"Unique" Personalities: Who Cares?
|PET CENTRAL - Week after week, there are articles about 'unique' features of your
Neopet. Well, I'm plain sick of all that piffle! Yes, that's right, piffle! Why
is everybody making so much fuss about 'unique' pets? Frankly, who cares? I mean,
what if someone actually likes to have a bland, boring, unvarying Neopet, who
is not interesting or different in the slightest? I don't see any harm in that.
Do you? But with so much pressure to be 'different', how can they possibly compete?
I know a lot of people, who are just too lazy to give their pet a personality.
Which I applaud, since I'm lazy myself. I suggest a total ban on being 'different'.
Why can't they all be the same? I like the idea of million upon millions of people
who look exactly like me. Or millions and millions of pets who look like mine.
The world would be a much better-looking place, in my opinion. This article is
to put forward my case of the dangers of being 'different', and to advise people
on how to avoid this dangerous phenomenon.
Personality- Yes, the most obvious culprit. All of the other factors
in this article affect the personality of a pet. Try to go for uninteresting
and standard. Go along stereotype lines. Make the Neopet's hobbies as boring
and common as possible. Some ideas which people claim to be original are actually
quite overused. I mean, if you look through The Neopian Times, you can see just
how many Neopets apparently are the take-over-Neopia kind of pet. So, I'm okay
with that concept. I mean, let those Neopians think they're being different.
When really they're actually being the same as hundreds of others! However,
the take-over-Neopia obsession is not always standardized. For example, take
averyangryshaylir's short stories. Some of them involve her Neopets. But what
makes her Neopets different is the fact she has actually dared to modify the
whole take-over-Neopia idea! In her case, the two Neopets who want to take over
Neopia are actually a powerful mage and his assistant, who are in Neopet bodies.
Can you believe she has disrupted the whole notion? But you see my point. There
are other overused concepts too. For instance, the whole totally-opposite-to-the-stereotype
thing. I mean, that has been in more articles than I can count! By now I bet
there are more friendly Grarrls out there than nasty ones. So yet again, the
Neopets think they're unique, but joyfully, they are the same! Muhahahahaha!
History- This can highly influence your pet's personality. In fact,
it can be the essential building foundation for a pet's personality. For instance,
a childhood incident may affect a pet for the rest of its life. So go for the
blandest history possible. Make sure that nothing remotely interesting has happened
to your pet. If something remotely interesting has, wipe out all existence of
that fact, even if it means sneaking into the Neopet's Staff computers. And
while you're there, wipe out every other pet's history too! An ideally standard
history should look exactly like this-(fill in name here) was created by (fill
in owner's name). He/she has lived with (fill in owner's name) for all of his/her
life. The end. See, how bland is that? No detail of anything exciting or 'different'
Name- Go for a nice common name, like Fred or John. Nothing exotic
like Zarolf. I discourage last names. Last names make the pet come dangerously
close to unique. If your pet must have a last name, make it dull, like Brown
or Smith. And stay away from numbers. Way too unique. If you must, employ overused
numbers, like 2000. Try to petition for the right for everybody to have the
same name. About 60 million signatures or so should do the job. However, each
of those signatures would probably be 'unique' so that might not be such a god
Colour- Ah, yes... Luckily, there are limited colours available in
Neopia. But more are being released all the time, which is a bad, bad thing.
Some people suggest painting your Neopet mutant, and to not be afraid to be
different. Piffle! Keep your pet blue, red, yellow or green. There's absolutely
nothing wrong with that. So don't be pressured by your 'unique' friends (more
like insane friends) to do something 'different'. Don't be pressured into pouring
all of your hard earned savings into a paintbrush. There is no point. If I had
my way, there would be a single shade of drab grey for all pets.
Now for something a little different... Something that can make your pet unique
is the way you see him or her. So if you submit Beauty Contest entries or any
artwork whatsoever, make it a simple copy-and-paste job of the picture the NeoPets
Team have assigned your particular pet. Whatever you do, don't add little touches
that might make it different, like a cheeky smile, thumbs up, or any clothing,
jewellery etc. These might be perceived as personal trademarks. And those, as
we know, are usually unique. Never write poems about your pet, and especially
don't write stories about your pet's adventures. Because if your pet has done
ANYTHING REMOTELY close to something interesting enough to be published, you've
obviously failed in your task of anti-uniqueness. Moreover, stories actually
allow readers to get to know your pet. And if they look too hard, they might
actually find something interesting or unique! (shudder).
So, I'll finish off my article detailing my obviously-noble-and-justified-but-misuderstood-by-insane-'unique'-people
crusade, with just one last thing to remember- UNIQUE IS BAD!!!
Author's Note: This article is not serious. All of it is meant in jest.
Except the part about there nothing being wrong with green, blue, red and yellow
pets. That was serious. I have two blue pets myself. But their personalities
are drastically unique.
Second Author's Note: I encourage uniqueness in every possible way. Except
the bad ways, that is. If there are any…
Third and most important Author's Note: I'd like to say thanks to all of
those kind Neopians who've Neomailed me compliments, criticism, and, um, stuff.
I'll try to reply to your Neomails if I can, but usually I'm pretty busy, and
may not have the time.