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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 4th day of Running, Yr 23
The Neopian Times Week 92 > New Series > The Great Chickentastic Catastrophe: Part One

The Great Chickentastic Catastrophe: Part One

by bladen_kerst

It was a beautiful day on Mystery Island. The sun shone brightly in the blue sky, bathing the entire island in its intense glow. The sparkling ocean crashed against the damp sand, spraying the tall palm trees and disturbing talkative birds along the beach. A slight breeze graced the day, carrying the native’s laughter along with it. The entire scene appeared to be a painting in motion. A shadow Kougra named Guenhwivaar, who resided on the island, was determined not to waste the perfect day. A day like this meant no hurricanes, and no hurricanes meant lots of napping time. And so, snuggled on the couch, she napped.

     “If I were in denial, would I be holding a jar of pickled eyeballs? I don’t THINK SO!” screamed Flare, slamming down the phone. Flare, a mystery island Uni, and Guen’s best friend, stood in Guen’s kitchen, exasperated. Life would be so much easier if people just did what she said.

     Guen, awakened by her friend’s outburst, groaned loudly. Flare’s temper was usually worse than a Mystery Island hurricane. Deciding it would be best to calm the Uni, she rolled off the couch and started toward the kitchen, but before reaching the door she began to reconsider. A series of screams, grunts, clangs, and sounds of random stuff crashing against random stuff exploded from the kitchen into the living room. There could only be one possible explanation. Flare was on a rampage. Gathering all her courage, and her new honey potion, Guen raced into the kitchen.

     “What in the world...” Guen muttered. To her surprise, the kitchen was still intact, and Flare was busy with a screwdriver, trying to fix the phone she had just destroyed. Guen, realizing the commotion had come from the program on TV that Flare was watching, jumped on the counter, stretched out her muscular, ebony legs, and prepared to take another nap.

     “Uh, something happened to your phone, Guen,” Flare murmured, embarrassed.

     “Oh, yeah,” Guen replied sarcastically. “I noticed.”

     Flare, deciding there was no hope for the broken phone, sat down and continued to watch TV.

     “What are you watching?” asked Guen.

     “Oh, nothing really,” answered Flare. “Just the greatest show in the entire WORLD! It’s called Kickin’ Chickens!”

     Guen rolled her amber eyes. Kickin’ Chickens was a ridiculous show involving chickens fighting each other while wielding souped-up kitchen appliances. Humans and Neopets alike would spend countless hours (not to mention thousands of Neopoints) combining blenders, toasters, and other kitchen items to make the coolest weapon. Then they would buy a chicken and train it to fight using the device. Most of the chickens didn’t care about the fight though, and when they saw the tasty chicken feed in the middle of the Arena, they dropped their weapons and flew to the feast. Then their owners would control the weapons themselves with a remote and fight each other. Not violent fighting, of course. Not when two innocent chickens were at risk in the middle of the arena. This show was sponsored by “You’re Just Gonna Flip When You Hear This!”, Neopia’s lamest tabloid. Flare loved the magazine and read every issue. Guen, on the other hand, hated the magazine because Flare would get some crazy idea from it and drag her along.

     “Oh, oh!” shrieked a fire Ixi on the TV. She was obviously the host of the stupid show. “Look at that! Marvelous Micro Menace has just destroyed Blender Blunder Buster! I can’t believe it! I’m gonna faint!”

     “Wow,” muttered the unenthusiastic cloud Skeith at the Ixi’s side. “Amazing.”

     “That’s it!” the excited Ixi shouted. “What an ending, what an annihilation! I can’t believe it! Tune in next-” Flare switched off the TV.

     “Thanks,” said Guen. “I couldn’t take it anymore, that show is so stupid I...” Guen’s voiced trailed off when she noticed the scheming look in the Uni’s eyes. She knew that look, it was the "OK, Guen, I’m going to ruin your life now" look. The Kougra began to sweat, she knew she had to stop her friend from voicing her idea, and stop her from acting on it. If she didn’t and Flare got what she wanted, Guen’s life would end up on the front page of “You’re Just Gonna Flip When You Hear This!”.

      “No,” she said sternly. “I’m not watching any more TV today. It rots brains.”

     “What?” asked Flare, very annoyed. “'Rots brains?' I wasn’t even talking about watching TV. Look at this!” Flare shoved her copy of “You’re Just Gonna Flip When You Hear This!” in Guen’s face. “It says the Kickin’ Chickens staff is going to be on Mystery Island next week. They will be filming the next two weeks of the show right here! And anyone from Mystery Island can enter if they have a chicken and a homemade kitchen weapon! So what do you say? Want to help me make a weapon? There is a 100,000 Neopoint prize for 1st place!”

     “Oh,” muttered the Kougra. “That’s what you were talking about? Sure, whatever, I don’t care. That shouldn’t rot brains.”

