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SLORG DAY SPECIAL
There Is a Slorg in My Salad
There is a Slorg in my salad,
A slippery little creature,
The core of my short ballad,
That hosts this special feature.
I once went to a restaurant,
My belly full of grief,
I think the service's decent,
But the food beyond belief.
I ordered leafy greens,
The freshest of the bunch,
With croutons and pralines,
For that added crunch.
I grabbed my fork with haste,
And dipped into the dressing,
Yet there was this slimy taste,
That left my stomach racing.
Asleep within my lettuce,
Dozing without a care,
A Slorg lay without notice,
Now 'neath my angry glare.
"There's a Slorg in my salad!"
My shock was loud and clear,
I was standing, I was livid,
So all could come and hear.
The waiter was apologetic,
And offered salad new,
But with a snort (quite epic),
I left without ado.
A Slorg was in my salad,
A mix I did not eat,
So now my belly's growling...
To the Slorg I admit defeat.
Fields that to horizon stretch,
Undulating waves of green,
Cradling dewdrops in bladed hands,
They await the warm sun's sheen.
But behold, what is that there?
A-sliding through the loam,
An ordinal line of many hues,
Through the roots they roam.
Pounce! Onto the stemming leaves,
A frugal meal for Slorg-kind,
Swarming plants with alacrity,
Eating anything they find.
A message to those farmers wise,
For when the ranks are sighted,
Prepare your best Slorg-B-Gone,
Fight till they are alighted!
Give me needle,
Give me thread,
Give me fabric, green and red,
Give me yarn, let me sew,
Let me stitch, and even though,
I'm stitching but a sock,
A sock itself can grow
Into a friend?
A pet to play with, feed, and groom?
To chase around the room?
I've but a sock,
And needles, thread,
A patch of cloth,
In green and red.
But this sock I'll stuff and bring to life,
To be a pet instead.
And so he sits there on my lap,
Quite a funny little chap,
Made of cloth and fabric scraps.
His eyes are buttons;
His tongue is red,
Which I sewed
With spidery thread.
Oh, plushie Petpets are the best,
But plushie Slorgs?
Best friends for the rest
My Lovely Mutant Slorg
I begged and asked (or some say whined)
For weeks and weeks on end
For owner to not be a pest
And purchase a Petpet!
Daydreams, in these I indulged,
Imagined future friend.
But what I wanted and what I got
Were different in the end!
For owner did bring home a box,
Inside was my Petpet.
Yet when I saw, the shock I felt
Was one I won't forget!
It wasn't fluffy, floaty Floud,
Or Faellie, sweet, sublime.
But Slorg with eyeballs bulging big
And dripping putrid slime.
He wasn't pretty, wasn't cute,
He knew no trick nor game.
Just stared at me with sickly gaze,
When I did call his name.
This slimy creature trailed 'round,
Wherever I did go.
I noticed when this happened, too,
A bonus thing did show!
For bullies wouldn't look my way,
In case my Slorg did spring.
He'd give a hiss and slither forth,
At just the smallest thing.
Nobody in their own right mind,
Would want him to be near.
So bullies when they saw my Slorg
Ran shrieking, cold with fear.
I now know looks aren't everything,
And Slorg? The perfect pet!
His loyalty and funny slide
Are things I'll not forget.
He might be somewhat ugly, true,
And green with dirt and grim.
But he's my Slorg, my little pal,
I just avoid the slime!
They're squishy and they're slimy,
These Petpets we so adore.
And though they come in many varieties,
We're always wanting more.
There's zombie and there's Darigan,
And there's some Desert too.
There's both Halloween and dung,
One says "Boo!" and one's just "Ew!"
The cuddly little plushie,
Well, it looks just like a sock.
While the robot or electric
May give you quite the shock.
The Island has a skirt,
While the pirate has a hook.
And that cute little custard
Looks good enough to cook.
Today we celebrate Slorgs,
In all their oozy glory!
So for today at least be nice,
Or they'll surely make you sorry!
Tending the soil and planting the seeds,
Watering daily and pulling the weeds;
With your crops, an attachment will grow
And soon they'll be all you seem to know.
'Tis why the lowly farmer you'll understand,
Who tried to rid the Slorgs from his land.
After several had appeared and begun to feed,
He grabbed his Slorgeriser X4 with amazing speed.
Red, pink, brown, blue, and green,
of those pests his garden soon will he clean.
And after a couple shots, they seemed to retreat,
But only to emerge with what seemed like a fleet.
Too many, so many, Slorgs to take down,
And he left his Slorgeriser X4 with a frown.
