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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 27th day of Awakening, Yr 23
The Neopian Times Week 92 > Articles > Not All It's Cracked Up to Be-- NP

Not All It's Cracked Up to Be-- NP

by noremac9

A MUSTY BANK ACCOUNT - NP is the number-one thing most Neopians want. Plain and simple. I'd like to make that sentence more interesting, but there's no way around it-- that's what they want. But the question is, why. Why do they want it? Is it worth sitting for long periods of time in a shop with a poorly painted Kau looking for bottles that have tails? Is it worth running around in a NeoHome grabbing Usukis for hours on end? Is it worth begging anyone who has it for, and getting messages like "I_have_a lot_o_NP_and_you_do_not has blocked you"? I think not, but since no one really cares about one madman's opinion, I guess it's time to prove it.

Well, first let's look at the MAIN thing people want NP for-- paint brushes. I'll never know why, but some people like making their pets look like tomatoes, infernos, stuffed toys, and even swashbucklin' high-seas adventure-pets. But do you really need NP for all this? And do you REALLY need all this at all? I mean, that's what the Rainbow Fountain was for! Sure, it disappeared ages ago, and the faeries were saying something about it never coming back, more than likely… but we can hang on to naïve hope! Welcome to my world! But still, it didn't require ANY NP, so NP isn't all that necessary to paint your pets, as long as you're naive. Although, being naïve won't get your pets painted-- but it'll satisfy you for a bit. And hey, there are always morphing potions, for those who can't force themselves to follow untrue whims! Though, they cost even more NP, but… okay, so they're not an option. But there IS another option.

Don't paint your pets. Keep them the color they were, nice and ordinary. It might be some kind of, pssch, STATUS SYMBOL to paint your pets, but who cares? We all know ANYONE with a painted pet is a snob. Besides, you can just call your pet something like… Boring Blue, Yucky Yell-- er, wait. I mean, something like "Confident with Their self-image." Either way, you don't have to spend NP, and we both know that's what counts. Of course, NP doesn’t matter anyway, so you see, those ways work just as good as painting your pet. Man, that was so convoluted, I think I confused myself.

Okay, but besides whatever it was up there I was trying to say, there are other reasons NP doesn't matter. What's the other thing most people do with their NP? Hoard it in the bank. But my question is, what GOOD is this REALLY doing, anyway? It just sits there, collecting interest, to collect interest, to collect interest on the interest. For all that interest, it sure as dung isn't very interesting. Besides, that Skeith is freaky. I bet he eats all the NP. Which brings me to my next point.

What IS NP? It's just a number. For instance, how do you KNOW that Skeith isn't eating the coins, and replacing them with digits. Hey, you never know, it can happen. But more importantly, I think this brings us to the very ROOT of the love for NP: Numbers.

People, and especially Neopets users, love numbers. It's something inborn in them, something engraved in them, something they all posses. Why, if you don't believe me, go to the chat boards. "1 4m 73h c00lz3rz!!!1111" is something you're likely to see. That is an example of a user displaying their mathematics skills. They want to show they can use numbers, impress other people with numbers, and more importantly, they just want to look at numbers. Some petty fools have called this "Chet Speck" or "Cheap Seek", or something, but we all, deep down inside know what it REALLY is. It's showing off your number skills. So, the question is-- do we love NP because of the digits?

I deduce we do. We never see the NP, as far as coins go, and we rarely use it. We just like seeing "-52" in the sidebar, or "424,242" in the bank. But who cares if we know WHY we like it, the point is we don't NEED it at ALL.

Take battling, another hobby that sucks NP like a… something that sucks NP sucks NP. The idea, once you think about it, is really very pointless-- the biggest excuse being "I had nothing better to do with my NP." First off, right there-- that PROVES there's very little to do with NP. But furthermore, this "hobby" you spend your NP on is, like I said, pointless. You basically slave away looking for vegetables, pointy objects, and hokey pendants. Then you give 'em to your pet, drop them in the ring with some monstrosity, and hope they win. The winner receives… NOTHING! Yes, that's right, people give away the thing they value the most, NP, for something that gains no profit. Oh yeah, and besides weapons, you've got to give Ryshu codestones… and THAT, my friend, is the biggest source of conspiracy theory in Neopia. I wish he'd just ADMIT he's using them to build a influx reversion trans-shifter, than make all these psychos guess…

Okay, so now, if you're not TOTALLY convinced NP should be abolished, than you obviously have more cash than I do. But that's not the point. The point is that some BRILLIANT person once proposed the Neopian-Utopian idea of removing NP from Neopia forever… okay, so it was a Chia with tightey-whiteys, a bad cap, and stupid look on his face. But behind that… pathetic appearance, I know there's a mind of a genius there, because that was a beautiful idea. Of course, it might have been the guy standing in front of the cheese, but who knows. I asked the guy, but all he would say was "Kickin' it on the real tip, DUDE!"

Still, this idea is still ringing in my ears, standing still in my mind, still there, in fact, distilling my thinking. It would bring happiness-- and an easier lifestyle-- to Neopia. Don't believe me? Let's look at Neopia as if NP was gone…

Please imagine some kind of cheesy dream-sequence fade-in. Thank you.

Imagine seeing two little Neopets playing with expensive Faerie Dolls. But they're not expensive-- everything's free. The Hidden Tower is raided, bringing near destruction to all of Neopia, with so many rare artifacts in the hands of psychos… but brush over that. The Soup Kitchen is empty, since even the formerly poorest Neopian can eat the rarest food. Of course, this drove the Soup Faerie out of business, and she wasn't too happy. But now, since she loves helping people, she's a psychiatric rehabilitation worker, working with previous millionaires who can't come to terms with the new law. They call her the Sit-On-A-Couch-And-Tell-Me-About-Your-Childhood Faerie now. And then that Skeith that used to run the bank started eating Petpets, just for kicks, and those smuggler's cove guys started being malicious out of boredom, and most of the shopkeepers moved into the valley of the gnomes…

Um, but anyway, you see that Neopia would be… very different without NP. For better or for worse, you decide, but I still say we don't need it. Anyway, I'd love to keep talking, but I've got to go pick up some Codestones… not that I like NP… nooo… not me…

Week 92 Related Links

Spending Neopoints: For Fun and Not Profit.
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