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SLOTH APPRECIATION DAY SPECIAL
Ruling The Universe
So, you want to rule the universe?
Ha, that makes me want to scoff
But if you insist, then listen
To yours truly, Doctor Sloth.
There's many things you have to know
Far too much for you, you upstart
But I can teach you the basics
So memorize every part.
For starters, you'll need an evil plot
Random acts of evil are fun
But, to rule the universe,
You'll need to get things done.
You'll need an evil army.
Robots and mutants are my faves.
If lacking, just make them yourself
And you'll have an army in days.
You'll need elite minions
Better than the rest
Groomed from the get-go
To be the absolute best.
Next, you need to find
A world that many live in.
And then, the next step is your evil duty,
To crush and destroy until they all give in
And end the planet's natural beauty.
Always make sure to practice your evil laugh
It's good to terrify those who resist
And then you'll be able to rule the world
With an iron fist.
From there, go forth and repeat
Conquering planets and stars
But know that I'm here first
And I'll be the one to go far.
That's enough for a start, but I know you'll fail
As I know most can't pass these trials
But the most important thing to remember
Is that you need to perfect your dastardly smile.
Give Dr. Sloth A Second Chance
Dr. Sloth gives us all a scare,
When near, he’s usually on a tear.
Most Neopians think he’s square,
With his evil Dr. Sloth stare!
He has been the centre of many plots,
Luckily for us he has been caught.
Many wars that have been fought,
Were surely all caused by his lot.
He may deem you worthy of an avatar,
With his evilness and his scars.
They say he resides by the stars,
In a token, stuck thusfar.
So, on this day while we appreciate,
All the madness he will create.
Let us give him a new slate,
To become something great!
Happy Sloth Day -- Where's My Draik Trans?
Sloth the amazing,
Sloth the wise!
Sloth the hero
That no Grundos despise!
Takes a curtsey or a bow
And marvels at all
Of Sloth’s know-how
Sloth with his
Skin so green
Sloth the magnificent
Who is never mean!
Our leader Sloth
Whom all should praise
From now until
Our dying days
For today we
A day of honor
For Sloth the Great!
I’ve writ your rhyme,
So I’ll take my
Draik trans any time!)
Sloth: A Grundo's View
Do we appreciate Sloth?
You bet we do!
We are the Grundos of Neopia
And all we say is true.
Dr. Sloth is very brave;
Frank Sloth is oh-so-bold.
We cheer and shout his praise today
Because that's what we are told.
We all love him dearly
He leads us all with might,
And when we are in doubt, he tells us,
What is wrong from right.
Who among you disagrees,
Or wishes him away?
There are mutant lovers everywhere,
Who humbly wait each day,
For Dr. Sloth to visit when,
A Draik Transmogrification Potion
He will bestow on them.
In each war and conflict the
Victors write the history;
So what if Sloth wanted to conquer all
Neopia from each land to each sea?
He may be a benevolent leader,
A wise and cherished friend.
These Grundos should know, for they have
Always been a part of his plan.
So ask them today, ask them all
When Sloth lowers his ray gun down.
"How do you Grundos really feel about Sloth?"
Just after Sloth leaves the town.
And they all shout at once, after he's gone
For Dr. Frank Sloth appreciation:
"Grundo Freedom! Grundo Resistance!
Grundo Rights! And long live the Revolution!"
Sloth Clone #22
A robotic creature of design,
Made by Doctor Sloth,
A metallic fellow shaped to look
Exactly like his boss.
Just another evil clone,
Ordered to be menacing,
But really had no clue.
Failed every given task,
In his master’s name.
The android always tried its best,
But brought upon Sloth shame.
So, the not-so-evil Sloth clone
Was thrown away instead.
Planted on a pile of rubble,
Among other robot heads.
Evil Sloth Clone #32
Unable to compute
why I was created,
my eventual destruction
I can only be fated.
My mechanical hand
reaches out to others,
but I see no hand
from my cloned brothers.
Cast away from the light
I delve into the dark,
perhaps my ray gun
can leave my mark.
I think these thoughts
but that's just it,
the capacity to feel,
I am not permit.
Who Doesn't Heart Sloth?
Oh Frank, you bringer of darkness,
You handsome monster of doom.
You're so wonderfully heartless,
And inspire so much gloom.
Oh doctor, you've such an evil mind,
You always manage to appall.
You create monsters of every kind,
Leader of mutants and Grundo's all.
Oh Sloth, you are a sensation,
You eighth wonder of the universe.
You belong at the Virtupets station,
Where you can do evil -- or worse.
Oh, my captain, you horrid soul,
You hater of the blazing sun,
You always have the evil goal,
To destroy everything that's fun.
Oh, my lord, on this special day,
My thoughts go out to you.
