Not All It's Cracked Up to Be-- NP
A MUSTY BANK ACCOUNT - NP is the number-one thing most Neopians want. Plain and
simple. I'd like to make that sentence more interesting, but there's no way around
it-- that's what they want. But the question is, why. Why do they want it? Is
it worth sitting for long periods of time in a shop with a poorly painted Kau
looking for bottles that have tails? Is it worth running around in a NeoHome grabbing
Usukis for hours on end? Is it worth begging anyone who has it for, and getting
messages like "I_have_a lot_o_NP_and_you_do_not has blocked you"? I think not,
but since no one really cares about one madman's opinion, I guess it's time to
Well, first let's look at the MAIN thing people want NP for-- paint brushes.
I'll never know why, but some people like making their pets look like tomatoes,
infernos, stuffed toys, and even swashbucklin' high-seas adventure-pets. But
do you really need NP for all this? And do you REALLY need all this at all?
I mean, that's what the Rainbow Fountain was for! Sure, it disappeared ages
ago, and the faeries were saying something about it never coming back, more
than likely… but we can hang on to naïve hope! Welcome to my world! But still,
it didn't require ANY NP, so NP isn't all that necessary to paint your pets,
as long as you're naive. Although, being naïve won't get your pets painted--
but it'll satisfy you for a bit. And hey, there are always morphing potions,
for those who can't force themselves to follow untrue whims! Though, they cost
even more NP, but… okay, so they're not an option. But there IS another option.
Don't paint your pets. Keep them the color they were, nice and ordinary. It
might be some kind of, pssch, STATUS SYMBOL to paint your pets, but who cares?
We all know ANYONE with a painted pet is a snob. Besides, you can just call
your pet something like… Boring Blue, Yucky Yell-- er, wait. I mean, something
like "Confident with Their self-image." Either way, you don't have to spend
NP, and we both know that's what counts. Of course, NP doesn’t matter anyway,
so you see, those ways work just as good as painting your pet. Man, that was
so convoluted, I think I confused myself.
Okay, but besides whatever it was up there I was trying to say, there are
other reasons NP doesn't matter. What's the other thing most people do with
their NP? Hoard it in the bank. But my question is, what GOOD is this REALLY
doing, anyway? It just sits there, collecting interest, to collect interest,
to collect interest on the interest. For all that interest, it sure as dung
isn't very interesting. Besides, that Skeith is freaky. I bet he eats all the
NP. Which brings me to my next point.
What IS NP? It's just a number. For instance, how do you KNOW that Skeith
isn't eating the coins, and replacing them with digits. Hey, you never know,
it can happen. But more importantly, I think this brings us to the very ROOT
of the love for NP: Numbers.
People, and especially Neopets users, love numbers. It's something inborn
in them, something engraved in them, something they all posses. Why, if you
don't believe me, go to the chat boards. "1 4m 73h c00lz3rz!!!1111" is something
you're likely to see. That is an example of a user displaying their mathematics
skills. They want to show they can use numbers, impress other people with numbers,
and more importantly, they just want to look at numbers. Some petty fools have
called this "Chet Speck" or "Cheap Seek", or something, but we all, deep down
inside know what it REALLY is. It's showing off your number skills. So, the
question is-- do we love NP because of the digits?
I deduce we do. We never see the NP, as far as coins go, and we rarely use
it. We just like seeing "-52" in the sidebar, or "424,242" in the bank. But
who cares if we know WHY we like it, the point is we don't NEED it at ALL.
Take battling, another hobby that sucks NP like a… something that sucks NP
sucks NP. The idea, once you think about it, is really very pointless-- the
biggest excuse being "I had nothing better to do with my NP." First off, right
there-- that PROVES there's very little to do with NP. But furthermore, this
"hobby" you spend your NP on is, like I said, pointless. You basically slave
away looking for vegetables, pointy objects, and hokey pendants. Then you give
'em to your pet, drop them in the ring with some monstrosity, and hope they
win. The winner receives… NOTHING! Yes, that's right, people give away the thing
they value the most, NP, for something that gains no profit. Oh yeah, and besides
weapons, you've got to give Ryshu codestones… and THAT, my friend, is the biggest
source of conspiracy theory in Neopia. I wish he'd just ADMIT he's using them
to build a influx reversion trans-shifter, than make all these psychos guess…
Okay, so now, if you're not TOTALLY convinced NP should be abolished, than
you obviously have more cash than I do. But that's not the point. The point
is that some BRILLIANT person once proposed the Neopian-Utopian idea of removing
NP from Neopia forever… okay, so it was a Chia with tightey-whiteys, a bad cap,
and stupid look on his face. But behind that… pathetic appearance, I know there's
a mind of a genius there, because that was a beautiful idea. Of course, it might
have been the guy standing in front of the cheese, but who knows. I asked the
guy, but all he would say was "Kickin' it on the real tip, DUDE!"
Still, this idea is still ringing in my ears, standing still in my mind, still
there, in fact, distilling my thinking. It would bring happiness-- and an easier
lifestyle-- to Neopia. Don't believe me? Let's look at Neopia as if NP was gone…
Please imagine some kind of cheesy dream-sequence fade-in. Thank you.
Imagine seeing two little Neopets playing with expensive Faerie Dolls. But
they're not expensive-- everything's free. The Hidden Tower is raided, bringing
near destruction to all of Neopia, with so many rare artifacts in the hands
of psychos… but brush over that. The Soup Kitchen is empty, since even the formerly
poorest Neopian can eat the rarest food. Of course, this drove the Soup Faerie
out of business, and she wasn't too happy. But now, since she loves helping
people, she's a psychiatric rehabilitation worker, working with previous millionaires
who can't come to terms with the new law. They call her the Sit-On-A-Couch-And-Tell-Me-About-Your-Childhood
Faerie now. And then that Skeith that used to run the bank started eating Petpets,
just for kicks, and those smuggler's cove guys started being malicious out of
boredom, and most of the shopkeepers moved into the valley of the gnomes…
Um, but anyway, you see that Neopia would be… very different without NP. For
better or for worse, you decide, but I still say we don't need it. Anyway, I'd
love to keep talking, but I've got to go pick up some Codestones… not that I
like NP… nooo… not me…