     “OK, cool!” exclaimed Flare. “Now, here’s the plan. We are going to make our machine out of a stove, a set of butter knives, a wok, and some ice tongs.”

     “What?” argued the Kougra, “Do you have the slightest idea what you’re doing? Let’s include a coffee maker instead of the stove! Coffee makers are all the rage! When our chicken gets drowsy from all the fighting, she can brew up some instant energy. No one can beat a caffeinated chicken!”

     “That’s just weird, okay?” replied Flare. “How about this? You go find us a chicken, and I’ll gather all the cool-looking appliances from your kitchen, take them out to the garage, and start on the blue prints. Then, when you get back, you can start screaming at me again. Okay?”

     “Sounds good,” replied Guen. “Where do I find a chicken?”

     “I have no idea,” said Flare.

     “That helps. See you later,” muttered Guen as she left the NeoHome.

     After four hours of searching through various shops for a chicken, Guen decided to ask the Shop Wizard for help. She approached the sandy colored Jubjub, admiring his fancy robes and pointy hat.

     “Alakazam!” shouted the Shop Wizard. “I’m your friendly guide to online comparison shopping!”

     “Can you help me find a chicken?” asked Guen.

     “Sure!” replied the excited Jubjub. “Just give me a second.” The Shop Wizard began his search for chicken as Guen waited patiently. “Alakazam!” he yelled when the search was completed. “Which chicken item would you like? I found a Chickentastic Ice Lolly, Rest In Peace of Chicken, Spicy Chicken-”

     “No,” interrupted Guen. “I just want a chicken.” The Shop Wizard looked at her curiously. “You know,” explained Guen, “a live chicken? Bawk-bawk? One that hasn’t been cooked? Bawk-bawk?”

     “Who’s there?!” joked the Jubjub. “Hahaha, I’m hilarious. There aren’t any chickens like that in Neopia.”

     “What?” asked Guen. “If there aren’t any chickens in Neopia, then how do we get Chickentastic Ice Lollies, Mr. Pointyhat?”

     A look of panic crossed the Jubjub’s fluffy face. He pulled Guen’s dark head close to his, “Listen, there’s no need to make a big deal out of this,” he whispered, glancing around suspiciously. “We don’t want to get the Chickentastic company in trouble, now do we? No, of course we don’t. How about I give you this,” he pulled a Peadackle from one of the folds in his robe, “and we’ll just forget all about this little conversation?”

     “Why are you giving this to me?” asked Guen, confused.

     The Shop Wizard laughed nervously. “Let’s just call it a hush-Peadackle, shall we?” he muttered. “Now get out of here.”

     Guen studied the Peadackle for a moment. She knew Peadackles were aquatic Petpets and that they preferred to live in water, but she wasn’t sure how they fared on land.

     “Hey, girl,” Guen purred to the Peadackle. “Want to come out of your bowl for a little while?”

     “Bloop!” replied the Petpet. Guen, taking that as a yes, scooped up the Petpet and set it between her shadowy shoulders.

     “Bloop, bloop!” squealed the Peadackle, obviously delighted. Confident the Peadackle would be okay out of her bowl, Guen started home.

     Although Guen’s home was just a short trip from the Shop Wizard, it was quite humid outside, and by the time Guen got to her house the Peadackle appeared to be wilting. Guen raced into the kitchen, pulled the biggest bowl she owned from the cabinet and filled it with fresh water. Once the Peadackle was inside the cozy bowl, Guen decided to get a Neocola and relax. Normally there was a large supply of Neocola inside of the refrigerator, but Guen’s life was anything but normal.

     “What happened to my refrigerator?” Guen asked aloud. “And where’s my toaster?”

     Almost every single kitchen appliance was missing and Guen realized Flare must have taken them out to the garage. “I didn’t think Flare was going to use everything I own,” she muttered, picking up the Peadackle and heading toward the garage. “Oh, well, at least Flare took the coffee maker.”

     Guen found Flare lying on the garage floor, exhausted. Sweat dripped from the island Uni’s beautifully patterned head, and she was covered in flecks of metal and paint. Guen also noticed a huge, odd-looking machine.

     “Flare?” asked Guen, trying to hide her disappointment. “I thought we were going to build a machine together. Why- wait a second... how did you manage to build that in four hours?”

     Flare, ignoring the Kougra’s questions, jumped to her hooves and ran to the machine. “Look at it, Guen!” she exclaimed. “Isn’t it beautiful? I call it Ultra-Chilling-Fire-Breathing-Coffee-Brewing-Annihilation-Madness... 3000! I used the stove, the coffee maker, the wok, and a secret appliance! Can you guess what it is?”

To be continued...

Previous Episodes

The Great Chickentastic Catastrophe: Part Two

The Great Chickentastic Catastrophe: Part Three

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