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The Beauty of Dung
I walk into my NeoHome,
My home of sewerage aromas.
I look around me and see,
All my furniture--prized to me.
I am very environmentally friendly,
So I buy recycled furniture.
Cheap, inexpensive, economical,
Three words tell all.
I sit back on my dung sofa,
I hear squelching on my back.
As I sink deeper into the seat,
My backside goes all wet.
I eat dinner on my dung table,
For some reason I lost my appetite.
So I walk into my bathroom,
To have a wash and groom.
I sit in my dung bathtub,
And turn on the water.
Not even after I scrubbed on some soap,
The water goes all murky and gross.
I go into my living room,
And sit in front of my dung fireplace.
I went for a book then came back,
The fireplace turned into ash.
I walk into my NeoHome,
Look around me and see.
Dung! Dung! Dung everywhere!
I need to leave! I need to run!
No way I can live here!
As I grow older,
I tell my grandchildren,
"Never buy recycled furniture,
Unless you want your nose infected!"
Shops! Shops! In the market place
Fun to visit at quite a fast pace!
Far too many to visit each place
But the wizard has indexed the entire race!
Bargains galore and rare treasures you'll find
Fascinating stores and galleries, all kinds!
You go to the wizard with your item in mind
Little shops! Big shops! He checks every kind.
Some shops are little but load really slow
Others are big and load as you go!
With background and music
And mousetails that flow?
But they still have that sale
And my neopoints are low!
You may have to wait
While the page loads so slow,
To find in these shops... only one single row!
But the item you seek is still in THAT shop
And you're in luck
Cause it's there, right at the top!
You scroll to the item and click with the mouse
A box asks, "Are you sure
You want to buy Psimouse?"
It's not exactly what you want in the house
But "OK," you'll take it!
Then look... NO MOUSE!!!
The shop's fancy wallpaper
Made your computer crash!
It's frozen, and look... your screen has a rash!
You wiggle and click and try to refresh!
But you have to reboot it! Oh, what a mess!
They do this for their shops to look nice
And its only a few that pay this price!
But give them all credit
For the time that they spend
On the treasures and bargains
They share with Neofriends!!!
Here the sands are cold
These ancient stories are told
And the winds blow slowly, languidly,
About curses in scrolls, quietly,
Whispering the names of ancient kings.
And my mind runs amuck with imaginings.
It reminds me of how the Khamtef winds blow,
My destiny beckons, the desert stars show
Rich with stories long buried
That my time here is hurried
And exhumed by cruel weather.
And I must be free of Sakhmet's tether.
The Fourth Khonsu Dynasty awaits
I will come knocking on the city gates
My return to black sands of Khamtef
Bringing battle and beckoning death.
The war in my heart stirs, and my dreams rage
My army will end the Mentu region's evil age
Against the evil King Heksas, usurper
And a new one will bloom like a desert flower.
Of my birthright. And the winds blow
When all is done, Neopia will know
Increasingly stronger, like a symphony.
That I don't bring murder, but harmony.
A Caricature of Neopet Zealots
As the world of Neopets closes in around you,
you hear the soft hum of the monitor,
the comforting hues of yellow and white
consume you from the physical world.
You realize you've stepped out
of the realm you call reality,
into the lands where Neopets romp free.
While conversing with your Neofriends,
you feel safe, protected, secure.
You even know that as day draws to a close
and night creeps on, you are safe from fiends.
Of that you are certain; you are safe, for
"These boards are monitored
24 hours a day, 7 days a week."
Through day and night,
it feels as if time has lost its meaning.
Till you know the day has been completed
when those final words flash before your eyes:
"Reached max daily score posts"
and the cursed "Max 3 Plays" taunt you.
With a click of an X,
the world is shattered, put on hold.
Their glowing comfort slowly fades away;
the darkness of reality
starts again--until next time,
when you will become a "Grand Master."
The Gallery of Evil
I approach the book, shaking with fear
At opening the Gallery Of Evil.
My hand shakes
As I tentatively open the book...
Inside I see a gruesome sight--
A skull with glowing eyes.
Terrified, I pull away; the book closes.
Yet because of some strange, mysterious power
It now has over me, I open it once more.
Now I turn the page to see what lies ahead.
I bite my lip to keep myself from screaming.
Paralyzed with fear, I turn to my JubJub,
Who is immune and not afraid.
Together, we go on.
Doctor Sloth, the Mutant Grundo,
Swamp Ghoul, Lava Ghoul...
None mean much to me.
The Ghost Lupe--my heart swells with pity
For the poor restless soul.
I don't believe there is much evil in him--
He's just lost; sad and confused.
The Pant Devil--oh, I hate that one!
Grarrl Battlemasters, Monoceraptor,
Grundo Warriors and Commanders...
The Rock Beast--
I jump in fear, it's indestructible!
What if... what if... my mind fills,
But my Peophin takes my hand,
And turns the page.
Malkus Vile, Shadow Usul,
Spider Grundo, Jelly Chia...
I truly pity the creature.
What else could it do but dissolve Wizzle?
Now people think it's deranged...
But it's nothing but lonely and sad--
No need to fear it.
Meuka! My poor JubJub screams
And is comforted by my fatherly Grarrl.
Commander Garoo, Balthazar, Count Von Roo...
I shiver in fear, but continue.
Hubrid Nox, and Vira--I feel for her,
The misled and unhappy soul,
Once so pretty and good.
Lord Darigan--ah, the newest addition.
So sadly astray; good thing he's defeated...
I close the book, it's over!
My pets and I have faced our fear,
And now we know
What skulks through the hazy
Shadows of Neopia...
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