A Non-Brief Account of My Life

The Beginning

To be born is a terrible thing, you should know. It is much better to die in the womb. The very moment you first breathe, you are given responsibility; the need to survive, to be successful, to live to continue the cycle. I suppose it is different for one such as yourself. You have people to care for you, yet we merely have ourselves.

Such is our world.

It is cruel, really. This entire thing called 'reality.' I believe our entire society would have been wiped out were not for one thing... the Towers.

I do not know what cruel mind invented such a monstrosity, but allow me to explain what they are, exactly, and you may judge for yourself. There must have been thousands in the entire world of the Dark, but none so known as the Cardinal Four in the district of Masedionision - East, West, North, and South. They were set at strategic places where stalagmites and stalactites met, forming gigantic mountain-like structures. Over hundreds of thousands of years, my ancestors hollowed out these formations into almost apartment-like buildings and huge arenas. They were called 'schools,' but 'fighter institutions' would probably be closer to the truth.

I was born without sight - in the darkness here, I had no true need of it. It would take a specialized eye to pierce the absolute night that is our world. But...

...some, however, do have the Sight... a rare gift, few and far in between. I'd learn this later.

Towers

Before I was weaned I was sent to the West Tower of the Cardinal Four.

I, and probably one hundred others, were lined up, single file, and set to say our names, ages, species, and gender. We quivered with apprehension, and those of us with Sense felt the tangible tension in the air. We had not been standing for more than a few moments when...

There was a frightful ripple throughout the line. I pity those who had been caught at the edges of our group. There was no warning for them, whereas the rest of us were able to gather what semblance of wits we had.

Dreadful shrieks I will never forget sounded that day. Of course, in my age now I have heard much worse, but I cannot stop hearing those shrill screams of terror from then.

Our fear took hold, and the line broke, scattering young'uns of all species in every directions.

I, personally, turned away from the Tower, knowing only from the thumping echoes where my pursuers were. I was joined by three others. I wish to forget, now, but I cannot. One, who was slower than the other three, fell behind and was met with what I believed to be ripping claws and bloody teeth. His horrified moans were enough to send us into spasms of fear - we ran all the faster.

That first day, 37 'students' died, some from lack of speed, others from lack of luck. The lesson, 'survival of the fittest' was drilled into us without wasting any time, and such were the tower's policy.

When we awoke, we were again lined up and made to state our names, ages, species and genders again. A few broke down and began to run, frightful that last night's happenings would reoccur. They did not last long, and I was forced to close my ears to their cries.

*That, I hope, was the last of the cowards.*

It was a heavyset beast that spoke, one that had not been with us seconds ago. It was male, and with every word came what was like a roll of thunder - his footsteps. The single sentence left me reeling. I did not want to be near this monster.

*I am Daku, male, 12, draik, sighted.* I could imagine his sharp toothed grin in the darkness.

There was a tangible shiver through the line. What new horrors had we come to...? But Daku was continuing, that rolling voice washing over us.

*However, I am not the esteemed instructor. I am a student, much like yourselves, though sixth year, and a senior. I will be taking ten of you under my wing to help you mature into good little Underground beasts. Oh, who shall be the lucky few?*

There was a light scraping of wing on stone, and then a light flutter. I felt the presence of yet another animal near us. It spoke.

*Nasia, female, 7, korbat, fighter.* she hissed softly in introduction. *Also a senior, and I will be taking ten of you under my instruction, too. My fighting partner is Daku.*

A new couple came into our room, and each introduced themselves. All would be responsible for ten of us young freshmen.

*Sorrel, male, 19, kougra, sighted.*

*Torrin, female, 8, kimbi, fighter of Sorrel.*

And then another...

*Serinnis, female, airax, 4, sighted.*

*Ratsssssse, male, hissssi, 13, fighter of the lassst sssspeaker.*

In no time at all, we were split and given to the senior students of the Western Tower by random draw.

Can you guess which it was whom I received as mentor? Daku, of course, the draikal beast with a voice like rocks. I prayed to whatever spirit guided us for mercy, but it seemed at the time like life was heavily weighed against me. Truth be told, the fortunes smiled upon me that day when Daku was chosen as my mentor. We, as children, do not see luck at first sight, but I would eventually come to admire and respect him.

