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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 23rd day of Awakening, Yr 21
The Neopian Times Week 84 > Short Stories > GoldenRhino the Stuper Villain Seeks Out a Minion

GoldenRhino the Stuper Villain Seeks Out a Minion

by too_kule

Untitled Document "NO! NO! NO! For the last time, SilverEmerald's Usuki really is a chew toy! Come on boy, bite its head off!" GoldenRhino begged. The little Babaa looked up and sniffed GoldenRhino's sister's Mermaid Usuki and walked over to GoldenRhino's prized weapon, the Baby Blaster. It had the power to make any Neopet that can be painted baby, a baby. It was an exact replica of Boochi's ray gun.

     "My Baby Blaster IS NOT a chew toy!" GoldenRhino cried but it was too late. Darth Babaa bit down on the ray gun which fired it off. A bright pink beam ricocheted off trophies, mirrors and various other metallic objects until the beam soared out of the window. Darth Babaa yawned and closed his eyes.

     "Grrrr... for someone who's supposed to be the minion of the most evil stuper villain around, you sure are a pest!" GoldenRhino exclaimed. Darth Babaa looked up and burped. GoldenRhino stormed out of his room and downstairs where his owner TK was watching TV. GoldenRhino was going to get what he wanted using the stuper villain thing to do.

     "TK, please, please, please can I have a new Petpet! With spherical cherries and whipped cream on top drizzled in chocolate... I'm hungry. But I love you and you're the bestest owner ever, please, please, please, PLEASE!"

     "C'mon, I just spent 20,000 Neopoints on a Halloween Paint Brush. Don't worry, whatever little fit you're going through will pass," TK replied without removing his gaze from the TV. GoldenRhino scowled and walked into the kitchen. He grabbed The Neopian Times off of the table and opened it to the back.

     "GoldenRhino, why are you going through the Classifieds?" JadePaw asked as she entered the kitchen.

     "If you must know, I'm searching for an evil minion to accompany me on my daily stuper villain activities," GoldenRhino replied.

     "Yeah, suuuuuuure you are," she said as she left. GoldenRhino jotted down all 27 Neopians looking to be evil minions and he left the house in search of them.

***

GoldenRhino walked deeper and deeper into the Haunted Woods. Sharp, red eyes were looking at him. ZAAAAAAAAAAAP! Without one blast of his Baby Blaster, those sharp and evil eyes turned into big, round, lovable ones. Finally, GoldenRhino entered the clearing he had been looking for. The first Neopian looking to be an evil villain was supposedly around here.

     "Hello?" GoldenRhino called out into the darkness. "I'm here to talk to you. I saw your add in The Neopian Times saying you want to be a minion! I'm here!" No response came. Suddenly, the ground started shaking. THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! He was getting closer. Two eyes appeared in the darkness, both a bright yellow.

     "Yes, I did applied to be an evil minion," hissed the voice. GoldenRhino nodded.

     "Okay, I'll start with your name. What is it?" GoldenRhino inquired.

     "My name... is the Hairy Tongue Beast," replied the monster.

     "Okay then. Um... what do you--hehe look, it's a little Meepit running around," GoldenRhino said as he pointed to the cute, fluffy petpet running around in circles. Then the Hairy Tongue Beast started yelling.

     "NOOO! NOOO! A I HATE MEEPITS! THEY'RE SO SCARY!" the beast yelled. The Meepit squeaked and ran off.

     "Wow, little scaredy cat, aren't you?" chuckled GoldenRhino. Then, the Hairy Tongue Beast did something truly scary. Something so scary you'd run away in the blink of an eye. He cried.

     "WAAAAAAH! WAAAAAAH! YOU CALLED ME NAMES!" the beast howled. "WH-WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?" GoldenRhino stood there petrified.

     "You know, I'd blast you with my Baby Blaster if you weren't a baby already," GoldenRhino replied as he ran off from the crying monster.

***

"Well, you're certainly evil enough," GoldenRhino said through the darkness of the dimly lit room to the second Neopian. Because of security reasons, the second interviewee didn't want to be revealed. "And you say you're doing this because of your co-worker?"

     "Yes. He's supposedly so evil, I want to be evil too," she replied. Suddenly, the light flicked on. Dr. Death glared down on them.

     "Rose, there's still plenty more cages you need to clean, hop to it," Dr. Death said as he left. Rosemadder the Uni sighed.

     "Sorry, I guess I'm too busy," Rose replied as she got up and left.

***

Next, GoldenRhino's search took him to 138712 Soup Alley, Neopia Central. He entered the NeoHome and saw a Halloween Ixi sitting in the corner reading a book entitled 'Sloth's Guide to Taking Over Neopia'. GoldenRhino approached the Ixi.

     "Hello, I'm GoldenRhino. You're Zarrelian, aren't you? I saw your add in The Neopian Times," said the baby Tonu.

     "A bit small, aren't you? But I suppose you'll do," replied the Ixi as he got up.

     "So, how evil would you say you are?" asked GoldenRhino.

     "Well, I once replaced Dr. Sloth for a day," Zarrelian said.

     "Wow. Yup, you definitely would make an excellent minion! Okay, you can start by--"

     "Minion? ME? Peh, don't make me laugh Tonu. I am not a minion, I am the true evil being around here. That add was for me to look for a minion, not to become one," Zarrelian laughed. GoldenRhino growled. Then, Zarrelian's owner, battlesunn, walked up.

     "Awww, Zarrelian! You got a new playmate!" she cried. GoldenRhino sighed and walked away.

***

While the day progressed, GoldenRhino interviewed many more Neopians. He crossed another name off of the list.

     "Well, looks like Chet Flash can't be my minion either. Hmmm...well, there's one more name. But it's a long shot." GoldenRhino decided to track down the final name on the list.

     His search took him to a cave on the outskirts of Neopia Central. He entered the cave and called.

     "Hello? Grundo Spider? I've come to interview you about the add in The Neopian Times," GoldenRhino called. A muffled voice was heard so GoldenRhino walked in. I can't be scared, he thought. I'm the bestest stuper villain around. It's everyone else who should be scared. He walked some more... but then he was stuck! He tried to pull his arms and legs, but they seemed to be stuck to a web of some sort.

     "Ahhhh, juicy prey. I knew if I put an add in The Neopian Times someone would come along eventually," whispered the Grundo Spider icily as he approached. GoldenRhino gulped. He reached for his Baby Blaster but it slipped, falling out of reach. GoldenRhino wriggled and squirmed, trying to break free of the web.

     "Squirm all you want, it just makes you more tender," the Grundo Spider said. It opened it's mouth to reveal hideous fangs. It bent closer to GoldenRhino. Closer... closer... closer...

     ZAAAAAAAAAAAP!

     Out of nowhere, a bright pink beam fired and reduced the Grundo Spider to nothing but a baby Grundo... with an extra set of arms and legs. GoldenRhino looked over and saw Darth Babaa with the Baby Blaster in his mouth. He set it down and started nibbling on the web. Within no time at all, GoldenRhino was released.

     "You followed me, didn't you? You saved me!" GoldenRhino cried as he held his Babaa in his arms. Then he suddenly became self-conscious and set Darth Babaa down.

     "Er... good work. You'll make a fine stuper minion." Darth Babaa made a little hiccup sound and followed his owner out of the cave and on their way home.

The End

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