything you would expect
it to be- pink fluffy wallpaper, deep purple shag rug, lots of cute ceramic
ornaments of baby Neopets, ducks and Slorgs, roaring purple fire in the fireplace,
etc. You get the idea. Everything you would expect from the residence of a witch
who regularly turns Neopets into gourmet food and transforms innocent Petpets
into Slorgs. Even if they were Slorgs in the first place. Which makes them doubly
*Note: Slorgorific is a registered trademark of Radioactive Tap-dancing
Pineapples With Optional Drink Holders Co Pty Ltd.
Sakhmet Palace is more of a miniature city than a place. The very place were
poor old King Coltzan was poisoned (trust me, Skarl couldn't hold a candle to
Coltzan in kingliness), and where the final stages of the Lost Desert War took
place, this palace is just oozing history. And if you're lucky, you might
bump into Princess Vyssa or maybe some other Lost Desert Royalty. But there
is a downside. If you're near a puddle, you will have to lie down over it so
the royalty in question can walk over it without getting their paws wet. And
if you don't, you'll be executed for impudence. Ouch. Luckily for you, water
is so scarce (apart from the big river and lake), and it rains so rarely that
chances are you won't even see a puddle, let alone have to lie in one.
The Haunted House
Oooohhh, scary! *Lightning flashes and thunder rumbles* For some odd reason
there's a mummy wandering about outside too, so watch out. No, not 'mummy' as
nice lady who gives you cookies and milk, 'mummy' as in scary guy dressed in
yellowed bandages. I have no idea why the mummy is there either- shouldn't he
be in a pyramid somewhere in the Lost Desert or something?
But back to the Haunted House *Lightning flashes and thunder rumbles* . It's
old, mouldy, full of ghosts, monsters, and vampire-like Slorgs. That just about
sums it up. And yeah, the third step on the wooden staircase creaks a lot. That's
probably the doing of some scary, evil, malicious creature! Or possibly just
old age and heat expansion.
The Ski Lodge
Really the only notable building on Terror Mountain (besides Taelia's weird
house and Mike And Carassa's igloo), the Neopian Ski Lodge is the historic site
where numerous murders took place. Luckily, only members of the Neopets staff
died, so there wasn't much of a loss. Just kidding, people! Anyway, Dr. Sloth
has a laboratory in the Ski Lodge's basement, where he cooks up Transmogrification
potions, diabolical experiments and cheese soufflés in his spare time.
This glade is very nice, and, um, green. And leafy, for all you hippie nuts
out there. In the glade lives Illusen herself, the Earth Faerie with quests,
a cool green streak in her hair, and a major bone to pick with Jhudora. Stroll
in here, retrieve a few items, and you'll receive various rewards like cookies,
shields made of leaves, and fashion accessories. Much better rewards than the
other Earth Faeries give.
In this cloud lives Jhudorah, everybody's not-so-favourite Faerie. Not only
is she nasty and evil, she's malicious, cruel, wicked and in general a not very
nice Faerie. She's got it all, people! She even has a rather, um, lovely purple
pool, which seems to be giving off poisonous and environmentally-unfriendly
fumes. Yay. Take one dip in there and you'll probably be turned into a purple
Slorg. Which wouldn't be too bad, come to think of it.
And so ends another article. *Sigh*. Now you know all there is to know about
famous Neopian residences (apart from all the ones I didn't mention).
*Author's note: Now for you people out there with waaaaaay too much time
on their hands, try this- count how many times the word 'Slorg' appears in this
article, then check back down here at the Second Author's note for the answer.
**Second Author's Note: Counted up those Slorgs? Well, guess what? Whatever
you counted is WRONG! Do you know why? Because I just popped in an extra Slorg
here! Which makes your count WRONG! (unless you counted one too many, which
means you're hopelessly enumerate) Muhahahaha! This is surrealistic, bizarre
writer Bluescorchio104, wishing you and your pineapples the best until next