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LAWYERBOT DAY SPECIAL
Affidavit Of Lawyerbot Fandom
Your honor, I am here to submit my plea.
To the charge at hand, I say -- guilty!
Caveat received, indictment began...
Convicted of being a Lawyerbot fan!
No need to appeal, no motion to dismiss,
Counsel knows my state of bliss.
I'm thrilled to be in this civil proceeding,
Lawyerbot and me in the same building!
Exhibit A is my Lawyerbot collection,
Numerous items bathed in my affection,
My costume and plushie encased in glass,
Lawyerbot Self-Portrait sealed with brass.
Submit motion to get my Play Set back,
Usuki Lawyerbot is not a knick-knack!
But wait, let me argue and delay the case,
I need to see more of my attorney's face.
Square and sweet, and his eyes, aww...
Every word he says must be common law!
Green bow tie with red polka dots...
How could anyone love him not?
So, order a continuance, rack up the tariff,
Interrogate the secretary and the sheriff,
Petition to keep Lawyerbot pro bono,
If not, put my Usuki Gallery on escrow!
Lawyerbot The 1337
"kicktheprogrammers says hi"
Was the subject of the Neomail
I received from Mr. Lawyerbot
(Whom we all adore -- a lot!).
So, my friends, here is the tale
Of the hard-working and swell
Lawyer for our Neopets:
Lawyerbot! We shan't forget!
It is your day! Let's celebrate
During your .06 second break!
Lawyerbot, we stood by you
Competing in the Daily Dare,
And cheered on Brightvale in the AC
(You made their team awesome, indeed!).
Dare we mention the bow tie you wear?
Speckled red and tied with care;
You're such a dapper gentleman!
You are no mere upstart tin can!
You are the best, yes, you are great;
A gamer inside shiny stainless-steel plate!
Over Random Contest you preside,
Making sure that by the rules we abide,
But you're never too busy to send a Neomail
(To your loyal fans, you never fail!).
You are our hero, our moral guide,
Who would never cheat
Or your opponents deride.
A collector of Usukis, representative of Sloth,
Re-homing computer chips,
You've given your troth!
You deserve recognition; what better way
Than your own Neopian holiday?
Happy Lawyerbot Day, Lawyerbot!
My robot Ixi looked quenched,
all of her gears were wrenched.
It began to bring me worry,
so I took off in a hurry.
Needing to find her a cure,
of which seemed to be obscure.
Unsure of exactly what to buy,
or where it should even apply.
While running I spied a shoppe;
my feet gave me an abrupt stop.
Right in the window was a shock,
for a moment I gave it a gawk.
"Lawyerbot Degreaser" was the name,
the label said it was of robot fame.
Claiming it cured most robot ails,
I knew to buy it without details.
Walking out the door with a skip,
holding it upright so it didn't drip.
Coming home I saw my poor Neopet,
I told her there's no need to fret.
Since your cure is here and worthwhile,
she gave me what seemed to be a smile.
"Lawyerbot Degreaser" did its work,
soon after my robot Ixi began to perk!
The Lawyerbot And Legalese
Consensus ad idem, ex parte,
Are not the words he longs to say,
For while Lawyerbot uses legalese,
His mind is full of Usukis
Plaintiff, petition, point of law,
Are spoken through metallic jaws,
But deep inside his mind has fled;
Living in an Usuki Dream Castle instead
Warrants, writs, and voire dire
Are the words that others expect to hear,
But would the listeners be so shocked
To learn the dreams of Lawyerbot?
Must he disclaim a caveat
Before revealing his play sets?
Is it a simple matter of jus naturale
That he has the right to play with dolls?
Ipso facto, intra legem,
Lawyerbot ought to reveal them,
Open up his briefcase wide
And let his colleagues peer inside
Once declared compos mentis
Lawyerbot should drop all pretense
And let the language he employs
Match his inner Usuki-fuelled joy
Order in the court;
Lawyerbot is on trial.
The plaintiff has claimed
He has no artistic style!
So, I am here today
To present his case;
An easy argument, really,
To save Lawyerbot's face.
His circuits are built with rhythm,
His poems will make you "Awww..."
Creative expressions, for him,
Are as natural as the law.
He valiantly protects
Intellectual property and rights.
He's crafty like an artisan,
In court he'll win his fights!
When the law is broken,
His solution is mitigation.
