Some Ridiculous Commentary On the New Plot Parts...
|HIDING UNDER A BUSH NEAR THE DARIGAN CITADEL - After the two new plot parts were
released, a lot of Neopians were sent scratching their heads. Me too. But after
studying them for a whopping undefined period of time, I figured it out. Now,
you lucky little Neopian, you can benefit from MY research without doing anything.
Okay, so you have to read, but you didn't have to watch both of the movies fifty
Okay, it starts with the Darigan Citadel whizzing through the night sky--
where it's going, we can only guess. Or is the sky moving? Nevermind. At first
we see the Orb sharpening the fingernail of some weird claw-thing. Then, Lord
Darigan (who's not to be confused with the country he commands... or is he to
be confused with it? He sure is, whether he should be or not!) walks over to
the Orb, waves at it, and it hops over to him. Then, he asks why it hasn't brought
him what it PROMISED. This means the Orb can talk. Okay, I know that's a bit
far-fetched... so it maybe it can just write. Or Sign contracts with those swirly
things. Or communicate with its... mind. Okay, it's a shiny piece of metal,
so maybe it doesn't have a mind. So maybe Lord Darigan is hallucinating-- which
is NOT good when you're the ruler of an evil country. Anyway, next we see Lord
Darigan telling the Orb that the citadel is STILL broken, and the people STILL
don't know where the Giant Omelette is.
Shortly thereafter, the Orb reflects in his eyes. Um, I guess we know he wears
really shiny contacts-- make a note of that. After he's done with the contact
thing, he coughs, and says he doesn't care if his people ever find the giant
omelette. After that, he does this little jig with his wings until everyone
gets really tired of watching his poor dancing, so he walks towards his balcony.
He comments on the Orb having more tricks inside its shell... obviously, Lord
Darigan thinks it's his pet Turdle, and it can roll over on command. More hallucinating,
obviously. Probably from watching those Turdles crawling around in the stadium
from his Citadel too much-- it gets to you. Anyway, after that, he remarks on
its beauty, and says he knows he can use its power for evil. As he gets to his
balcony, he tries to drop the Orb off of it, but it defies the laws of physics
and floats right in front of him. Then, since he was REALLY trying to use its
power for evil, not drop it, it gets the message and aims for the only target
in sight: Ultimate Bullseye. It fires this long laser-looking thingy in an attempt
to hit the target, but instead causes a lot of smoky stuff to get spread around.
Oddly enough, this results in the destruction of the game, Ultimate Bullseye.
In case you couldn't tell, there was a big "KABOOM!!!" to make it clear what
This chapter begins with the Yellow Knight clapping "Happy Birthday!" to himself.
There really isn't much of a party in a maximum security dungeon, so it's the
best he could do. By a fluke of nature, his chain decides it's tired of being
clapped on, and pops off. Wow. He's lucky. Next thing he knew, he realized Master
Vex had fallen asleep reading a book. It's no big surprise, since the book is
entitled "The Reason Lupes Eat Chias"-- and is therefore entirely blank. Pretty
boring. I'd be sleeping, too. Anyway, since Vex was sleeping, he figured he'd
take the opportunity to use the bathroom, something he hadn't done since he
was captured. By another random fluke of nature, he came across a bunch of dusty
Darigan clones. Out of sheer boredom, since he couldn't find one of those new
Dung Toilets, he began practising his hopping skills behind them, all the while
Lord Darigan talking to himself, just as any self-respecting overlord should
right before the apex of his power is unleashed. In the middle of his speech,
for the first time ever, the Yellow Knight opened his eyes and noticed Darigan
wasn't looking like himself.
Unfortunately, at that same moment, Vex revealed he could magically stretch
his arm to freakish length, and proceeded to do so. Too bad the camera started
having technical difficulties about that time, so I can't really comment on
what happened... um, pretty colors... blackouts, you know, the usual camera
troubles. Then Lord Darigan proclaimed he had ultimate power-- in reality, he
just found a Fire, Fire, Your Pants Are On Fire! paint brush on the floor, made
a pit stop at the rainbow pool, and whizzed back to the Citadel, all in the
time it took for the camera to get fixed. Somehow, he thinks that makes him
special. Darn painted pets and their arrogance... Anyway, he continues to talk
about how he'll rule Neopia, because he's sure to win the beauty contest looking
like that. The Yellow Knight, however, grows tired of secretly watching his
antics, and tells Vex they need to go tell the plumbers that there isn't a Toilet
near by, and that they'd like one installed in the dungeon. However, it's decided
that instead, the Yellow Night will go skydiving head first off the citadel,
in order to discover the ultimate thrill. Gnarly!
Meanwhile, Vex went to tell a bunch of pets sitting around a table that Darigan
was transformed into a painted pet, and for some reason, he thinks that makes
Darigan powerful-- just like Darigan does. Go figure. They all-- meaning the
pets at the table-- sit around on their bums nodding in agreement, because that's
what you're supposed to do when you have authority. Right after that, we see
the Yellow Knight fall like a fat Snorkel off the Citadel-- okay, more like
a fat Chia. Oddly enough, he merely makes an "ouch!" noise and gets up. I can
only say one thing: GET ME SOME OF THAT ARMOR! After that, he sneaks into the
castle, says he was sent by Master Vex, explains the situation, and watches
the other three pets sit there. For Hours. Suddenly, the Grarrl realizes what
he wants, and says they'll help... or something.
Okay, so now you KNOW what's going to happen next. After the in-depth breakdown
you just read, everything should be apparent. Darigan's going to enter the Beauty
Contest, the Yellow Knight's going to sell a boatload of that armor, and Vex
and those other pets are going to nod their heads over and over. But what does
this have to do with you? Well, it boils down to this: will you vote for Darigan,
or will you write ANOTHER article saying the Beauty Contest is bad/good? Either
way, here's my prediction. Darigan will lose, and that'll make him mad. Then
he'll enter his pet Turdle-- I mean the Orb, in petpet spotlight, hoping to
gain fame. Oddly enough, he already has his face on a T-shirt, which is pretty
famous... but this guy's a megalomaniac! After that's rejected, he'll try to
take over Neopia. Then we'll all fight him. Then, after he loses, something
will happen, and... um... yeah. So then, Meridell will be restored, and you
can FINALLY play Shapeshifter till your head hurts like a Battle Potato just
hit it. Swell.