Name: Maitre D
Species: Quiggle
Location: Gourmet Club, Neopia Central
GOURMET CLUB - Phew, I've got to make these Background Voices of Neopia articles
a lot less sporadic. After all, how else are you going to learn about Neopians?
I guess you could go yourself, but there is a high chance of getting your Fuzzle
turned into a smoking pile of sludge and we all know how sad that would be.
Yep, it's much better to curl up in your NeoHome with a copy of the Neopian
Times and a delicious golden Juppie. Speaking of golden juppies...
This week I've traveled to the Gourmet Club, a fine upper-class restaurant
filled with the fattest guests and the most expensive food around. To raise
your rank, simply chow down on the more rare of Neopian foods. So if it's so
upper-class, what was I doing there? Well, lucky enough for me I found a coupon
in a cereal box (how I get most things in life). This is how an argument with
an annoying waiter turned into an interview with one very interesting Quiggle
indeed.
So there I was, looking extremely out of place in such a restaurant with my
fire Krawk EmeraldBlitz. We stood there at the door; two guys who knew nothing
about fine dining. Maitre D came along; a green Quiggle waiter with a tuxedo.
He ushered EmeraldBlitz and I to our seats. We sat down and he took our orders.
MD: Bonjour, bienvenue a la--
TK: Woah, woah, we don't speak... whatever you're speaking.
MD: But it is customary for me to speak my language in this restaurant!
So, est-ce tu commandes?
EB: TK, don't worry! I can talk to him. I can say the word 'hat' in
his language! It's 'chapeau'. So, Mr. Maitre D, Chapeau, chapeau, yadda-yadda-yadda,
chapeau, chapeau, chapeau!
TK: Congratulations, he now knows you want him to yadda-yadda-yadda
you with a hat.
MD: Oh fine, what you like to order monsieur?
TK: Hey, don't call me names!
MD: But it means--
TK: I said don't call me names! I am not a 'monsieur' or whatever the
heck you're calling me! I'm to customer and I'm always right.
MD: Would you prefer me to call you madame?
TK: That's better.
MD: OK, Madame, what would you like to order?
TK: Well duh, do you expect me to read the menu myself? Come on now,
tell me what you have you moron!
MD: Alright Madame, the special tonight is the best chicken around.
It's served in a light lemon sauce, sprinkled with basil, rosemary and oregano
and it comes with a fresh honey baguette.
EB: Wow! How does it taste?
MD:It tastes like fish.
EB: Oh... anything else?
MD: Yes, yes there is. We also have a mouth-watering crab, served in
a puff pastry with a very light citrus sauce.
TK: Man that sounds good, how does it taste?
MD: Also like fish.
TK: Er... do you have fish?
MD: Yes.
TK: Phew, something that tastes like it should!
MD: Actually it tastes like marshmallows.
And here is where I do something horrible. This is where the real interview
begins. Trust me, never do this.
TK: This place is horrible! Everyone is snotty, the prices are high,
there's this horrible dress code AND YOUR TUXEDO IS UGLY!
Never tell a waiter their tuxedo is ugly. NEVER.
MD: Never, in all my life... Madame, if you have a problem, I suggest
you get out.
TK: Some snotty waiter isn't going to kick me out! What are you going
to do?
MD: I am not some waiter, I am the owner and chef of the restaurant!
TK: Yeah, I'm sure...
MD: Yes, I am! It started when I was just a tiny Quiggle. I came here
with my mother and father and I tried some food. Back then, it was just a casual
dining restaurant! I complained about the food, and the chef asked me if I could
do better. HA! I showed him. I cooked the best dish around, and then my family
bought the restaurant! Eventually the restaurant was passed down to me, and
I made it the upper-class restaurant it is today!
TK: I didn't ask for your life story!
EB: Wait, then why are you the waiter?
MD: BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT'D BE AN INTERESTING EXPERIENCE INTERACTING
WITH THE CUSTOMERS!
EB: Dude, use your indoor voice.
MD: I'LL USE WHATEVER VOICE I WANT IN MY OWN RESTAURANT!
EB: Man, you really got to stop doing that.
TK: Pfft, this guy probably gets in arguments all the time. With food
like this, I bet he's the laughing stock of Neopia!
MD: No, I'm not! I'm highly respected among the entire planet. Folks
come from far and wide to eat here! I used to be a waiter at the Golden Dubloon,
back when it was only my parents restaurant. I really didn't want to work at
the diner, so I worked at the Golden Dubloon. Then, my parents passed it down
to me and I made it what it is today: the most classy restaurant in Neopia!
TK: So what? I mean, I think the whole Gourmet Food thing is a stupid
idea!
MD: It is not a stupid idea, monsieur, it is--
TK: What did I say about the name calling?
MD: FINE! It is not a stupid idea, Madame, it is brilliant! That idea
sets the Gourmet Club apart from all the restaurants in Neopia!
EB: Actually I think it's the fish that tastes like marshmallows that
sets this place apart from the rest of Neopia's restaurants, but continue.
MD: I've had so many customers! It's such an honour to have a Gourmet
Club Card!
TK: Oh yeah, I'm sure!
EB: Hehe, I just realized Maitre D's initials are MD, just like a doctor
or something! That's funny.
TK: Are you copying our argument down?
MD: Tu est tres stupide, Madame! C'est evident!
TK: Why thanks-you, I just bought it the other day.
MD: YOU MORON! GET OUT OF MY RESTAURANT!
Hmph, getting kicked out of that restaurant. Well, it wasn't all waste. I got
an article out of it! And Maitre D got a burning bag of dung on his front porch.
Win-win situation! This is too_kule, not noticing the insane Quiggle waiter
sneaking up behind me with that Quiggle Tongue Whip. Uh-oh. Over and out.
Note: For all of you French-speaking readers, if you noticed my French was
accented it's because I'm not entirely sure if it would've shown up properly.
And sorry if my French wasn't perfect, I'm still only learning!
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