"You’re Just Gonna Flip When You Hear This!”
“Yes, it’s Neocola, kids!” a yellow Chia boomed
on TV. “Whoppidy do!”
“Oh, boy,” muttered Guenhwivaar, a sleek shadow
Kougra who was busy wasting the day in front of the TV. “Where’s the remote?”
“Ha ha HOOO!” shrieked the crazy little Chia.
“Drink enough Neocola and you’ll be able to bounce to Faerieland!” He promptly
held up a can of cherry Neocola and began grinning like an idiot. Behind him
many young Neopets began drinking their own cans of Neocola and bouncing around
the set.
“And for those of you with heart complications,”
laughed the Chia. “Try caffeine-free Neocola! It’ll rock your socks!”
“I wish I could get paid for making stupid commercials,”
said Guen, slapping her dark face. “Hey! Maybe I could... ”
“Don’t you think it would be a bit humiliating?”
Flare, an island Uni laying next to Guen asked. “I mean, that Chia is doing
back flips and somersaults and knocking little kids over. If you want to get
paid for acting like a moron, go work for Sloth.”
“Gosh, what’s your problem?” Guen pouted. “Sloth
isn’t that bad - Wait. How did you get in my house?”
Flare’s eyes began scanning Guen’s living room.
“I don’t have the slightest idea... Oh well, let’s do something.”
“Like what?” asked Guen.
Flare slapped a copy of “You’re just gonna flip
when you hear this!”, Neopia’s lamest tabloid, on the coffee table. Dr. Sloth,
not his usual green color but a bright, happy pink, was on the cover.
Guen began reading the article out loud. “Oh,
oh! Look at Dr. Sloth! Did he finally realize that putrid green is totally out
of style? Or did he change his shade for some cruel, gruesome, SHOCKING reason?
Turn to page 435 for more details!”
“Well?” asked Flare. “What do you think?”
“You’re insane?”
“No!” shouted Flare, aggravated by her friend’s
stupidity. “Are you blind? We are going to find Sloth, take a couple of pictures,
and then sell them to “You’re just gonna flip when you hear this!”! We will
be the richest pets in Neopia! My dreams will finally come true!”
“How in the world did you expect me to know that?!”
retorted Guen.
“Forget it, let’s just go,” answered the Uni.
“Do you still have your honey potion?”
A look of embarrassment crossed Guen’s shadowy
face. “My owner put it on her biscuits,” she replied sheepishly.
“I thought it held an infinite amount of honey,”
argued Flare.
“She eats a lot of biscuits,” shrugged Guen.
“Let’s just go,” muttered Flare. “We have a long
trip ahead of us.”
The two friends grabbed their backpacks and
began gathering items for the trip to Virtupets Space Station. Guen’s home was
on Mystery Island so the journey would be a long one. After an hour of packing
countless food items, battle equipment, and film, Guen and Flare stepped outside
and started across the beautiful island. Two minutes later Flare stopped in
front of a small, shaggy hut with a sign that read The Haiku Generator.
“We’re here!” Flare announced, receiving a puzzled
look from Guen. “What? Do you really think Sloth spends all his time in his
lair? The guy has a life, you know! Look, it’s right here in the article...
Sloth is at the haiku generator every Monday at 2:00,” explained Flare, waving
her trusty copy of “You’re just gonna flip when you hear this!” in Guen’s face.
“You expect me to believe that every Monday the
most evil creature in Neopia, a cynical, chaotic, despicable man, get his kicks
from reading poetry?” asked Guen.
“No, silly!” replied the Uni. “He writes it!”
Flare walked inside the small hut, leaving an exasperated Guen behind.
“I really should start locking my doors,” muttered
Guen as she followed her friend.
“Hello,” said Flare to the brightly colored Kougra
inside the hut. “We need to speak to Dr. Sloth. Could you tell us what room
he’s in?”
“No, don’t bother Sloth, Such a bad temper he
has, He is a real jerk,” replied the Kougra in typical haiku fashion.
“What if we pay you?” asked Flare. “Would you
tell us then?”
“Bribe me you cannot, Do I look stupid to you?
Sorry, now get out,” answered the Kougra.
Flare, annoyed by the silly Kougras word game,
began to lose her temper. “Listen here, Haikougra!” she taunted. “I’m going
to see Sloth, and you’re not going to stop me!”
The Kougra cringed at the Unis insensitivity.
It wasn’t his fault he talked that way. “Save your childish words, I’ve read
haikus for ten years, You’d talk like this too.”
Guen, realizing Flares insults were only making
matters worse, reached inside her pack and retrieved a honey potion. “Here,”
she said, setting the expensive bottle in front of the Kougra. “If you tell
us, I’ll give you this.”
