VALENPAINS DAY SPECIAL

Of Letters and Poisoned Chocolates
By Dragonstorm_75

She bought the stamps for postage
And ink with which to write,
Some standard letter paper,
With margins wrapped and tight.

She sat down at the table,
Composing once her thoughts
And then began her script,
Here is how it went:

"Dear Chocolatiers, my greetings,
I would complain to you,
The time for newer candies
Has long since been quite due.

"I would offer some suggestions,
(For Valentine's Day you see)
To make delicious morsels,
Of unparalleled beauty.

"Poisoned Toffee's good,
For my folk 'tis quite trendy;
And for quests unfinished,
It really comes in handy.

"I always liked those candygrams,
All wrapped in ribbon red;
Why not make them noxious green,
With violet wrap instead?

"And how about those lollipops,
All balanced on their sticks;
Venom flavour is all the rage,
Especially at picnics.

"So please consider my ideas,
I'm sure they'll be in style.
And even if you choose to not,
Then I'll go the extra mile."

She prepared the envelope,
And when that was complete,
Jhudora sent the letter away
For her Valentine's Day treat.

A Ruined Valentine's Party
By Concertogreat_8

the cakes have all gone to mould --
with tops of green and grey fur
and squishy black dots
that could be worms
and were probably
sprinkles once.

the sugar hearts have melted
into sad red slop,
and the Valentine's Muffins
are piles of crumbs.

Larnikins and Pinchits
have already moved in
to the sweet iced cookies
that used to be pink.

the decorations have faded
lie in brittle broken heaps
and flutter with the last
sad whisper
of a dying wind.

a horde of Slorgs has
commandeered the floor
leaving puddles of slime
and yellow-green ooze.

everything silent
everything stilled
proclamations of adoration
just a forgotten fantasy --
what a beautiful black
ruined Valentine.

Not Everyone Wants Romance
By Togepi_forever

"It's Valentine's!" my sister cried,
"Why, even the sky above
Is shining, bright, and beautiful --
What could it be but love?!"

Isca turned and smiled at me,
A smile pure and bright;
Her eyes fair sparkling through water,
Her face awash in light.

"Don't you want to find someone --
Someone just for you?
Someone you can always trust,
Someone who'll be true?"

"No," I replied, quietly,
"You're enough for me.
I'm happy with the way things are --
With you, I'll always be."

She took all this in pensively
Her thoughts remained her own.
She whispered, "All right," quietly,
And left me there alone.

She swam away in silence,
Her movements like a dance.
Oh, but sister, sweet and pure --
Not everyone wants romance.

Get It Half Off
By Carrotbreath

When it rained I didn't care,
This feeling for me was quite rare;
In fact I could begin to dance,
Because on my love, you took a chance.
This is bliss, this is love.

'Tis why I was distraught
by despair only Valentine's Day brought.
I paced back and fourth in a scurry;
For days I paced like this in worry,
Until I found the perfect way to materialise my love.

I gave you a Mysterious Valentines Card;
A poem inside, although I'm no bard;
And lastly I planned to buy out your shop,
Oh, how I thought my love would never stop,
That is until I saw that terrible sight.

I entered your shop, and there was my card,
The sight of it made my heart go instantly hard.
"Half-off," it read, due to minimal writing;
I felt as if I had been hit by lightning.
It began to rain, and this time I cared.

A Very Un-Valentine Grouse
By Alagfalaswen

'Valentine's Day'? Bah!
A more miserable day I do not
know of. Neopoints frittered
away on gifts (that will only rot
in dark corners of drawers) or flowers
(which dry and wither
like bitter crones) on others, smiling
as if expecting them to come hither.

Fools! The only one who gains
are the sellers in the Marketplace,
peddling cheap, materialistic love
by the boxes. A race
to finish off their wares,
mining the pockets of sentimental
saps and returning junk that buy, at most
a few days of happiness, as if on rental
until the Neopoints run out.

What? Me spurned before? What a laugh!
At least, this year, I won't have it tough.

The Joy of ValenPAINS!
By Amethyst_81

Blackened hearts, disfigured
By the twisted hands of fate,
Rejoice with satisfaction in
The pleasure of this date.
Today's the day for sweet revenge
On all whose hearts are pure,
Who've never had to shed a tear
Nor tragedy endure.

You'll find no paper hearts to send,
Nor chocolates to devour,
Instead pluck wings off faeries
As if petals from a flower.
Stop in at the Kadoatery
To have some wicked fun,
And offer them some Petpetpets
To see how fast they run!

Sneak down into the Healing Springs
To hear the sick pets' pleas,
And when she's cured their illnesses,
Infest them all with fleas.
Now deep inside the Wishing Well,
Pets cast NPs and dreams,
And there you'll sit, grin ear to ear,
Bags busting at the seams.

Please feel no pity nor remorse
For none is felt for you,
And carry out your mischief
As you give to Sloth his due.
The truest evil you shall see
When self-indulgence reigns,
So take a backseat, Halloween,
Today is ValenPAINS!

Tandrak Shaye, On His Dislike of Valentine's Day
By Autotune

He doesn't like the colour red,
He certainly doesn't like
The colour pink;
He especially dislikes it when
They sparkle or glitter
Or come edged in lace.
No,
He doesn't like Valentine's Day;
It's a colossal waste of time,
Time much better spent
Alone, or with his team
On Yooyuball practice --
Passes, runs, blocks,
Things that actually make sense.

No,
Valentine's Day doesn't make sense;
Not to him, Tandrak Shaye,
Darigan Citadel's finest forward.
He doesn't understand why
His fangirls come clutching
Their homemade Valentines
With sweaty, grubby hands,
Their lovestruck gazes at once
Rabid, zealous, yet
Disturbingly soft;
He sees their hearts, overexposed
In their eyes,
And he doesn't like it.

