Neopedia : Albert the Kacheek
Species: Mutant Kacheek
Occupation: Appeasing the evil and bloated Esophagor night and day (mostly night)
Hobby: Etching gravestones in his spare time
Favourite Book: Psh, like he has time to read
Quote: "Ugh, another dreaded sunny day, so let's go where we're happy...
I guess I'll meet you at the Graveyard of Doom."
He wasn't always this ugly, hideous, disgusting, repulsive, grotesque, unpleasing to the eye, etc. Albert the Kacheek used to be a sweet little spotted Kacheek with aspiring hopes and dreams of becoming the most famous gardener to cultivate the rich soil of Neopia, and to have one of his very own gardening shops on almost every corner in every town from here to Krawk Island. Sure, go ahead and laugh, but this was his dream.
"Some people say I stopped and smelled the flowers a bit too long," says Albert, recalling the day he first met the Esophagor. "I never should have gone to the Haunted Woods that day, or at all, for that matter... I tell you that place is no good. Even my friends were telling me, 'Alby, you're mad if you think you can grow a garden in that wretched place! Nothing but weirdness ever grows there...' but I didn't listen. I wanted to be the first Neopian to grow broccoli trees and pineapple plants with little to no sunlight at all, and that was the place to do it. I could have done it if it weren't for that blasted curse the Esophagor put on me. All I remember is walking through the woods, checking things out, bending down to touch the dirt, and then something grabbed me... the Esophagor grabbed me... and now *sob* I look like this."
Cursed for Life
"The daily suffering he puts me through is unbearable," the mutant Kacheek whines. "It's always, 'Allbbertttt, Wwhheerre isss myy fooodd?' or 'Myy sttommacch hurrttss' or 'I aamm staarrvvingg'. So I rush off into the creepy graveyard to fetch the lazy guy some food, hoping that when I come back he'll remove the curse like he promised and I can go back to my normal life. But when I offer him some Snorkle Snout, Mouldy Cheese, and other revolting things he has a special taste for, he shouts the usual, 'Tooo ssllooooww... YYOOU HAAAVVEEE FFAAIILLLEEDD!! I aamm stiiilll huunnggrryyy...' and then I go back out there to my new home, the Mutant Graveyard of Doom, hoping, someday, to find the right items in the right amount of time. Otherwise, I'm going to *sob* be the Esophagor's only friend *sob* forever."
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