My admiration, of course, I would say,
Is endless all other days, too.
Sloth The Great Leader
Oh Sloth, how you inspire us
To be the best servants we can be
Your olive locks of power
Make the lowest minions see
Your vision for a wonderful land
Like never seen before
We merely wish to serve you there
To tend to your every chore
One day we pray you'll notice us
Flash us your gorgeous smile
Our lives would be completed
And our souls would turn more vile
For free Grundos we must weep
They have lost the greatest prize
To obey our charming master
And to behold his deep red eyes
As we prepare to march to battle
Tears flow ever-faster
The only goal of our lives
Is to give our lives for our great master
Sloth Day is here
try not to cheer.
Lots we have in store --
so what are you waiting for?
Put on your hats,
and prepare for the fest
after today you will need a rest.
Lots to do and much, much more
I do wonder what Sloth has in store.
Be the first in line to see what's next
be the last and you could be vexed.
He may be your friend of worst enemy,
but you won't know until you see.
Some come out for Sloth Day
and invite a friend
don't be afraid until the end.
The One Who Could Not Smile Back
Sloth Appreciation Day, here again,
As if not every day were such
When each and every passerby’s own ken,
However small, must know this much:
That sickly face that smiles from the wall --
That has on every screen appeared,
And begs those on Virtupets, one and all,
To revere him -- must be revered.
Behind the shining screens, behind the steel,
A Grundo ruminates alone
Upon the pain he was forbid to feel
When he was taken from his home,
Brought to stand before that manic grin,
Made to lower himself beneath
This black-clad ruler, with all his kin,
And follow orders from those teeth.
Those yellow teeth that smile in the light,
Glistening with arrogant pride,
Smile in memory of that old fight
Where they were on the winning side.
The Grundo smiles not, though remembers
All too well that long-ago day,
And as his fellows shout aloud their cheers,
He sighs, and turns his head away.
My Dr. Sloth Plushie
At the bottom of a cliff on Krawk Island
There lies a hidden cave
Where smugglers sell their booty;
Their illicit, ill-gotten-gains
If you show up with enough dubloons
You could buy a wand or Attack Pea,
But the only treasure I ever sought
Was my Dr. Sloth Plushie
Dressed in mini cape and cowl,
His arms are open wide
Inviting all to have a hug,
To squeeze his squishy spine
His skin as green as the Barf Boat's deck,
His hair like celery stalks,
His eyes glow red with knowledge
Of his plushie-headed plots
His mouth is stitched and frozen
In a pouty little frown
But he really looks quite charming
When dressed up in Usuki gowns
Yes, the sweetest swag
Of the Smuggler's Cove
Is my Dr. Sloth Plushie:
All hail Sloth, though made of cloth,
You're the villain pal for me
Sloth Of Mystery
Frank Sloth, where could you be?
Are you busy hiding your ties
to the Ski Lodge Murder Mystery?
Are you lurking in a distant galaxy?
Ruling your space station,
being a menace to the Grundos
longing to be freed?
Or are you creeping about
as The Happiness Faerie?
Tricking naive Neopets, causing them to flee.
With cardboard wings and an imposter's glee.
Are you floating around the chat boards?
Flaunting your avatar for all to see?
Making the chosen ones a target of envy.
Although your whereabouts remain to be seen,
I hope you hear my earnest plea.
Frank Sloth, leave one of your transmogrification potions with me!
In the darkness I hear a faint hee hee,
could it be Frank Sloth coming to see ME?!?
No, my friend, it was only a dream.
Although my question
may not be answered it seems.
I hope Frank Sloth is about and can see,
there will never be
a more devoted Neopian than me.
Sloth's Kad Feeding Frenzy
Who in Neopia would have possibly thought,
Though known to be "bad"
That some of the things he brought,
Weren't so sad?
Just when you thought
He was turning your items to sludge,
Little did you know,
He just wanted to make the Kadoaties glow.
It's a tough call to judge.
The Kadoaties kept crying,
Which left Sloth's heart just dying.
Unable to tolerate the sad, sad sounds,
He'd swap your Draik Egg
And leave you with grounds.
That's right, there's a Pile of Sludge,
Right where your egg once stayed,
Of course you'll hold a grudge,
but guess what he made?
The Kadoatie stopped crying, imagine that?
A Draik Egg snack was all it took,
And take a look!
They became fast friends, just for the books.
If the incessant meowing
Of the mutant Kadoatie takes 5,000 NP away,
Never forget Sloth Appreciation Day!
The Doctor Is In
With my cloak of black and red
And my skin, sallow green
I remain the greatest villain
Neopia has ever seen!
Nox, you look a little pale
(Translucent, what a pity.)
And Xandra, you're stone cold!
Is a statue just as witty?
Fools, none of you compare
To the glory that is me!