But if it goes to trial,
His mastery is litigation.
But outside the courtroom,
Please note and remember:
He's not just a program,
He is a respected staff member!
Lawyerbot has proven
That machines can have hearts,
Look at his 1337 lawyer skills,
And tell me that's not art!
The judge has heard enough,
As he silences the halls:
"I just don't understand
The obsession with Usuki dolls."
Lawyerbot's Shopping Spree
Look at all those Usukis to collect,
Neopoints jingling in my pocket.
I would never let them get wrecked,
Or I might just bust a sprocket!
Look at them all in a line,
Which one should I choose?
Maybe I’ll just grab nine,
That just spins my screws!
But look at all the playsets, too!
My Usuki could be by a pool,
With plastic water so clear and blue,
Or even just heading off to school.
I decided I will buy them all,
Just more to add to my collection.
Hanging them on shelves on the wall,
And look at that, pure perfection!
Out of all the staff
that are in TNT,
Lawyerbot is the best,
even better than snarkie.
He's the Neopets lawyer,
so he keeps things right,
with his Lawyerbot power
and his Lawyerbot might.
He's powered by degreaser
and has a love of Usuki,
which flows through every
bit of his circuitry.
He's kept in good working order
by being a gnome destroyer,
and when he's not being 1337
he's out stopping cheats.
He'll one day accomplish his
of getting an Usuki
of the Prom Queen.
And to keep things safe,
though some might protest,
he's made the guard of
entries for the Random Contest.
And, even to this day,
he's still a model #153BA,
so Lawyerbot, we thank you
for all the things you do.
The Queen Of Lawyerbot's Office
In amongst the papers,
Usukis make their home,
On shelves and pedestals
Coated with gold and chrome.
Each is lovingly cared for,
Each kept quite pristine,
Especially the infamous Emerald Queen.
She rules with a plastic fist over all the rest,
And with respect must be addressed.
Though Lawyerbot nominally controls them all,
If a doll disobeys the queen, she takes a fall.
Or maybe a push... who's to say?
The queen keeps mum,
And calmly crushes revolts
Beneath her small thumbs,
Then makes decrees
And creates endless laws about
How hair must be brushed,
Till her subjects want to shout.
All while Lawyerbot's
Outside catching criminals,
Ill-thinking, lawbreaking, nasty individuals --
For when Lawyerbot's inside,
the queen behaves well,
Because despite her black heart,
She thinks he's just swell.
Who wouldn't love
Such a bright, devoted owner?
The queen doesn't mind he's a bit of a loner.
It means he has more time
To dress her up just right,
And read her law books
As bedtime stories at night.
She was one of the first dolls that he collected,
And feels that, to him, she is very connected.
So for him, she'll be nice.
But once he's out the door,
It's tyranny in Officeland once more...
Will Lawyerbot ever discover her true soul,
Or will she continue in her dictator role?
I suppose we will all
Just have to wait and see
What fate has in store
For this cute Emerald Queen!
Lawyerbot's Time To Play!
When the papers are put aside
And when the ink has run dry,
At the end of a long night,
No documents left to write,
There will be play...
Silk bows and layered hair,
Dozens of dresses ready to wear,
Ruffled hats and pastel shoes...
Oh, which one, which one to choose?!?
It’s Lawyerbot’s time to play!
From mermaids, kings, and queens
To reapers, rogues, and zombies,
Fanciful faeries and precious brides,
There sits a collection of pride
When it’s Lawyerbot’s time to play...
But when the time has run dry,
And when the dolls are put aside,
All things must come to their course,
For there are laws needed, to be enforced...
Until tomorrow; then there’s play.
Lawyerbot Needs Love
Lawyerbot is, simply put,
A metal lawyer, fated
By his special coding to
Be grossly underrated.
Who else can give warnings of
Sprints with scissors, or
Eating glue in odd contests?
Lawyerbot needs more
Attention, credit -- most of all,
Yes, the Usuki lover,
Who seldom takes vacations.
Who couldn't love a robot decked
In a two-colored tie?
He's got personality,
It's in his beady eyes.
What other bot writes poems,
Both serious and fun,
Regarding socks and Usuki?
I can think of none!
His briefcase suits him just as much
As a hand fits a glove.
Let's sum up everything I said:
LAWYERBOT NEEDS LOVE!
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