They spread like a plague and munched away,
And not even one crop was left intact that day.
This noble Yurble Farmer did all he could,
But his strongest efforts the Slorgs withstood.
Farmers of Meri Acres heed my advice,
There are still Slorgs out there who don't play nice.
The Sliming Slorgs
Oozing, oozing, through the grass
To the clearing, place of mass.
What could bring a creature here?
These vile beasties just appear.
When green bodies gather round
Smiling mouths make no sound --
One straightens, leads a chorus
Soon soft singing fills the forest.
They sing of Yurbles, to be gone,
Unfair tyranny over lawn.
They sing loudly of sweet legume
All hope to nibble or to consume.
The slimy beings arrive each year;
If you think, the reason's clear.
They gather round to celebrate
Slorgs! They all know that they're great.
A Messy Friendship
A slime trail, I spy
Across the carpet, up the walls.
I follow it through my Neohome,
Up and down and around the halls.
I search the bedrooms and the laundry,
And beneath my slime-coated furniture,
But nowhere to be found
Is the mysterious slimy creature.
A blur of spotted green shoots by!
I jump and then give chase,
Corner him at last and look down
To his beaming little face.
He leaped into my arms
And dirtied up my fur.
Lovable, though messy,
He fell asleep with a tiny purr.
A Slorg is quite a handful;
He can drive rather insane,
But if you treat him as a friend,
To you, he'll do the same.
How to Cure a Slorg
A little bit slimy and quite small,
one of the most questionable Petpets of all --
the Slorg. They leave a slimy trail behind
them that makes them quite easy find.
Green by nature but able to be painted,
it seems that this Petpet's image was tainted
when one noticed their resemblance to a slug.
But alas, there is a way to change their mug!
Paint your Slorg rainbow or spotted or grey,
disco or ghost, starry, zombie or you may
paint them electric or custard, if you choose.
The possibilities are endless for you!
So if your pet loves its Slorg but you hate
the smell or the slime, don't worry, just take
some of your well-earned NP from the bank
and buy a paint brush for your Slorg post haste.
An Exploration of the Slorg Colours by Haiku
Blue, pink, purple, black,
what a choice you must decide!
But rainbow will do.
Little faerie Slorg,
oh, how happy you must be
with your glitter slime.
Plushie Slorg passes
and leaves the most bizarre trail
of cotton stuffing.
your friend is waiting for you
and it makes him grey.
Disco and starry
and glowing and fire Slorgs!
Need my sunglasses!
found in the custard Slorg's trail.
Tastes like vanilla!
Oh, what woe there is!
The mistake: A dung Slorg is
thought to be custard!
Slorgs Are Pests
They are pests,
They go through my garden
leaving a trail of
do you know how many
times I've had to clean it?
You try to be nice,
make them dinner
but oh --
on the potatoes,
it burns their mouth!
I was just trying to be polite
They come in all
shapes and colours:
zombie (I would know),
but they're all
The Tyrannian Slorg
Of all the praises I've heard sung,
And monuments constructed,
A tiny hero always seems
In memory obstructed.
You've all heard tell of Sabre-X,
The Lupe fierce and brave,
But did you think he fought alone
The evil in the caves?
And Myncha's sly ability
To sneak past guards outside,
Would never have been possible
But for the one who spied.
Now even mighty Grarrg it seems
Relied upon this gent,
To notify his army
Of the enemy's descent.
Now who is this brave warrior?
Your eager minds must know.
None other than the valiant Slorg
Of Tyrannian Plateau!
The heroic actions of the Slorg
Had surely paved the way
For the reason that we celebrate
Tyrannian Victory Day.
Getcha Self a Slorg!
It's Slorg Day today! Hip, hip, hooray!
Slorgs are slimy, Slorgs are small,
But be prepared, one and all!
For today is the day when Slorgs have power,
Let us say, it is their finest hour!
They come in lots of colours, like a rainbow,
Watch them shimmer, watch them glow!
Faerie, ghost, snow, Island, and pink,
Which one looks the best, what do you think?
Why don't you purchase a Slorg right now?
Make all of your friends go 'Wow!'
They leave massive trails wherever they roam,
But don't put salt on them, their mouth would foam!
Have a 'Chocolate Sugared Slorg' as we speak,
I bet it tastes so amazing that it makes you weak.
And as I speak, I have a Slorg and guess what?
I called him George!
He leaves massive trails in almost every single way,
And he feels just as amazing as all Slorgs do today.
So getcha self a Slorg and celebrate!
They shall be flying off of shop shelves at this rate.
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