Technique and erudition
Will conquer your stupidity!
Kass, you called yourself a Lord,
But I don't see you on a throne!
And where is Captain Scarblade?
Still doggie-paddling, off alone?
My intellect is staggering,
You cretins can't compare.
I will enslave your planet
Before you are even aware!
Galem, Kanrik, and Masila:
Three stooges, bumbling saps,
(And that Hannah rat had better lay low
If she doesn't want another mutant zap!)
Neopia, you need a doctor
And "conquer" is on my agenda
I will rule your pathetic world!
MWAHAHA HA HA HA HA!
The Ballad Of Frank Sloth
Hey there, Dr. Frank Sloth
How do you do?
Today is the one day
When everyone honors you
You may be an evil scumbag
But we do as you please
Today we must bow to you
And fall upon our knees
Foot massages, gifts, and cake
Are all coming your way
Gold, silver, and dubloons
Around your feet we lay
There are statues in your honor
They show that you're the boss
We even have your likeness
On our daily dental floss
Your perfect hair is glorious
Your smile is so grand
No villain is quite like you
You make the rest look bland
I hate you almost all the year
But I love you just today
I wrote this poem just so you
Won’t zap me with your ray!
The night is young
The sky is black
There he goes again
Sneaking there and back.
He does not care
He thinks he's boss
Everyone else will fear him
Or it'll be their loss
He is a master of evil
Makes sure everyone knows
Just how bad he can be
With his army of Grundos
Remember this, friend
Dr. Sloth is his name
He will not be defied
He will get his notorious fame
Sloth The Reformed
Sloth is not lazy,
Because he is not plotting
As some might assume.
He has simply changed
From committing evil deeds
To helping others.
Fixing glitched robots,
Giving out potions,
Helping some Neopians
Turn a murky hue.
Mutants adore him,
As do many other darker
Just because one looks
A bit evil, malicious
Does not make them so.
Sloth he understands
This sad, old stereotype
Sighs with memories
Of his infamous
Days long past, wants them to go
So he can move on.
Don’t worry or fret
Just because Sloth is still here
Instead, just relax.
Nothing up in space
But a reformed old doctor
Whiling time away
Always silently watching,
The Nefarious Dr. Sloth
Villanious, evil, mean.
Who do these words describe?
Dr. Sloth, of course!
His personality gives Neopians a negative vibe.
Sloth is known for his nefarious plots,
That certainly mean harm for Neopia.
Fortunately, though, they've never worked,
Because he's always been caught!
One of his failures was back in Year Two,
When he was defeated by the Space Faerie.
Even though he was very strong,
Defeating Sloth was not hard to do!
Virtupets Space Station is where Sloth lives,
Along with most of Neopia's Grundos.
Unfortunately most of them
Are enslaved by the doctor,
And a "promise" for Neopia's domination
Is all he gives!
Although Sloth's bad he is quite popular,
Even though all his plans go wrong.
His lifespan is, alas, very long,
But his plots will always fail.
And now, today. Sloth Appreciation Day.
What's to celebrate? His legendary plans?
I think that, though his plots never work,
Being popular is quite a perk!
Ode To Sloth
Whether you meet him
Through a Random Event
Or when you're pounding
A Neopet that you really resent,
Dr. Frank Sloth is known for his acts,
Both out of "kindness" as well as attacks.
As many of you may know,
His favorite species is the Grundo
He uses them as his minions,
But will never ask for their opinions.
He may be the master of transformation
When it comes to potions of transmogrification,
But what really stands out is his toothy grin,
An evil smile that rests above his chin.
When you see a Neopet in the colour mutant,
It's really because of a genius
That's ever so brilliant.
So remember the infamous Dr. Frank Sloth,
Or he might just turn you into a cloud of smog.
The Arrival Of Sloth
The old world would not have me
For they feared my genius ways
So they cast me across the galaxy
To seek out a place to stay
A rough landing, and no surprise
For the land was dirt and stone
A place that had seen little sun
Where plants had never grown
Such a perfect world in which to set
Experiments in place
And deep within a natural cave
I built a perfect space
To fill with shiny screens and tubes
With which I could provide
Minions to do just what I please
And bring this world alive
How many years passed, I know not
Until the sun broke through
I’d turned my old ship into scraps
I’d nothing more to do
Than bury myself deep below
The surface of the land
For light became my enemy
Brightness I could not stand
The Grundos were an accident
Though useful in their way
Until they saw the surface world
Abandoned work for play
And then flowers spring forth to choke
The once-sweet, putrid air
Strange, happy creatures roamed the land
Adding to my despair
I had so few supplies at hand
Yet somehow just enough
To frame this station that you see
Floating the skies above
Neopia believes me beat
Believe that if you can
But someday soon I shall return
I always have a plan
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