“Oh boy!” he shouted. “I can’t believe it! I
finally have a honey potion! Whoo hoo! Um, what I mean is...” the flustered
Kougra hung his head in embarrassment. “Sloth is in that room, Please knock
before entering, Thank you for the bribe - gift! I mean gift!”
As the two friends began walking toward Dr.
Sloths room, Flare remembered something. “Hey, I thought you said your owner
ate your honey potion.”
“Keep your voice down!” Guen whispered harshly.
“She did eat it. Afterwards she felt so guilty she filled it with regular honey
before I noticed.”
“Oh,” replied Flare. “That’s sort of... sweet.”
“Sweet my tail!” remarked Guen. “Can you imagine
what happened to me when I used some on the Ghost Lupe in the Battledome? It
was horrible!”
“That’s hilarious!” laughed Flare as she reached
for Dr. Sloth’s doorknob. “Get the camera ready. And get ready to be rich!”
Guen grabbed the camera from her pack as Flare
opened the door. They both bounded into the room, but their excitement turned
to horror when they saw Dr. Sloth. He wore a yellow grass skirt and a matching
yellow lei, his short spiky hair was pulled into a bun and he wore a gigantic
pair of glasses that enlarged his eyes to unbelievable proportions. His body,
instead of it’s usual green, was indeed a vibrant pink. Guen burst out laughing
and fell to the floor, clutching her ribs as they began to ache. Flare, not
known for a strong stomach, tossed her cookies all over Dr. Sloth’s desk.
“My poetry!” shrieked Dr. Sloth. “It’s ruined!
You are going to pay for this! And just what are you laughing at?” Dr. Sloth
demanded. “That little brat Boochi turned me into a baby the other day! And
the Neopets Team doesn’t make a putrid green paint brush!"
The Kougra Guen had cheated raced inside the
room, still clutching his new honey potion.
“Dr. Sloth? Are you okay? Oh my...” he muttered
staring at the mess. “Dr. Sloth... I...”
“Give me that Honey Potion, you fool!” roared
Dr. Sloth.
He snatched the weapon from the Kougra and threw
some of its contents at Flare. The sticky honey slapped her squarely in the
face and she, now finding the situation rather amusing, began to lick it off.
“Yummy,” she said, causing her shadowy friend
to laugh even harder.
The brightly colored Kougra, realizing his misfortune,
let out an intimidating growl and set to pounce. Dr. Sloth, furious about his
poetry and the fact that the fake honey potion made him look even more stupid,
grabbed a torch that lit the room and also prepared to attack.
“Uh-oh,” murmured Flare. She smacked Guen on
her throbbing belly and jerked her off of the floor. “Run!” she screamed.
The girls rushed from the hut with Dr. Sloth
and the Kougra chasing after them. Dr. Sloth started yelling to the natives
to catch the two friends. It may have worked too, considering many people were
outside at that moment, but as soon as they saw Dr. Sloth they fell to ground,
howling with laughter. Well, those who weren’t busy snapping pictures of him.
As Guen and Flare approached the ocean, they
saw two Shoyrus sitting on the beach.
“Please,” Flare panted. “Please get us out of
here!”
“I’ll give you my Honey Potion!” Guen huffed,
thanking Fyora she had managed to grab it before the quick retreat.
The Shoyrus nodded and Guen and Flare hopped
on their backs. They took off into flight, leaving a snarling Haikougra and
a shouting Sloth below.
When Mystery Island was far behind them one
of the Shoyrus, a breathtaking starry female, asked, “Where should we drop you
off?”
“Well, we obviously can’t go back to my house
right now,” replied Guen, more to herself than to anyone else. “And Flare doesn’t
have a NeoHome at the moment...”
“We’re going to be over Tyrannia soon,” interrupted
the starry Shoyrus companion, an interesting disco male. “You should be safe
there.”
“Fine by me,” said Flare, interested in seeing
a place that was new to her. “Oh, wow! Look at Terror Mountain! It looks so
beautiful from up here!”
“Want us to fly down there a bit?” asked the
starry Shoyru.
Guen nodded and they began to descend toward
the snowy world. When they were quite close to the ground the disco Shoyru asked,
“Can we have that Honey Potion now?”
“What? Oh, yeah, sure,” answered Guen. She was
so absorbed in the beautiful scenery she didn’t notice the Shoyrus expression
when she handed him the fake honey potion.
“Are you kidding me?!” he screamed. “This isn’t
real!”
“What?” responded his companion. “I don’t believe
this!”
Both Shoyrus tilted to the side, dropping Guen
and Flare off of their backs and sent them tumbling toward the icy ground. Luckily,
or perhaps unluckily, and to the dismay of many young Neopets, they landed on
a huge Snowchia.
“Oh, my gosh, Flare!” shouted a terrified Guen.