The monstrously large beast led us to his area and assigned us rooms - three to each. The dorms were nice enough, if you had a taste for sparsely decorated caverooms. We had one bed each, and that was all. Daku explained to us.

*As your leader for this year, I will be responsible for your understanding of the West Tower. Today, you may rest, but tomorrow begins your true training of our world. The weakest have already been eliminated. Luck also played a part in the choosing - you can see that skill is not all you need. Now all we have to do is see how you survivors fare and if your luck keeps up.

Nasia is my partner this year. Her ten and you will pair up as partners. If you survive, in your senior year, you will teach young'un's like yourselves.

But let's not get ahead of ourselves. You have a fifty/fifty chance of getting out of here alive. However, if you do somehow manage it, you'll be much better equipped to last out in the real world that we call the Underground.

Your partner from Nasia's group will be your partner for all of your Tower experience, even when Nas and I are gone. If illness or injury happens to strike him or her, you had better well care for them, for if they die, you die. Or, well, most likely. You will be bonded for the rest of this time.* His voice softened a little. *Hopefully, if you two survive the Tower, you'll continue to stay together even outside. In these six years, you'll learn to fight together, hunt together, and live together. Two is better than one, especially here. You don't want to be alone. Ever.

I will go now, and will return in one day exactly. Acquaint yourselves with each other if you wish, but I do not suggest making friends just yet. You don't know who will die this year. Later on, you'll find, predicting the losers will become far easier. Become familiar with your room as soon as possible, but you won't be staying here very much.*

Daku's voice faded away as he flew off. We did not know to where.

My dormmates consisted of four eyries, two lupes, a pteri, two other unis, and I. All their names were lost to me but the other unis, Rinnl and Tork, who were my roommates. We spend the day resting, talking, and exchanging our misgivings about the West Tower. Then, we slept.

Null

We were led through many twisting passages. I memorized them immediately - my mind did it automatically. We reached a cavern smaller than the one we had first slept in, but large enough to hold forty beings. Entering from another entrance on the other side, I heard the presence of Nasia's group dimly, their footsteps echoing on the rock, even those with soft paws.

They called it 'Sense' - the ability to 'know' without the use of sight, smell, hearing, or any physical attribute. Knowledge, even without proof - this was Sense. Though it was common enough in the Underground, it wasn't what my species was apt to do.

However, even without the Sense, one presence shined like a beacon to my mind, through the dimness of the other dull beings. I could not smell it, I of course could not see it, but its presence was like a shock to my body. I wanted it, wanted to run to that 'light,' but we were commanded to sit, and I dare not disobey. Daku was speaking, and I could hear a grin in his voice again.

*It must be torture to sit still, is it not? Poor children! Your fear holds you captive against what you long for. You didn't feel it before now, hmmm? Too frightened, I suppose. That light, shining like a distant, beckoning beam...*

Nasia's hissing voice cut through his monologue. "Dak, don't be cruel," she murmured, allowing her group to close the gap between them. Upon reaching her partner, she said one syllable that released us, *Go.*

We needed no other enticement. Excited, the disturbing death of the students not a few hours ago, forgotten, we leaped up to meet the One-That-Shined-For-Us-Alone.

Bliss. A sweet sound, but do you know what it is? Like love, like joy, like all those unutterable words that make up the spectrum of emotion. I met Null with a shower of happiness. I knew his name before asking, and he knew mine. We touched hooves and felt the static between them. When we drew away, I felt a thin thread of gold between our feet, and somehow, I knew he felt it too.

Hello, Xazua...

Hello, Null...

*I'm sure you've noticed already.* Nasia said in a grand and grave voice when the clamor had died. *You can feel it. From this day on, you are bound to each other with a string as thin as a spider's thread. But it is strong, you cannot break it.

This is your partner. You will fight side by side. You will share your pain and your happiness.

Protect them well.*

Student

It was also for this reason that the West had a unique style of teaching and pairing. All Towers paired their student - it was a basic technique - but only the West managed to pair almost every one of them as a Fighter and a Sighted. A double blind fighter team here was almost immediately eliminated, and they were mostly the ones that made up the 22% of deaths. We learned later on that the First Day Massacre was pretty routine - they were weeding out Blinded to even out the ratio further.

