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Neopedia : Colonel Cobb

Colonel Cobb

"Stand up straight!" he shouts, his voice echoing over the vegetable field. "Put your shoulders back! Chin up! Heels together, toes apart! Look smart!"

The vegetables do nothing, only sit in the dirt and make no sound at all. That doesn't matter to Colonel Cobb, though. Every chocato, every juppie, every asparagus stalk - they just sit silently in neat rows as he barks orders at them.

In his uniform, he walks the crop lines, his eyes watching every soldier, meticulously observing every detail.

"You!" he bellows at a turnip. "You there!" He points his riding crop at the small, still soldier. "What's your name?"

The turnip says nothing.

"What's the matter, boy? Too stupid to know your own name?"

The turnip keeps its silent vigil. Colonel Cobb's eyes sharpen as he leans forward, riding crop firmly behind his back.

Then, he snaps his neck to the left. "Corporal?" he shouts at the asparagus. "Why don't your men know their names?"

The asparagus has no answer for him.

"Too terrified to even speak, I see." He turns and looks at the rest of the vegetables. "Very well, boys. You may be little more than children now, but when I'm done with you, you'll be rugged, rangy, mad monster marching machines!"

He turns to the rest of the soldiers. "All of you. You all have to be ready for it!" He turns just a bit. "Corporal... resume the daily drills. My men will be ready for war!" Then, he turns on his heel and marches off... leaving the vegetable field alone.

And silent.

* * *

Within the ranks of Doctor Sloth's army, one name was feared more than any other: Colonel Cobb, commander of the Second Grundo Air Cavalry Battalion. His training techniques were legendary, his disciplines harsh, and the Grundos who served him were completely devoted to his every word.

But something happened in the war, and Doctor Sloth abandoned Cobb and his Grundo commandos. What happened? Nobody can say for certain, but when the Colonel lost his unit behind enemy lines, he lost what was left of his senses, as well. Now, he lives on a remote farm: growing vegetables, giving them orders, and preparing for the day when they'll be needed once again.

When will they be needed? Why? Where?

Only the Colonel knows.