“Flare! Are you okay? Did you get hurt?”
“Uhhhh...” groaned the Uni. “No. No, I’m fine.
Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m - umph!” A stone snowball hit Guen
between the shoulders. Another one was then launched. “What the heck was - OUCH!”
“You meanies!” growled a baby Lupe. “You wrecked
our Snowchia!”
“Yeah, you jerks!” shouted a cloud Lenny. “You’re
gonna get it now!” She picked up an icy snowball and hurled it at Flare.
“Listen, you little brats!” yelled Flare. It
was either land on your Snowchia or in up in the Neopian Hospital! So why don’t
you - Ow!”
“Come on, Flare!” shouted Guen. “Let’s get out
of here!”
The two friends rushed toward a large cave,
trying to escape the enraged mob of tots. Once inside the cave they both collapsed
and, much to their surprise, the children did not follow. As Guen worked to
regain her strength, she heard muffled sobbing.
“Flare?” Guen asked, turning to her island Uni
friend. “Flare, what’s wrong? It’s okay, please don’t cry.”
“This has to be the worst day of my life!” the
depressed Uni exclaimed. “We were going to be rich, and now, now everything
is ruined! Did you see all those people taking pictures of Sloth back on Mystery
Island? We were so close.”
“Flare, it’s okay,” said Guen. “It’s just a few
Neopoints. We’ll be okay.”
“No Guen! You’ll be okay! I... You don’t understand
how badly I needed those Neopoints...”
Guen began to protest but Flare’s expression
quickly changed her mind. She had no idea what her friend was talking about,
and as badly as she wanted to help she figured it was best to leave Flare alone
for a while.
“Listen, Flare, I’m going to go back outside,”
said Guen. “Just for a little while though. I’ll be right out there if you need
me, okay?”
The only response Guen got was sobbing. She
turned away from Flare and walked outside the cave. Grateful that the children
were nowhere to be seen she slumped against a frozen tree, hoping her friend
would call for her soon.
Back inside the cave Flare was kneeling on the
ground, still crying.
“I am so cold,” she sobbed, shivering. Her tears
turned to crystal before they ever hit the ground. “I’m cold, bruised, broke,
depressed, and there isn’t a bathroom for miles.”
A sudden, sharp tapping rang throughout the cave,
snapping Flare out of her pitiful daze. Thinking it was the evil tot mob coming
to avenge their Snowchia, she jumped behind a large stalagmite and waited, hoping
she could slip out of the cave unnoticed. But the children didn’t come, and
the quiet tapping had turned into a painful screech, like when Guen ran her
claws down a chalkboard. Figuring that this day could NOT possibly get any worse
Flare decided to investigate. She stuck her head around a bend in the cave to
see what was causing the noise, and when she finally saw it, she froze. No lost
Neopoint or icy wind could cause as much dread as the creature that lay before
her. There sat the most terrifying beast Flare had ever seen, picking its teeth
with the tip of a cool negg.
“AHHHHHHH!” screamed Flare.
“ARRRGGGHHH!” screamed the Snowager. The massive
creature jumped a full ten feet into the air, smashing his sleek head into a
large icicle and then passing out.
“For the love of Fyora...” muttered Flare. “What
IS that thing?”
As quietly as Unily possible, Flare crept toward
the Snowager’s treasure. Behind her she heard the beast grunt as his giant tail
began to twitch, sending neggs and other treasures crashing to the floor.
“I can’t believe it,” Flare muttered. “This day
isn’t ruined after all. If I can just manage to find that cool negg I’ll be
okay.” As she began her search, the Snowager started to groan.
“I better hurry,” Flare whispered to herself.
She spotted a slender, light yellow cylinder sticking out of the pile. “Is that...
No way! I can’t believe it! The Rod of Supernova!” Flare shouted. She snatched
the item and quickly ran out of the cave.
“Guen!” yelled Flare. “Guen! Come quick, Guen!
Look what I found!”
Guen raced to the hysterical Uni as she tried
to see what her friend was waving around.
“What’s your problem?” asked Guen when she finally
figured out what Flare was holding. “Eat too many neggs or something?”
“No, but I’ll be scarfing them down soon!” the
excited Uni exclaimed. “I stole a Rod of Supernova, Guen! I almost got eaten
by an overgrown snake, but I got a... a... a Neggitus Injection?”
Flare collapsed on the snowy ground and began
hugging herself. She rolled around in the snow muttering something odd that
no one could possibly begin to understand, like chatspeak or something. Tears
rimmed her glossy eyes once again, and she started banging her head against
the ground. Guen, frightened that the Uni had finally lost it, tried to comfort
her friend.
“Hey, Flare, it’s okay. Everything is fine, okay?
You’re going to give yourself a concussion. Hey, just stop banging your head?