...Ah! I nearly forgot that you beasts do not know the system of battle in our world. Allow me to explain.

In the West Tower, those who have the Sight and those that do not are about equal. 'Sight' is merely the ability to see, and not some mumbojumbo about viewing the future and all that - you humans should be more grateful for what you have.

Eitherhow, a Sighted is generally a tactician. Take him out and the Beast - the blind, also called the Fighter - has no idea what to do, unless they've been trained in Blind combat. The Beast's job is merely to obey orders, to protect the Sighted and defeat the opposition's Beast/Sighted, or, in the real world, any monster that may come to attack.

The 'bond' between Fighter and Sighted is usually a golden strand, unseen to anyone but themselves. It is, however, a physical attribute, and cannot pass through walls. Luckily, the strand is infinite, and can stretch for any length down any corridor. Through this strand, you can send mental messages, pictures, or, if you're extremely experienced, your own soul. Beyond being a personal, two-person internet, it's like a breadcrumb trail to your partner, wherever he or she may be. (Heh, not to mention that it's pretty to look at.)

The naming of a bonded team was simple, though explaining in your human words is difficult. The order was Sighted/Beast, and one would take the first syllable of the Sighted and add it to the last syllable of the Beast. In this way, my bond with Null became known as the Nuzua, a combination between Null and Xazua. We were addressed together as 'Bond Nuzua,' and separately as Nuzua Fighter or Nuzua Sighted. In short, we lost our individuality.

Not that we minded.

We started to train ourselves the next week. It was terrifying at first, to suddenly see after a lifetime spent in the dark. It wasn't as though I was seeing through my own eyes - it was much more disorientating than that. I saw myself for the first time in an enormous cavern, lit by shining blue lights, put there by the instructor so that the Sighted could see clearly.

I'll admit - I went insane, frightful of seeing for the first time. They hadn't introduced us slowly - time was of essence, so my first Sight was of myself outlined in blue. Luckily, I was surrounded by equally panicked Fighters, and so shed some of the shame. Null was frightened by my outburst and shut his eyes. Evidently, everyone else had the same thought, and in moments the cavern was doused in silence.

Daku burst out in raucous laughter. The instructor quickly shushed him, and Nasia did something to create a huge smacking noise.

*Good.* The instructor (who was a Sklyde, 37, male, name of Cos) intoned, clearly used to the sight of fearfilled Westerners. *You know what sight is now.*

Over the next few weeks, I learned to control myself, to see through Null's sight. We learned fast - and it was expected of us. Eventually, I stopped referring to myself as I and started using 'we.' The rest of my class followed suit, and the funny thing was, none of us thought it odd.

Null and I soon became well known in our class of sixty. I had started to think as though I had sight myself, as we were never apart. Null enjoyed sitting on my head, so it was as though I had my own pair of detachable eyes.

The only time we were apart was for our seperate lessons. Separate, we could learn things twice as fast. Of course, our golden connection sent information flying between our minds, so as I was taught to hunt, fight, and defend, I was also learning from Null every tactic, trick and formation in the book. However, as the classes became tougher, we started to share information afterwards, while hunting or eating.

No beast in the freshman class could defeat us and our strong connection. I was quite obedient to Null's orders, and could spin on a dime to execute perfect attacks. I believe the instructors were impressed, but we did not get any sign of it until the end of the first year. By then, it was obvious that the rest were of a lower level than us.

That year, seven of my freshman class had died, and the partner of the seventh would soon follow suit. Daku had not spoken lies that second day - if your partner was gone, then you, too, were doomed. Although Blind Combat was the second thing we learned, none of us perfected the art - it was nearly impossible to believe our partner would not be with us forever.

Tournament

The last week of our freshman year was dedicated to a Tower-wide tournament. It was said to be just a show, but in truth the elders of the Tower were seeking to rid themselves of even more weaklings.

Of course, it did not mean much to the freshmen, as this was a tournament meant more for the seniors. Their prize was a place in the Tower - protected by the imposing stone, with their only responsibility being to teach the next generation. Since the students gathered all the food, they would live out in luxury with little fear for their lives and well-being.

