"NO! NO! NO! For the last time, SilverEmerald's Usuki really
is a chew toy! Come on boy, bite its head off!" GoldenRhino begged. The little
Babaa looked up and sniffed GoldenRhino's sister's Mermaid Usuki and walked over
to GoldenRhino's prized weapon, the Baby Blaster. It had the power to make any
Neopet that can be painted baby, a baby. It was an exact replica of Boochi's ray
"My Baby Blaster IS NOT a chew toy!" GoldenRhino
cried but it was too late. Darth Babaa bit down on the ray gun which fired it
off. A bright pink beam ricocheted off trophies, mirrors and various other metallic
objects until the beam soared out of the window. Darth Babaa yawned and closed
"Grrrr... for someone who's supposed to be the
minion of the most evil stuper villain around, you sure are a pest!" GoldenRhino
exclaimed. Darth Babaa looked up and burped. GoldenRhino stormed out of his
room and downstairs where his owner TK was watching TV. GoldenRhino was going
to get what he wanted using the stuper villain thing to do.
"TK, please, please, please can I have a new
Petpet! With spherical cherries and whipped cream on top drizzled in chocolate...
I'm hungry. But I love you and you're the bestest owner ever, please, please,
"C'mon, I just spent 20,000 Neopoints on a Halloween
Paint Brush. Don't worry, whatever little fit you're going through will pass,"
TK replied without removing his gaze from the TV. GoldenRhino scowled and walked
into the kitchen. He grabbed The Neopian Times off of the table and opened it
to the back.
"GoldenRhino, why are you going through the
Classifieds?" JadePaw asked as she entered the kitchen.
"If you must know, I'm searching for an evil
minion to accompany me on my daily stuper villain activities," GoldenRhino replied.
"Yeah, suuuuuuure you are," she said as she
left. GoldenRhino jotted down all 27 Neopians looking to be evil minions and
he left the house in search of them.
GoldenRhino walked deeper and deeper into the Haunted Woods. Sharp, red eyes
were looking at him. ZAAAAAAAAAAAP! Without one blast of his Baby Blaster, those
sharp and evil eyes turned into big, round, lovable ones. Finally, GoldenRhino
entered the clearing he had been looking for. The first Neopian looking to be
an evil villain was supposedly around here.
"Hello?" GoldenRhino called out into the darkness.
"I'm here to talk to you. I saw your add in The Neopian Times saying you want
to be a minion! I'm here!" No response came. Suddenly, the ground started shaking.
THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! He was getting closer. Two eyes appeared in the darkness,
both a bright yellow.
"Yes, I did applied to be an evil minion," hissed
the voice. GoldenRhino nodded.
"Okay, I'll start with your name. What is it?"
"My name... is the Hairy Tongue Beast," replied
"Okay then. Um... what do you--hehe look, it's
a little Meepit running around," GoldenRhino said as he pointed to the cute,
fluffy petpet running around in circles. Then the Hairy Tongue Beast started
"NOOO! NOOO! A I HATE MEEPITS! THEY'RE SO SCARY!"
the beast yelled. The Meepit squeaked and ran off.
"Wow, little scaredy cat, aren't you?" chuckled
GoldenRhino. Then, the Hairy Tongue Beast did something truly scary. Something
so scary you'd run away in the blink of an eye. He cried.
"WAAAAAAH! WAAAAAAH! YOU CALLED ME NAMES!" the
beast howled. "WH-WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?" GoldenRhino stood there petrified.
"You know, I'd blast you with my Baby Blaster
if you weren't a baby already," GoldenRhino replied as he ran off from the crying
"Well, you're certainly evil enough," GoldenRhino said through the darkness
of the dimly lit room to the second Neopian. Because of security reasons, the
second interviewee didn't want to be revealed. "And you say you're doing this
because of your co-worker?"
"Yes. He's supposedly so evil, I want to be
evil too," she replied. Suddenly, the light flicked on. Dr. Death glared down
"Rose, there's still plenty more cages you need
to clean, hop to it," Dr. Death said as he left. Rosemadder the Uni sighed.
"Sorry, I guess I'm too busy," Rose replied
as she got up and left.
Next, GoldenRhino's search took him to 138712 Soup Alley, Neopia Central.
He entered the NeoHome and saw a Halloween Ixi sitting in the corner reading
a book entitled 'Sloth's Guide to Taking Over Neopia'. GoldenRhino approached
"Hello, I'm GoldenRhino. You're Zarrelian, aren't
you? I saw your add in The Neopian Times," said the baby Tonu.
"A bit small, aren't you? But I suppose you'll
do," replied the Ixi as he got up.
"So, how evil would you say you are?" asked
"Well, I once replaced Dr. Sloth for a day,"
"Wow. Yup, you definitely would make an excellent
minion! Okay, you can start by--"
"Minion? ME? Peh, don't make me laugh Tonu.
I am not a minion, I am the true evil being around here. That add was for me
to look for a minion, not to become one," Zarrelian laughed. GoldenRhino growled.
Then, Zarrelian's owner, battlesunn, walked up.
"Awww, Zarrelian! You got a new playmate!" she
cried. GoldenRhino sighed and walked away.
While the day progressed, GoldenRhino interviewed many more Neopians. He crossed
another name off of the list.
"Well, looks like Chet Flash can't be my minion
either. Hmmm...well, there's one more name. But it's a long shot." GoldenRhino
decided to track down the final name on the list.
His search took him to a cave on the outskirts
of Neopia Central. He entered the cave and called.
"Hello? Grundo Spider? I've come to interview
you about the add in The Neopian Times," GoldenRhino called. A muffled voice
was heard so GoldenRhino walked in. I can't be scared, he thought. I'm the bestest
stuper villain around. It's everyone else who should be scared. He walked some
more... but then he was stuck! He tried to pull his arms and legs, but they
seemed to be stuck to a web of some sort.
"Ahhhh, juicy prey. I knew if I put an add in
The Neopian Times someone would come along eventually," whispered the Grundo
Spider icily as he approached. GoldenRhino gulped. He reached for his Baby Blaster
but it slipped, falling out of reach. GoldenRhino wriggled and squirmed, trying
to break free of the web.
"Squirm all you want, it just makes you more
tender," the Grundo Spider said. It opened it's mouth to reveal hideous fangs.
It bent closer to GoldenRhino. Closer... closer... closer...
Out of nowhere, a bright pink beam fired and
reduced the Grundo Spider to nothing but a baby Grundo... with an extra set
of arms and legs. GoldenRhino looked over and saw Darth Babaa with the Baby
Blaster in his mouth. He set it down and started nibbling on the web. Within
no time at all, GoldenRhino was released.
"You followed me, didn't you? You saved me!"
GoldenRhino cried as he held his Babaa in his arms. Then he suddenly became
self-conscious and set Darth Babaa down.
"Er... good work. You'll make a fine stuper minion."
Darth Babaa made a little hiccup sound and followed his owner out of the cave
and on their way home.