Okay, Flare? Okay?”
“I’ll take that, MWA HAH HA!” A strange blue
figure swooped down next to Guen and grabbed the Neggitus Injection. Guen recognized
the thief, and hoped that Flare somehow hadn’t seen him. Just as the Pant Devil
was about to fly away, he noticed the Island Uni’s body begin to convulse. Curious,
he began floating to the ground for a closer look.
“Ubba gooda boo boo!?” Flare cried, a look of
rage replacing the sadness in her eyes. Ubba awen GOODA BOO BOO?”
“Oh, dear Fyora, she’s crazy!” the Pant devil
responded to Flares strange speech. Guen, just as scared as the Pant Devil,
started to back away.
Flare jumped to her hooves, lowered her beautifully
patterned head, and prepared to butt the little blue thief right in his chest.
The pant devil, realizing he was no match for the enraged Uni, or her clawed
friend, did the only thing he could think of. He began to grovel.
“Oh, have mercy!” he pleaded. “Please, I’ll give
you everything I stole today! Just please, don’t hurt me!”
Guen, noticing the plump backpack the pant devil
was carrying and remembering her friends desperate need for Neopoints, also
began to beg the Uni. “Flare, look at his pack. I bet he has a bunch of Supernova
rods! Don’t you think so? Don’t you at least want to find out?”
To her relief, Flare raised her head and nodded
toward the backpack. The Pant Devil dumped its contents on the cold ground and
began looking for the best item. “Here!” he stammered, still quite terrified.
“Would you like this Honey Potion? I just stole it a little while ago, from
a lovely Shoyru!” He, being just about the worse Battledomer besides the Chia
Clown, obviously didn’t realize it was a fake.
“Why can’t we get away from that thing?” asked
Flare, motioning toward the Honey Potion.
Guen, considering the Pant Devil had stolen
one of her prized Kau plushies, despised the blue brat more than any other creature,
so she decided to bargain with him. “How about you give us everything you stole
today and you can keep the Honey Potion?” she purred, throwing Flare a quick
wink. “That way we won’t beat you up, and you’ll still make a profit today.”
The Pant Devil, almost not believing his great
fortune, nodded and flew away with the false item clutched in his greedy hands.
“Wow, Guen!” laughed Flare. “Look at all those
neggs we have now. I'm going to be okay after all! And you, you can get a new
Honey Potion and maybe even a muzzle for your owner!”
Guen, imagining how good Bladen would look in
a muzzle, had another thought. “Hey, make sure you don’t let your owner waste
all this, you know? I mean, sometimes Bladen gets a little crazy with the Neopoints
we’ve earned, so make sure your owner knows that you have to share these things.”
“Guen?” the Uni’s happy expression disappeared
from her face. “My owner abandoned me about two months ago... She just left
and never came back, didn’t put me in the pound or anything. She didn’t even
leave me an omelette. That’s why I needed Neopoints so badly.”
“Oh, Flare,” Guen muttered, nuzzling her friend’s
shoulder. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea. Hey! You can come and live with Bladen
and me. We have lots of room and stock options!
“It’s okay,” Flare replied. “Don’t worry about
it Guen. Come on, we shouldn’t be sad right now! Look at all our treasure.”
“Okay,” agreed Guen, not wanting to ruin Flare’s
triumphant moment. “You know what? Now that you are going to be rich, I bet
lots of people in Neopia would want to adopt you!”
After considering the Kougras words, Flare became
quite horrified. “Oh, no, Guen! People will want to adopt me because I have
a ton of Neopoints! On second thought, I think I’ll will live with you and Bladen.
“Cool!” exclaimed Guen. “And I have lots of places
we can hide some of the Neopoints. It’s not that Bladen would keep them all
for herself, it’s just that, one time, she decided to waste 100,000 Neopoints
on a lava lamp collection. She said, “Come on, Guen. Don’t you wanna be the
grooviest cat in town?”
“What?” laughed Flare. “That’s insane!” Flare
let out a long, happy sigh. “Come on, Guen. Let’s go home.”
“Okay,” answered Guen. “Oh, by the way, I think
we should give Sloth a bit of our treasure. I don’t want him to destroy my NeoHome
or anything.”
“Sure,”replied Flare. “And let’s see if we can
buy a picture of Sloth from one of the islanders. We don’t want this day to
be a total loss!”
Both friends burst out laughing. It had been
a wonderful and crazy day for both of them, and they were happy it was now over.
“You know, the Pant Devil is probably on his
way to the Battledome right now, thinking he’s going to take on the Space Faerie
or something. Can you imagine his face when he tries to use that fake Honey
Potion?”asked Guen as she gathered the last few neggs into her backpack.
They both burst into laughter again and started
home.
The End
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