For the younger groups, however, there was a chance at the prize, but a small one. There were six levels: Freshman, Second Year, Halfie, Junior, Top Second, and Senior.

We started from the bottom. There was a small catch though, something that had been argued in the Tower Council countless times over. The winning team on each level could advance up one level to compete again. This meant it was entirely possible for a freshman to advance the ranks and claim the prize that was meant for the seniors, but first they'd have to pass every other level in between. It had never happened before, though, at least, not for a first year. In the past century, however, a Top Second had won the ultimate prize, but it was most likely a fluke, and would not happen again.

Of course, Bond Nuzua was extremely excited. We had thought ourselves invincible, and ready to take that prize and live together in peace.

Easily, we cut a swath in our division, all fifty two falling before us (we didn't kill any, we had our standards, but the partnerless one was dispatched with frightening speed by a weak team). Immediately, we accepted the offer into the Second Year division, and broke many of their weaker bonds before facing a tough team.

They were called Aria and Nen, and together their name was Nenria. Aria was an intense Fighter, but her talent was wasted on Nen. His tactics were brutal, yet singleminded. It was only because of this that we succeeded - Aria aimed only for me, which allowed me to leave Null behind to attack Nen. It was over quickly.

Eventually, we forged our way past even the Second Years, catching the angry eye of many of the students. It was not fair that none from their division would move on, and there were extreme outcries from the audience (comprised mostly of our teachers and instructors, and a few alumni from the Outside).

In the end, of course, rules had to be followed, and we were to be let through.

The Halfies were much tougher, much more skilled and brilliant. It was our first match, and we were already tired, but added to that was Bond Atsuk, whose Sighted and Beast often changed roles to better confuse us. Somehow, Tiensuk's blindness did not hinder him, and he could easily warn his Sighted partner where I was when I attacked from behind.

In short, we lost. We lost badly. It was humiliating for Atty to step on Null's sprawled body, gently, of course, for Atsuk was not really one for violence, but mental warfare. It was shaming for him to smile gently, for me to watch through Null's terrified eyes, up at that calm demeanor and easy smile - not pompous and not boastful, declaring victory in the most peaceful way possible. It was embarrassing to have lost without touching a hair on their body, without an injury to either side, only that definite feeling that Wow, we lost pretty freakin' bad.

Of course, it was a humble defeat, and Null and I definitely felt the flush across our beaten faces. But the damage was done. We had even more shamed the Freshmen and Second Years, and they were angry. Much more angry that I would have ever suspected.

Loss

They hated us. We graduated into Halfie, by order of the Council, with the Second Years. Even skipping a grade, we were quite as good as these students, if not better. The hunting load was larger, the training more difficult, but we survived. There was more of an emphasis on Blind Combat, and so in three months, I became adept at that.

We had but one friend here, and her partner disliked us immensely. We had not battled her before, as she had been eliminated before we had come in.

Then, even she shunned us.

Alone, but we were used to being alone.

Time passed and we believed that the worst was over. Gradually, we began to extend out into the Halfie community, which was much smaller than our old group. Soon after coming out of our shell, we 'befriended' a few others. They would talk to us, and we became 'friendly' with each other.

However, Null and I had no idea how the hate was bubbling in the Halfies. Even now we surpassed them, and even now, they hated us. Our friends were false. Their anger finally erupted, six months to the day after the fateful tournament.

Null and I were separated for our lessons. It was about time to leave when I suddenly felt an unusual quiver on our thread. I tapped into Null with an expert twist of the mind, confused as to why his emotions were suddenly pouring through the thread on to me. I hadn't been seeing through his eyes because it would have disorientated me to my own class.

I suddenly found myself surrounded on all sides. The beasts were much taller, and I recognized it as simply Null's point of view - he was far smaller than me and my bulk. It was odd - normally Null kept barriers in place so that I would not accidentally tap into his mind when he did not want me, which was rare (and usually had to do with pain - if Null had been hit, he'd block me out so I didn't have to feel it). Indeed, permission was needed from him, and it was unusual for me to be able to break in without much problem. He was distracted.