He doesn't like Valentine's Day.
In fact, he's pretty sure
He hates it, and
Everything about it;
He hates the cheesy music,
The awful cliches,
The trite expressions
Of what passes as romance.
He especially hates
The crazed fangirls shoving cards
In his face, and he hates
This disease they call love.
So spare him your infatuation,
Keep your Valentines to yourself;

Because he doesn't like them.

(He does, however, like chocolate.)

Xandra's Hardened Heart
By Renegade_kitty

Disgusting, all the lot of you,
You laugh, you dance, you "love."
You can't see the simple truth,
The wickedness above.

Those faeries, they can do it all,
They fool you with their "glee."
Today, they say, that you shall fall
In love, and you believe.

"Valentine's," a foolish day,
You mortals are naive.
With feelings there is much to pay,
Your heart, your soul, your tears.

Believing love is just a risk,
See, nothing's here to stay.
Happiness is just a wish,
And soon you'll be betrayed.

Try hard but everything will break,
You'll end up all alone.
Beware, for after hurt you'll wake,
Like me, with heart of stone.

Have a Depressing Valentine's Day *sigh*
By Jillian3_3

On Valentine's Day in my house I stay,
This Neopian holiday makes me feel quite grey!
Everyone is reciting lines of lurve,
some Neopians have all the nerve!

My cards are always torn.
My plushies are always ripped,
My chocolates are always melted,
Anti-Valentine's Day I have sworn.

Stay away, hearts and flowers!
Stay away, cards and plushies!
You have no business in my mopey day,
kindly please, please go away!

All the happiness makes me cry,
The tender thoughts make me sigh.
Someone sent me a Jazan Valentines Gift Bag,
Boy, some people make me so mad!

Valentine's cards can score avatar for Neoboards,
Because of this fact many people hoard.
The only Valentine's presents I accept are dark,
when will they make a Anti-Valentine Avatar, hark!

I want to feel depressed,
I want to feel sad, hear me?
I like looking a mess in a dress,
The only Valentines I like are dreary.

The Day for Anti-Valentines
By Skizzabella

Its Anti-Valentine's Day or "Valenpains."
So break out your old wilted bouquets,
Decorate your home with the gothic pack,
Paint all your Valentines the darkest black,

Paint your pet shadow instead of red,
Take the black roses out of your shed,
Throw out your chocolates without taking a bite,
Instead of spreading love, start a fight.

Take the cupid Shoyru's arrows to the Battledome.
Maybe spend the day alone at home.
Or we can get together and 'celebrate'
By dressing in black and staying up late.

Forget sending cards with lies inside.
Let's spread our hate to pets worldwide.
No more pretending to care, let alone love.
Don't give a kiss, give them a shove!

Pick petals off of your 'pretty' flowers
And adorn your pets with broken heart showers.
It's our Anti-Valentine's Day.
Too bad we can't celebrate it every day!

A Grey Valentine's Day
By Ecobabe

Memories of days gone by
Moping... moping
Days passed with an empty sigh
Hoping... hoping
Where were you on that tearful day?
Waiting... waiting
Leaving me so sad and grey
Hating... hating

I sit upon a cold stone bench
Slipping... slipping
The rain pours down -- misery, drenched
Dripping... dripping
Lonely does the heartsong wail
Calling... calling
From above comes rain and hail
Falling... falling

A lovely card my name does not say
Reading... reading
Forewarning that accursed day
Heeding... heeding
The empty tears of lonely hither
Crying... crying
A rose for a dear friend doth wither
Dying... dying

Well up again, feelings betrayed
Gnashing... gnashing
Emotion debts never repaid
Bashing... bashing
A day spent lonely, feeling blue
Wanting... wanting
A Valentine's all without you?
Daunting... daunting

Memories of days gone by
Moping... moping
Days passed with an empty sigh
Hoping... hoping
Where were you on that tearful day?
Waiting... waiting
Leaving me so sad and grey
Hating... hating

A Chomby's ValenPAINs Day
By Dark_lady_gray

In the Haunted Woods the night was set,
Valentine's treats for one special pet.
A Halloween Chomby shifted, nervous but ready,
His gifts prepared, some flowers and a teddy.

Valentine's isn't the same in this haunted town,
Its gothic celebrations are more renowned.
The flowers were black with a crimson bow,
The teddy itself dressed as a spooky scarecrow.

Chocolate spiders and powdered bat wing,
Undead songbirds all taught how to sing,
Pumpkins with declarations carved in their flesh,
A nice dinner of Snorkle Snout brought in fresh.

In the forests nearby, his love could be seen
Or, more specifically, her eerie aura of green.
A glowing Grarrl approached, Chomby's beloved,
at a shrine of affection truly to be proud of.

She joined his side, Chomby bowed his long neck,
To hide his blushing and show his respect.
Her eyes skimmed over the litter of presents,
yet seemed completely unmoved by the contents.

She pushed over the candles that provided the light;
The fire jumped to the presents and began to ignite.
Chomby stood frozen, watching onward in gloom,
As flames engulfed all he had made with their doom.

Grarrl didn't say a word; she left without concern,
while behind her the remnants of love left to burn.
The songbirds escaped, fleeing from the danger;
There's a reason why fire is kept as a stranger.

Chomby stared after her as her glow slowly dulled.
His heart broken in pieces, tears refused to be lulled.
Picking up the burnt remnants of his black bouquet,
Chomby left the scene alone...
Unhappy Valenpains Day...