A sudden flood of pain washed through my body, and Null turned - and therefore I did too - to see an enormous gash on his haunches.

But I was too late. I may have been strong, I may have been fast, but no matter how powerful you are, you can't do anything if you aren't there. Null's lesson quarters were far on the other side of the Tower, and my own was at the other extreme.

Suddenly, I was wrenched back into Null's mind, and I was screaming, screaming with Null's tortured voice, shaking and hopeless. I didn't know what was happening - why was I back in his mind? I hadn't initiated it, and I hadn't felt him do it either.

*ZUA!* I screamed - no, he screamed, for it seemed as though we were one. *XAZUA!*

Whimper.

*Xazua... it hurts...*

Loss

And like that, Null, the One-That-Shined-For-Me-Alone, my partner, my friend, died.

And yet, they were not done yet. My world, my light, had been snuffed out by those jealous, miserable monsters. I had never known that revenge could be so horrifying, to hurt even when I felt no physical pain.

I was allowed a day of rest when the instructors heard of my partner's death. It was standard procedure. They didn't know anything, these 'teachers' that had never lost their own beloved ally.

I perhaps should not have slept, but in my off day, I pondered in a trance like state, unable to stop thinking.

No, it's not just the loss of your comrade's fighting ability when it comes to it - it's the raw emotion that drives you insane, insane enough to lose focus and lose to your opponent.

Even knowledge is nothing in the face of agitation. Knowing I would lose because I lost my focus just sent me into deeper throes of misery. Training wasn't the only thing Null and I had talked about. We shared everything, we were like brothers.

But, some time in the midst of my wretched train of thought, I slept.

As I stood, an awkward sense of unbalance caught me by surprise. I had always been very aware of myself, always used to feeling if things were wrong. And something was most definitely wrong, though there was no pain. My haunches were a slight bit heavier than was normal - I do not think I should have noticed were it not for my loneliness and the sense of being myself and not connected to any other. What was it? I did not know, I did not want to know.

There was nothing left for me but an inevitable defeat if I stayed. I knew that from experience, not speculation. Daku had spoken well. I had not seen him in six months, six months ago when Null and I had advanced so far - so far! - in the Tournament. His words of wisdom (and there were many in our Freshman year) stayed with me.

That day, I fled the Tower.

Love At Second Sight

I wandered for days in the horrible wildness. I had never felt so alone, certainly never so cold. The dark was alive with sounds, and I had long lost my ability to walk with confidence. Null had led me into a state of dependence. I needed his sight, I needed him.

So lost in my thoughts that I entirely missed the small being in front of me. It made no sound as I kicked it, but the resistance was enough to make me stumble. Of course, immediately I stifled a scream. Every thing that was close enough to hear would come rushing for an easy meal.

The thing was not large enough to pose a threat to my person. I was wary still, and much too dull to be curious. So, I walked on...

And was stopped by an eerie feeling. A thought flashed into my head, and before I knew it, I was looking at my butt.

My butt. Do you know how extremely disconcerting it is to see your butt of all things, when you've been blind for several miserable days? Quite shocking.

I stumbled. Again. Do you also know how disconcerting it is to have a vision in your mind, one that does not collaborate with what is actually in front of you? Quite, quite. Somehow, I made my way over to the thing, using the coordinates from the sight I was unwillingly given. I saw myself turn, not bothering to peer into the darkness. I saw a hideously bright light haloing my body, my thin bulk that stood in the way of the glaring monstrosity.

I saw my face, gigantic in this little creature's eyes. Then, I saw myself opening my mouth to speak - something that had not happened in weeks.

What. Are you?

It didn't respond, but I felt the familiar kinship between us - and in the air, a thread was forming.

My second Sight.

It wasn't gold, but silver. I saw it gently floating in the air through this tiny beast's eyes. And while this wasn't the passionate and blissful joy I had felt whilst meeting Null, it was better than I had felt in ages.

This little being didn't make a noise. He never has.

But I call him Null.

It's Impossible for Me to See Illusions

EPIC LOVE ON YOU, KITKATTER 8DDDDDDD

Revisit the Dark

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Leave Me

Feat. Submersed, The Spill Canvas, Pillar, Chris Cornell